Date Plans Should you escalate when you feel unsure?

[TrailBlazer]

Let’s say you’re on a date and it’s time to escalate. But you feel anxious/unsure/needy. What now?

You can do nothing and keep the girl wondering if you like her. But you’ll miss windows.

Or you can push through, but since you’re unsure AF, you will half-ass it oit of fear, she will sense this and reject your advances.

That’s probably even worse!

So, what is the best course of action here? I lost too many girls by escalating with a weird vibe!

 

[topcat]

Compliance is the greatest indicator of interest. When in doubt ask for (reasonable) compliance.

Got compliance? reward her, with affection, with touch, sexual energy, qualification/a compliment. And move things forward, another compliance ask, another reward, to the bedroom.

Not compliance? back up a bit, get more comfort. Circle back later.

How to gauge reasonable compliance? if you don’t have a good instinct for it, trial and error until you do.

 

[TrailBlazer]

Compliance is the greatest indicator of interest. When in doubt ask for (reasonable) compliance.

Got compliance? reward her, with affection, with touch, sexual energy, qualification/a compliment. And move things forward, another compliance ask, another reward, to the bedroom.

Not compliance? back up a bit, get more comfort. Circle back later.

How to gauge reasonable compliance? if you don’t have a good instinct for it, trial and error until you do.

I got the same advice from Chase a while back and I focused on compliance a lot. I had it on those dates, but I was still afraid of moving forward. Having compliance doesn’t take away my fear of rejection, and so I’m still scared. And a scared, weak attempt at escalation always fails, even with huge compliance.

So I don’t know how to feel confident about my advances despite the fear.

 

[Skills]

No you should not if you are unsure, you hesitate or are insecure she will feel it in the vibe and get creeped out or she will be turned off insecure is not sexy... Nobody was born good at escalation escalation requires skills that you develop overtime.. you don't make a bold move but you micro escalate and read reactions vs a bold move...
Read and understand the concept of micro escalation. Micro escalation are risk adverse since are micro escalations you never really get rejected... Read and understand the concept

https://web.archive.org/web/20100331070324if_/http://60yearsofchallenge.files.wordpress.com:80/2010/03/secrets-of-micro-escalation-vibe.pdf

 

[empath]

I always try to escalate.

Also, depends on weather you will see her again or not.

If you are reasonably sure you can see her again.

Say lives nearby, social circle etc

Wait for next time

If she is a tourist, lives far, has a busy life do what you can that night itself.

few successful escalations will wire your brain for success

 

[D. Gately]

If you're ever in doubt as to whether or not the girl wants to be kissed, give her the benefit of the doubt.

 

[Ratata]

The others are so right about compliance. You don't really need any other "signs." You can test compliance at several levels.

My very first test of a woman is usually the lingering handshake test. This is something I usually do on a first meet, and only if the vibe is initially good. Or in general, if the vibe is good, I might do it, just for the commonality and bond it creates. It goes something like this.

You go "Heeyyyy girl long time" (big smile, if you know her, often in conjunction with a nice, long and soft full-body hug), or "Heeey you're someone I wanna meet!" (if cold approach, not necessarily those words exactly but that vibe). Then offer your hand for a shake at the introduction. Normally, when people are done shaking hands, you release the hand completely. This is the social thing to do in a platonic relationship. Except you're not going for that. You're going for the sexual/romantic take, so instead of letting go, simply loosen the grip. Ease off, but don't let go. Then keep holding eye contact and speak magic mutterings of seduction. And check what she does. Does she keep holding onto your hand? Great sign! Does she pull the hand to herself quick? Ouch. Probably back off a bit yourself. She's not comfortable (and may never be).

Her holding onto your hand is a form of compliance. Perhaps she'll even cuddle your hand. Then escalate fast, cuz she wants it.

I use hand-holding a lot to get compliance. Say you're on a date, or just hanging out, and you want to cross the street. Take her hand first, and lead her over. My gawd what a gentleman!

At the museum, or idk you living room or idk anywhere and you want to show her "something" (it's just an excuse to...): Take her hand and lead her to whatever you want to show her. Hell, make something up so you can lead her there to show her whatever. The point isn't what you're "showing" her, but to test compliance.

Other stuff you can do while talking, is to subtly make her move one or two steps this or that way. "Hey c'mere" then gently place your hand on her waist and move her a bit. Say out of the way of people passing by during day game. Or lead her closer to a chair you want her to sit down at, and so on. Abuse this all the way!

Baby-step it first, then make bigger asks. "Hey, I'm hot. Let's go outside a bit for some fresh air." (For you smokers, this is a golden opportunity to take her outside for a smoke... And a makeout. If it's cold outside, even better, enter your excuse to "keep her warm" by hugging her close....) Next up: Hey, I'm hungry. Let's get something to eat. It's just around the corner! (And by that you of course mean 45 minutes out of town to a small Italian place just outside your pad....) Baby step it. First one, then the other and "Omg this just nearby my place, I have the most amazing whatever I wanna show you (classic here is a stamp collection) come up and see!" Again... Take her... Yeah, what was the go-to think to take here? Aha, good little primary school pupil: It's of course her hand. Grab her hand and go! (Sorry for being condescending, but admit it, you thought it was a bit funny.)

 

[D. Gately]

I don't do handshakes, personally. This isn't a business meeting.

Give her either a real kiss or air-kiss on the cheek. Set the frame early.

 

[JT Sunshine]

I’ve always tried to live by the mantra that women find escalation attractive in general. If you’re sitting there thinking “should I kiss her right now?” The answer is probably yes. That being said, start slow and work your way up. Escalate, don’t go 0-100, unless you KNOW it’s on. Be a physical person in general right from the jump, it will make things a lot easier. Touch her lower back when she makes you laugh, grab her hands and ask her about her rings or her nails, push her teasingly if she gives you any shit. If she’s playfully hitting you back when you tease her or reciprocating touch at all, you’re in. As others have said, compliance is key! If she won’t take your hand, she probably won’t kiss you. If she won’t kiss you, she probably won’t bang you.

A couple I’ve used that worked quite well… take your hand and push her hair back behind her ear, very slowly, while saying “you’ve got something in your hair”. Done with a coy little smile like you know you’re full of shit. Creates a brief moment of tension. If she holds eye contact, smiles, anything positive really just lean in and kiss her. If she’s not feeling the hair touch then you can start smaller and work your way up to the kiss again.

Get really close sitting next to her (on the couch, in a car) even better if you have an arm around her already. Cut her off mid sentence with “hey… *put your hand in her hair* …stop talking” then kiss her. That little pause will create a little tension and make for a better kiss, and if she reacts super weird you can just playfully say “don’t look at me like that”, and again, go back a few steps and work your way back up.

Field tested with great results. I used to be a little awkward and having some sort of plan helped things feel natural. Really comes down to trial and error. When in doubt, try something! Analyze the results later on, course correct slightly if needed and repeat.

And if the kiss is successful, make sure you pull away first - unless you’re somewhere that you can escalate all the way to sex. With a girl you KNOW is really interested, you can slowly build sexual tension all through the night without kissing her, until you’re back at her place, right before sex. But don’t use that as an excuse to not escalate during a date.

 

[Ratata]

I don't do handshakes, personally. This isn't a business meeting.

Give her either a real kiss or air-kiss on the cheek. Set the frame early.

You do that during daygame as well? You're right, it's not a "business meeting". It's not that kind of hand shake; it's not the vibe I'm going for even though I "shake her hand". Ofc you'd give your girl a kiss on the cheeks, or some girl you already know well or you're going on a date with. I'm talking more about cold approach, or a girl you haven't seen in a long while. Then it's not natural to give her a kiss first - perhaps unless you live in France or in some Latin culture. I live in a Germanic culture, and we don't do kiss-greetings here. Moreover, even if you go for a social kiss (petit bise, etc), it's much harder to use it for a compliance test (the topic at hand).

OTOH prolonged touch or hand-holding is a compliance test. It tests how much she enjoys holding hands with you, and how much she reciprocates that hand holding. More often than not, a girl who likes to keep holding hands with you is also interested in more. Moreover, the fingertips have many nerve endings that makes it possible to detect cues you would otherwise have missed. And it's possible to cuddle, or feel her start cuddling you long before you get close otherwise - which is why it's so great to use in social settings and around other people. You can essentially get compliance and start intimacy at a fancy cocktail party during the day where such things otherwise wouldn't be accepted.

Tho if you have other cues that you use to check for compliance or early interest, then please share them! I use any excuse to take a girl's hand and bring her places, because it instantly gets you compliance. And once you have compliance, a girl will usually also backwards rationalize that "oh I was with him anyway" if you decide that it's time to escalate further.

 

[D. Gately]

I love hand-holding during a first meet, I just don't start with it. Great way to start the kino! Do whatever works best for you, naturally. I mainly learned game in NYC and air-kissing was standard when meeting girls in bars for many of us [for them and for the guys].

Now if she holds her hand out immediately, of course I will take it, it'd be rude otherwise. But then I will sometimes pull her in for an air-kiss as well. It all depends.

If you're in Montana, maybe that's not going to be optimal. I don't know.