Socializing Standing Vs Seated when approaching girls?

[Maverick2.0]

The title looks stupid, let me explain.

If a girl is sitting on a mat at the gym or sitting on a blanket at the beach/park, My brain calculates too many problems. If I stand over her it will look creepy and intimidating, If I take a knee or squat down it feels like I'm not making myself unavailable enough. So I tend to avoid these opportunities, because I feel like there is no way to make it look natural. Can someone tell me how they would handle an approach like that?

 

[Will_V]

The title looks stupid, let me explain.

If a girl is sitting on a mat at the gym or sitting on a blanket at the beach/park, My brain calculates too many problems. If I stand over her it will look creepy and intimidating, If I take a knee or squat down it feels like I'm not making myself unavailable enough. So I tend to avoid these opportunities, because I feel like there is no way to make it look natural. Can someone tell me how they would handle an approach like that?

My usual method:

- Approach with a more friendly/social vibe

- After 20-30 seconds ask if I can sit with her (I might call it out like "Can I sit with you a few moments? Feels like I'm standing over you here!")

- Only if/when I'm seated I'll really turn on the nonverbals and start seducing her

 

[average_daygamer]

My usual method:

- Approach with a more friendly/social vibe

- After 20-30 seconds ask if I can sit with her (I might call it out like "Can I sit with you a few moments? Feels like I'm standing over you here!")

- Only if/when I'm seated I'll really turn on the nonverbals and start seducing her

Interesting method. I saw two sitting down eating today outside a restaurant. They were hotties but it didn't feel appropriate to just bowl in from literally walking along the street, dressed casually in my gym gear (I use an old baggy t shirt and shorts for the gym, not fancy form hugging clothes) and do a direct compliment approach. The waiter was also outside waiting another table so I feared confrontation for harassing the customers.

But what would a good opener be? "Hey, you two look like you are enjoying your meal. Mind if I pull up a chair and chat with you both" I just can't see it going down well. Maybe if I were more dressed up, but I am usually not due to practicalities.

 

[gameboy]

I approach lots of girls on the beach, and they are usually sitting or lying down.

What I usually do is this:

Opener - usually standing, since I have to walk over to them first.

If they seem at least a little bit receptive, I will crouch down next to them after the first 1 or 2 sentences / exchanges.

Then if the girl hooks (i.e. the conversation flows naturally), I'll just sit next to her and continue chatting. Ideally at something like a 90 degree angle, to not be too confrontational but more casual about it.

I don't think I ever asked for permission when she's sitting on the beach. If she's sitting by herself on a bench though, it's slightly different. I might ask "can I sit with you for a second" or not, depending on the vibe right after the opener.

 

[Will_V]

Interesting method. I saw two sitting down eating today outside a restaurant. They were hotties but it didn't feel appropriate to just bowl in from literally walking along the street, dressed casually in my gym gear (I use an old baggy t shirt and shorts for the gym, not fancy form hugging clothes) and do a direct compliment approach. The waiter was also outside waiting another table so I feared confrontation for harassing the customers.

I usually don't approach at cafes or restaurants unless I'm going in there myself, just doesn't feel right to me.

But what would a good opener be? "Hey, you two look like you are enjoying your meal. Mind if I pull up a chair and chat with you both" I just can't see it going down well. Maybe if I were more dressed up, but I am usually not due to practicalities.

If you were going to do an approach like that you'd definitely want to call it out.

"Hey I don't want to interrupt you ladies enjoying your meal, but I just had to come and say hi because you caught my eye" big smile, high energy etc.

You can't just ask to sit right off the bat, you have to gauge whether she's receptive to you first.

 

[average_daygamer]

I usually don't approach at cafes or restaurants unless I'm going in there myself, just doesn't feel right to me.



If you were going to do an approach like that you'd definitely want to call it out.

"Hey I don't want to interrupt you ladies enjoying your meal, but I just had to come and say hi because you caught my eye" big smile, high energy etc.

You can't just ask to sit right off the bat, you have to gauge whether she's receptive to you first.

What you say about not approaching people sat outside restaurants because it doesn't seem right given the context really resonates with me.

I had the same thing in London daygame, with the queue for a bar. There were loads of girls, some very attractive, queued up in a big line for a bar but I just couldn't mentally get myself to go over. It felt too intrusive since I had 0 interest in the venue at all.

But I have done it, with varying results, although I wimp out more often than not. And let's say you get a blowout in the line, then can you go and approach another set? I guess if the security guard stops you, that's you're qué to stop, but I usually get too self conscious before that.

 

[Will_V]

What you say about not approaching people sat outside restaurants because it doesn't seem right given the context really resonates with me.

I had the same thing in London daygame, with the queue for a bar. There were loads of girls, some very attractive, queued up in a big line for a bar but I just couldn't mentally get myself to go over. It felt too intrusive since I had 0 interest in the venue at all.

But I have done it, with varying results, although I wimp out more often than not. And let's say you get a blowout in the line, then can you go and approach another set? I guess if the security guard stops you, that's you're qué to stop, but I usually get too self conscious before that.

Everything is a question of calibration. If the security guard sees you walk up to a girl and immediately knows that you're doing an approach, you're already doing something wrong.

Lots of people in clubs know eachother and drift around between sets vibing and having fun. You want to look the same way.

When you have an opportunity in front of you, ask yourself, what is the best way to fit myself into the context of this setting? What are the social boundaries that I'm crossing and how best to deal with them? What parts of the context can I leverage and play around with?

For example if she's in a queue, you might go up and stand next to her and joke "thanks for saving me a spot!" or something - you immediately place yourself in the same context as her, you're not just some sidewalk rando shooting his shot. And from afar it's probably going to look like you know eachother.

It doesn't matter if she 'realizes' later that you just wanted to talk to her, your congruence and social awareness has already defused her initial anxiety, and now she's curious and interested in other things about you.

 

[StrayDog]

I usually don't approach at cafes or restaurants unless I'm going in there myself, just doesn't feel right to me

what do you mean going in there yourself? like you're a regular or something?

I approach at the cafe all the time. it's one of my number one places to talk to women.

granted I pick cafes that have an open social seating environment and I am selective about my approaches. calibration to the max.

it's not too unlike approaching at a low key bar. just some slightly different caveats.

never once had a complaint. the staff are all friendly with me.

just had an SDL not too long ago from a cafe approach.

had an instant date two nights ago at the cafe.

two number closes in the past week.

restaurants are a different story. not really set up for socializing. done some approaches before but yes I was a patron myself at the time and I made it very calibrated..

 

[Will_V]

what do you mean going in there yourself? like you're a regular or something?

I mean, I almost never walk up to the table of girls sitting down in a cafe or restaurant unless there is some opportunity to do a fairly indirect situational opening, which usually means that I'm there getting a drink or food.

The way I see it, she's a lot more settled in there than she would be let's say on a park bench, so there's more pressure on her. And it's a distinctly social setting, so there are greater social expectations.

If she's attractive enough I might cook something up and go for it, but I'm not looking for opportunities in there like I am on the street.

Not saying it can't be done.