The Zero Chronicles - My NextASF Lay Reports

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LR: Fucking on a Boat


I think I am going to start my own brand of reports, where I have sex in cool places. So after "fucking in the middle of the street", I present you with "fucking on a boat"! On a more serious note, this is probably most insightful for people interested in the "non-chasing" type of game. This is one of the hottest girls I've banged, and she pretty much chased me throughout the entire interaction.


tl;dr:



- really cute petite chick with a perfect body, met her in a bar about 2 months ago
- cockblocked by logistics back then, have been texting back and forth over entire time
- finally meet her late at night in a bar, go clubbing with her and my friends
- *plot twist* end up having sex on a boat


Wanna know how that happened? Haha, you'll have to read the entire report for that! It is a bit long, but I made sure to describe the sex in detail so you perverts have something to look forward to!



The first meet


Let's turn back the wheels of time by about two months. I'm out on a sunday night with a buddy of mine and his two friends. We are sitting in a cool illegal bar, cracking up over each other's jokes. My buddies' friends see a group of four chicks looking for a place to sit, wave them over and arrange for them to have chairs. I notice that two of the chicks are really cute, and one of them is actually smoking hot with dark hair, dark eyes (my favourite type), a sensual face, great petite body and a sexual vibe.



However, I've actually just met this buddy and I am severely guy-crushing on the man and his sense of humour, so I let his two friends chat up the chicks. I keep cracking jokes with him, pretty much cracking up at every second sentence of his, enjoying the fuck out of the night. At some point, the girls start asking us questions and we make some polite conversation. Well, not that polite I guess, since we're both immediately fucking around with them. I show my buddy a silly dirty picture, and without any apparent reason, he decides to show it to two of the chicks. This is the pic:



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I crack up. They laugh a bit as well. We keep talking to them - it's mostly them asking standard questions and us trying to come up with the most hilarious answers to them. They rearrange their seating so that the smoking hot one sits next to me. More conversation. Then the hottie asks me if I want to go for a smoke and I comply.


We go outside, light our smokes and have a short conversation I don't remember. Then, she asks me if I have naughty pics in my phone. I show her the picture from above. She laughs. I call her a bad girl. I kiss her.

After some making out, we head back inside, where the guys are stil working on their girls. Her and me spend rest of the evening trying to get our friends to hook up, but they fail miserably. One of her friends has a boyfriend who she wants to leave and my buddy fails to get around her moral issues, and one of his friends stupidly refuses to just kiss his girl in front of everybody when she is clearly waiting for it. This does not bode well for the night.


We leave the bar and try to find a club to go dancing, but the lines are too long. So we decide to head to somebody's appartment. My girl keeps telling me how hot she thinks I am. Because my buddy and his friends have been dragging their feet for too long with the other chicks, we suddenly have two random guys in the group as well. The entire thing becomes a bit of a shitshow, with my buddy and his friends refusing to take the entire group to their appartment with these two guys in tow and my attempts to bring everybody to my place failing because it is too far away. I also fail at extracting my hottie from the group, because they are all from outside of the city and need to take her car to get back, and she has to get up early. She's at least as bummed about this as I am, saying:





Her: "Ugh, fuck not being able to fuck you!" (Note: that was way wittier in her language, haha!)





I tell everybody that I am fed up with the shit show, and we say our goodbyes after exchanging contact details.



In between


She texts me a few days later, just saying this:


Her: "Sexy!"
Me: "Cutie!"


I immediately try to set a next meet, but we fail. We exchange some pictures, and she tells me that I am ridiculously hot and that she would do all sorts of things to me. For the entire next two months, our interactions are then limited to trying to see if we can get to meet up on the weekend. She tells me she'll tell me when she is in town. I usually ping her a few days before a weekend that would work for me, saying:


Me: "Cutie!"
Her: "Sexy!"


This becomes a bit of a ritual, but we never manage because I am out of the country or she is busy and can't come into the city.



The lay

Fast forward to last weekend. She has become a bit more laconic in recent text exchanges (probably because I initiated too much, or just because we never made it happen), so I am almost ready to write it off. Thus, I am pleasantly surprised when she sends me a lengthy text on Friday, saying that she'll be in the city on Saturday and we have to make it work. Being the mean-spirited bastard I am, I text her back in very few words, saying something like "we'll see", knowing that it'll be quite difficult to align all my Saturday plans.



Saturday night, I am out in a crappy bar in the middle of town with some buddies. I ping her ("Cutie!"), and we find out each others' whereabouts. I tell her to come to my place, she tells me to join her, I ignore it because I am waiting for two of my friends to show up here, and she finally shows up at our bar with two friends. My two friends have just appeared a few minutes before. They are some of my best friends who I haven't seen in a long time, so I am absolutely elated. It is not easy to get the three groups to mix because of language differences, but I make it work easily because I am in a great mood.


We have a fun time for a while, but the girls want to go dancing. I convince my friends to join, even though they are not too much into clubbing. Outside of the bar, I kiss my hottie for the first time since she showed up. We take a cab to the club and enter swiftly. Inside the club, I alternate between having fun with my two buddies who are dancing like absolute idiots, and grabbing the hottie by the neck to kiss her deeply and sexually. I am having a great time because I feel that I absolutely dominate the situation! At some point, I notice that my fingers still smell of my regular girl I have slept with in the afternoon. My life is so goddamn awesome. The girls ask me about my buddies but I have to tell them that they are both in monogamous relationships. Poor chicks.


After some time, she tries to tell me something and I cannot understand because of the loud music. So I grab her and lead her outside, where she tells me that this time, I cannot leave her hanging. She basically wants me to promise to her that she'll get my cock tonight. I assure her that tonight will be fun, and tell myself there is no reason to extract quickly. We get back inside where she buys me a drink. While we are waiting at the bar, she opens my belt and pants and stops short of pulling out my cock. She tells me we can't do this here and tries to pull me to the toilets, where she notices that it won't work either because there are too many people. I am just sort of observing this comedy with a smirk, amused by how this ridiculously sexy woman is working hard to make sure that she'll get my cock tonight.


My buddies leave at some point because we have to get up rather early to go on a sailing trip the next morning. I spend some more time dancing with the girls. My hottie buys me two more drinks and I try to find out their logistics. It turns out they are staying in the city… in a yacht in the port where I am supposed to show up the next morning for the sailing trip! This is truly awesome! Well, I guess I had some logistics karma left over from the shitshow when I first met her…


When it is obvious that the other two chicks won't get laid, we finally take a cab to the port. On the ride, the two other chicks make sure to sort it out so I get a cabin with my hottie for ourselves. They also make sure that there are condoms (I brought two). I just sit there, enjoying how these three chicks make sure to arrange my hookup.

We get to the boat, and I finally get to be alone with her. Some passionate kissing, some ripping off of clothes, some fingering …and dammit, I can't get it up. She looks at me with a doubtful look, but I just tell her:


Me: "Don't worry… the alcohol, you know. This will take a while, but it'll work."


I simply know that I want to and I will fuck this hot little piece of ass. Because goddammit, she's got an amazing body! A perfect little peachy ass, very flat body, small but perky tits… she's just a treat to look at! I try to go down on her, but she stops me, so I let her suck me, start fucking her mouth with a limp dick, finger her and try to put on a condom on a still limp dick (dumb move!!! ). Then, I finally find a way to get myself hard: While she is lying with her head against a wall, I finger her while I fuck her mouth and pull out from time to time and slap her face hard with my cock.


I'm finally hard. I put on the second condom, and let her get on top of me. She sits down on my cock and immediately starts riding me like there is no tomorrow. Seriously, I've never had a girl go to business that quickly. And when I say business, I mean machine-gun speed railing over the entire length of my cock!

So that's what it's going to be. I let her ride like this for a few minutes, then I grab her and roll her on her back. I spend some time fucking her fast and hard with her legs on my shoulders. It is great, rough, dirty fucking sex. We continue switching around positions for some time, until I think I am close to cumming. I pull out, rip off the condom and jerk off over her boobs. Nothing happens.


Me: "Dammit, I thought I was close there!"

I stop jerking, thinking that we can end it here. But that's not what she has in mind.

Her: "No. I want you to cum!"

So she starts sucking me again. We spend at least a quarter hour trying to navigate me towards orgasm, I get closer but not close enough. Finally, she gets on top of me again and asks me if I can control myself not to cum inside her. I confirm that and ask her if she takes the pill and she says yes. So I put it in, she starts riding me hard again, and I add to it by thrusting as hard and fast as I can. Only now do I notice how fucking small her pussy is! After five more minutes of this, I pull out and finally, finally cum.


We must have rocked that boat for at least an hour.

In the morning, we fuck once more. She must have been ridiculously wet the night before, because now I notice that her pussy is so small it actually hurts me! We are still fucking quite roughly, so I cum after a much shorter time. We get dressed and have a shower together in the port facilities. No more sex despite her efforts - my cock decides he's had enough.


Then, I walk a hundred meters to meet up with my friends for the sailing trip. I am sleep-deprived, hungover and wearing yesterday's clothes.


And a big fucking smile to go with it.



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- This was one of the hotter girls I have slept with, and I hadn't banged a new chick in way over a month at that point. Despite that, I was laid-back and let her chase me through the entire interaction. I have gone through quite a reframe recently, and stopped giving too much importance to getting laid at all. I don't follow up with most of the chicks I run into, and my standards are higher now. I think it radiates in my vibe. Good thing!

- pinging is not chasing! I think you sometimes need to remind chicks that you are still interested so they have the confidence to keep chasing you, especially if things never work out. I probably did a wee bit too much of it here, but still.

- girls are out to find cock. My hottie kept asking me about my friends, so she could hook her friends up. Take note, aspiring players.

- Bring at least three condoms with you anytime, anywhere. I've been constantly running out of rubbers because I have way too much sex with my regular chick who I'm growing quite close to, so this has been a problem. I really should stop banging randoms without a condon, it's dumb. Don't do this at home kids!!!

- If you're a big social circle kinda guy like me, group control is important. I did not take charge fully of moving the group in the first night, and that led to a fuckup - in the second night, I managed to melt several groups into a fun mold and make everybody move together. Result: boat sex.

- remember my fuckup report from a while ago? I did nothing different here when hanging out with the group and not pulling yet - if I prefer hanging out with people still, I'll do just that. It was probably safer because I'd met her before and she was a clear type 3 giving me a no-nonsense statement of intention, but still: this is my frame. I don't change my plans for pussy.

2023 editorial note: this was my second most favorite girl in this period. She brought me and my friends to great cultural events, and the day before I left she bought me tickets to a burlesque show, then had a beautiful hotel room reserved for us to fuck the whole night in. I'll never forget you, C.

 

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"Do you want to fuck the two of us?" - Devil's Threesome



- got seduced by a social circle girl who I actually didn't want to fuck
- two days later: meet her again at a party, with my buddy
- ask her the title line of this report - 1.5 hour pure porn ensues (details below)


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Okay, so this is about a girl I did not even want to fuck in the first place. I've been trying to upgrade my standards since I've reached the number at which I'd always told myself to stop going for quantity. This girl is damn cool but really not hot, just above my fuckable threshold indeed. I'd met her at some party before and made out with her but never given it any further thought.


A few weeks later, I am out with a group of people I don't know that well, and turns out she's friends with them and is also there. I am trying to focus on other chicks (place was packed) so I ignore her at the start. At some point however, she grabs me and starts dancing with me. I am kinda drunk at this point so I roll with it. She pulls me away from the group and starts grabbing my cock. She definitely wants to fuck me asap, so I think to myself "oh what the hell, why not" and pull her off the floor. I pull her down a stairway in the club, wall-slam her and pull out my cock. She starts sucking it, and I pull out a condom and put it on. Just when she's pulled down her pants, people show up. We're in a highly lit part of the club, so I figure it's better to move on. Well, long story short, we take a cab (she's sucking my dick the entire ride), make it back to her place and I fuck her a few times.


The day after, I feel sorta bad about it because she's social circle (this place is gossippy as hell) and I didn't really want to fuck her. Well, turns out karma had a return ticket for me.


Few days later, we're at a house party with my natural buddies. Turns out it's her place, and she's there as well. My buddy knows what has happened and immediately starts teasing her and asking questions about how the sex was. The guy is proper secret society and she's cool, so it turns into a fun conversation. I can tell she's turned on by it, so out of the blue I ask:


Me: "Do you want to fuck the two of us?"

Her: "Hmmm…."


That is all we need. I pull her by the hand and we find an empty room. I try to close it by key but it is not possible. So we are separated from the entire flat full of people by just the door, but that turns out not to be a problem.


Once in the room, my buddy immediately pulls her in and goes for the make-out. After a few seconds, he pushes her away, and she turns around to make out with me. There is a short moment where we are both wondering how to proceed, but my buddy just pulls out his cock. I tell her:


Me: "Go, suck his dick!"

..and she immediately does as told. And from there on, it turns into complete porn with a side of comedy. She is completely into it. I pull out my cock as well and tell her to suck it, and she does so with enthusiasm while my buddy slaps on a condom that I hand him. We pull down her pants and he starts fucking her while she is sucking me. I have some trouble getting hard, so this continues for a while, then he pulls out and we both put our cocks in her face. She tries to make them touch but we stop her (funny moment!), so she just alternates while we're both jerking as well. Proper porn moment.


Then she turns around and I fuck her (condom's on by now, but we both lose them later… don't do that at home kids!) while she sucks my buddy. We high-five and hold hands for a proper Eiffel Tower moment. We keep laughing at how awesome this moment is.


Well, and this just continues for one and a half hour. We alternate between fucking her and getting sucked, and it's loads of fun. I give her loads of verbal commands, while my buddy is a bit more physical. Absolutely no "omg this is gay" awkwardness, just fun and laughs.

At one point, I’m behind her fucking her doggy while she is sucking my friend who’s sitting down now. I feel like I am close to cumming, so I pull out and start rubbing over her butt.


Somehow she shifts positions and suddenly I’m wanking and my buddy is looking up at me from below my cock.

Him: “Careful with that!”

I literally drop on the floor laughing.

I try to get up again, but my erection is gone. I can't cum because I am laughing so hard. So I just watch them finish without me.

In the end, he cums in her mouth, but I don't notice for some reason. She turns around and I kisses me after that.

Once we are done, we notice that everybody has left the party. So I walk to the toilet in just my underwear, and just at that moment her girl roommates come home. Awkward moment. Absolutely hilarious. I go home immediately after because I have to get up early for an important work meeting, and my buddy stays there and fucks her one more time.

The kiss she ended it with ends up being the running joke between my mates for the next few weeks. I could care less, I find it as hilarious as them: every time I roast or tease somebody, the answer is an immediate "shut up you swallowed his cum!"


Great times.


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What I've learned:

- be more direct, straightforward. It's fucking sexy.
- lead and make it natural
- things like these are part of my reality now. Secret Society here I come!
- I've heard and read many quite negative things about MFM threesomes, including here. Absolutely disagree with all, it's a blast and it's hot because it allows her to go absolutely sexual. Would and will do again.

 

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Last Call in small mediterranian town - SNL


This is a story from just a few days ago.


tl;dr:


- out in a small meterranian town with a few buddies
- do a few bars, dance and make out with a few girls but nothing hooks
- get to club, dance with more chicks, three-way make-out
- nothing hooks by closing time
- outside of club, cute girl with very fit body starts talking to me
- take her home, bang her in the shower of the hostel, kick her out


I'm out in a small mediterranean town with my new natural buddies and a girl that one of them has been working on (backstory spared for privacy). We start the night eating a few small things and drinking a ridiculous amount of beer at a small bar. We are standing outside and are immediately attracting everybody's attention with our crazy antics. I am standing out particularly because I am clearly overdressed for the entire small town: I am wearing my favourite shirt (got me laid the first three times I wore it) and a suit jacket because I came straight from work.


We bounce to another bar that is buzzing with people, and start to mingle. I'm by myself pretty soon. I open a few girls by giving them a spin, dance with a few, but nothing really sticks. Make out with one girl, but she tells me she has a boyfriend and she's with her friends who are standing next to us and have witnessed it, so her ASD is too high to isolate/escalate.


We want to bounce to a club we've heard about but get stuck in a small bar. There is only us and a group made up of several girls and 2 guys. One of the girls is absolutely stunning, the type of dark-eyed, dark-haired mediterranean beauty that I absolutely dig, with possibly a bit of asian blood in there. I make her my target. We catch their attention as my buddy's girl tries to dance on the bar, and we get in a conversation with some of the girls. My target is outside smoking with one of the guys in the group. I tell my buddy I want to get with her, and we immediately go outside and strike up a conversation with the guy. I ignore the chick and when she tries to get in on the conversation, I give her quite one-lined answers and focus on the guy. My buddy however starts chatting her up, and soon we are talking just to her and he's faded in the background. I do not recall the conversation, but I remember her giving me flirty eyes quite quickly. She is definitely into me.


Back inside, some of her friends tell me that she likes me and ask me if I like her too. Cute! I tell them yeah she's sexy, and ask them if they are moving to the club as well. They are! I socialize with the group a bit, then we manage to bounce. We have to wait for something, so the girls move ahead of us. I make my girl promise me that we'll meet her at the club.


We arrive at the club after some delay, and guess what… my mediterranean beauty is nowhere to be found. She just didn't show up! I guess some girl drama happened that kept the entire group from going to the club. I am a big angry at myself for not just taking charge and walking the entire group to the club. Whatever, it's gone.


It is now just one buddy, his girl and me. He is making out with her now, so I am on my own. I decide it is time for me to start practicing mass-approaching girls for the fun of it, and I start approaching loads of girls by giving them a spin and starting to dance. A few sets hook, but the attractive girls try to pawn me off to the less attractive ones in their group. I am not yet very well versed in this mass-approach thing, but I am having fun.

Suddenly, my buddy's chick walks up to me and starts introducing me to girls. We are having a blast. Then, a fun thing happens: one girl grabs my hand out of the blue:


Her: "I am going to introduce you to my friend!" (friend of her walks up)
Me: "Is this her?"
Her: "No!" (another friend of her walks up)
Me: "Is this her?"
Her: "No!" (another friend of her walks up)
Me: "Is this her?"
Her: "No! This is her!"


She pushes me into this incredibly tiny chick, who must have been no taller than my chest. It felt ridiculous dancing with her, but at least she was over 20. A few minutes into dancing and talking to her:


Her: "You are way too hot for me! I have a friend who is into you!" (grabs my hand and pushes me into yet another girl)

At this point, I have literally become a commodity and I am being pushed from girl to girl. It is funny but also awkward. I dance with this last chick for half a minute, then I just turn and walk away laughing. I see a cute girl, walk up to her and give her a spin. We dance, I try to kiss her and she gives me this line:


Her: "I don't want to! I'm lesbian!"

She proceeds to show me her girlfriend, who is dancing in a group close to them. I pull her towards us and ask them:

Me: "Hey, do you want to try out a three-way kiss?"


They look at each other, shrug and we go for it. It's a funny experience! Afterwards, I just give them both a hug and eject. I run around the dancefloor and dance with girls a bit more. My buddy and his girl are tearing each other's clothes off in the middle of the dance floor - once again, we are the ones who are partying the wildest. I like it.


However, nothing really bites anymore in the last part of the evening. After some time, it's closing time and we are outside of the club smoking a cigarette. A girl approaches me for a lighter, and I start talking to her. She is pretty, and has a smoking hot sporty little body. I tease her a little bit ("you look like one of those girls who never had to work at school. I bet you're smart") and invite her for the after-party at our place. Some chode who knows her starts giving me loads of shit but I get rid of him quite soon (don't remember details).


So we start walking away from everybody. While walking, I kiss her. She kisses me back hungrily. I pull her into an alley and we make out furiously. She is obviously horny, but lives with her parents and siblings, and I can't convince her to take that risk. So I decide to take a cab back to the hostel with her. She complies happily.



Back at the hostel, we run into my buddy and his girl and talk to them shortly ("What, you're back already?" "Yeah, WE're back already."). They head into the four-bed room we occupy, and I ask her if she wants to be alone for this. Her answer: "I don't care, what do you want?" It strikes me now that I could have banged her on the bunk bed with all my friends in the room and she would not have given a damn, haha!


Anyway, I pull her into the girls' showers of the hostel and we undress each other quickly. I pull her into one shower stall, slap on a condom and start fucking her. The stall is tiny as fuck and it is difficult to get into a somewhat okay position. Just as I want to pull her out of the stall again, somebody enters. It strikes me - it is seven in the morning, people are getting up already! So we proceed to fuck very quietly as somebody is taking a shower in the stall right next to us. It cracks me up inside but I continue. As the person leaves, I pull her out of the stall, sit her on the sink and give her a good proper fucking. It was goddamn hot sex, and her super tight body kept exciting me! After maybe 10 more minutes of this, I cum.


Just at this moment, another woman wants to walk into the shower. I stop her and get dressed while she shouts at me - "This is the womans' showers! I will complain!". We then get out of the showers quickly, say our goodbyes ("pleasure meeting you"), and I kick her out.


I never knew her name.


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I wrote down this story for a few reasons:
- I spent an entire night pretty unsuccessfully but still got laid - attitude! Reminds me of the lay report by sparxx recently and Teev's comments.
- When I am out with my buddies, we are normally and naturally the loudest people having the most fun - this attracts girls! I am pretty sure this chick saw me at the club before approaching me and had her mind set on going home with me from the start.
- I am starting to do something that I have never done before: mass approaching chicks I am doing it with a bit of a "I am just fucking around" vibe so it is still congruent with my non-chasing personality. Nevertheless, I have loads to learn about cold approach!
- I was completely over-dressed. This got loads of reactions and I am wondering if I shouldn't dress up more often (usually I am dressing very casually). I'm quite the handsome devil, and combined with classy clothing I look a million dollars... should probably use that to my advantage more often. It's just not very congruent with me...yet.

Anyway, hope this was helpful or inspiring. It's a bit long and I didn't have a lot of time to edit it. Hit me with your comments if you liked or disliked!

 

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LR: How to seduce an angel

Years later, I ended up marrying the chick from this report.

If you want to read it, ping me please.

 

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LR: I really wanted to fuck that night


tl;dr:
- make out with four girls (one known before)
- take home the fourth



There is not a lot of game in this report. Only a little comfort work and obviously escalation.


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I have not had sex for eight days straight. And because I am experimenting around with not masturbating, that means I have not had an orgasm for eight days straight. I've pretty much got cum dripping out of my ears. I really want to fuck tonight.



We are out in a bar, and the girl from the boat report joins us. It has turned out that this chick is really smart and really cool. She's a lawyer and reads phylosophy books, and she's fun to hang around with. The last time I've seen her, she has invited me to a local culture festival in her town, and made sure that all of my friends got laid with some of her friends that night. We've been bantering around via text, and we have a little bet going on about whether or not I could "resist her" tonight. If I win and don't have sex with her, I get to bang her on my balcony. If she wins and I have sex with her, I have to wear her underwear and dance to a really crappy song for her. So I am looking forward to losing the bet by banging her on my balcony. I am so goddamn machiavellian.



However, me and my friends have bought tickets to a big party night, so we bounce there. The line without is ridiculously long, so it'll take a long time for my girl to get in. My friends have to fetch some stuff from their nearby home, so I go in alone first while my girl and her friends are on the way by cab. Inside, the party is raving. I go to the bar to grab a beer and wait for my friends, who have to come up the stairs next to the bar. As I am looking down to see if they are coming, I spot a gorgeous black-haired girl walking up towards me. I immediately make eye contact. It breaks but I look right back, and so does she. I smile. She smiles. As she is walking past me, I grab her hand and pull her in. I make some token small talk to find out she is turkish, and I kiss her. We make out until my friends show up who crack up about the fact that I am already on to the next one.



I grab my drink and pull her into the croud where we make out more and I slip my fingers under her ridiculously short dress. She stops me and I give her a mischievous smile. We make out more, I put her hands all over me and on my cock. This seems to be going well, apart from the fact that she is not too great of a kisser. I pull her to the downstairs floor, and I don't know if it is the music or the location, but the vibe kind of goes south a little. She excuses herself to the bathroom. I see her on her way back, and her expression says that something is not good. Either she just threw up in the bathroom, or she's having massive second thoughts. I grab her hand and follow her back to the upstairs floor where I kiss her again. She finds her friend and it is obvious that she wants me to leave, so I leave.


I find my friends and have some fun dancing for about an hour. My boat girl texts me that they can't get in anymore, and that I've won the bet. "See you on your balcony!" Good girl. I spot another cute chick with brown curly hair, and pull her in to dance with her. We have some really sexy deep eye contact moments and I kiss her a few times, but she keeps turning her head. This one is going nowhere.



I walk away towards the bar. A group of girls randomly pulls me in for a picture. I pose with a big winner gesture and an even bigger smile, and ask them who's birthday it is. The cutest of the girls points towards the ugliest chick. I congratulate her. The cutie tries to push me towards the birthday hag, but that is not what I have in mind. I use the cutie's movement to pull her towards me. She's got light brown, flat hair and huge bambi eyes. I pull her away from the group a bit and kiss her. She's a great kisser. We make out like teenagers for a while, and I try to pull her with me to take her home. She resists and says she has to go home with her friends. I spend more time making out with her, and giving her big comfort hugs (the kind where you breathe in deeply and relax in her arms - it makes her mirror that relaxation and be comfortable with you).



Her friends text her that they are leaving, and she wants to leave with them. So we leave the club together. We find the friends, and they chat back and forth for a short while. She turns towards me and I pull her into a mini-bubble. More kissing and hugging. Her friends walk away. She asks where I live and I tell her it is only a few minutes by cab. She says she doesn't know me at all. I give her the classic:



Me: "We will not do anything you don't want to."

Her: "Only sleeping?"

Me: "Nothing you don't want to"



We repeat this procedure a second time, and I wave over a cab. She gets in and waves goodbye to her friends. In the cab, I make very friendly, natural conversation to let her find out who I am and what I am doing in life. I make sure to come across like a very decent guy. Makes me crack up now that I am writing it, but it works. At my place, we get naked within a minute, I slap on a condom (yay me!) and we start fucking without any resistance. The sex is great, and after eight days without an orgasm, it is not so hard to get close to an orgasm. After about twenty minutes of fucking, I cum hard.


I needed that.


____________




As I said, not much to say.
- Sexual state
- Escalation
- Comfort techniques (hugs, verbal statements, normal conversation) to overcome her doubts. Note how there was no LMR in the end.


Note: I never knew this girl's name.


I found out the day after that I had a massive bruise in my face (from jumping around in a pogo circle) during the entire interaction with her. No wonder she was wary of going home with me!


Leave a comment if you liked the story!

 

[0---]

Does this count as a hired gun? (Note: more details on my verbal game)


Not that I really care.

tl;dr:
- insta-make out at bar
- cant take home, give her number
- meet her a week later at another bar
- take her home after about 5 minutes of talking

This girl is actually still sleeping in my bed, but I can't sleep. That means everything is still fresh in my memory. I've also managed to take some notes on my banter, so there will be some more detail on the shit I say for you people as an inspiration this time.

________________

I'm out in a bar with my buddies, partying. The barkeeper has just told us that it is his last night on the job and we can go wild, so by partying, I mean fucking partying. We are befriending everybody, fistpumping, ordering shots, yelling random shit, having a good time. I climb on the bar, my friend makes me take off my shirt, the barkeeper gets out whipped cream and puts it all over my naked torso, I lean back and lay down on the bar… none of the ladies in the room dares lick it off, but I just smear it on my face, dance some on the bar and get off.

After I have cleaned myself off, I am talking to my buddies about one of my recent debaucheries, in no vague terms. A fat, ugly woman overhears us (not that I'm being very subtle about it), and calls me a pig. I answer something, she comes closer to me to retort, puts her hand on my stomach, and stops mid-sentence. She gives me a puzzled look, and lifts my shirt. She looks at me for a second.

Her: "You've got a better body than Jesus!"

I crack up and continue partying. At some point, a cute girl tries to throw us out of the bar, and I just tell her "Look, we are here with this beautiful lady", pointing to a girl working behind the bar. That's actually true, one of my friends is banging her. We keep partying some longer, then we move on to the next bar with the bartenders after they've closed the bar. On the way to the bar, my buddy sees some people drinking and smoking on a balcony and invites us into a houseparty. We befriend everybody, eat some nice food and get some of their drinks. I get introduced to the guy who's birthday it is, and he introduces me to his husband. Turns out everybody at the party is gay. That's why they were so friendly with us!

The neighbours show up bitching about the houseparty, and we bounce before the situation becomes annoying. We walk into the bar where we were supposed to go. Some people are playing pool. I spot this girl standing next to the table, arms crossed. Her face is kinda cute, but her body is amazing. Looooooooong legs, slim legs, great boobs. She smiles at me. I walk up to her and say something. Whatever I said must have been amazing, because her response is:

Her: "Love is all I got"

I kiss her. We make out passionately. I find out she used to work at the bar we were at before, and she's actually the girl who tried to throw us out before. Didn't even notice. Everybody bounces back to that bar, and we have some fun drinking behind the counter and eating for free. Yay us. I kiss her from time to time, talk to her a bit, all light-hearted. Then I decide I need to go home because I have to get up early. She doesn't want to leave with me, so I give her my number because my battery is dead. She's surprised that I want to see her again. Seems I give away such a player vibe that any longer investment than a ONS is surprising, haha.

She texts the next day, I tell her I am busy all week but might have time to meet up on he weekend. We banter back and forth a bit, and then I go radio silent for most of the week. I ping her on the weekend to ask her for her plans. She's having dinner with work colleagues and is going to a bar afterwards. I tell her I might join her. I have a beer with my buddies at their place, but they are not keen on going out. She texts me she is getting drunk - now if that doesn't telegraph "come over and take advantage of me", I don't know. So I leave my buddies and take a cab to the bar.

I'm not really in the mood when I arrive at the bar. I also have to go to the toilet, so I decide to take a leak before finding her. As I am waiting in front of the men's toilet, the door opens, and a guy comes out. Before I can get in, another guy behind him closes the door from the inside. I am puzzled. A second later, another guy walks past me and knocks on the door. The guy inside opens, and they close the door again. I look at the guy behind me who is puzzled as well. Obviously, they are doing drugs, but I find this moment funny. So I decide to do take my leak later, and head out to find my girl. I say hi with a kiss on the cheek and immediately tell her the story.

Me: "What kind of place did you bring me to?"

Her: "It's the first time I'm here, but I love these kind of places!" (Note: it's a normal bar, not too shady)

Me: "I don't know, this seems dangerous. Are you dangerous?"

Her (laughs): "Haha, yeah, I am a murderer!"

Me: "Oooooh, that's exciting! How many people have you killed?"

Her: "Hmmm…"

She can't find a cool answer quickly. I've pulled her in step by step during the conversation. Now I am almost kissing her.


Me: "Come on! What's your number?!" (Anyone see the double entendre here? Mr. & Mrs. Smith anyone? )

Her: "Um, …"

And I kiss her. So it's on. I break first.

Me: "Who are you here with?"

Her: "Them" (points) "and these people" (points)

Me: "Oh, you are here with everybody!"

Her: "Yeah these are all my coworkers…"

Me: "Oooh did I just kiss you in front of your coworkers?"

Her: "It's okay, they'll just make fun of me on Monday."

Me: "We should run out in the streets and find a place where we can make out like teenagers!"

Her (laughs): "You like to make out like teenagers, don't you?"

I push her against the bar, kiss her again. She almost knocks over a drink with her elbow.

Her: "I'm a bit tipsy" (giggle)

Me: "I know" (let her notice the drink)

Her: "Oops!"

Me: "It's okay, I saved you!"

Her: "Thank you!"

Me: "No need to thank me, that's what I came here for! To save you!"

Her: "Save me from what?"

Me: "Spilling that drink. Now I can leave."

She laughs.

Me (laughing as well): "What would you do if I really left you now? You'd be like, wow, who was that guy? Is he from the future? Anyway, I see those guys from the toilet are back. That second guy really came quick!"


And I eject to the toilet. I've made myself crack up so much, and I remember Zardoz taking notes "in-field" in his novel, so I take down a few quick notes on the toilet. Hope you enjoyed - I usually don't remember jack shit of my banter.


I return, and it looks like her group are leaving to a club. She's not interested in going clubbing, neither am I, so after some more back-and-forth we just grab a cab to my place. She is obviously game. On the way home, we talk, I make fun of her for liking Jersey Shore, and we have some more laughs. We get home, I throw her on my bed. We make out, then I put my finger on her lips.


Me: "I have to go the bathroom quick. Something to drink?"

Her: "A glass of water would be great!"

Me: "Thought so. Make yourself comfortable!"


I take a leak, get her some water and we start where we left it off. Her blouse comes off quickly and I let the bra follow with one hand. It is really sexy and passionate, like the kind of movie scene where the two main characters finally get to rip each other's clothes off. My shirt comes off, and as I am kneeling above her, I pull her up towards me. She undoes my pants in this position. I am not wearing any underwear (yup, I read your blog, BoyToy), so my cock comes straight out. She immediately starts sucking it. I grab a condom, start fingering her, smack the condom on and get it on.

Initially, it is a bit difficult to get my cock all the way in, but once I grab her leg and put it on my shoulder, it is smooth sailing. After some smooth moves, I start railing her. She starts moaning, scratching my back and whimpering, all between the occasional "oh my god"'s. I'm pretty sure she came a few times. I'm just focused on getting myself closer to my orgasm, which is really difficult lately. Finally, after railing her full-speed for about twenty minutes in all kinds of positions, I feel the sensation coming closer. I start moaning loudly in her ear, and collapse onto her as I am having a full-body orgasm that makes me shiver for half a minute.


Later, while we are cuddling, she asks me:


Her: "So I was wondering, when I tried to throw you out of the bar…"

Me: "Yeah?"

Her: "You said you were there with a beautiful lady…"

Me: "Yeah, it's my friend's girl"

Her: "Oh… I was wondering if you were there for her but kissed me afterwards!"

Me: "She's your coworker!"

Her: "Yeah, and she thinks of me as a friend…so I thought I'd check. But I didn't want to ask you through text"

Me: "So you thought you'd wait until after we fuck."

Her: "Yeah, I didn't want to ruin that moment."


Women.


________________



Not a lot of points to add here. Hope you can see how I talk to them. I say loads of random shit with relatively high energy. Banter.


Leave a comment if you enjoyed!


Peace

 

[0---]

LR: "Like a sex god"



tl;dr:
- my buddy opens two girls at an EDM party but gets nowhere
- I start making out with both of them but blow the threesome opportunity by pushing too hard
- have very hot sex with the hotter one instead

…but there's a bit more to this story than that. It's a bit of a concluding point for a period of my life. Keep reading.

_____________

It's my last weekend in the city where I've spent the last half year of my life. I'm at a rooftop party with all my friends dancing to beautiful electronic music. The sun is slowly going down and the vibes are peaceful and happy. I've taken off my shirt and am enjoying the time with my friends, not wasting a thought on getting girls.

While I'm on my way to the bar to grab a beer, I see my buddy sitting on a couch talking to two blonde girls. He's way too fucked up, and he's leaning into them with a real creepy grin. I am sure he is throwing the weirdest lines at them just trying to freak them out, as he does. One of the girls is making such a weirded out face that I crack up. I try to sneak up to them to take a picture, but they notice me. He waves me over and introduces me, so I sit down on the other side of them. There is one really sexy girl with a perfect hot little body, and one that is a bit chubbier but with a cute face. I talk to the hot one, just doing the friendly "where you from what you do", being nice and smiling. It's my buddy's girls after all, so I'm holding back. Still, she's giving me smiles and a very interested vibe in general.

My buddy gets up after a short while and convinces them to go dancing with him. They look at each other with doubtful eyes, but to my surprise decide to follow him on the dancefloor. I let them go off pretending to read something on my phone so he can work on them alone, because I've noticed that they are more into me than into him. I join everybody on the dancefloor, but dance with my friends rather than the girls. There are about twenty people I know, so I am constantly high-fiving, vibing and hugging with people anyway. My buddy is trying to work on the chicks, but it is clear that they are not into him. He's simply too fucked up. It's a pity, the man's got game and exceptional charm, but he likes getting fucked up more than getting the girls. Oh well.

At one point, I am dancing close to them and they both turn their attention onto me like I'm a homing beacon. They both start to touch my body, running their hands over my chest and abs. I tell them that they are treating me like a piece of meat, and they tell me that's right. It's obviously very, very on. Somebody takes a picture of the three of us arm in arm, and as we're getting out of the pose, I lean into the sexy one and whisper into her ear that she smells good. Then I smile and start dancing with somebody else and lose them out of focus. When I see the sexy one again a few minutes later, she is without her chubby friend. I grab her and pull her towards me.

Me: "Hey, did your friend leave you alone?"

Her: "Yeah…"

Me: "Don't you think it is dangerous to leave you alone here with us?"

She smiles and it is blatantly obvious that I should stop spilling flirty lines, so I kiss her. She has sexy lips and is a good kisser. As I pull away, she says:

Her: "Such great lips!"

We dance some more, kiss some more, and the other girl joins us again. For the next quarter hour or so, I alternate between dancing with them and my friends and kissing her. I find out that they are on a vacation and have a hotel room in this hotel. Perfect logistics. After one kiss, I whisper in her ear:

Me: "If you keep kissing me like this, I'll have to take you to your room"


She just smiles coyly. The deal is sealed. The only issue is her friend who's staying in the room too, and as the party is heading towards its end, she tells me we have to find a man for her too. Naughty as I am, my immediate reaction to that is this:

Me: "Hmmm, well… do you girls share your men?"

She lights up and then motions for me to kiss the other one. I pull her in, but she's slightly hesitant, looking at my girl for approval. After a little back and forth, I kiss her. From there on, I am dancing with both of them in my arms and making out with them, alternating. Obviously, I am getting all sorts of looks and thumbs up from people around us and our friends. I stay very chilled and smily and keep the vibe going. Then I blow it.

Me: "Have you girls ever tried a three-way kiss?"

Them: "No"

Me: "Want to try it out?"

They look at each other with very doubtful eyes, and then deny. I tell them that's okay, and go back to the former modus operandum. But as I am kissing the chubby one, she stops me and tells me to go kiss the other chick. I oblige and chubby slowly removes herself from my immediate vicinity. We start walking towards the exit, and the girls open a group of German guys. I stay in the conversation politely for some minutes and then pull the sexy one away and walk her to the elevator. We take the elevator to her floor and walk towards her room. I wall-slam her and make out a bit more, then we go to the room.

Inside, we are on the bed and naked quite quickly. I am just starting to finger her when her friend opens the door. A funny awkward situation ensues as she comes in to get something and we're both naked. She's with a bunch of people, so I drop the idea of involving her. When she's gone, I immediately go back to where we were. I put my middle finger inside of this sexy scandinavian beauty.

Her: "Oh my god, you are so good!"

She is ridiculously wet, and moaning in my ear. My only problem is that my cock is not yet reacting despite her stroking it furiously. Not surprising, given the coctail of poisons I've put in my body throughout the last few days and hours. I tell her it's the booze and just keep going. I add the ringfinger to practice the spiderman technique that I have recently managed to make work for the first time. She is going crazy, and a few minutes later I feel a stream of hot liquid over my hand. Now that is doing it for me. I'm hard.


Her: "I want you inside me!"


I put on a condom and start fucking her. The sex is great and she is going crazy. I throw her in every position I like, but I can't get myself to cum. After half an hour or so, I pull out because I am sweating all over and out of breath. She starts cuddling up to me and we have a really sweet intimate vibe. Her English is kinda broken in a cute kind of way. I ask her a few questions about herself, and find out that she had not been comfortable with the threesome idea, but her friend had already been in a threesome. I also tell her that me not cumming was due to the booze and not her fault. I am being really nice and reassuring.

Me: "You know you have a really sexy body"
Her: "You too…. you're like a sex god!"

I thank her and start playing with her again. I make her squirt another time, more intensely, and then fuck her a second time still without cumming. Then I tell her I have to leave because I am leaving the city. She accepts, but as I am walking out the door tries to pull me back in. She looks like she's in a trance. She's absolutely blown away.

In the cab on the way home, I am thinking about the first report I wrote when I came to this city. I had felt like a small fish in a big pond. Six months later, I am living the life of my dreams. Just a few days ago, I've made out with a chick in the middle of a restaurant with all her friends sitting at her table watching (that one only didn't pan out because of logistics). One of my chicks took me to a burlesque show in a cabaret, to a fancy dinner and then to a hotel to fuck the shit out of me, and paid for it all just to say goodbye to me properly. Girls and guys come up to me to tell me they're impressed with how much I pull. One of my natural friends just told me he thinks he'll never get to my level. My sexual confidence has skyrocketed and it's all so deeply rooted that I feel like it vibrates from me from a very calm place. In short, it feels like it's finally clicked and I don't need to "do" anything. I've "made it".

I arrive at my friend's place for the last party, where I am received with a standing ovation. It's the most decadent party ever, but I'll spare you the details because I don't want to endorse our behaviour. In the early morning, my two best buddies bring me to the airport dressed up in suits and looking like drugged up pimps. It's a wild, crazy and worthy goodbye.

I am going to miss this place.

________________


Some points:

- part of this pull was due to my body. I've worked out a lot, and am in great shape. When I saw myself in other's people's sunglasses, I couldn't help but think "God I am sexy". These girls were all over me immediately because they liked my body. I can't blame them.

- I think I should have escalated more smoothly to get the threesome. I pushed too hard for a threeway kiss in public because I had one of those a few months ago and found it funny. That was miscalibrated. Instead I should have isolated them together and carefully escalated whilst keeping them both comfortable.


That's it. Hope you liked it, leave a comment if you found this interesting or inspiring, or if you didn't!

________________

I've just come home from a week full of sex with the hottest girl I've ever been with. It's the last few days in this city before I move on to new adventures. One of my chicks says she wants to kidnap me for one last night. I give her an evening that suits me. She lives outside of the city, and I sleep on a friend's couch, so I am wondering what logistics she will come up with. She gives me no indications of her plans and instead just picks me up and drives me to a cabaret. The burlesque show is artsy and sexy and spiked with glimpses of really nice titties. She asks me which one of the performers I would most like to fuck and I have a hard time deciding. She then drives me to a nice Thai restaurant and from there to a very chic hotel in the centre of town. She pays for everything. At the hotel, she throws half a can of beer over my naked body, blindfolds me and whispers:

Her: "And now I will rape you!"

We have some really wild and hot sex throughout the night and in the morning. We fuck on the balcony and in the shower. Then she pays for my breakfast and we say our goodbyes. I join my friends who are chilling on the beach, and we start drinking to launch the celebration of my last few days in town. These guys are legends. Every conversation is loaded with brilliant puns and highly offensive jokes.

 

[mist]

on reread number idek

this shit still fire

 

[0---]

Ahahaha thanks my man.


That gives me motivation to maybe post the rest lol

 

[Skills]

Ahahaha thanks my man.


That gives me motivation to maybe post the rest lol

0 guys in private keep asking me about your ltr (like i know just lol) you should write a post on ltr eventually..... You been going strong for almost 10 years with the one you have...

 

[0---]

0 guys in private keep asking me about your ltr (like i know just lol) you should write a post on ltr eventually..... You been going strong for almost 10 years with the one you have...

Hey Skills.

I will find some time over the next week's to upload the rest of my posts first.

Then I will write a little update on my LTR.

But I'm a nutshell, it is still going strong! The angel is full of joy and happiness at my being by her side.

I would say a combination of conventional wisdom (openness about feelings, vulnerability, sacrifices made for the relationship, working on the relationship, good communication) and some of the stuff preached around here (willingness to stand up for myself, good sexing) contribute to that, in what I would say a roughly 70/30 ratio.

Hope that helps.

 

[0---]

OK, so first, to add some structure. What I have posted so far have been chapters 1 & 2, but it doesn't let me edit the first post, so I'm adding the table of contents for Chapters 2-4 here, in the middle of this thread. It messes with my OCD, but we'll be alright.

Chapter 2 - Fish in the Sea (Becoming)
In this chapter, we will get to see our hero move to a big city and evolve into a seduction machine.

• AR: I’m a small fish in a big pond now
• LR: Fucking in the middle of the street
• LR: Fucking on a Boat
• LR: "Do you want to fuck the two of us?" - Devil's Threesome
• LR: Last Call in small mediterranian town - SNL
• LR: How to Seduce an Angel
• LR: I really wanted to fuck that night
• LR: Does this count as a hired gun? (Note: more details on my verbal game)
• LR: "Like a sex god"

Chapter 3 - International Man of Mystery (Working Title)
In this chapter, our hero moves across to another continent and just enjoys living the good life, racking up lays.

Chapter 4 - Backpacking Adventures
In this chapter, our hero embarks on a multi-continent backpacking trip and engages in some outrageous bacchanal activities.

I hope it'll let me update this later so I can add the chapters 3 and 4 after posting.

 

[0---]

LR: Pull me closer, Tiny Dancer

I know. I said I'd stop posting lay reports for some time. But it's hard for me to really lock myself in, and even harder to say no to hot pussy if it's presented on a silver platter to me. I'll explain.


tl;dr:
- run into old acquaintance, sexy little salsa dancer, in my hometown
- she's all over me and pays me drinks - so I take her number
- she invites me to see a movie in an open air cinema in her city - I comply
- we move to her place to drink wine after movie
- I drag out the buildup to the kiss for hours with random stuff
- After making her verbally complain, I finally kiss her and escalate to sex within 1 minute


DISCLAIMER: If you're a new guy reading this, be very cautious about taking lessons from this report. I ignored some basic principles and experimented a lot with this one. I'll explain.


NOTE: do you think I should stop these tl;dr things because they give away the story?


_____________


*Cue "Bruce Springsteen - My Hometown" playing in the background*


This is my hometown. This is the tiny town where I've grown up without getting laid a lot. This is the place I had to escape to become the man I need to be. This is my own town. I am back for a few weeks, and now I'm a big fish in a very small pond. I want to stay home and focus because I have to sort out some things with intense time pressure, but I've run into an old natural friend of mine tonight, and we make each other crack up so much in so little time that there is no other option than continuing this conversation over a glass of beer. We're sitting outside our old regular bar on main square, sharing crazy stories from the last years. Good times.


Suddenly, I recognize the hot chick who's walking past our table. I call her over. She's this half-japanese-half-european semi-professional salsa dancer I used to flirt with when I learned some salsa about four years ago and practiced it in the local salsa club. I was just starting to get to an acceptable level with women and she went for the really good salsa dancers in the scene, so nothing ever came off it. But she's obviously still into me. Her eyes are shining as we spill our flurry of jokes and wordplays all over her, so I invite her to sit with us.


As she puts her bag on the chair and hovers away to get us a new round of beers, I study her. She's cut her hair really short into one of those fashionable semi-lesbian hipster chick cuts, and I am not sure how I feel about that. It fits her pretty face much better than most women, but it also reminds me of the time one of my fuckbuddies came back from a self-finding trip through south-east asia with a short haircut and I felt like I was fucking a 14-year old boy because she's so skinny. It didn't help that she also wanted me to fuck her ass for the first time that night. But as the little dancer comes back with the beers, I squish that thought because her big, round boobs and the perfect curvy ass she's swinging in such perfect motion leave no doubts. She's combining these two shining assets with one of those petite bodies that are perfect to throw around in bed and in my book come second only to the long-legged sporty type. Yup, I'm horny. I want her.

*Cue some sexy salsa music playing in the background*

We have a big round of laughs and giggles because me and my old buddy bounce lines off each other and stimulate each other to rhethorical new heights. She's loving it and cracking up non-stop. I tease her here and there about some silly things. While I'm doing this, I remember my recent conversation with Aima and I notice that I am "qualifying" her a lot. Seems that's something I do. It also seems that it's working, if there is any work needed with this chick. She's touching me and commenting on my body. I reciprocate by touching her belly when she makes some self-depreciating remark about it. Without complimenting her, I tell her she needn't worry because many men like a little bit of baby fat on a woman's stomach. In fact, her belly is in almost perfect shape. I definitely want her.

As the night goes on, it becomes clear that she just ditched some other people to join us, so it is obviously on. However, I am staying on my mom's couch and have no logistics at all, and she lives in another city close by. As she's leaving to take her last bus home, I half-heartedly tell her to stay and swing around the blocks with us. She declines but tells me she's always down for a beer, so I take her number and send her on her way. Her beaming smile is telling a story that I like.


I text her the next day and ask her what she's up to the day after. Her texts are long and full of smileys. She says she's got time but wants to go watch a movie in an open-air cinema event that's happening on some rooftop terrace. She asks me if I want to join, and explains that we would have to meet up at 7pm to get the tickets, while the movie would only start at 9.30 and we could spend that time drinking. She also mentions the possibility to meet up after the movie. Meet up post-11pm in a city where she knows I have no alternative possibility to crash? We are definitely scheduling a healthy little fuck session here, no doubts about that. I'm starting to think about the title for the lay report.


Now every reasonable player would have obviously declined on the movie date and gone for the fast lane. I, however, am not exactly the "reasonable" type, and my instincts are screaming "I wanna play". I've also just had an insightful conversation with cosy, and this particular quote is ringing in the back of my head:

Originally posted by thecostofsuccess
Maybe after looking at myself I realise I didn't need that girl, and if I picked a girl I should have gone for a classier one and gave her a date first for her ego, and so we could chill by the pool etc.

I find that MORE gets you queezy, but, fulfilling, sometimes means just making it better in the build up, or even learning to have higher standards by turning down conversions and giving those girls an experience but maybe not sex, until it suits you (and only if she survives that ride).

*Cue "Black Label Society - She deserves a free ride" playing in the background*

I wanna give her a ride. So of course I am going for the "spend time with this chick and do a lame movie date" option. It sounds like the bigger challenge, and I haven't been to the movies in ages anyway. We meet up, get the tickets and she tells me she lives alone and right around the corner, so we bounce to her place. We drink some really good beers - turns out she's a bit of a conoisseur, a feature I like - and joke around. I'm in dancing monkey mode and joke a lot and mess with her head. She's cracking up non-stop. She (!) shifts the topic onto sex and suddenly we are exchanging funny sex stories. I tell her about the time I slapped my own balls instead of the chick's ass and she tells me about the esoteric guy who told her the morning after that her bedroom was filled with children souls. I tell her about the time I've almost cum in my buddy's face during an MFM threesome. She is loving this. We move onto bi-sexual experiences and I tell her I've french-kissed quite a handful of guys but I'm really not attracted to men. We discuss the topic in depth. I'm wondering if I'm going too far, but she's fascinated by my openness. I'm touching her lightly here and there, but not much. We shift the topic to some more general topics of life, and at some point she mentions having changed her life recently and how she's done with "serious" guy stories. Interesting.


She excuses herself to get ready, and shows up in a semi-transparent black blouse that leaves one shoulder free and a short tight skirt that makes me wanna fuck the shit out of her. She's stunning. We head to the movies, and I leave my stuff at her place. We are so going to fuck. It's a great movie but wayy too serious for our mood. I crack a few jokes in her ear and put my arm around her (awesome! Movie dates are SO awkward hahaha!) and touch her in other ways a few times, but by the time the movie's plot has picked up some tension, we both get lost in it and focus on the screen.


Afterwards, she's kind of shaken by the movie and I pull her out of that frame with a few silly sexual jokes. Then, I start riffing about how she traumatized me by being way too good of a dancer for me back when we danced salsa together. I spin this into an elaborate storyline and make up all sorts of crap. We can't find a place to get a beer close to the cinema, and she mentions she's got wine at her place. So we head back to her place. Yeah, we're going to fuck.


Now here's the thing. I don't know if it's the very reserved culture of our country or if it's her, but I find this strange: although we are clearly heading for an episode of the good old in-out, she's giving me very few signals that it's on. She doesn't really hold eye contact for long. She touches me much less than I touch her - by now I put my arm around her shoulders, grab her neck playfully and semi-sexually and that sort of thing. She doesn't provoke any physical escalation. I've seen this sort of thing before and it's not a big deal, but the little demon in me decides to tease her until she caves in and gives me a strong green light. That's right fellas, I'm going to make her ask for it. Pull me closer, tiny dancer.

*Cue "Elton John - Tiny Dancer" playing in the background*

So we are sitting on a cosy sofa on her romantic little balcony, surrounded by treetops and holding large glasses of aphrodisiacal red wine, while I have my arm around her shoulders and run my fingers up and down her arm. Or grab the entire back of her head to run my fingers through her short hair as if we're already making love. But I refuse to make a move for the kiss.


The conversation segues back to sex stories, and I tell her about some of my recent lays to make it blatantly obvious that I am a little slut. She tells me about the time some guy fucked her for two hours straight and how it was too much for her. I think she is trying to challenge me, but I am not really taking the bait. I just talk about how it happens somehow that it's hard to cum, sort of defending the guy. Then I move the topic and start riffing about the most random stuff. I gotta give it to the girl. She's a lot of fun, because she plays along with my silly stories really well. After some bullshit story about how she traumatized me, she says:


Her: "You have to stop telling me lies… I believe you every time!"
Me: "So you'll believe me that … I am a fairy tale prince?"
Her: "Really? What's your name?
Me: "Prince Ocelot!" (breaking the frame) "God I don't know where that came from!"
Her: "Ocelot? What the hell? Sounds like Lancelot a bit.."
Me: "Funny, because that's my second name. I'm Prince Ocelot Lancelot."
Her: "Hmmm and what are you doing here?"
Me: "I have to go visit a lot of girls to see whose shoe I found at my party."
Her: "Ooh I was at that party, what kind of shoe was it?"
Me: "Oh it is a flip flop, it would probably not fit you… I've tried so many women, being a Prince is a hard job. You know, with great power come great responsibilities." (translation: I'm a manwhore)
Her: "So if you are a prince, where are your royal clothes?"
Me: "Well the last time I wore them everybody told me I was naked, so I am afraid I cannot show them to you." (translation: you're not going to see me naked hahaha)


Yep, that's the sort of silliness I feed her. This little roleplay goes on forever. We talk about my castle, my carriage and about the mask the mysterious girl wore at my party, and so on. It's a fun roleplay, and I keep cracking up both of us. But it is clearly time to escalate the vibe. I mean, I am obviously going to have to stay at her place, and she hasn't even mentioned the possibility of me leaving. And we've been sitting here for well over two hours. What can I say. I am loving it. I keep moving my face really close to hers and then pulling away again. Then I segue to some other random crap, and go back to the trauma theme. I say something really silly and then say something like "people say I talk a lot.".


Her: "Yeah, you do. It's already 2am!"


Bam. Here it is.

*Cue "Elvis - A little less Conversation" playing in the background*

She's saying this while looking me straight in the eye. What she's really saying is "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE A MOVE MOTHERFUCKER?!!". This is what I have been waiting for.

Me: "Oh, am I talking too much for your taste?"

Without breaking eye-contact, I pull her in with my hand on her neck and kiss her. She reciprocrates frenetically. Without breaking the kiss, I mumble:


Me: "Am I?"


Still without breaking the kiss, she answers:


Her: "Sometimes you have to stop and…"
Me: "Sometimes you have to see how long you can drag something out"


I chuckle and move the kiss into passionate horny make-out mode. She starts breathing heavily, and I can actually smell that she is wet like an ocean. I move my hand up her skirt and move her panties away. She's moaning. I put my fingers into her and start fingering her. She whispers in my ear:


Her: "Can we take this to the bedroom?"


I get up, take her hand and lead her to the bedroom. The poor thing has just spent hours desperately craving my cock.


She's earned this.




_______________________


Aight, take-aways:
- don't do this at home if you're a beginner. I've had fun with this, but it would probably fuck somebody's game up. I've taken the "let's give the seduction some more time to let it breathe" idea to a ridiculous extreme here.
- in terms of seduction, all that really mattered was the qualification bits at the beginning and going straight for the number and meet after I had rock solid attraction (no comfort needed because we were prior acquaintances with overlapping social circles). The deal was sealed tightly when she offered a late-night meet. The rest is shits and giggles.
- The sex wasn't perfect, she was more dominant than I expected and some of her moves are weird for me to deal with - kinda like her dancing was always difficult for me to handle. Nevertheless, she made me breakfast and suggested I hit her up if I'm in her city again. She's got an amazing body, so I'll probably call her on that. Seels like I have a fuckbuddy for my time here. Life is sweet.
- I felt kind of bad about making her wait so long, so I asked her teasingly if I had made her wait too long for my move.


Her: "No. It was perfect!"


(Flood me with comments and questions bitches!)

 

[0---]

LR: Just Some Drunk Hookup​

There really isn't much to this story, other than two drunk people hooking up and me being one of them.

I've decided to go out by myself because people here are being slow to answer my texts. Might actually be that fucking the girl from my last report did annihilate some people. What do I know. There's some sort of exchange student party going on that is advertised hugely on facebook and I figure I'll just join that and meet some people. So I show up at the pre-drinks location in a park and there's nobody. Great. I say hi to some people who are here for the same thing and start sharing my booze. I start making friends.

Two hours later, the place is buzzing with activity, I've met loads of people, my booze is gone and people are giving me all sorts of drinks. I'm getting hammered. The entire crowd is moving to a club. I follow, talking to some chick who is clearly into me but who's got too big of an ass for me to be interested. At the "club", I realize it's actually an outdoor concert of some trance DJs. Could be cool, but it's trance and it sounds like the music we already didn't take seriously when I was a teenager. Also, I've somehow lost all my new friends. So I'm all by myself in a place full of people who are enthusiastic about music I don't really care about. I eject.

I text one of my friends who tells me he's still at home hanging with his buddies and I should join. I grab a cab and do so. We have some more booze (notice something? I drank a lot that night) and head out to a club. There's a huge line but my buddy gets us in for free. I really do know the right people in this city.

Huge fucking place. We're in the VIP area, which is large and slightly elevated but has no sofas or anything. It's really just another part of the club. My friends decide to leave the VIP to get drinks on the common dancefloor of the club, and I excuse myself to do some rounds. By now I'm completely smashed and my gameplan amounts to "let's walk around and see if some chick stops me because I'm that hot". It works. Some chicks in the VIP area stop me to talk to me, and I start dancing with some hot latina. After about ten minutes, she gives me fuck-me eyes but tells me she has a boyfriend and I eject. Local chicks here are notorious for playing hard to get and I'm notorious for not having any patience for that sort of shit.

I go back to my friends, get bored by them because they're just standing around and do a round again. For some reason, girls in the VIP area seem to be more open, so I go back there. Nothing happens. On my way back, suddenly some really hot blonde chick stops me in my way.

Me: "Hey, what's up, what did you want blablabla" (start talking way too much)
Her: "Hey."

And she just gives me this obvious stare. I interrupt myself and kiss her immediately. We're about 10 seconds into meeting each other and we're already making out passionately. How it's supposed to be. I run my hands up and down her body and put her hands on mine. We make out for maybe 5 minutes until she asks me where I live. I tell her and ask the same. She says she just came to the city and doesn't really know. Turns out she's Norwegian. That bothers me a little bit because I've captured that flag three times already. Anyway, I'm too drunk to be picky about nationalities. I take her hint and lead her out of the club. On the way to the door, we run into my friend who just laughs and then into her guy friend who she spends about 5 minutes talking to. I let her do her thing and start flirting with the guy friend's hookup. I tell her we should make the two others jealous, and start dancing with her. Doesn't take long until my chick wants to leave for good.

Outside, it takes us a hell of a lot of time to get a cab, but she tells me something like "don't worry, I'm not going to run away". I don't worry about logistics or LMR anymore, I know this one is in the bag. We finally grab a cab and find the way to my place. We find my tiny bed, get undressed, overcome my drunken erectile dysfunction, and start fucking.

The end.

[2025 editor note: I'm fuzzy on the actual order these appeared on, but this must be one of the first things that happened after I moved to a huge city on another continent]

 

[0---]

[2025 editor voice again: yeeeahh this one was actually before the one above... it'll be fixed on the table of content y'all.]

LR: I'm a weak, weak man

I really tried not to fuck this chick. But it's so hard to say no to pussy.


Alright, so I'm taking a break from my backpacking trip for a few weeks because I got a temporary job in a latin american metropolis. Discovering the vices of such a place is a good enough motivation for me to hang the backpack on a nail for some time, and I'm quite stoked about it.


It's my first night out. I'm sitting in a cool alternative bar where I'm supposed to meet a friend's friend who'll be one of my key people to build up a social circle here quickly. Dumb as I am, I never took the time to actually look up his face, and since I have no internet on my phone I'm lost here alone. I order a beer, and as I turn around I'm looking into the face of an old travelling buddy from years ago. We both go "WHAT", hug and share a beer. Crazy shit, I travel halfway around the globe and I can't walk into a bar without knowing somebody. I'm fucking flabbergasted. Anyway, after I take his details to meet up later I manage to get wifi access. This involves flirting with a sexy Ecuatorian chick at the bar but that doesn't matter to the story (it hopefully will to some other story soon, though).


I find my friend's friend, and he introduces me to his group. I vibe with them, tell them the story of what just happened. Then he introduces me to a girl friend who upon hearing where I'm from immediately goes "What? What do we have here that you guys don't have back home?" I find that a weird question, sort of eye her up and down and then say "The nightlife, for example".


A bit later, we bounce to another bar, where I realize just how lucky I am to know my friend's friend: the guy knows everybody. He runs around greeting and hugging everybody. It also turns out he knows people from my job plus another friend's friend I am supposed to get in touch with. Let's call him the networker.


At the bar, not much more happens, apart from the bisexual guy who hits on me hard after I sort of cluelessly invite him to sit with me. We get into a conversation on the topic of sex, which I - obviously - jump onto enthusiastically. It's only when he's touching me loads and mentions how many cocks he's sucked that I realize what's happening. What can I say, I'm a bit clueless sometimes, and these things don't really bother me. The chick "saves" me by grabbing my arm and asking me if I want to get another beer with her. I let her do that and it serves as a source of laughter and a bit of bonding between us ("what would I do without you?"). It's a friendly vibe, and I have no seduction in mind as I just want to build a social circle here.


I don't think much of it, but as I get home at a ridiculously late hour for a workday, she pings me on facebook telling me she can't sleep. Now if that isn't an obvious sign. I can't resist the urge to play a little.


Me: "I can't sleep either. What do you do in this city if you can't sleep?"
Her: "I don't know, go out and pick up girls?"
Me: "Hmmm, and where do you think I can find a girl at this hour?"
Her: "I don't know, are there no bars close to your place?"


I kinda want to know if she would outright invite me or in any other way verbalize her interest. She plays it graciously though. We chat on facebook a bit the next two days, and I'm kind of aloof but can't suppress the reflex to tease her when she provides me with the opportunity. I'm trying to tell myself she's just being friendly to the new guy in the group. I have a history of starting messy affairs when I arrive in new social circles and I'm trying to avoid that this time. Just once, I want to get into a social circle, get to know everybody, and then pick my chicks.


Anyway, there's an EDM party everybody's going to, and she urges me to go with her because she doesn't know many people there either. Turns out she's kinda new to the social circle as well. So I agree, and she invites me to pre-drinks at her place. It's getting a bit hard to pretend she's just being friendly, but I accept. I show up at her place, and it's a really nice appartment. The girl's a climber, working her ass off in one of the big corporate names and with ambitions for big things. She's also got a really sexy body going, I can't help but notice. One of those petite ones I just love to throw around in bed. We drink two drinks at her place, and the conversation is normal and not sexually charged or anything. We're sitting on opposite sides of her kitchen table. She gives me medicine for my stomach pain (new countries do that to me). It's okay, we're just friends.


On the way to the pre-gaming location, she asks me if I'll be fine given my pain. I say it'll be cool once there's people and music. She pretends to be insulted that her company isn't enough. I can't let that one slip. I put my arm around her, act like I'm really sorry I just insinuated that, then interrupt myself mid-sentence and tell her I'm not buying it. I tease her a little bit for her fake drama. She laughs. I take my arm away. Just friends, right?


The we bounce to the actual pre-gaming location, where the networker waits for us. Turns out it's the appartment of another friend's friend I was supposed to get in touch with. We're all a bit amazed that I already know more than one person. I'm also impressed that it's full of hot chicks. I'm starting to realize that the awesome people I made friends with over the last years put me in touch with the right kind of people. Good shit. Not even a week in town and I'm already hanging with the cool kids. Nice. I buzz around, get to know some people, flirt with some ladies - but keep it subdued because I don't know who's who's. At some point, the networker signals me a "no" when I'm talking to the petite chick. Aight that's it, just friends.


We take a cab to the party and squeeze in way too many people. She's sitting next to me and holds on to my leg, but she excuses herself and says she needs to hold onto something because of the curvy road. No problem. We get to the party and it's great. Loads of beautiful people, great music, intimate location. Nice, my new friends have taste. The networker knows absolutely everybody, hugs all the chicks and talks to everybody and their dog. Unfortunately, my stomach pains are knocking a few dents into my social mood, so I kinda log off the "getting to know people" mode and switch to drinking and dancing. My petite friend kinda tails me. I'm trying to ignore the signs, like her caressing my stomach and asking if it's okay. Or her talking to the drunk American chick who flirts with me and after the intervention suddenly moves back to the guy she's been talking to before. I make an effort to put on a nice guy vibe. You know, fake being the guy they all just wana be friends with. Let her decide where we go and protect her from guys hitting on her like a nice guy friend. Combined with my look of misery, I'm pretty sure I'm as unsexy as I can be.


Meanwhile, my stomach pains are starting to kill me. It's late and I decide to call it a night. She joins me, and we say our goodbyes and leave. On the way to the cab she asks me how I'm doing. I tell her I'm hurting but I'll be fine after a long night of sleep. She goes:


Her: "Well if you want you can sleep at my place."


...damn. She's saying that because she wants to take care of a sick friend, right? Right? I kinda act like I didn't get what she just implied. Mumble something about how I'm not sure I'm feeling well and we'll see. She's kind of insulted and says she won't ask again. It's goddamn bloody awkward. If my life was a movie, this would have been the scene with the scratching noise.


We hail a cab and I'm contemplating the conundrum in my head. I consider texting the networker to ask how he meant the sign he made. I have reason to believe that he meant something else. And I really want to fuck her. But then it's not smart to get into an affair with the first chick in a new social circle. I know that. And it'll probably suck because my entire body is pain.


She puts her hand on my leg again. That's it, I can't say no. I put my arm around her, pull her in so her head leans on my shoulder and caress her hair. Kiss the back of her head lightly. Alright, it's going down. When the cab gets to her place, I get out without a word. We enter her building. In the elevator, I pull her towards me and kiss her. She tastes like smoke, but kisses well. In her appartment, I push her against the wall and make out more passionately. Then we move it to the bed. She tells me she can wait for it if I'm not feeling well. I mumble something and kiss her. Within no time, I am playing with her clit. She's going ecstatic.


Her: "is that how you do it in your country?"
Me: "I'm only getting started."


Yeah, I say things like that when I'm getting frisky. I start fingering her with my middle and ring finger. What a tight, tiny pussy. She squirts after about two minutes (that's three out of four chicks since I've learnt this technique. Seriously, go teach yourself the spiderman!) and asks me what the fuck I'm doing to make her so wet. God I love when I get a new girl into this state of arousal and confusion. I love reading "how can it possibly be this good?" on her face. It's a fucking turn-on.


I'm rock hard now. I pull out a condom. Oh well. I tried.