- Joined
- Jan 17, 2019
- Messages
- 774
You’re going to read this FR and think I’m an idiot. You’re probably right. But it highlights real issues I’m having and I hope this can alleviate those fears. I’ll keep it very simple and just focus on the interactions in question – not the whole night. All these approaches were on Saturday night last week.
Set 1:
Approach: Came out of the toilet and saw her leaning against the railing overlooking the river. Average height, long black hair, Italian looking, cute face. Call her J. Opened to her side and told her she looked like she was enjoying herself. Immediate hook. Had a strong interaction, talking about the repression of Western societies and how other cultures were so much more open. We came onto the topic of Spanish culture and she told me how sensual it was, especially the dancing. Good vibes. Moved for a drink soon after and met her friends at the bar (she was there for a friends birthday), she was going to buy it but her card didn’t work. She freaked out, I told her it was all good, I’d grab this round and she could grab the next. After I did, she fixed her card and said “How about I just get us another round now?”” She did, and we had two drinks each. Went to sit down with her friends (a mix of guys and girls) and chatted with them. The birthday girl, B(who was cute) shit tested me about why I was there, I coolly and confidently told her that my friends always disappeared on nights out and that I saw J, thought she was cute and so here I was. Seemed good enough for her. J disappeared for what seemed like an eternity (around 15 minutes) and when she came back the only seat available was far opposite me, with her friends on either side of me (one dude and another unattractive girl) who I still chatted with because they were cool.
The ejection: Despite her friends welcoming me, I felt weird being there and still felt like I was intruding. I even said this and the friends said it was cool at that B the birthday girl loved getting to know new people. I didn’t know how to push the interaction forward with J being on the opposite side of me, and it was 9:30 which was early – they were going to be sitting around for a while. My wing messaged me saying he was outside and I used this as an excuse to bail. “My mate just texted me! He's just outside. I should go get him before he goes off again”, and so I got up, told J across the table that we should do Spanish dancing at some point. She looked a bit stunned. I wished everyone goodbye and left, with the intention of coming back in an hour or two to reengage. B the birthday girl got up and told me I was welcome to come back any time. I told her I’d grab her instagram so I’d know where they were. I followed her.
Texted J her the next day saying it was good meeting her last night and saying I’d come back but they had left already (I did actually come back about an hour later, details below). No response, as expected. B started following me on instagram a couple days later.
Why I didn’t stay in set?
Fear of joining a group, even though they accepted me, felt awkward hanging out with them the whole night. Felt like I was intruding, a loner, even though the birthday girl herself said it was ok (and I think might have been into me).
Set 2:
Two set, half an hour later after leaving the group. We had just been rejected from getting into a club because of COVID limits, and used this as an opener for two girls (S and L) walking down the street. “Did you girls try getting into [venue] as well?”. The girls were cute - I had my eye on S in particular, and we hit it off immediately. I dominated the set over my wing (he was silent for most of the time while I entranced these girls). I am used to girls like this, he is from a different culture and didn’t quite get the banter to keep up. The girls wanted to keep hanging around (initially they were heading home). We tossed around ideas of where to go, and decided upon the venue I had just came from (where B and J were).
We walked, bantered and flirted. S confessed that she had to work tomorrow and was really bummed out about it.
Got to the venue and saw B and J sitting at their table, but didn’t want to bail on S and L. We found a table and sat down. Again, I dominated the interaction while my wing sat silent. S was going through turmoil, I could tell she really wanted to stay out, as she kept hesitatingly getting drinks when L suggested it, talking about how she really wished she wasn’t working tomorrow and asking me when I was leaving for work (two days). I knew she was into me but I was not pushing to close because she had to work tomorrow and I didn’t want to keep her from that.
The ejection: Around 12am, the interaction slowed down and we all collectively decided it was time to leave. S still seemed bummed out. We had been with these girls for over two hours at this point. I added both of them on instagram.
Why I didn’t stay in set?
Because she had to work at 9am the next morning and I was conscientious of that fact, not wanting to come across as too pushy. I feel like in this instance, isolating and then making plans for the next day (Sunday) evening may have been the best course of action. I naturally would have been scarcely available since I was leaving on Monday morning. Would you guys have done this and bailed to talk to other girls? Again, it was a small venue so it would have been hard to do this without her noticing.
Set 3:
After S and L left, I went to the bathroom. Coming out, I saw a sexy girl who had a denim jacket over her shoulder. I commented on it, saying that we were denim buddies. Asked her why she didn’t have it on since it was freezing out there. Starts shittesting me hard “you’ve got to man up. Man up! Man up!”. I’m just laughing it off, obviously treating it as a silly joke since I knew it was a shittest. We walk outside and her friends are waiting there for her – two girls, two guys. She spots them, tells them about the fact I need to man up. I continue laughing it off, and told her lets grab a drink. Didn’t get the friends approval or even talk to them really, all I’d done was smile at them. They seemed supportive. She came with me, we ribbed each other back and forth, and she ended up buying me the drink. Found out it was her birthday. My wing came up to me at the bar and told me he was leaving and headed off. Girl said that her friends looked like they were leaving too. Perfect, thought it was go time to isolate. But then! After our drink, they materialized behind us. Before I knew it she was off talking to some other friends, and then told me they were heading off to another part of the city half and hour away.
The ejection: At this point, I felt weird coming along with them. Felt I could have. Played it cool and said I’d grab her number (moron), she said no (think she was just looking for something that night). She said that I should come to that part of the city instead. Despite knowing this, I still hesitated, because she didn’t say “you should come with us”, she said “you should come to [area]” which to me came across as her not wanting me to come with them but rather, if I decided to, joining them later. I could have just said “hey that sounds fun, why don’t I come with you guys”, but I didn’t and got in my head. They left, and then I was done.
Why I didn’t stay in set?
Again, like before, it was the fear of joining the group and feeling like a lone intruder, and projecting my insecurities onto the group the same way I did in set 1.
Summary:
Three good sets, and three failures due to limiting beliefs.
Set 1: Bailed due to awkwardness of being there with friends for 2.5 hours and feeling like an intruder. Projected my insecurities onto the group. “they’re probably wondering why I’m on my own and why I’m not making more of an effort to find my friends, I’m overstaying my welcome”
Set 2: Wasn’t persistent as she had to get up early the next morning and I was consciousness of that fact. Should I have just been selfish and gone for the close that night or set up plans for the next day?
Set 3: Didn’t go to the venue half an hour away with her and her friends – felt awkward about following them there again, due to feeling like an intruder and projecting my own insecurities onto them.
Any advice on how you guys would have handled these situations would be appreciated.
Set 1:
Approach: Came out of the toilet and saw her leaning against the railing overlooking the river. Average height, long black hair, Italian looking, cute face. Call her J. Opened to her side and told her she looked like she was enjoying herself. Immediate hook. Had a strong interaction, talking about the repression of Western societies and how other cultures were so much more open. We came onto the topic of Spanish culture and she told me how sensual it was, especially the dancing. Good vibes. Moved for a drink soon after and met her friends at the bar (she was there for a friends birthday), she was going to buy it but her card didn’t work. She freaked out, I told her it was all good, I’d grab this round and she could grab the next. After I did, she fixed her card and said “How about I just get us another round now?”” She did, and we had two drinks each. Went to sit down with her friends (a mix of guys and girls) and chatted with them. The birthday girl, B(who was cute) shit tested me about why I was there, I coolly and confidently told her that my friends always disappeared on nights out and that I saw J, thought she was cute and so here I was. Seemed good enough for her. J disappeared for what seemed like an eternity (around 15 minutes) and when she came back the only seat available was far opposite me, with her friends on either side of me (one dude and another unattractive girl) who I still chatted with because they were cool.
The ejection: Despite her friends welcoming me, I felt weird being there and still felt like I was intruding. I even said this and the friends said it was cool at that B the birthday girl loved getting to know new people. I didn’t know how to push the interaction forward with J being on the opposite side of me, and it was 9:30 which was early – they were going to be sitting around for a while. My wing messaged me saying he was outside and I used this as an excuse to bail. “My mate just texted me! He's just outside. I should go get him before he goes off again”, and so I got up, told J across the table that we should do Spanish dancing at some point. She looked a bit stunned. I wished everyone goodbye and left, with the intention of coming back in an hour or two to reengage. B the birthday girl got up and told me I was welcome to come back any time. I told her I’d grab her instagram so I’d know where they were. I followed her.
Texted J her the next day saying it was good meeting her last night and saying I’d come back but they had left already (I did actually come back about an hour later, details below). No response, as expected. B started following me on instagram a couple days later.
Why I didn’t stay in set?
Fear of joining a group, even though they accepted me, felt awkward hanging out with them the whole night. Felt like I was intruding, a loner, even though the birthday girl herself said it was ok (and I think might have been into me).
Set 2:
Two set, half an hour later after leaving the group. We had just been rejected from getting into a club because of COVID limits, and used this as an opener for two girls (S and L) walking down the street. “Did you girls try getting into [venue] as well?”. The girls were cute - I had my eye on S in particular, and we hit it off immediately. I dominated the set over my wing (he was silent for most of the time while I entranced these girls). I am used to girls like this, he is from a different culture and didn’t quite get the banter to keep up. The girls wanted to keep hanging around (initially they were heading home). We tossed around ideas of where to go, and decided upon the venue I had just came from (where B and J were).
We walked, bantered and flirted. S confessed that she had to work tomorrow and was really bummed out about it.
Got to the venue and saw B and J sitting at their table, but didn’t want to bail on S and L. We found a table and sat down. Again, I dominated the interaction while my wing sat silent. S was going through turmoil, I could tell she really wanted to stay out, as she kept hesitatingly getting drinks when L suggested it, talking about how she really wished she wasn’t working tomorrow and asking me when I was leaving for work (two days). I knew she was into me but I was not pushing to close because she had to work tomorrow and I didn’t want to keep her from that.
The ejection: Around 12am, the interaction slowed down and we all collectively decided it was time to leave. S still seemed bummed out. We had been with these girls for over two hours at this point. I added both of them on instagram.
Why I didn’t stay in set?
Because she had to work at 9am the next morning and I was conscientious of that fact, not wanting to come across as too pushy. I feel like in this instance, isolating and then making plans for the next day (Sunday) evening may have been the best course of action. I naturally would have been scarcely available since I was leaving on Monday morning. Would you guys have done this and bailed to talk to other girls? Again, it was a small venue so it would have been hard to do this without her noticing.
Set 3:
After S and L left, I went to the bathroom. Coming out, I saw a sexy girl who had a denim jacket over her shoulder. I commented on it, saying that we were denim buddies. Asked her why she didn’t have it on since it was freezing out there. Starts shittesting me hard “you’ve got to man up. Man up! Man up!”. I’m just laughing it off, obviously treating it as a silly joke since I knew it was a shittest. We walk outside and her friends are waiting there for her – two girls, two guys. She spots them, tells them about the fact I need to man up. I continue laughing it off, and told her lets grab a drink. Didn’t get the friends approval or even talk to them really, all I’d done was smile at them. They seemed supportive. She came with me, we ribbed each other back and forth, and she ended up buying me the drink. Found out it was her birthday. My wing came up to me at the bar and told me he was leaving and headed off. Girl said that her friends looked like they were leaving too. Perfect, thought it was go time to isolate. But then! After our drink, they materialized behind us. Before I knew it she was off talking to some other friends, and then told me they were heading off to another part of the city half and hour away.
The ejection: At this point, I felt weird coming along with them. Felt I could have. Played it cool and said I’d grab her number (moron), she said no (think she was just looking for something that night). She said that I should come to that part of the city instead. Despite knowing this, I still hesitated, because she didn’t say “you should come with us”, she said “you should come to [area]” which to me came across as her not wanting me to come with them but rather, if I decided to, joining them later. I could have just said “hey that sounds fun, why don’t I come with you guys”, but I didn’t and got in my head. They left, and then I was done.
Why I didn’t stay in set?
Again, like before, it was the fear of joining the group and feeling like a lone intruder, and projecting my insecurities onto the group the same way I did in set 1.
Summary:
Three good sets, and three failures due to limiting beliefs.
Set 1: Bailed due to awkwardness of being there with friends for 2.5 hours and feeling like an intruder. Projected my insecurities onto the group. “they’re probably wondering why I’m on my own and why I’m not making more of an effort to find my friends, I’m overstaying my welcome”
Set 2: Wasn’t persistent as she had to get up early the next morning and I was consciousness of that fact. Should I have just been selfish and gone for the close that night or set up plans for the next day?
Set 3: Didn’t go to the venue half an hour away with her and her friends – felt awkward about following them there again, due to feeling like an intruder and projecting my own insecurities onto them.
Any advice on how you guys would have handled these situations would be appreciated.
. No one starts out being able to confidently walk into and charm a group of people they've never met before, it takes a lot of practice!
