The TL DR/Answer to the question in the title - you'll need to learn about
female communication style (consensus building and sharing feelings vs problem solving) and you'll need to learn about
emotional intelligence (i.e. being considerate about others before you say or do anything)
The TL DR of the Long Part - Don't change yourself for a woman or women. Only change yourself for yourself.
Emotional Intelligence and
Female Communication styles open up a can of worms, and more often than not - they punish you for changing - in terms of more obligations and less sex.
The Long Part
A few things are happening in this post that are much bigger than the title.
1) You don't have a lot of experience with women
2) She wants to see you more (which takes you off your mission)
3) You don't want to see her as much as she wants to see you. The relationship is imbalanced.
These things? I think you'll eventually figure them out.
#2 especially - a girl that hinders your mission, be it working out, making money, your art - is not a girl that you should have an LTR with.
#3 is something that more intermediate players like, because having a girl more into him than he is into her, allows him to control her. I have been there and done that, and in my
wisdom, that sort of imbalance doesn't do anything for me, as I don't want to control the girl, I want to control myself. That's a personal decision.
But the real game lesson is in #4 imo.
4) She wants you to talk to her in a way that's most comfortable to her.
This is what sparked the post. You want to change yourself so that you're more emotionally available and can communicate your feelings - for the express purpose of keeping chicks around - not because you see value in it for yourself. (that's problematic, but opening that discussion is way bigger than your issue)
She wants you to talk to her the way that her girlfriends talk to her (female communication style), and she implicitly wants you to have some
emotional intelligence (i.e. you must always consider
your actions vs her feelings)
In your mind, and given your current pain, this seems like a reasonable request, that would be easy to grant.
But this is like having a first date with her, her friends, and family, while trying to bang her the same night.
It's possible, but it's a minefield. And you don't have a metal detector.
What she's asking you to do is something that will be very difficult.
Your goal seems to be to want to keep girls around.
The better you get at the pull, the more relationship experience you have, the more you'll realize that she needs to keep you around.
You are buyer, not the seller. 10s in particular are looking for Rembrandts at Flea Markets. She only has so much money (youth dependent beauty and energy) and she's been buying fakes for a long time.
For a lesser girl, you're getting pretty face/good body, good sex and companionship, maybe a meal. These are the things most men want. (these and loyalty)
She's getting, sex, companionship, meals paid for, mechanic, computer wizard, security guard, a whole new social circle, front row seat to your hobbies and lifestyle, arm candy to make her girlfriends jealous, possibly marriage and children that she will end up loving far more than she ever
loves you.
Even with a dime piece, when you do the math, she's a burden. This is even if she
gives you things you don't want. (live with a girl, and her cleaning habits - over the top/or needs work - is something she "gives you")
But let's say you go the seller route (nothing wrong with that as long as you know your role), you make the changes, you are away for the pitfalls - remember that
this is not a reciprocal relationship.
If you "let her in", very often the chick doesn't like your feelings/your thought process. She'll use things that she learns about you, against you. All of this emotion, may make her see you as a friend, not as lover/protector.
We used to talk about
beta-ization a lot in this community.
The things that attracted her in the first place, are the things she wants you to change.
- You have a great body? Go to the gym less and hang out with her.
- You make a lot of money? Work less and hang out with her.
- You are confident, assertive, and decisive? You need to calm down and mellow out.
And when you do, she is not only less attracted because you aren't doing those things that attracted her, but she unconsciously(?) doesn't respect you for changing for her.
I'm not telling you these things to repeat selling points from some 29.97 ebook on pick up, I tell you these things out of experience. Given up a few hobbies and lost out on hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to appease and mollify the girls that I was with.
To conclude
- Emotional intelligence and Female Communication styles are what you need to reach the goal you think you want.
- Don't learn these things to keep chicks in your life. Learn them for yourself.
- If you do learn them, remember your value and keep track of her behavior towards you.
In terms of resources - Emotional Intelligence is a book. Female communication styles - focus on reading what women read, and what women say to each other when other men are not around.
Now if you want to next level your game,
weaponize EI and Female Communication, create another post so that the collective can assist you on your journey.
WIA