Seeing a girl at work. Hot and Cold. Flaking

JacobPalmer

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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339
Slimjim said:
Fair points. But I think I’ve still managed to keep it professional at work even after the first setback.

Anyway I asked her out again for this weekend and she’s agreed . Assuming that there’s no last minute flake. Any tips and points? Feel like her agreeing after the first rejection is a good sign surely it means she’s open to me trying again ? Or am I being a little optimistic there?
Tip - you need to fuck her, and fuck her well. You need to make the plans with a date, place, and time, and lead her. It is a good sign she's agreeing. Pick a date that is convenient for pulling home (dinner/drinks/dessert etc at your place?). If she declines pick a spot close to your place and then try pulling.
 

Slimjim

Space Monkey
space monkey
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So update

She flakes on the date; is still warm to me but I can tell her interest is waning : couple more attempts to get her to meet. No success.

Asked her out for simple coffee , she says okay, I basically ask her what’s going on , whether this is going anywhere.

She says she likes me , but that she is talking and seeing other people , she also says she doesn’t know where her head is at and we work together , she says this is the main reason she’s hesitant for us to see each other : But she doesn’t want things to change between us I said to her I’m not really interested In just being her friend, she said she doesn’t see why anything has to change , so I tried explaining , she seemed genuinely sad at the prospect of losing the relationship and rapport we had currently. She said we get on so well etc.. said that If it wasn’t for us working together she thinks it would work. She says please don’t start ignoring her at work etc..

She then goes on talking again about not knowing where her heads at saying she shouldnt really even be dating anyone . I point out that even though she says that she is still dating other guys just not me. She also says the guy she’s been on dates with she’s not sure about cos he doesn’t seem that interested even though he says he’s not seeing anyone else blah blah she kind of gives me a spiel about her current relationship woes and I stop her and say see that right there is why we can’t be friends I say it in a humorous way but seriously at the same time, I say I’m not about to play the gay best friend role. She laughs and conceeds the point . She says I just won’t talk about guys around you . She seems to want to keep me around which is strange considering how her texts and things to me have seemed so disinterested recently .

Through out this interaction I used a humour to kind of couch the points I made I don’t know if being more serious is a better way to have done it but because of my pride I always use humour to try and make light out of a situation to hide that someone’s managed to injure me. Just for future reference what do you guys think about using humour as a shield is it a bad move? Like I’d say things ironically like “ it’s fine I’ll only cry for 5 hours” “ Or joke about ghosting her now she’s tried to friend zone me, or saying okay you have have to walk from here now get out my car. All of them got sincere laughs. I guess I kind do use them to break the tension of the conversation. I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing seduction wise. Does it make me seem like and unfazed guy ? Like I mean it’s preferable to becoming sour right?

Anyway I think this was a good learning experience , moving fast is vital , seize opportunity’s when they present because you might not get a second chance . Don’t express your interest too clearly , don’t be too available.

But I do have a few questions , she definitely was in to me, and she insists that she is attracted to me and it mainly the working together that is the issue. Is this BS ? Was I slotted into the potential boyfriend camp or was it the friend camp? W

Despite her wanting things to stay the same with us talking and getting on at work etc.. I feel inclined to pull back my interaction with her. Do you think that will sour her towards me or will the scarcity peak her interest again, will she start to miss my presence or do you think she’ll just adjust and move on? This is more a curiosity for me , I pretty much realise I don’t have a chance anymore and I should move on. But a part of me wants to see if I can come back from the shit show I created. Anyways. Please critic me. Be harsh if you have to be, but constructive.
 

Overdoze

Space Monkey
space monkey
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Messages
95
Your ignoring her inner barriers, ignoring her.
That can appear brutal for girls and is a turn off for them where they step back (as she does).

maybe read our earlier comments and take them seriously.
same principle i outlined applies (pacing and leading, framing)
Many articles on framing on GC and something most elite guys use/swear too.

eg dans articles eg alecs. Maybe chase too.
i would link some up but im not tight on nor paying for GC articles.
 

JacobPalmer

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Your best move here is to pull back a bit but still be warm - ignore a text from here here and there, and somehow drop hints that you're seeing other people now. You may be too attainable at the moment, and she's playing games a bit (glad you called her out on that too, in a nice way), so pull back.

She's not wrong for being concerned that you work together as it's always risky to date a co worker.

As for your humour, I like it. Shows you care but aren't butthurt over anything.
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
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Watch this : Why Men and Women can't be good friends.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWa1wVXf7eI

Don't make another seductive move on her whatsoever.
Don't see her outside of work.
Make her think she lost you.
Then don't get friendzoned. Shit you already ARE friendzoned...

And don't date women you work with. PERIOD.
 

Slimjim

Space Monkey
space monkey
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JacobPalmer said:
Your best move here is to pull back a bit but still be warm - ignore a text from here here and there, and somehow drop hints that you're seeing other people now. You may be too attainable at the moment, and she's playing games a bit (glad you called her out on that too, in a nice way), so pull back.

She's not wrong for being concerned that you work together as it's always risky to date a co worker.

As for your humour, I like it. Shows you care but aren't butthurt over anything.

So I have a tendency to go sit and talk to her when things are slow at work, is that something I should stop doing completes. Doing that would be quite obvious as it would be quite a change in habit , or should I just decrease it a bit so it’s less but not completely obvious I’m avoiding?
 

Slimjim

Space Monkey
space monkey
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Fuck This said:
Watch this : Why Men and Women can't be good friends.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWa1wVXf7eI

Don't make another seductive move on her whatsoever.
Don't see her outside of work.
Make her think she lost you.
Then don't get friendzoned. Shit you already ARE friendzoned...

And don't date women you work with. PERIOD.
So you would say go cold completely on her completely
 

JacobPalmer

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Nope, make it gradual. If you sit with her say, 5 days a week when it's slow, drop to 3 the next week, then 2 the next week after, then 1. Then maybe oscillate between 1-2 each week. If you change too drastically right away she'll notice and she'll know it's because of something between the two of you. You want her instead to wonder why you're not hanging around anymore.
 

Slimjim

Space Monkey
space monkey
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JacobPalmer said:
Nope, make it gradual. If you sit with her say, 5 days a week when it's slow, drop to 3 the next week, then 2 the next week after, then 1. Then maybe oscillate between 1-2 each week. If you change too drastically right away she'll notice and she'll know it's because of something between the two of you. You want her instead to wonder why you're not hanging around anymore.

That’s kind of what I did naturally last time after our intial dates when she went cold then she seemed to warm up to me again. I guess my problem is once she warms up to me again I become too available and when I do get her on dates I don’t move fast enough.

Anyway I’m on vacation for a week, I won’t contact or text her and plus I won’t be seeing her at work since I’m not there,can use this as a chance to reset the interaction I suppose
 

Slimjim

Space Monkey
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So after my last update , immediately after , ( the very same day). She signed up to tinder, she had been on it s few weeks before but had come off it before we had the date when I tried to kiss her. But the day after I kind of call her out and she gives me the whole we work together spiel. So it’s strange to me that she suddenly goes on tinder the same night ( I found this out accidently myself? She’s also gone from liking my social media posts to not liking them at all, And she views my stories but not the whole thing right away she stagger out her viewing over The day ?


I know the social media thing seems small but she’s quite a Instagram user, if someone unfollows her she knows and unfollows them back so she’s not above being a little petty.

She also posted quite s hot pic to her story (trying to get attention?), So essentially I’m asking, is she playing games, was the rejoining tinder in a response to me kind of telling her to make a choice or just a coincidence . Just want some opinions on her actions ?

Btw Haven’t messaged her , have just been leaving it, honestly think Im done with this girl. But still interested in it from a learning behaviour aspect.
 

JacobPalmer

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Part of it is game playing, part of it is just putting to much pressure on her with the ultimatum, part of it is that she's a girl and the two of you work together. Two things to hopefully make you understand something her.

1. Girls are like cats - they come and go as they please. You can't force them to do anything.
2. Whoever gives the ultimatum is in the position of weakness, and usually doesn't ever get what they want.

Try to reverse the frame - don't chase her, but be warm to her, and try to get some preselection on your side (other girls/dates). Hell, you could even get tinder yourself and swipe/mesage girls in front of her. Right now you're coming from this "date me or I'm done with you" mentality. Snap those fingers and have a bit more fun with it.

Or next her - but do it in a warm way.
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
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Along with NOT Dating Co workers...you need to not be connected with them on social media. She sees you have been watching her stories. She hears you hovering. So what if she unfollows you? If she asks, then tell her you are separating your work and personal life. She Brought up the not Dating a coworker thing. She's the only one here with any perspective.
 

Hiya1

Space Monkey
space monkey
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I think shes not interested or her mind isnt made up. She using you to give her the boyfriend vibe. So she feel cushioned by her previous brake up. I would personally stop looking at her social media, dont give her any special attention and act like shes a normal coworker.

Get on your grind, focus on your life and if she really wants you she will initiate a date, she already knows that your willing.

When she seeks validation from you in the future dont give it to her, she may try to bait you asking "do you think I'm pretty"? You could say somthing like, I'm not sure.. or I dont see you that way anymore... doing this will spark her interest in you more. She wants the prize not what she has already won.

Start to ramp up your social media, post photos of you at outings, doing fun things, eating meals, just post the food not who you are with that will leave her to wonder etc. This will make her feel like shes missing out, even date a girl and speak to people in the office, tell them it's not serious and your keeping your options open. This will get back to her. This will force her to act, although you know the context, so it's your choice.

The point is, every girl I've met, who liked me made things happen, only teases, which she may be cause you problems like this. You have to work out is she a cock tease or just using you for the boy friend vibe.

If she is a cock tease, you should follow my advise and she will come running. If it's just for validation and boyfriend vibe, well thank god your mind is free of her and concentrate on doing you.

Try to become more of a focal point of conversations at work, for example start the gym and look amazing this will get people talking about you. Or do some amazing achievement like climb a mountain or bungee jump, get a qualification etc...

Leave reminders of yourself in the office, maybe put a photo up somewhere or item, like a plant, so when she comes in she thinks of you.

Also when she starts to show interest, dont break tension, allow her to sweat it out, the more she thinks of you the more time she invests the more she'll want to be inloved with you.
 

Slimjim

Space Monkey
space monkey
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Hey so time for another update,

I decided to move on from work girl completely , the more I thought about things the more my interest was lost lots of things that I ignored before I started noticing and realising she wasn’t all that great.

Anyway so returned to tinder was matching with loads of women ended up getting 5 girls numbers and then setting up dates with two of them this weekend.

First girl we went out for drinks on Saturday , I started off a little
Nervous but I quickly made sure to close the distance sat close, initiated touching , we talked hand laughed had a good time I went for the kiss about an hour I then from there we started dancing and kissing. Logistics meant I couldn’t go any further but she basically asked for a second date at the end of the night.

Date with Second girl was the following day, this is the girl I like least out fo the two , I was hesitant to go but I had made the date so I went , she was pretty not as pretty as the first girl but still pretty. I was initially just keep things friendly but I thought it might be a good opportunity to practice escalation. So I moved closer intiated touching , which led to kissing , which led to her grabbing and playing with my junk under the table. And finally to her suggesting we go to the women’s bathroom were we had sex in a stall.

My dilemma now is , although I had a good date with the second girl the first is more my type . But considering things escalated so far with the second girl I don’t want to hurt her feelings . I know some of you would be like see them both but I don’t think that’s something I’d like to do. Is there a way of letting someone down gently when to all intent and purposes they had an amazing night with you and expect a follow up date?
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
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keep Girl B warm. You are early in the process here and no woman is locked in until you have sex with her 2x. Easy come easy go. It would be premature to think about "letting her down easy" at this point. Don't promise monogamy, explain you are busy, and you can't always see her at the drop of a hat. That is enough. But if you do make a date, keep it..

Make sure you line up good logistics to get the lay from Girl A on Date 2. Line up Girl B as a back up the next night. She might not be Ms. Right, but Ms. Right Now. You will be amazed how much better your "Game" is when you are getting laid.

At this Early stage with both women you don't owe them anything in terms of devotion except to give them orgasms when they see you.
 

JacobPalmer

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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What's holding you back from seeing more than 1 girls at the same time?
 

Slimjim

Space Monkey
space monkey
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I don’t know I suppose I feel bad , but then I guess they probably won’t are as well.

Followed your advice and kept things going with both.

So with the first chick , we’d been texting quite a bit back and forth since the date , but I feel like I’m the one initiating the contact and even though she’s responding I feel like I’m over doing it so I decided not to message first today . As of posting this she hasn’t message first. Last text sent was hers goodnight from last night which I didn’t respond to. If she doesn’t message me first do I hold off indefinitely till she does or do I reengage tomorrow or a little later? Trying to avoid same mistake of over texting ,
 

JacobPalmer

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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You can reengage her, but sounds like you're definitely texting too much. And it doesn't sound like you're asking her out. So yes, you can text her, just keep in mind of what the point is - to get her out on a date with you. Don't just text for the sake of texting (if you can help it).
 
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