So, I have started daygaming recently again, after breaking it off with a girl I was dating till October. I'm at a point where I can get numbers consistently. Getting them out on dates is a hit or miss.
This one didn't turn out to anything finally, but there was some stuff I've never encountered before, so I'm curious what you guys think. Weird friendzone case? Some definite mixed signals in the end!
The Meet
I was in a neighborhood grocery store, not exactly in "daygame-mode" in my head. I spot this girl, blonde, dressed in black. She's not dressed particularly fancy to stand out from the others in the store, but something about her vibe caught my attention. While walking around the store we made eye contact a few times. Intense eye contact, just slightly longer than what's usual in these Western European countries. I have recently learnt to pickup this subtle difference.
I finally get myself together, approach her:
At a high point, I said that we should meet up for a drink once she's feeling better. She was hesitating, so I mentioned with strong eye contact,
(This was my first hint, along with the communication style, that she needs a lot of space -- avoidant vibes. I'm a recovering avoidant myself, so I understand the dynamics a bit)
The Texting
I texted her the next day (normally I do that the same evening but thought about giving her more space): general icebreaker text saying that it was unexpected but great to meet her.
She replied instantly, again complimenting my courage. She also said that she was slightly worried whether she put in the wrong number by mistake since I hadn't texted her earlier, and what I would be thinking of her. -> huge IOI in my opinion
We texted for a bit, over a couple of days, long invested texts from her, about her life and travels. I wasn't mentioning anything about meeting up since she was sick, I just tried to keep up the contact. At one point it was late and she stopped replying suddenly. I wasn't worried since she seemed pretty invested.
I texted her a few days later, joking that snail mail would be faster than our texts. She apologized, and continued where we left off. She mentioned some "nerdy" conversations she had with a friend, and I chase-framed her calling her out for trying to impress me with her nerdiness, and that she figured out I like nerds.
She replied something like "its a pretty safe assumption". -> not the most favorable reactions!
Anyway, we texted a bit more and then told her to get well soon, also since I wanted to see her soon. She replied to it, ignoring the part about meeting up.
I realize I might be getting too forward and didn't reply to her text.
She texts 2 days later asking what my plans are in the weekend! We decided to meet up one afternoon. I ask her to meet at a cafe close to home.
The Date
We meet at the cafe, I take her to a relatively quieter part and we sit opposite each other. We start again talking about a lot of stuff about her. Also about relationships, needing freedom and space, her being introverted but socially confident. I notice at some point that she's not investing much back in terms of asking about me, which annoys me a bit. She did mention that she talked to her friends about the fact that she was approached by me (IOI?). Also, that she appreciated that I approached and had a genuine conversation with her. That I was not just going for any girl who'd be giving her number but screening her to make sure she fits my standards. Anyway, at some point I ask her to come sit beside me so that I hear her better since the cafe was getting loud. She complies, at the same time saying that its a bit intense for her to be sitting side by side.
We continue talking and at some point I comment about her tattoos on her hand while taking her hand briefly in mine. We talk about their story and at some point I touch her hand again. She suddenly says:
She just said "I'm just communicating my boundaries", which I acknowledged and let go.
This felt like a setback and made me more hesitant to escalating. It felt like a harder no than just showing discomfort by body language.
Anyway, we talk for a bit and then the cafe was closing. She offered to take a walk outside. I mentioned I live close (I had seeded that earlier) and we can chill inside. She said she was more comfortable outside.
We were walking outside and talking. By now we were talking about childhood, parents, how we grew up avoidant etc. She also mentioned she always goes for unavailable men and is frustrated that she cannot feel strongly for men who are "good for her". The funny thing about all this is that all the pushing back on physical things notwithstanding, it felt like she really wanted to stay longer. She in fact had said she had evening plans but canceled them. At some point it was really getting cold and she said she had to really go home and inside.
We stopped and hugged before her leaving. She then kept on talking, and since we were closer and we were feeling so connected, I tried to kiss her. She moved her head, apologizing that she didn't feel like it. I brushed it off (this has happened for me before, they eventually kiss if I'm unreactive and try later). But she said she wanted to talk about it and said she feels that we connect a lot but she isn't feeling it and she usually knows if it will work out from the get go or not. I said, that's cool.
The she starts tearing up a bit! I can see she's getting very emotional. Brushes off the tear saying that its just the cold. Says again that she's sorry. She can see that I'm looking for something serious by the way I approached and qualified her, and she respects that and feels the need to be sincere. I see her tearing up more, saying that she could already see I was getting colder on her. Then she asks that she feels really connected and if we can still meet to talk sometime. I just left saying sure, if you feel like it, text me, I'll do the same.
I didn't expect to hear back from her. But she texted me two days later saying that she had a good time and hoped that I was ok. Apologizing again. I just replied non-committaly that it was good to know her as well. It stopped there.
Takeaways
I don't know how I could have turned this around. I think I messed up by showing more interest than her at later points, without managing to make it sexual.
It seems that deep-diving a lot can give relationship instead of lover vibes.
How can I make things more romantic/sexual with calm, serious women, especially with avoidant personalities?
Maybe aloof game in a social circle context could work? But is that possible to replicate in a daygame scenario where you don't naturally meet?
What do you guys think?
Also, a part of me thinks I should see if I can try things to turn it around, just as a learning opportunity. I was surprised with her text 2 days later and her getting emotional in the end.
This one didn't turn out to anything finally, but there was some stuff I've never encountered before, so I'm curious what you guys think. Weird friendzone case? Some definite mixed signals in the end!
The Meet
I was in a neighborhood grocery store, not exactly in "daygame-mode" in my head. I spot this girl, blonde, dressed in black. She's not dressed particularly fancy to stand out from the others in the store, but something about her vibe caught my attention. While walking around the store we made eye contact a few times. Intense eye contact, just slightly longer than what's usual in these Western European countries. I have recently learnt to pickup this subtle difference.
I finally get myself together, approach her:
She took it very positively, being very specific about the courage it takes to come up and approach someone. We got into a very interesting conversation, basically deep diving in the store about her life aspirations, dilemmas and plans about her PhD! Her communication style is very sincere and straightforward. She also seemed very intelligent and confident which I complimented her on, and she really appreciated. At some point I decided to lighten it up before it got too heavy, mentioning that something about her really made me approach her, despite her "fuck-off" expression written on her forehead that day. She laughed, saying she's always like that, and she was sick which made it worse.
At a high point, I said that we should meet up for a drink once she's feeling better. She was hesitating, so I mentioned with strong eye contact,
She seemed super relieved, thanked me for giving her space and put her name and number on my phone.
(This was my first hint, along with the communication style, that she needs a lot of space -- avoidant vibes. I'm a recovering avoidant myself, so I understand the dynamics a bit)
The Texting
I texted her the next day (normally I do that the same evening but thought about giving her more space): general icebreaker text saying that it was unexpected but great to meet her.
She replied instantly, again complimenting my courage. She also said that she was slightly worried whether she put in the wrong number by mistake since I hadn't texted her earlier, and what I would be thinking of her. -> huge IOI in my opinion
We texted for a bit, over a couple of days, long invested texts from her, about her life and travels. I wasn't mentioning anything about meeting up since she was sick, I just tried to keep up the contact. At one point it was late and she stopped replying suddenly. I wasn't worried since she seemed pretty invested.
I texted her a few days later, joking that snail mail would be faster than our texts. She apologized, and continued where we left off. She mentioned some "nerdy" conversations she had with a friend, and I chase-framed her calling her out for trying to impress me with her nerdiness, and that she figured out I like nerds.
She replied something like "its a pretty safe assumption". -> not the most favorable reactions!
Anyway, we texted a bit more and then told her to get well soon, also since I wanted to see her soon. She replied to it, ignoring the part about meeting up.
I realize I might be getting too forward and didn't reply to her text.
She texts 2 days later asking what my plans are in the weekend! We decided to meet up one afternoon. I ask her to meet at a cafe close to home.
The Date
We meet at the cafe, I take her to a relatively quieter part and we sit opposite each other. We start again talking about a lot of stuff about her. Also about relationships, needing freedom and space, her being introverted but socially confident. I notice at some point that she's not investing much back in terms of asking about me, which annoys me a bit. She did mention that she talked to her friends about the fact that she was approached by me (IOI?). Also, that she appreciated that I approached and had a genuine conversation with her. That I was not just going for any girl who'd be giving her number but screening her to make sure she fits my standards. Anyway, at some point I ask her to come sit beside me so that I hear her better since the cafe was getting loud. She complies, at the same time saying that its a bit intense for her to be sitting side by side.
We continue talking and at some point I comment about her tattoos on her hand while taking her hand briefly in mine. We talk about their story and at some point I touch her hand again. She suddenly says:
I laughed lightly, kinda sarcastically said "sorry?" and the fact that I've never heard anyone say something like this to me before.
She just said "I'm just communicating my boundaries", which I acknowledged and let go.
This felt like a setback and made me more hesitant to escalating. It felt like a harder no than just showing discomfort by body language.
Anyway, we talk for a bit and then the cafe was closing. She offered to take a walk outside. I mentioned I live close (I had seeded that earlier) and we can chill inside. She said she was more comfortable outside.
We were walking outside and talking. By now we were talking about childhood, parents, how we grew up avoidant etc. She also mentioned she always goes for unavailable men and is frustrated that she cannot feel strongly for men who are "good for her". The funny thing about all this is that all the pushing back on physical things notwithstanding, it felt like she really wanted to stay longer. She in fact had said she had evening plans but canceled them. At some point it was really getting cold and she said she had to really go home and inside.
We stopped and hugged before her leaving. She then kept on talking, and since we were closer and we were feeling so connected, I tried to kiss her. She moved her head, apologizing that she didn't feel like it. I brushed it off (this has happened for me before, they eventually kiss if I'm unreactive and try later). But she said she wanted to talk about it and said she feels that we connect a lot but she isn't feeling it and she usually knows if it will work out from the get go or not. I said, that's cool.
The she starts tearing up a bit! I can see she's getting very emotional. Brushes off the tear saying that its just the cold. Says again that she's sorry. She can see that I'm looking for something serious by the way I approached and qualified her, and she respects that and feels the need to be sincere. I see her tearing up more, saying that she could already see I was getting colder on her. Then she asks that she feels really connected and if we can still meet to talk sometime. I just left saying sure, if you feel like it, text me, I'll do the same.
I didn't expect to hear back from her. But she texted me two days later saying that she had a good time and hoped that I was ok. Apologizing again. I just replied non-committaly that it was good to know her as well. It stopped there.
Takeaways
I don't know how I could have turned this around. I think I messed up by showing more interest than her at later points, without managing to make it sexual.
It seems that deep-diving a lot can give relationship instead of lover vibes.
How can I make things more romantic/sexual with calm, serious women, especially with avoidant personalities?
Maybe aloof game in a social circle context could work? But is that possible to replicate in a daygame scenario where you don't naturally meet?
What do you guys think?
Also, a part of me thinks I should see if I can try things to turn it around, just as a learning opportunity. I was surprised with her text 2 days later and her getting emotional in the end.
