Theory of resistance and solutions - A first draft

Klimax

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First, I want to thank @Bacchus who has inspired me, encouraged me to make this post and has provided useful feedback.

The purpose of this draft is to help to develop a theory that tries to identify and overcome resistance in its whole. It is intended to be practical while removing difficulties during the learning process, and could be very useful for seduction. Note that the following theory is based on reads and observations and is not set in stone.

Context

This is a development of a larger idea about human behavior. This idea states that in order to have compliance towards a certain action two factors must be adjusted : motivation and resistance.To achieve high levels of compliance one must have high motivation and low resistance.

Let me give you an example :

A robot is programmed to do a certain task. Once the order is sent, the robot activates its motors and starts the task. One reason the robot couldn’t achieve the task is lack of energy to make those motors work that would be the analogue of lack of motivation -. Another reason could be that the robot hasn’t been used since long and now is rusty and it can’t move, wasting energy – that would be the analogue of being resistant-.

As one could expect, the solutions of those issues differ. Charging the batteries of the robot will not make it move if it is rusty.

In the same way, if one is highly resistant, no amount of motivation will be enough to start being active. Actually, I believe that motivation can trigger resistance… So that approach isn’t the correct one in such case. Instead, one should aim to reduce the levels of resistance -just enough to be functional, resistance can be exciting or help you in your learning process as I’ll explain later -.
If you are interested in this theory and you would like to know more, ask for it and I will gladly write more about it.

The theory

So now, when does resistance happen ?
Well, I believe it is when there is a cognitive, emotional or behavioral conflict. I call them, cognitive dissonance, frustration and behavioral incongruency.

Example of behavioral incongruency : learning to do something new or restarting after a long pause will trigger resistance. So when starting out you will tend to under-perform partly due to this effect. If the resistance is too high it may lead to a give up. I think in seduction it is called momentum.

One way of dealing with resistance is finding out what triggers the resistance and fixing it. However, it is very specific to the action, needs skill in order to find out what really triggers the resistance, and may only be solved by finishing the task -in such case, highly resistant people are unlikely to overcome it this way by their own-. This is the approach of psychotherapies, such as CBT.

Otherwise, I hypothesize that there are innate mechanisms that help us to deal with resistance. Such mechanisms do so by letting us know that there is something wrong, allowing us to attempt to fix what is wrong – this is the way I described in the previous paragraph-. These mechanisms reveal the existence of resistance. When one "experiences" resistance, what one is really experiencing are those mechanisms, those can be instantaneous. Whereas these mechanisms should help us to identify and solve what triggers resistance, if they are too demanded they actually end up increasing the resistance.
Furthermore, there can be a feedback effect with those, increasing resistance indefinitely.
So the aim of this approach is to prevent resistance from happenning by blocking those mechanisms.

I provide the following diagram in order to understand what those mechanisms are and how their relationship with resistance.

In this diagram, the different kinds of resistance are represented by colored circles and the mechanisms I talked about previously are represented by arrows, with their names next to them.
The ones I am unsure about are followed by an interrogation mark, these are related to what the mechanism is but they arent exactly it.
When one is resistant towards something, a sudden activation of one (or both) of the outing responses – the mechanism that leads to another kind of resistance in the diagram- happens.

Example – hypothetical, but it may be easy to find similar cases :

Guy tries to pick up girls but doesn’t get any results. Being frustrated, he rationalizes that girls don’t like him because he is poor. One day he meets a poorer guy, but he gets the results he wished he could get. This creates cognitive dissonance, which leads to anxiety. Not knowing what to do with that amount of anxiety, he starts feeling hopeless, which will make him more frustrated. In order to deal with such frustration he uses closed up body language/shy behavior or he engages again in rationalization, let’s say by telling himself that nobody likes him – which can create an endless feedback-.

Solutions

Now that all this has been explained, lets take a look of some of the solutions I’ve found:

  • Immersion. Immersion will help one to reduce awareness/self-awareness. This can be super helpful while adopting new behaviors. It basically helps you to not be “in your head”, being over-analytical and not focusing on the task. From what I’ve found out there are different mechanisms at work when one is immersed:
    • Tactical immersion: Being challenged a bit by the execution of a task. This requires you more attention to achieve it.
    • Strategic immersion: Being challenged cognitively, ie: you want to solve a mystery.
    • Narrative immersion: Being invested in a history.
    • Trance states: induced by hypnosis, meditation, music, binaural beats, etc.
This can explain why students may find that studying at home is harder than at the library. Because at the library one has a narrative immersion process -one expects oneself to study and see others doing so- and a tactical immersion as one is focused on a challenging task and is not perturbed by distractions. I am trying to figure out more specific ways of achieving immersion.​

  • TRE: Addresses anxiety. This has been explored by @Carousel, here is his thread about it. I am trying to know more exactly how TRE works in order to see if it addresses anything more. It has been field tested by many members of this forum.


  • Contentment: This will help one to avoid feeling regret. This is helpful when one does something new but doesn’t perform as intended. Regret will eventually lead to frustration. So far I’ve found that cardiac coherence can help achieving this, there are techniques about it, I've tested it and I do feel less frustrated and do not feel regretful. I am also doing research about emotional openness to experiences and how to achieve it since it seems directly related to regret, it is also one of the domains of the Big Five personality traits and so it is likely that there is research about it.

  • Stretching and exercising: Reduces stiffness and thus will help to diminish behavioral incongruency. A good program specifically made for seduction is Code Of The Natural (COTN). You can read about it in Carousel's thread I linked above.

  • Other solutions: the are still many mechanisms uncovered!
If you guys know other solutions intended to block the resistance process or are interested in discussing anything related to this, you are welcome to do so.
Thanks for reading,
Klimax
 
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Bacchus

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Like I mentioned via private message, your initiative with this post is engaging. Here are a few extra notes on getting past personal resistance.

Behavioral incongruence can be more or less addressed and fixed with COTN stretches. Since these exercises will propel one towards better and more dominant body language. I have also been field testing TRE for about 4 consecutive years. . . so I can personally attest to its anxiety dissolving effects.

Something else worth noting is IME the contentment achieved, by a seducer is proportional to the quality. . . of his immersion.

This can be explained somewhat with stages of approach abilities. Take for example you have a guy who sees a girl from afar. . . and his internal jaw hits the floor. This girl is so ravishingly beautiful and perfect and. . . blah blah blah. . . he does not approach her. Instead he works himself up towards into a state of massive approach anxiety. As he hems and haws in those moments he is immersed. . . but the quality of his immersion is terrible.

Its no stretch to add that his levels of contentment, will also be very low from those types of experiences.

Other forms of low quality immersion include. . . running game methods that rely mostly on luck. Even with decent momentum or fairly good state. Trying to use gambits made up of techs that you have not internalized yet. And pouring lots of focus. . . into displaying your personality to impress or attract a new woman. What I have noticed is with some of these. . . is it may take a while for the contentment levels to drop. The ignorance is blissful while it lasts.

For some, it can take a few years or more, before its noticeable enough. Similarly, it might take a long while, before some men realize. . . or admit to themselves. . . that they are not content with just getting worked up. . . because of the sight of pretty girls. When they do nothing to get in touch with them. Unfortunately, such realizations are often a prelude to stronger rationalizations. CBT helps with that. . . so does the development of better models.
 

Klimax

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Behavioral incongruence can be more or less addressed and fixed with COTN stretches. Since these exercises will propel one towards better and more dominant body language. I have also been field testing TRE for about 4 consecutive years. . . so I can personally attest to its anxiety dissolving effects.
You're right! COTN stretches reduce the "stiffness mechanism" that leads to behavioral incongruency. I will add them into the OP.

Something else worth noting is IME the contentment achieved, by a seducer is proportional to the quality. . . of his immersion.
Yes, this also makes sense to me, as BI (behavioral incongruency) causes both low levels of immersion and contentment -this is due of the mechanisms that are on the diagram-.
It also makes sense to me that there is a link between immersion/contentment and skill. As one improves, one will usually reduce BI (by being more efficient/effective). Lower BI means lower levels of awareness and regret and higher levels of immersion and contentment.
@Tony D talks about this phenomena in his article about flow state.
It is probably a good idea to do both approaches to reduce resistance at the same time or merge them into a more global approach.

This can be explained somewhat with stages of approach abilities. Take for example you have a guy who sees a girl from afar. . . and his internal jaw hits the floor. This girl is so ravishingly beautiful and perfect and. . . blah blah blah. . . he does not approach her. Instead he works himself up towards into a state of massive approach anxiety. As he hems and haws in those moments he is immersed. . . but the quality of his immersion is terrible.
Sadly, I have trouble understanding your point by this example. When I think about resistance I am thinking about resistance towards a specific action. In the same way, I think about immersion as something that is specific to a specific action. I can not tell which action you are talking about here, or what you mean by "quality of immersion" :/

Btw, nice, useful links!

Klimax
 

Klimax

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@hotsauce,

Thanks!

You have to know that there is a difference between motivation and resistance. I suggest reading the first part of the OP.
You are talking about motivation, which is not the topic of this thread.

However, visualization is also an immersive technique as it reinforces a certain narrative. Building habits will reduce BI (behavioral incongruency).
 
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Gren Maju

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Thanks a lot @Klimax for the efforts you've put into this post, the four solutions presented to reduce resistance are great and worth learning.
 

Bacchus

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Sadly, I have trouble understanding your point by this example. When I think about resistance I am thinking about resistance towards a specific action. In the same way, I think about immersion as something that is specific to a specific action. I can not tell which action you are talking about here, or what you mean by "quality of immersion" :/

Btw, nice, useful links!
Glad you found the links helpful.

By immersion I mean the literal definition. . . of deep mental involvement in something. So the quality refers to what kind of involvement this is and where that focus is directed. In the example you quoted the action was. . . approaching a hot chick. Being overwhelmed by anxiety, other negative emotions, or any of the other low quality examples I mentioned typically involve resistance. But they can also provide. . . very immersive experiences at the same time.
 

Klimax

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By immersion I mean the literal definition. . . of deep mental involvement in something. So the quality refers to what kind of involvement this is and where that focus is directed. In the example you quoted the action was. . . approaching a hot chick. Being overwhelmed by anxiety, other negative emotions, or any of the other low quality examples I mentioned typically involve resistance. But they can also provide. . . very immersive experiences at the same time
Now I get it, and it is a very interesting point. Do you think there is a way to somehow use that low quality immersion by changing it focus?
It also makes me wonder if anxiety is kind-off an immersive experience or is related to somehow... and whether or not awareness does counter it...
 

Klimax

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I've tested more the cardiac coherence technique, during a few weeks.
The way I achive it is by taking a few deep breathes. Then I focus on my heart, trying to "breath through my heart". A sensation of warmth starts increasing on that zone as I continue to focus on breathing through my heart. Then I focus on expanding that warmness all over my body.
The result is a feeling of light euphoria/gratefulness, it is very pleasent.
After a few days doing it 5times each (it doesnt take long), I started feeling that my mind was less foggy and I felt less "heavy".
I also think it helps to have more postive genuine interactions with ppl, and on the contrary having those will help to achieve such effect.

I also found that there is a link between Contentment and creativity and curiosity. I'll find a way to make use of that.

About immersion: I'd say that there are different stages. First stage -before acting: Being curious about what does doing that action feel like, entering trance states(hypnosis etc), building momentum, and seeing others doing it.
Second stage -while acting: tactical immersion: getting focused on the action.
Third stage -regular action: strategic immersion: getting intellectually engaged in it, having a good mental-model, this should be the stage where you start actively creating a habit.
Fourth stage -long-term action: narritve immersion: having a strong narrative that will keep you doing that action.

I think that one should focus on the current stage one is at, and only then focusing on the next. Focusing on advanced stages while not having overcome the previous seems to not provide any effect. It seems impossible to have any high level immersion without action.

I've had thoughts about rationalization that will help finding a way to stop it. First, rationlization is a justification of frustration. It is a construction of thoughts and ideas, in order to appear as an explanation of why one is frustrated. This means that the person who engages in a rationalization mechanism, does so first by admitting that his frustration is something outside of him and then constructs a pseudo-explanation to make it more easy to believe. This means that at its core, rationalization is some kind of projection.
 
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