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- Jul 26, 2018
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Solo vs Wingman
On the GC forums, a common question is whether it’s better to go out to learn pickup solo, or with a wingman.
There are benefits to both. A good wingman is very hard to find, but going out solo is the fastest way to learn the ropes. I call it “putting on the heavy weights.”
In this article I’ll go into the Pros and Cons of both solo and with wingmen.
The Spark
When I first started my pickup journey all my friends thought my new hobby was kinda weird… because it was. I was like: “Hey normie friends. I read some articles on the Interwebs about mass approaching strange women to learn how to pick them up. Want to join me?”
While a few of my buddies joined up because they loved me, none were as serious about learning this as I was.
For me it felt like a matter of life or death. Not that I was seriously contemplating suicide, but I felt I was slowly dying, by missing out on a life I imagined to be possible.
I’d lived a prisoner to my social anxiety for long enough. At twenty seven years old, I realized if I didn’t take drastic action to fix my sex life, I’d fall deeper into apathy.
Looking back it seems a bit extreme, but at that point my crippling insecurity had left me severely depressed. This was an answer, and I was determined to see it through, with or without my friends.
Practicing With Normie Friends
The problem with normie friends, is that they’ll make every excuse not to approach women. And if they do, they’re so damn awful at it because they don’t have a shred of theory. You can try to teach them, that the pedestal is bad, neediness is a no-no, not to buy drinks, over-compliment or supplicate. But it’s too far from their reality. So the result is, their game is just terrible, they make too many rookie mistakes, and women want nothing to do with them.
If your wingman hasn’t bought into your philosophy and dream, they won’t be willing to make the sacrifices necessary to achieve them with you.
So what’s your option if you can’t convert a friend to your weird new self-help program? Either go alone, or find a true wingman.
Going Solo
I’d heard the tales of a city where the party never ended, where beautiful college girls were abundant, and all brimming with culture. So I bought a ticket to Montreal. I moved in with various locals and students, but again, they all made terrible wingmen. Some were very apprehensive after they witnessed my determination to mass approach every girl in every bar we entered.
Try it. Take some normie friends to a bar, and start approaching women. Most of them lose their minds, as if you’re doing something forbidden.
So… alone
So, I decided I’d do this alone. On Friday nights I’d go out on my own. Leaving the house was easy, showing up to the bar and going inside was easy, but actually meeting the good looking girls was absolutely not easy.
I felt like everyone was watching me, wondering, “Who’s that loser with no friends? Why is he here?”
But after a few weeks though I started to enjoy it. As I gained more experience, my confidence grew, and I began having some of the most fun nights of my life. Here I was in a strange, wonderful city, exploring the nightlife on my own, meeting girls, and improving my social prowess.
I was still terrible at cold approach, but I overcame my fear of going out alone. After a few months, going out sometimes every night for weeks, I even started meeting girls that not only wouldn’t instantly reject me, but wanted to see me again.
Now, I actually love travelling alone. I almost prefer doing pickup alone. Recently, I’ve been doing 10-20 km walks in the forest alone. Some of my deepest inner game work is done in quiet, with no noise except what’s rattling in my skull.
Finding A Group
I was fine going out alone, but lonely having nobody to talk to about what I was learning.
Talking (or writing) about your experiences is one of the best ways to learn. Also, I like having friends, so I joined the local lair.
By attending live events (a thing of the past), I met a whole bunch of potential wings. I quickly learned that most of these men where worse at pickup than I was.
We’d go out and I would approach women. They would watch until one of them would find their balls and try. Then I’d give them a high five, and they’d try again. The benefit was that I didn’t have to do every approach anymore. The downside was most of the wings sucked at talking and the girls would eject as quickly as we pulled them in.
After going out with nearly a dozen guys, I found two that I wasn’t completely embarrassed to talk to girls with. They became life long friends.
Wing Benefits
It was awesome having someone to back you up. Often I’d meet pairs of girls I just couldn’t entertain on my own. Having a friend that girls liked was priceless. I also had someone to critique my game, point out my blind spots and hold me accountable when flaking on my approaches.
Social proof can also be useful. “Come meet my friend” you’ll say. This only works if your wing is very calibrated, and knows how to talk you up, make you seem higher status, and increase your perceived value.
But the best part of having good wings is the sense of camaraderie. Some of my best friends I met through this community. Just men who wanted more from life. Many of them have gone on to have amazing, storied lives. From dating coaches, to digital nomads, therapists, entrepreneurs, Youtubers, even professional comedians. We’ve all benefited from what started out as a way to sleep with hotter girls.
Wing Problems
You’re better off with no wing than a bad one.
Guys who never approach, and then try to clown you in front of the girls you’ve approached. Or when you’re not looking, they take the girls contact, or straight up try to steal them.
There’s a general rule of good wingmanship:
He who approaches gets dibs.
So if you approach a group of girls, just because you are talking to the fattie does not give your wing permission to go hard on the hottie. A good wing gets that you may have to befriend the entire group to get the hottie’s attention. Bad wings will go straight for your girl the moment you stop talking, like a dog in heat.
Bad wings also lose their emotional state, becoming somber when you do better than they do.
If your wing is very good looking, tall, or just has better game, many girls will be more attracted to him, even though you approached them. So be prepared to graciously hand him the girls you worked so hard for, without being butthurt. That’s part of the game too.
Solo Adventures
Many students have asked me whether they should go out alone. Is it better?
That’s easy. If you’ve ever gone out with a bunch of guys to approach women, as soon as they hook a girl, you’re alone. As soon as you hook a girl, you’re not alone.
So therefore, if you’re approaching women with any skill, you’ll eventually meet, and hook a girl. If there’s chemistry, you won’t need a wingman at all. In fact, a good wingman knows when to go away, as well as when to help out.
In daygame, a wing is useless unless you’re aiming to approach groups. How many times have you been taking to your wing, he holds up his finger and says, “I’ll be right back,” and chases a girl down the street? Now you’re alone again.
You’re always sort of alone, aren’t you?
My final advice, if you want to learn quickly, do it alone. Once you’ve mastered your emotions and can handle yourself, then find a wing. Nobody wants to roll with the hardcase who can’t even do his own approaches. If you’re at that stage, hire a dating coach, like myself
.
I actually help guys who struggle with finding motivation to go out. That's my specialty.
I offer a free hour of coaching. Take it while it's hot.
Otherwise, just go out and get it done.
On the GC forums, a common question is whether it’s better to go out to learn pickup solo, or with a wingman.
There are benefits to both. A good wingman is very hard to find, but going out solo is the fastest way to learn the ropes. I call it “putting on the heavy weights.”
In this article I’ll go into the Pros and Cons of both solo and with wingmen.
The Spark
When I first started my pickup journey all my friends thought my new hobby was kinda weird… because it was. I was like: “Hey normie friends. I read some articles on the Interwebs about mass approaching strange women to learn how to pick them up. Want to join me?”
While a few of my buddies joined up because they loved me, none were as serious about learning this as I was.
For me it felt like a matter of life or death. Not that I was seriously contemplating suicide, but I felt I was slowly dying, by missing out on a life I imagined to be possible.
I’d lived a prisoner to my social anxiety for long enough. At twenty seven years old, I realized if I didn’t take drastic action to fix my sex life, I’d fall deeper into apathy.
Looking back it seems a bit extreme, but at that point my crippling insecurity had left me severely depressed. This was an answer, and I was determined to see it through, with or without my friends.
Practicing With Normie Friends
The problem with normie friends, is that they’ll make every excuse not to approach women. And if they do, they’re so damn awful at it because they don’t have a shred of theory. You can try to teach them, that the pedestal is bad, neediness is a no-no, not to buy drinks, over-compliment or supplicate. But it’s too far from their reality. So the result is, their game is just terrible, they make too many rookie mistakes, and women want nothing to do with them.
If your wingman hasn’t bought into your philosophy and dream, they won’t be willing to make the sacrifices necessary to achieve them with you.
So what’s your option if you can’t convert a friend to your weird new self-help program? Either go alone, or find a true wingman.
Going Solo
I’d heard the tales of a city where the party never ended, where beautiful college girls were abundant, and all brimming with culture. So I bought a ticket to Montreal. I moved in with various locals and students, but again, they all made terrible wingmen. Some were very apprehensive after they witnessed my determination to mass approach every girl in every bar we entered.
Try it. Take some normie friends to a bar, and start approaching women. Most of them lose their minds, as if you’re doing something forbidden.
So… alone
So, I decided I’d do this alone. On Friday nights I’d go out on my own. Leaving the house was easy, showing up to the bar and going inside was easy, but actually meeting the good looking girls was absolutely not easy.
I felt like everyone was watching me, wondering, “Who’s that loser with no friends? Why is he here?”
But after a few weeks though I started to enjoy it. As I gained more experience, my confidence grew, and I began having some of the most fun nights of my life. Here I was in a strange, wonderful city, exploring the nightlife on my own, meeting girls, and improving my social prowess.
I was still terrible at cold approach, but I overcame my fear of going out alone. After a few months, going out sometimes every night for weeks, I even started meeting girls that not only wouldn’t instantly reject me, but wanted to see me again.
Now, I actually love travelling alone. I almost prefer doing pickup alone. Recently, I’ve been doing 10-20 km walks in the forest alone. Some of my deepest inner game work is done in quiet, with no noise except what’s rattling in my skull.
Finding A Group
I was fine going out alone, but lonely having nobody to talk to about what I was learning.
Talking (or writing) about your experiences is one of the best ways to learn. Also, I like having friends, so I joined the local lair.
By attending live events (a thing of the past), I met a whole bunch of potential wings. I quickly learned that most of these men where worse at pickup than I was.
We’d go out and I would approach women. They would watch until one of them would find their balls and try. Then I’d give them a high five, and they’d try again. The benefit was that I didn’t have to do every approach anymore. The downside was most of the wings sucked at talking and the girls would eject as quickly as we pulled them in.
After going out with nearly a dozen guys, I found two that I wasn’t completely embarrassed to talk to girls with. They became life long friends.
Wing Benefits
It was awesome having someone to back you up. Often I’d meet pairs of girls I just couldn’t entertain on my own. Having a friend that girls liked was priceless. I also had someone to critique my game, point out my blind spots and hold me accountable when flaking on my approaches.
Social proof can also be useful. “Come meet my friend” you’ll say. This only works if your wing is very calibrated, and knows how to talk you up, make you seem higher status, and increase your perceived value.
But the best part of having good wings is the sense of camaraderie. Some of my best friends I met through this community. Just men who wanted more from life. Many of them have gone on to have amazing, storied lives. From dating coaches, to digital nomads, therapists, entrepreneurs, Youtubers, even professional comedians. We’ve all benefited from what started out as a way to sleep with hotter girls.
Wing Problems
You’re better off with no wing than a bad one.
Guys who never approach, and then try to clown you in front of the girls you’ve approached. Or when you’re not looking, they take the girls contact, or straight up try to steal them.
There’s a general rule of good wingmanship:
He who approaches gets dibs.
So if you approach a group of girls, just because you are talking to the fattie does not give your wing permission to go hard on the hottie. A good wing gets that you may have to befriend the entire group to get the hottie’s attention. Bad wings will go straight for your girl the moment you stop talking, like a dog in heat.
Bad wings also lose their emotional state, becoming somber when you do better than they do.
If your wing is very good looking, tall, or just has better game, many girls will be more attracted to him, even though you approached them. So be prepared to graciously hand him the girls you worked so hard for, without being butthurt. That’s part of the game too.
Solo Adventures
Many students have asked me whether they should go out alone. Is it better?
That’s easy. If you’ve ever gone out with a bunch of guys to approach women, as soon as they hook a girl, you’re alone. As soon as you hook a girl, you’re not alone.
So therefore, if you’re approaching women with any skill, you’ll eventually meet, and hook a girl. If there’s chemistry, you won’t need a wingman at all. In fact, a good wingman knows when to go away, as well as when to help out.
In daygame, a wing is useless unless you’re aiming to approach groups. How many times have you been taking to your wing, he holds up his finger and says, “I’ll be right back,” and chases a girl down the street? Now you’re alone again.
You’re always sort of alone, aren’t you?
My final advice, if you want to learn quickly, do it alone. Once you’ve mastered your emotions and can handle yourself, then find a wing. Nobody wants to roll with the hardcase who can’t even do his own approaches. If you’re at that stage, hire a dating coach, like myself
. I actually help guys who struggle with finding motivation to go out. That's my specialty.
I offer a free hour of coaching. Take it while it's hot.
Otherwise, just go out and get it done.
