FU She saw me put a condom in my pocket.

[Kaida]

This was a few minutes ago.

I was doing homework in the study floor of my dorm while texting hoes on snap.

I was texting this one girl back and forth. Lots of teases and fun. But since I was doing work at the same time I was taking an hour to reply some times.

Heres how it went

---

Us: *Chatting, fun conversation back and forth*

Me: *Takes an hour to reply*

Her: You’re so hard to have a convo with! Especially since you take so long to reply

Me: Lol I’m not really a texter my bad. I’m much better in person

Her: I see
Her: I’d be down to talk to you more! you seem cool

Me: Say less, come to [MY DORM] I’m in the game room

Her: For sure
Her: is there a piano?

Me: Yeah lol. You play?

Her: No but I’ll pretend I can

Me: Warning: the chair is kind of high

Her: What you tryna say?

Me: Your legs prolly wont touch the ground

Her: Ohhh u got JOKES. Dont play with me.
Her: On the way

---

She’s taking a 15 minute walk over to where I’m at.

Once she gets here the vibe is immediately good. Good compliance and I inserted a lot of innuendo.

One thing that built a lot of compliance was when we were being playful in the game room and I decided to carry her with one arm and toss her around for fun since she’s much smaller than me.

As I put her down my earring caught her clothes and fell out so we spent like 10 minutes looking for it.

She was looking harder than me to find it lol. Like she was trying to prove herself

---

Me: Do you see it under the chair?

Her: No my flashlight not catching anything

Me: I think it might be in your clothing. Quick, take it off!

Her: Hahaha you’re funny
Her: Found it!

Me: Put it in for me

Her: Okay

---

She spent ten more minutes trying to put it in for me. My ear was bleeding a bit which made it harder.

Once she did that, I could tell it was time to pull and compliance was high. I set good sexual frames. I told her I was done with my homework. Without a word I packed up my stuff and told her to follow me. She got up without resistance, she knew the drill.

Once we got in my room I did the standard - went to “use the bathroom” for a few moments so she can feel comfortable in there alone. When I got back she was still standing looking at my whiteboard. I put my backpack on the chair before leaving so the only place to sit is my bed.

I told her to get comfortable, she was like “where?” acting dumb. So I just carried her and put her on top the bed. She was just laughing. Vibe was all good. I was pretty sure I was on track. I put on a movie and was about to climb in bed with her.

This is where I fucked up.

I wasn’t prepared. I was just working in the game room downstairs before basically summoning this girl to me over snapchat, so I didnt have a condom in my pocket like I usually do already. I have a rule to always use a condom with a girl the first time.

I casually unzipped the top pocket of my backpack with my right hand while focusing my eyes still on the movie. My wallet was in there along with 4 condoms.

I check my peripheral vision to my left, and this girl is WATCHING me like a hawk. I cant get it now.

I took out my wallet and put it in the drawer next to the computer we were watching the movie on. I started changing the movie as an excuse to stay in that vicinity while watching her in my peripheral.

After a few minutes, she stopped watching me and got engrossed in on her phone. Perfect. I reopened the drawer, got the condom and slipped it in my pocket all while looking directly at the TV.

“What’d you just get?”

I turn to look at her staring at me.

Me: My wallet

Her: I mean what’d you just put in your pocket?

Me: Lol are you like a security camera

Her: What was it?

---

---

Im trying my best to be casual but I’m still a startled. I literally had no idea what to say. I just playfully smiled like “what are you on about” and hopped in bed with her, and she was laying on my chest.

She still kept asking:

---

Her: Sooo what was it?

Me: *Pulls out pencil in same pocket* Woah! so crazy

Her: Noo that wasn’t it

Me: *Pulls out another pencil*

Her: Okayy empty it out

Me: *Pulls out condom*

Her: Woow so THOSE were your intentions (Not angrily, more like playfully accusatory)

Me: Lol, not really. Whatever happens happens im not tripping.

Her: Whatever happens happens? Well I’m not that type of girl. I’m more of a dates type (Lol. Okay.)

Me: This isn’t a date?

Her: No its not

Me: Well, I mess with you anyway and I like talking with you. So we can just chill here and chat.

Her: Mmhmm right. *Lays back on my chest*

---

I knew that whole ordeal changed how I should proceed with the escalation. Thing is, I had no idea what to do, so I just did my default >> Build sexual tension by caressing her body / ass in silence, and go for the kiss soon after.

Well, during the caressing stage she got up and started to leave. I could see it coming, I just didnt know what to do.

---

Her: Well, its late (8pm?) I should get going

Me: Oh, what happened?

Her: I dont know. I’m not that kind of girl. We can reconnect some other day doing a public real date

Me: I mean you can leave if you want to, I don’t want you to leave though. Nobody said u were that kind of girl

Her: I can see that, and we can try again later.

---

There was more to the conversation, but just know I didnt have much going on for me frame control wise. I hate these direct frame confrontations, I’m much better with the subtle stuff.

Anyways, as I was leading her out, I tried to do the dance that @Chase suggests in the article Be Happy as you Lead her Out. But I think it came off a little awkwardly. Still got the investment though.

After that I texted her:

Me: Text when you get back (its a 15 minute walk)
- In the moment I was also thinking I made her uncomfortable so I sent this -
Me: also
Me: If I did anything to make you feel uncomfortable it wasn’t my intention. I hope you can look back at our past convo and how we vibed to see I’m not like that.

Her: I appreciate that thanks
Her: I’m back home

END OF FU

Immediately after this, I created a “covert condom” drawer in the bathroom so I can easily get condoms without fear of girls seeing me.

What else could I have done better gang? All criticism appreciated

 

[Will_V]

When girls catch you like that you gotta own it completely. Problem here is you were under pressure from the moment she started asking questions and you never took back the frame.

When I mess up I always enjoy at least having the fun of taking back the frame even if it's too late. That way if she isn't really mad (which girls usually aren't unless you've done something truly abysmal) she'll get turned on. But if you don't take the frame back, they have to close things down even if they were hoping you'd give them a finger to suck on.

"OK you caught me, I'm a filthy scoundrel!" with a cat that ate the canary type of grin is the sort of thing I'd say here, and then just not take her follow ups seriously. Any kind of humorous non-excuse is good.

 

[gameboy]

Getting a condom is actually very responsible of you. Shows you care about not getting her pregnant, or sick. If she sees it I would have said "Just in case!" with a frame of "hey I"m not planning to do anything sexual but you never know.”

Or even tease her a bit and say " Just in case you get any ideas "... cheeky grin...

 

[StrayDog]

"it's my lucky condom. My great great grandfather gave it to me. I cary it to ward off evil spirits"

But for real though just own up and be chill. The fact that you were sneaking it is probably what worked against you. Makes it seem like you are hiding your motives. Instead of a subcommunication of "hey its really no big deal, and it's not like this has to go one way or another. Cause we are just chilling. But it's good to have around because sometimes one thing leads to another. Would you prefer we didn't have a condom around if that goes down?" (note this is subcommunication don't just say all that)

Her: What was that?
You: My lucky condom
Her: Your lucky condom?
You: My great grandfather gave it to me. I carry to ward off evil spirits
Her: really cause I thought maybe you had some other idea
You: Naw, family heirloom. We just chilling.
Her: Okay well I'm not that kind of girl, I don't want you to get the wrong idea
You: No way. Just wanted to keep us safe. I hear this building is haunted.

Actually a perfect opportunity to tease her a bit on it. Give her this knowing look the whole time. Smug, but in a comforting sort of way where she feels like you don't have a secret motive, but at the same time you are chill and just hanging.

This is actually a really seductive mode of being with women, where you are coming with this sort of intense composure. She knows you are up to no good and you know she knows, but she can't pin anything on you cause you're so chill. You are just hanging back giving her this charming smugness. You are feigning innocence, while at the same time looking at her like "yeah, we both know what this is about." She is trying to catch you in this "ha, gotcha" moment and you just totally disarm her with this "yeah you got me, but did you really?" sort of vibe.

 

[KJ Francis]

You're good at analyzing. Like yeah it brought the frame "not that kind of girl" out as if you had escalated too early...

Like the others said, yeah you have to own it. Treat like a test? Past and present perception conflict, now she has to check for congruence? Possible to step into new frame if controlled.

Good reminder. I used to have them in every coat pocket etc. to the point my fuck buddy would laugh at the preparedness (we'd fuck outdoors). In the epilogue of one of my recent LR's, I believe it would have gone fine if I had condoms near the couch.

Although then I wouldn't have discovered the stand up and simply walk to the bedroom with her hanging on you approach lol. New reference points! It's playing with fire, but any time I have not burnt a bridge and have shown sexual intent combined with outcome independence, her attraction goes up. Same with flakes.

 

[KJ Francis]

"it's my lucky condom. My great great grandfather gave it to me. I cary it to ward off evil spirits"

But for real though just own up and be chill. The fact that you were sneaking it is probably what worked against you. Makes it seem like you are hiding your motives. Instead of a subcommunication of "hey its really no big deal, and it's not like this has to go one way or another. Cause we are just chilling. But it's good to have around because sometimes one thing leads to another. Would you prefer we didn't have a condom around if that goes down?" (note this is subcommunication don't just say all that)

Her: What was that?
You: My lucky condom
Her: Your lucky condom?
You: My great grandfather gave it to me. I carry to ward off evil spirits
Her: really cause I thought maybe you had some other idea
You: Naw, family heirloom. We just chilling.
Her: Okay well I'm not that kind of girl, I don't want you to get the wrong idea
You: No way. Just wanted to keep us safe. I hear this building is haunted.

Actually a perfect opportunity to tease her a bit on it. Give her this knowing look the whole time. Smug, but in a comforting sort of way where she feels like you don't have a secret motive, but at the same time you are chill and just hanging.

This is actually a really seductive mode of being with women, where you are coming with this sort of intense composure. She knows you are up to no good and you know she knows, but she can't pin anything on you cause you're so chill. You are just hanging back giving her this charming smugness. You are feigning innocence, while at the same time looking at her like "yeah, we both know what this is about." She is trying to catch you in this "ha, gotcha" moment and you just totally disarm her with this "yeah you got me, but did you really?" sort of vibe.

I like this... Like the "natural" technique 'who said anything about sex' type shit as you keep moving things forward

 

[StrayDog]

I like this... Like the "natural" technique 'who said anything about sex' type shit as you keep moving things forward

exactly. One time I picked a tourist gal up at the local city square. We were cruising in my car and she pops the console above my glove box open. Where you keep sunglasses and what not. Only thing I had in there is a stack of condoms. I can tell she is thinking "wait this dude just who picked me up literally has a stack of condoms in his car" (lol). She is like "oh what's this about?" in this "ha got you" slightly accusatory tone. To which I reply "I told them to only install one air bag. Well at least we can be sure you're safe in that seat". She was totally disarmed/charmed. Didn't know what to do but blush. I quietly and gently closed the console and continued on like nothing happened.

it actually has the opposite effect from her thinking you are trying to hide something from her. And instead she is now wondering if you meant for her to see and you are just teasing her.

Sometimes I'll have a girl "grab a pen from that drawer over there" Or from my bag. There will be a condom in there. It is this sly way of planting the seed. If she trys to call you out on it you just run this program on her.

 

[KJ Francis]

exactly. One time I picked a tourist gal up at the local city square. We were cruising in my car and she pops the console above my glove box open. Where you keep sunglasses and what not. Only thing I had in there is a stack of condoms. I can tell she is thinking "wait this dude just who picked me up literally has a stack of condoms in his car" (lol). She is like "oh what's this about?" in this "ha got you" slightly accusatory tone. To which I reply "I told them to only install one air bag. Well at least we can be sure you're safe in that seat". She was totally disarmed/charmed. Didn't know what to do but blush. I quietly and gently closed the console and continued on like nothing happened.

it actually has the opposite effect from her thinking you are trying to hide something from her. And instead she is now wondering if you meant for her to see and you are just teasing her.

Sometimes I'll have a girl "grab a pen from that drawer over there" Or from my bag. There will be a condom in there. It is this sly way of planting the seed. If she trys to call you out on it you just run this program on her.

From meeting right before?? Yeah that's solid. Seems it builds trust, like "he will let me say no but is still going for what he wants" confident in ultimate result not dissuaded by her small reactions.

 

[TomInHo]

Be prepared next time. I always leave condoms in my place in easy to get places like

• Inside a pillow
• In between the couch
• In the bathroom drawer
• In the kitchen drawer
• In car dashboard

Pretty much anywhere sex can happen I have a condom strategically placed to make escalation seamless and more spontaneous

I've also been caught a few times reaching for one and they say "what was that?" and I show em like its no big deal, and haven't had any girl complain

But the real concern here is not the condom it's this

Me: *Pulls out condom*

Her: Woow so THOSE were your intentions (Not angrily, more like playfully accusatory)

Me: Lol, not really. Whatever happens happens im not tripping.

Her: Whatever happens happens? Well I’m not that type of girl. I’m more of a dates type (Lol. Okay.)

Me: This isn’t a date?

Her: No its not

Me: Well, I mess with you anyway and I like talking with you. So we can just chill here and chat.

Her: Mmhmm right. *Lays back on my chest*

You lost her because you did not set strong sexual frames before you pulled home. She felt like you did a bait and switch

I know you're probably thinking, but we were flirting and I dropped innuendos she should have known.... still doesn't matter

Use this as feedback to turn girls on more and get more sexual compliance before you pull home and sex should be way more straightforward

In fact with that approach you will find that some girls will actually escalate on you and ask " You have a condom"

 

[POB]

You didn't pre-emptively address possible LMR.
There are a lot of stuff you could've done prior to isolation:
- disarming gambits
- inverse roles:
"look, don't get any funny ideas just because you are coming to my room...I'm not that kind of man, need to be wined and dined first missy "
- straight denial:
"just so you know, we are not having sex today....just wanna chill and get to know you better."

Also don't forget foreplay...tease her more with gentle touch (and your tongue) and she'll beg you to get inside of her.

 

[PaulieFlyn10]

I like the way @StrayDog suggests you handle the problem. Making light of the situation with humour is always my go-to style.

Also, @POB preventive and preemptive tips are also brilliant and will greatly prevent this from becoming much of an issue in the first place

However, where I feel you REALLY lost is in this part of your report:

"I knew that whole ordeal changed how I should proceed with the escalation. Thing is, I had no idea what to do, so I just did my default >> Build sexual tension by caressing her body / ass in silence, and go for the kiss soon after.

Well, during the caressing stage she got up and started to leave. I could see it coming, I just didnt know what to do"

With everything that happened she was probably thinking you just wanted to fuck her. Or you saw her as a smash piece.

Your comment about you not wanting to mess with her and you liking probably relaxed her a bit.

But then right after, you start escalating again "in silence" which made her go right back to what she was thinking: "Yup he probably just wants to fuck me"

What I would have after she laid back on my chest would be to just switch to a bit of comfort or connection game then fractionation my escalation smoothly.

 

[Kaida]

All amazing tips guys! I read them all

When girls catch you like that you gotta own it completely. Problem here is you were under pressure from the moment she started asking questions and you never took back the frame.

When I mess up I always enjoy at least having the fun of taking back the frame even if it's too late. That way if she isn't really mad (which girls usually aren't unless you've done something truly abysmal) she'll get turned on. But if you don't take the frame back, they have to close things down even if they were hoping you'd give them a finger to suck on.

"OK you caught me, I'm a filthy scoundrel!" with a cat that ate the canary type of grin is the sort of thing I'd say here, and then just not take her follow ups seriously. Any kind of humorous non-excuse is good.

From this I can create a better response:

Her: Whats that in your pocket?

Me: *Pulls out condom* Okay you caught me! I’m a scoundrel

Her: Wowww. What were you planning to do with that?

Me: I was finna blow a balloon with it actually.

Her: Haha you think ur funny

Me: Whats funny? You dont like balloons?

Etc.

Overall I should have just taken it less seriously and owned up to it

@StrayDog

Sometimes I'll have a girl "grab a pen from that drawer over there" Or from my bag. There will be a condom in there. It is this sly way of planting the seed. If she trys to call you out on it you just run this program on her.

Thats exactly my style not gonna lie, definitely doing that

@TomInHo

You lost her because you did not set strong sexual frames before you pulled home. She felt like you did a bait and switch

I know you're probably thinking, but we were flirting and I dropped innuendos she should have known.... still doesn't matter

Yes, theres room for me to improve in setting stronger sexual frames for sure. Although I’m pretty sure she knew what the deal was ngl.

Along with the innuendos, I’ve gotten much better at my sexual eye contact. This girl even said “you’re looking at me like you wanna do something to me” and I just smiled.

Use this as feedback to turn girls on more and get more sexual compliance before you pull home and sex should be way more straightforward

Do you mind explaining “sexual compliance”? Only thing I can think of related to that is compliance while you’re already fucking

In fact with that approach you will find that some girls will actually escalate on you and ask " You have a condom"

Once I get to that point consistently I’ll know I’ve won

@POB

- inverse roles:
"look, don't get any funny ideas just because you are coming to my room...I'm not that kind of man, need to be wined and dined first missy "

This would have been gold in the moment for sure. Saving that for later

- straight denial:
"just so you know, we are not having sex today....just wanna chill and get to know you better."

I’ve wanted to experiment with this, but how would you transition to sex after this? I feel like as soon as you start escalating she would be startled

 

[TomInHo]

Yes, theres room for me to improve in setting stronger sexual frames for sure. Although I’m pretty sure she knew what the deal was ngl.

Believe me, if she knew what the deal was she would not have made a big deal about the condom. You guys were just flirting at that point and it wasn't obvious you were going to fuck

You can deny it all you want but the results speak for themselves

Along with the innuendos, I’ve gotten much better at my sexual eye contact. This girl even said “you’re looking at me like you wanna do something to me” and I just smiled.

Yeah that's cool and all but it's still very ambiguous.... flirty is not the same as full on sexual

Don't get me wrong you can get laid plenty with just a flirty vibe and solid fundamentals alone. But if you know how to verbally manage the frame better your results will be more consistent

Do you mind explaining “sexual compliance”? Only thing I can think of related to that is compliance while you’re already fucking

I'm talking about verbal buy-in here

You structure your conversation in a manner that she qualifies to you for being a sexual being. And you reward her for the compliance which makes her feel like it's okay to be sexual with you on a logical level

Think about it.. if you got her sharing sexual fantasies and telling you about wild things she has done, while you nod and approve, there will be zero room for her to tell you "I'm not that kind of girl"

In fact she will feel the need to be consistent with the frame set prior of her being sexual.

It's the reason why sex talk and second generation verbals work so well. They get women to buy into sex with you before you even start physical escalation

Again it's not necessary but setting those frames before escalating hard can make the final portion of the seduction much easier

 

[topcat]

You structure your conversation in a manner that she qualifies to you for being a sexual being. And you reward her for the compliance which makes her feel like it's okay to be sexual with you on a logical level

Think about it.. if you got her sharing sexual fantasies and telling you about wild things she has done, while you nod and approve, there will be zero room for her to tell you "I'm not that kind of girl"

In fact she will feel the need to be consistent with the frame set prior of her being sexual.

It's the reason why sex talk and second generation verbals work so well. They get women to buy into sex with you before you even start physical escalation

This.

@Kaida you want to aim to get the girl thinking about having sex with you, before she knows you want sex with her.

Get her in that mindstate and LMR or awkward surprises as you just experienced become non existent. Then when you own grabbing a condom, she jumps you, instead of hurrying out the room.

 

[Will_V]

While I agree in principle with what you guys are saying, I think in this case @Kaida might have had too low attainability and the girl was worried she was just another notch.

He's already shown that he's able to get girls to bed fast, using pretty direct game, and by all accounts is the sort of guy that appeals to girls looking to get laid. If anything his problem is moving beyond that into anything deeper. So I find it hard to imagine this girl had no idea, given he also used plenty of teasing, innuendo, and physicality. The way she exited sounds to me like it could be auto rejection from feeling like she can't handle him and his pace.

 

[Will_V]

From this I can create a better response:

Her: Whats that in your pocket?

Me: *Pulls out condom* Okay you caught me! I’m a scoundrel

Her: Wowww. What were you planning to do with that?

Me: I was finna blow a balloon with it actually.

Her: Haha you think ur funny

Me: Whats funny? You dont like balloons?

Etc.

Overall I should have just taken it less seriously and owned up to it

Yeah that could work if it suits your personality and frame.

Saying 'I was finna blow a balloon with it actually' might come off as dodging and get her to just press harder. I'd probably say something like 'yeah I was just going to put it on my finger' and then she'd have to ask what I was planning to do with my finger, which is a lot more sexual and has a lot better possibilities for framing and teasing than arguing about a condom. And it makes it clear I'm not going to try to avoid talking about sexual stuff.

 

[topcat]

While I agree in principle with what you guys are saying, I think in this case @Kaida might have had too low attainability and the girl was worried she was just another notch.

He's already shown that he's able to get girls to bed fast, using pretty direct game, and by all accounts is the sort of guy that appeals to girls looking to get laid. If anything his problem is moving beyond that into anything deeper. So I find it hard to imagine this girl had no idea, given he also used plenty of teasing, innuendo, and physicality. The way she exited sounds to me like it could be auto rejection from feeling like she can't handle him and his pace.

I'd argue that second generation verbals solve this issue by creating sexual comfort and feelings of sexual similarity. Covertly creting desire in the woman even and "allowing" her to feel that.

The affect is "i feel comfortable around Kaida, and he's so attractive. I bet he's good in bed. I kinda want to fuck him" vs "Kaida clearly wants to FUCK me. What do i do?". The latter being the affect he's having now. He's spiking arousal quickly and triggering FSC in chicks that aren't ready to go right away. For chicks that are horny and raring to go, sexual spiking works well as @Kaida has seen.

Adding attainability in other ways may work, but risk adding too much "caring" and non sexual attractive traits to the mix which i sense may cause some miscalibration issues. It's far better i reckon and conducive to quick seductions to go the Second Gen, covert sexual route.

 

[Will_V]

I'd argue that second generation verbals solve this issue by creating sexual comfort and feelings of sexual similarity. Covertly creting desire in the woman even and "allowing" her to feel that.

The affect is "i feel comfortable around Kaida, and he's so attractive. I bet he's good in bed. I kinda want to fuck him" vs "Kaida clearly wants to FUCK me. What do i do?". The latter being the affect he's having now. He's spiking arousal quickly and triggering FSC in chicks that aren't ready to go right away. For chicks that are horny and raring to go, sexual spiking works well as @Kaida has seen.

Adding attainability in other ways may work, but risk adding too much "caring" and non sexual attractive traits to the mix which i sense may cause some miscalibration issues. It's far better i reckon and conducive to quick seductions to go the Second Gen, covert sexual route.

Oh if you mean she wasn't comfortable about fast sex and needed a better frame, I agree. But it doesn't come across to me that she didn't know what his intentions were or that she didn't have the same intentions when coming down. Seemed more like asd than her being like 'oh he's got a condom, not what I signed up for'.

 

[PaulieFlyn10]

Oh if you mean she wasn't comfortable about fast sex and needed a better frame, I agree. But it doesn't come across to me that she didn't know what his intentions were or that she didn't have the same intentions when coming down. Seemed more like asd than her being like 'oh he's got a condom, not what I signed up for'.

Yes, it was more of Asd with the condomn thing especially with the way he handled it

 

[PaulieFlyn10]

While I agree in principle with what you guys are saying, I think in this case @Kaida might have had too low attainability and the girl was worried she was just another notch.

He's already shown that he's able to get girls to bed fast, using pretty direct game, and by all accounts is the sort of guy that appeals to girls looking to get laid. If anything his problem is moving beyond that into anything deeper. So I find it hard to imagine this girl had no idea, given he also used plenty of teasing, innuendo, and physicality. The way she exited sounds to me like it could be auto rejection from feeling like she can't handle him and his pace.

As someone who has been in @Kaida situation a couple of times and after reading his report, this is exactly it.

Though all the suggestions others have given still stands. For example the humorous angle would have worked well had he done it from the start.

Also preemptive and preventive ASD busters would have been great.

But once the whole problem started, it was an ASD situation... she def knew what was up especially with her pretending using a comment: "where" when he asked her to sit down( had this happen to me a couple of times lol... it's almost like they're pretending not to see the bed)

To her, she didn't want to be just another notch count. This was a problem I used to face as well. Also, her continuing to lie down on his chest after he told he liked being with her was her way of saying "maybe he does actually like me"

Anyways, I agree with your take that it was an ASD issue