NJ-
Responded to your comment linking this thread on the emotional association article
here:
NarrowJ said:
Very informative & useful, tons of info there that goes quite a bit deeper than many of your previous posts on this and similar subjects (which you linked under the "Combatting Dissociation" heading.
Anyway, had posted a topic on teasing/framing/negging and the responses you get to those types of things depending on the medium and age group that the girl falls into on the boards here:
viewtopic.php?f=3&t=3283
After reading this article, I feel like since I'm in my early 30's that younger girls just don't become emotionally associated with me as easily as women closer to my age, and that is more likely what I'm experiencing (what I describe in the board topic I posted), and not really so much having to do with whether I'm texting them something or talking to them in person. We just don't relate to one another quite as easily. I'm sure these things are all better-delivered in person anyway, though. I have no problem with younger girls *in person*, however texting them can be a chore because they don't always latch onto humor / teasing and get offended by it at times, even.
What is your take on that?
NJ
For the sake of keeping thoughts on this in one place, here's the text of my reply there, reposted here:
Yeah, that's an interesting topic. I for one think it's more about how you come across as anything else... for me, in my 30s, I find I have a much easier time connecting with women in their late teens and early 20s now than I did when I was their age. When I was their age, they would talk to me assuming I knew all these pop culture things that they did, but since I was every bit as unplugged then as I am now, I'd kind of be sitting there going, "Uhhhhh..." Nowadays, they explain their situations to me without the pop culture references, and I make a few sage-sounding comments, and they think, "Wow, he's totally been where I am right now and gets me SO well!" Conversely, older women will still talk to me about things and, when I give them a blank stare, will say, "You don't watch that? Really?" You might say that perhaps because we're the same age, they have expectations of me that I am similar to them, while younger women do not have these same expectations. That said, if you're more plugged into pop culture than I am, all those disconnects I have with older women may actually be things YOU end up CONNECTING with them over.
I'd say overall my experiences match yours, on the threat you linked to though, yeah: older women are stiff and guarded in person, but you can joke around to your heart's content over correspondence and they'll laugh all day with you. Younger girls will be warm and appreciative and enjoy my humor in person, but I NEVER crack jokes over text or phone because they just take these way too seriously.
I don't know if this is true for everyone, or if this is just a response to our individual styles... my read, at least in my case (and it may be true for you, too), is that younger girls look at me and say, "Well, there's a sexy somewhat older guy, and we're never going to have a relationship, but he's totally chill and appealing... I can just relax around him and be myself and we'll go get it on and it'll be no pressure, good, and fun." Meanwhile, older gals look at me and say, "OH my God, here's a really appealing guy who checks off ALL my boxes for a long-term mate, except for job and his transient nature... but he's got a good background, and an elegant presence, and he SEEMS like perfect husband material - maybe I can convince him to stick around, or go with him wherever he's going. OMG, I hope I can make this work, I hope I can - can I? <em>CAN I?</em>"
So, in my case, I'd say it's a big pressure difference in person (younger girls: no pressure; older girls: tons of pressure), and the humor via correspondence defuses this pressure with older women ("Ah, there, you see... he DOES like me! He's joking AROUND with me! This is GREAT news!"), whereas it comes across out of character and incongruent when the girl thinks there's a large status/power difference between you and her (why would the king send joking messages to the street vendor? ... unless he's having a laugh at his expense...).
My read: if you're seeing similar things to what I am, your presence is solid enough that women younger than you consider you a sexy, appealing authority figure, but also one whom, while they might be able to connect with him well, they're not going to rope in to something long-term because he's not going to go for that with them (he's too high status relative to inexperienced them; you're just on the edges of their attainability, close to the "unattainable" side); whereas older women view you as "within reach" for a relationship even if you do an otherwise good job disqualifying yourself as a boyfriend candidate, and heap pressure on themselves to "get" you.
Chase