- Joined
- Jun 8, 2025
- Messages
- 2
Greetings fellow self-improving men!
I have been reading Girls Chase for over three years now, and the hundreds of articles have given me the confidence to make an important step in my life: to initiate a divorce after 7 years of marriage.
At this major turning point in my life, I would deeply value your perspective.
Short Version:
tl;dr: My wife and I love each other deeply; we were each other's first and only partners. But we are deeply incompatible with each other. She wants a home, I want adventure. She wants safety, I want freedom. Our levels of passion, eroticism, and sex-drive are also incompatible (way higher in my case). She wants me to spend my life as a devoted husband and father. I want my life to be dedicated to gathering varied life experience, beautiful memories, and building a creative, spiritual legacy as a writer, coach, adventurer, lover, philosopher, entrepreneur, and philanthropist. I grieve the loss of my family, of the memories we built in 7 amazing years, of the potential we have to build a family business as fellow artists, of the potential to leave an example and education for our 7-months-old son, of her love, support, and positive energy. But I would likely grieve the loss of my dream life, creative inspiration, and potential for achievement even more. She says she wouldn't even ask for child support; if so, I am fully free to rebuild my life. To find another, more compatible woman to build a life of travel and creation and legacy with, to eventually start a new family with. And in the meanwhile, to experience, for the first time, the world of women and seduction.
My questions for you:
Would you recommend breaking up now, to spare more pain and give each other time to rebuild, and also, to not emotionally harm the child (who likely has little attachment to me yet at this point)? Or waiting to try and mend it somehow (although I don't think it can happen at this point, especially not with our sex drive mismatch)?
Post-divorce, how to separate in such a way as to minimize both our hurt? Would you recommend still being present in her and our child's life from afar (via letters, calls, story-telling, collaborating on stories and retreats, etc.), or just giving her space to rebuild and find someone else?
How to heal faster after this loss - by dating? If so, how do I start dating? What resources at Girls Chase or elsewhere would you recommend I check out to start dating new women and becoming a great lover? I am totally inexperienced with dating, but can spend 2 to 4 hours each day doing it.
It feels like the women out there are so selfish, shallow, and unremarkable these days, but it is likely my inexperience and insecurity bias my interpretation. What is your experience with this? Are there many great, loving women waiting to be discovered out there? Or is it indeed as rare and difficult as it seems to be to find one?
Is it harder to find a partner as a divorced man with a child, even if I only see him once a year? How do women react to knowing the man was divorced - how much is it negative (he likely won't commit to me either) or positive (he's preselected and desirable)?
How feasible is it to find a spiritually aligned, sexually compatible partner while traveling? I have this apparent mismatch of a great sex drive and also a deep spiritual calling - are there women like this out there also, or am I chasing a chimera?
How long do you think it would take me to find a great quality woman to rebuild my life with? How long would it take me to self-improve into a man who can attract his dream woman? How long did it take you - and what amount of time did you dedicate to it? My only advantage is that I am a naturally handsome man (at least 9/10 in terms of looks).
How difficult is it to find a long-term partner on the road? I will be traveling constantly for a long time, but spending a month or two in many places - do you think this makes it significantly harder to find a wife-material woman (little time to build social circle or bond)? Or does it make it even easier (more exposure to varied women, more willingness to date as lovers)?
Finally, do you have any advice on the logistics of sleeping with women while traveling for cheap, like in a car or via hostels? I have a car whose seats can be put down to install a bed, I'm thinking of using it to travel around Europe while building my business to finance further travels. But how do I pull girls to my car without them feeling unsafe joining me in it? Or if I use cheap hostels, where would I pull women to if it's even possible?
I'm willing to invest serious time (and, eventually, resources) into this.
Thank you for any insight you may offer. I wish you great adventures on your own journey in life and love!
Long version:
This is a long story.
I post it here mostly because I want to share my experience with you even as I process it. Perhaps some would find some bits of it valuable, to know what life is like at the crossroads of choosing to walk away from a loving woman, a 7-years-old marriage, and a child to pursue a life of adventure of seduction, and of a search for a more compatible, the tradeoffs and emotions.
For me, having a community I trust enough to share this with is so very valuable. So I thank you for providing that.
About my wife and I:
My wife and I have built a respectful, cooperative, loving relationship. She’s a talented, gentle, emotionally intelligent artist - kind, stable, and a good life companion. We recently became parents, and she is fully invested in nurturing our child and continuing her art career, which is deeply tied to her physical studio and materials. My career and creative pursuits are not, however; both as a coach and as a writer, they are fully mobile, and I find I am much more energized and inspired when I travel.
I’ve never felt much physical attraction toward her. I am a handsome man, and was desired by many women in high school and college, but refused them all out of a desire to spend a life of pure love with one woman, as the religious ideals I grew up with advised. So I looked past her appearance being around a 5, and mine a 9, and focused on the intellectual, creative, and cooperative bond between us more than the romantic or passionate side. While I care about her, I feel a growing internal divide - I now long for deep romantic connection, raw sexual attraction, and shared adventures across the world. I realize that while I am a loving man, my adventurous spirit's fulfillment is essential to my inspiration and creative output, and that ignoring my life's calling will only lead to depriving the world of my gifts.
Sexual Incompatibility:
We have different sex drives, different levels of eroticism and kink, different levels of adventurousness. The effects of seven years of not especially passionate love-making, of my kinks not being explored, of hearing about the kinky adventures of others, of seeing the way women on the street and in my classes look at me and wondering "what would it be like", have left their mark. I have a high sex-drive - I would make love with a woman several times per day, for an hour or more each time. She allows love-making once per day, and it's always ten to fifteen minutes, vanilla-only. It doesn't matter how much time I spend with her or how beautifully we spend the day or what I try to coax her to want more. She told me she only ever even touched herself once in several months before I came into her life, and never really had any fantasies. It feels like I have so much love, so much eroticism, so much potential to give to women, and it's being stifled and drained and stunted and unappreciated with her. I hear so many stories of women looking for men like me - handsome, kinky, virile, adventurous - and think I'm depriving not only myself of so many great adventures, but the women of this world as well.
I keep hearing women being unhappy with their men who don't satisfy them. Who aren't adventurous. Who aren't passionate. Who are boring. I have so much to give in this direction. And it feels like the flowing waters of my life-force are being thrown at an impassive desert of dry stone, that soaks it up, never to give it back again, never to be nourished or grateful for it, never to sprout a forest or to become an oasis. Just - totally - wasted with this woman. When so many others are ravenous for this drink, and I to provide it...
Shared love and memories:
She loves me very much. We were each other's first and only partner. We traveled across Europe for five years, and built so many beautiful memories together. She took me in when I was broke and an outcast, and believed in me even when my own mother didn't. She supported that I become a writer and I that she becomes an artist. She encouraged me to apply to acting school and I that she goes to a classical art atelier. She helped guide me to become a spiritual coach and I her to do her Masters' in sacred arts. When I lost all income (business failed) she said she would support me until my new business takes off - but I didn't want to be a burden and took a job instead, something I thought I'd never do. She gave me her salary to invest in Bitcoin once, and I did - and then I supported the both of us with the results in Madrid for a year while she went through her art atelier. She is so warm, kind, affectionate, positive, and truly has "old love" for me. I am so afraid of losing that and never getting it back, never finding true love like that again. There seem to be so few women who truly give, but I am aware that is likely the illusion of my inexperience. Still, leaving her feels like dying, like leaving behind a life I built for 7 years. When I told her I was leaving, on what was to be our last day together, she hugged me and told me "I love you so much", in such a sad yet loving tone. She was - and is - my angel.
It breaks my heart to hurt someone who loves me and supports me so, but I felt we were incompatible since the beginning, and now more than ever. We would just be miserable - I, drained of my appetite for life; she, feeling neglected and alone - if we continued together. So perhaps the kindest thing we can do for each other is to split up. And to do so while supporting, honoring, and still caring for each other and our son.
Lessons learned and growth together:
I have learned a lot from our time together. I have become a better man - more focused, more patient, more giving, more confident, more grounded. I have defeated some of my insecurities, and overcome my digital addiction. I have fixed many flaws - e.g. selfishness and avoidant attachment. I have gained greater self-awareness, and awareness of what makes a relationship grow or shrink, and of a woman's emotional needs. I have come to be responsible and care for more than myself in life. I have gained clarity on my calling and mission, on my talents and how to use them to provide value to this world. I have healed many emotional wounds from my childhood, and gained newfound trust in the human spirit.
Above all, I have known what it's like to be truly loved; this alone is the most valuable experience - it is what most people seek their whole lives for. It gives me confidence in finding it once more, and prevents me from settling for lust or convenience alone. It also keeps me accountable to love back, to reciprocate, and to create that paradise born of reciprocated love once more; this time, with a truly compatible partner.
Business struggles due to her time demands and bad investments:
I’m launching a business that requires intense focus and time. At the same time, my wife is asking me to spend half my days fully present with our 7-month-old child, without working or multitasking. I don't understand why I couldn't care for the child while working at the computer, I told her I'd stay with the child all day if she let me do so. Being woken up at night repeatedly for no reason makes me feel drained of energy and discipline as soon as I wake up for the day (she insists we sleep in the same bed even though I can't help her breastfeed so it makes no sense for me to be sleep deprived too). She wants me to contribute to the household, and rejects the help her parents and my parents offer, which again makes no sense at all to me - why should I spend hours cooking and cleaning dishes and caring for the infant instead of building my business, when our parents would gladly do so, they are retired and it doesn't drain anybody's income for it to happen? I had hoped I could combine parenting time with listening to audiobooks or dictating content, but now that our child is growing and will require emotional and verbal engagement, I realize that’s not realistic.
Furthermore, she insists on spending the money she makes on renovating our home - an activity that grants us neither an increase in money (I would invest it into our businesses to make 10X back instead! It feels like she is literally wasting 10X the money she spends!) nor an increase in joy (I would invest it into travels, dance courses, experiences to enrich our lives and memories!). Oh, and it's not even our home - it's on her parents' name, so we can't rent it or sell it either; it's strictly a liability. I can't see myself tying my financial future up with someone so financially careless.
Some would say fine, it's her money, and it's the man's alleged responsibility to provide a home for his family - but it is bought with my time (spent with the child), during which I can't work on my business (because she insists he "won't grow up with screens!") so that she can work on hers, so she prevents me from providing a home truly our own while still wanting one. And she would never finance my travels. What's worse, she hates it when I work, because she hates computers and that it takes my time away from the family - but all my work and business revolves around computer work! It feels like I'm literally fighting my family to provide for them, and they waste the time and money I spend on them on things I couldn't care less for.
It is already hard enough for me to hurl away my inertia, toughen up my discipline and schedule, and break the crust of my sloth to go after what I want in life, to save my soul, to give my gift to the world. I don't need an external obstacle in the form of a family that's dragging me back, sabotaging my sleep, halving my time, making me feel bad about working, suppressing my life-force, and denying my work's rewards on top of it. Even if she verbally and by intent allegedly supports me, her effects on my work ethic and drive to achieve are devastating.
Travel is too expensive with her:
I couldn't care less whether I live in a palace or a camper van, that's not what determines the quality of my experience in life. She'd spend on the one yearly vacation she'd allow as much as I would need to travel the world year-round. Our last vacation to Florence for one month cost us a total of about eight thousand euros. Some people live comfortably on that sum year-round in Bali, Chiang Mai, or Meddelin. It feels downright ridiculous to me. I will never build an empire or a legacy as I aspire to under her conditions. It will take a decade or more for me to live the life I want under her conditions. Which reminds me that, during our vacation to Sanctuari de Cura in Mallorca, she insisted I spend the days building her website, writing her articles, instead of soaking in the views and adventuring as I yearned to - and as usual, we didn't even make love passionately afterward...
Potential for family business as fellow creators:
Still, we could create a beautiful family business together - art & writing workshops and retreats. Classical art is a rare skill, highly valued by wealthy hobbyists. I am not as talented as she is and I spent much more time learning about business, sales, and marketing than honing my artistic skills. We could be like the Disney brothers, but I feel a reluctance to be the "man in the shadows" doing deals and sitting at my laptop while she shines. I would prefer to shine alongside her. And I could - we could be an exemplary spiritual couple, and I could use this to build an image and a business as a spiritual coach. But what kind of a spiritual coach would I be if I built my image on a lie, giving up my soul's calling, and conforming to society's expectations?
My need to travel to reinvent myself and rekindle my love of life:
This growing tension coincides with a powerful, almost spiritual calling I feel - to live as a digital nomad, to explore, write, blog, blog create, coach, and experience the world while it's still available to me. I increasingly realize how short life is - how little time we have to both enjoy every moment of life and build a lasting legacy. 30 years of life went by in a flash, and I have next to nothing to show for it. I'm still broke. I still didn't write my first novel despite thousands of hours and pages trying. I want to slow time down and enjoy it more by introducing as much variety into my experience. And I want to really, sharply focus on achieving the things I want in life. No more addictions, no more distractions.
But my wife is not aligned with that lifestyle. What variety of experience is there in sitting 5 to 6 hours in a park to watch a kid play? Then 1 to 2 hours every night to watch a soap opera and pretend I was together with my wife? And then, well, guess what - we're too tired to make love tonight. She prefers stability, a fixed home, and calmly watching the back garden's plants grow as the years go by. Her priorities are home renovation, family presence, and peaceful creation in her workshop - all understandable and valuable, but fundamentally different from mine. My priorities are adventure & travel, creative output, and business and legacy building; to run naked in the rain; to swim across the lake; to reach for the stars.
And women. I am becoming extremely desirous to meet women, not just for physical but also for romantic connection. To experience the variety of beauty, both physical and spiritual, that different women have to offer. To be with women of various talents, of various interests in life and expand my horizons with their own. To see what kinds of sparks we may share, what conversations we may have. I discover in me a lover of women - coming not from a place of exploitation and thirst, but from one of wanting to share and to create and abundance both physical and emotional together. To simply receive all a woman can give as a gift, and give all I can give as a gift, without holding back, without portioning it. This is the greatest joy of life - sharing it with others, sharing oneself with others most fully. I find in myself a true lover of women.
Considerations over leaving her a single mother:
I know that if I stay, I will likely resent the constraints and begin emotionally withdrawing. In fact, I realize I have been emotionally withdrawn for a long time, which served only to exacerbate her desire to take me away from my work, and put us on a mutually destructive spiral. I neglected her for a long time, actually - mostly because I didn't feel all that drawn to her. I deeply regret not giving more of myself with her, but also, if she had helped me to build a business in life instead of fighting me every step of the way, I would now be free to spend time with her. If she had offered to create adventures together instead of trying to tie me down, she would be joining me now on a rich, adventure-filled life now instead of being alone. We both made this happen, yet neither of us did so on purpose; we were simply too inexperienced to know we were incompatible. There is no blame in that for either of us, and I would be happy for us to remain good friends who support one another through life.
But if I leave to pursue my soul-led path, I will be sacrificing physical presence with my child, a beautifully positive and loving place to return to, and deeply altering the shape of our family. As I mentioned, she is not especially beautiful - but has a very beautiful heart. It might be difficult for her to find a man to rebuild her life with as a single mother, and I would want our child to have a masculine example in his life. I grew up without a father, and I now realize this deprived me of much competitive drive, strength of character, and social and financial skills in life; I want better for my son.
I want to remain involved - through letters, stories, audio recordings, and co-creative projects with my wife (like publishing books or running retreats). I want my son to grow up knowing I love him, even if I’m not around daily. Perhaps to still visit him from time to time, take him on some of my travels, and so on.
There is great value in being a father, in having someone adore and model you. It's another form of legacy, one much more personal and intimate and real. And it is an experience I do desire in life very much - to help raise and shape another human being to reach not just the level I did in life, but a greater one still - while witnessing and encouraging the unfolding of their own unique journey and gifts through life. But I am not ready for it now - and never under the conditions my wife imposes.
It feels like I have fulfilled my duty to her, in a way - and she to me. I gave her a healthy, beautiful son - and she gave him to me. A sacred celebration of our 7 years of life together. An achievement together to be remembered with fondness as we grow old, even apart.
Despite knowing that I'm supposed to stay and raise the child, I would instead stay with a woman I feel right for me, with whom I can live life freely as I truly want to, with the child an extra blessing in life, someone to give my abundance to, not to sacrifice my time and resources and freedom for.
I don’t want to abandon my family - but I fear I may abandon myself if I stay. I think that my staying a husk of myself, resenting her and the child for stealing away my life, bereft of motivation to become a truly good example of a man, would do more harm than good to the child's growth. Better that he have a fulfilled, exceptional father, always present in spirit and heart, than a beaten-down, dried-up old fart, physically present but emotionally withdrawn.
At the same time, I also want to allow her to rebuild her life, and rebuild mine. I would rather spend time meeting and dating and bedding new women, looking for the woman of my dreams, and improving myself to become the man of hers, than dragging on this doomed relationship.
She says she won't even ask for child support - a new chance at life for me:
I am free to rebuild my life. She said she'd never ask me for any money, never want child support, never have me on the hook. I would still support her and the child as they need it once I rebuild my business, although I doubt they would need it given her parent's resources.
In any case, it feels amazing to be free like this - like being given a second chance at life. A life lived on my terms for the first time. Without parents, without a partner. Time to reinvent myself, to build a life aligned with my true self.
Yet, the very fact that she would ask me for nothing makes me think she is a truly extraordinary, rare, and valuable breed of woman. The fact that she allows me to be free makes me want to invest in her. The fact that she took me in broke, and still wants to be with me, still broke 7 years later, makes me realize the depth of love I'm sacrificing for this freedom.
And yet, this also makes me cherish this freedom more. It gives me fuel to strive to become the best man I can be, and enjoy life to the highest degree I can, and create the greatest legacy I can. To honor the love that was lost to pay for this freedom. By using it fully and wisely.
And, to be completely honest, having a child makes me want to start life anew. I now feel free to adventure more, to dare more, to risk more in life, knowing that even if I fail, even if something happens to me, I will have at least have had this legacy. It makes me want to no longer settle for a woman that is not right for me, or for a life lived not on my terms - for I have had those things already.
And even if she asks for it eventually, I would gladly pay a quarter of my income to be free, than stay with her and be miserable. Plus, the way things are going, I'd likely contribute more financially if I stayed as well - she wants a house with a garden and land, private schooling and tutors for the kid, and all sorts of luxuries while denying me the time to build the business that would finance them. We married under common property, and I don't feel comfortable working to build a business half the time and sitting with the kid the other half just for her to be entitled to half of my business and leave me burned-out, miserable, and broke once we inevitably do split up.
Grieving the loss, but from its ashes, rekindling a passion for my new life:
I miss being told "I love you so much" so much. And all our little names for each other. And her beaming eyes in the morning. And her cymball-like little voice. I always resented that she was so much like a little girl and so little like a passionate woman; now I find it endearing and miss it dearly, but I am aware that the first sleepless night we spend together again would bring back all my resentment about it in sharp spades.
I spent the past two weeks mostly crying for the loss, even though I initiated it. It's not just the loss of the memories, the bond we built, but of the future, of our potential together. It's the scarcity mindset too, inevitable with her being my first and only, of where I'd find not just a woman, but a loving woman like her once again. Even though women always desired me, and even though I know age can be an asset, I'm feeling insecure about wanting 20-year-old women when I'm 30. I'd much prefer to travel with someone rather than alone, to share my life and journey with someone, to have someone to plan out my stories and my business with. It gives life so much meaning and richness to share it with someone, to build a lasting relationship with someone, memories we can look back on and be happy for when we're old. But I can't really do those things with her now anyway, so I guess I'd be single even if I stayed with her, would only build resentment, and lose those memories entirely, not even living them for myself.
As the withdrawal fades, though, I find myself increasingly eager to meet new women, experience what else life has to offer, and build my skills up as a seducer and a lover. I now realize this was my calling from the beginning, even though I ignored it due to my insecurity wrapped in religious ideals. I feel infused little by little with a newfound love for life, a longing for romance, a voraciousness for experience and new growth. I find myself wanting to become a true Casanova, meeting hundreds of women to share my great love of life and women with. I find myself budding into a seducer, and willing to truly bring this essential skill in a man's life to the greatest heights that I can.
And then - and only then - to reap that great, sweet fruit of a life of love and family with a woman whom I choose. A choice made after having tasted all that the world of women has to offer - fully aware, fully informed, fully experienced. A woman I can truly be proud to share my journey, my gift, and my mission in life with, be proud to conquer, to romance, to seduce every day, be proud to offer my life, my commitment, and my love to.
This is what I believe Girls Chase can help me to achieve. This is why I love and appreciate all the work that you do; I am so grateful that you inspired me, encouraged me, and gave me the tools and information to achieve this for my life. I can't wait to reach success in business so that I too can contribute to yours, and benefit from direct coaching with you.
Questions for the community:
Would you recommend breaking up now, to spare more pain and give each other time to rebuild, and also, to not emotionally harm the child (who likely has little attachment to me at this point compared to later)? Or waiting to try and mend it somehow (although I don't think it can happen at this point, especially not our sex drive mismatch)?
Post-divorce, how to separate in such a way as to minimize both our hurt? Would you recommend still being present in her and our child's life from afar (via letters, calls, story-telling, collaborating on stories and retreats, etc.), or just giving her space to rebuild with someone else?
How to heal faster after this loss - by dating? If so, how do I start dating? What resources at Girls Chase or elsewhere would you recommend I check out to start dating new women and becoming a great lover? I am totally inexperienced with dating, but can spend 2 to 4 hours each day doing it.
It feels like the women out there are so selfish, shallow, and unremarkable these days, but it is likely my inexperience and insecurity bias my interpretation. What is your experience with this? Are there many great, loving women waiting to be discovered out there? Or is it indeed as rare and difficult as it seems to be to find one?
Is it harder to find a partner as a divorced man with a child, even if I only see him once a year? How do women react to knowing the man was divorced - how much is it negative (he likely won't commit to me either) or positive (he's preselected and desirable)?
How feasible is it to find a spiritually aligned, sexually compatible partner while traveling? I have this apparent mismatch of a great sex drive and also a deep spiritual calling - are there women like this out there also, or am I chasing a hymera?
How long do you think it would take me to find a great quality woman to rebuild my life with? How long would it take me to self-improve into a man who can attract his dream woman? How long did it take you - and what amount of time did you dedicate to it?
How difficult is it to find a long-term partner on the road? I will be traveling constantly for a long time, but spending a month or two in many places - do you think this makes it significantly harder to find a wife-material woman (little time to build social circle or bond)? Or does it make it even easier (more exposure to varied women, more willingness to date as lovers)?
Finally, do you have any advice on the logistics of sleeping with women while traveling for cheap, like in a car or via hostels? I have a car whose seats can be put down to install a bed, I'm thinking of using it to travel around Europe while building my business to finance further travels. But how do I pull girls to my car without them feeling unsafe joining me in it? Or if I use cheap hostels, where would I pull women to if it's even possible?
I'm willing to invest serious time (and, eventually, resources) into this.
Thank you for any insight you may offer. I wish you great adventures on your own journey in life and love!
I have been reading Girls Chase for over three years now, and the hundreds of articles have given me the confidence to make an important step in my life: to initiate a divorce after 7 years of marriage.
At this major turning point in my life, I would deeply value your perspective.
Short Version:
tl;dr: My wife and I love each other deeply; we were each other's first and only partners. But we are deeply incompatible with each other. She wants a home, I want adventure. She wants safety, I want freedom. Our levels of passion, eroticism, and sex-drive are also incompatible (way higher in my case). She wants me to spend my life as a devoted husband and father. I want my life to be dedicated to gathering varied life experience, beautiful memories, and building a creative, spiritual legacy as a writer, coach, adventurer, lover, philosopher, entrepreneur, and philanthropist. I grieve the loss of my family, of the memories we built in 7 amazing years, of the potential we have to build a family business as fellow artists, of the potential to leave an example and education for our 7-months-old son, of her love, support, and positive energy. But I would likely grieve the loss of my dream life, creative inspiration, and potential for achievement even more. She says she wouldn't even ask for child support; if so, I am fully free to rebuild my life. To find another, more compatible woman to build a life of travel and creation and legacy with, to eventually start a new family with. And in the meanwhile, to experience, for the first time, the world of women and seduction.
My questions for you:
Would you recommend breaking up now, to spare more pain and give each other time to rebuild, and also, to not emotionally harm the child (who likely has little attachment to me yet at this point)? Or waiting to try and mend it somehow (although I don't think it can happen at this point, especially not with our sex drive mismatch)?
Post-divorce, how to separate in such a way as to minimize both our hurt? Would you recommend still being present in her and our child's life from afar (via letters, calls, story-telling, collaborating on stories and retreats, etc.), or just giving her space to rebuild and find someone else?
How to heal faster after this loss - by dating? If so, how do I start dating? What resources at Girls Chase or elsewhere would you recommend I check out to start dating new women and becoming a great lover? I am totally inexperienced with dating, but can spend 2 to 4 hours each day doing it.
It feels like the women out there are so selfish, shallow, and unremarkable these days, but it is likely my inexperience and insecurity bias my interpretation. What is your experience with this? Are there many great, loving women waiting to be discovered out there? Or is it indeed as rare and difficult as it seems to be to find one?
Is it harder to find a partner as a divorced man with a child, even if I only see him once a year? How do women react to knowing the man was divorced - how much is it negative (he likely won't commit to me either) or positive (he's preselected and desirable)?
How feasible is it to find a spiritually aligned, sexually compatible partner while traveling? I have this apparent mismatch of a great sex drive and also a deep spiritual calling - are there women like this out there also, or am I chasing a chimera?
How long do you think it would take me to find a great quality woman to rebuild my life with? How long would it take me to self-improve into a man who can attract his dream woman? How long did it take you - and what amount of time did you dedicate to it? My only advantage is that I am a naturally handsome man (at least 9/10 in terms of looks).
How difficult is it to find a long-term partner on the road? I will be traveling constantly for a long time, but spending a month or two in many places - do you think this makes it significantly harder to find a wife-material woman (little time to build social circle or bond)? Or does it make it even easier (more exposure to varied women, more willingness to date as lovers)?
Finally, do you have any advice on the logistics of sleeping with women while traveling for cheap, like in a car or via hostels? I have a car whose seats can be put down to install a bed, I'm thinking of using it to travel around Europe while building my business to finance further travels. But how do I pull girls to my car without them feeling unsafe joining me in it? Or if I use cheap hostels, where would I pull women to if it's even possible?
I'm willing to invest serious time (and, eventually, resources) into this.
Thank you for any insight you may offer. I wish you great adventures on your own journey in life and love!
Long version:
This is a long story.
I post it here mostly because I want to share my experience with you even as I process it. Perhaps some would find some bits of it valuable, to know what life is like at the crossroads of choosing to walk away from a loving woman, a 7-years-old marriage, and a child to pursue a life of adventure of seduction, and of a search for a more compatible, the tradeoffs and emotions.
For me, having a community I trust enough to share this with is so very valuable. So I thank you for providing that.
About my wife and I:
My wife and I have built a respectful, cooperative, loving relationship. She’s a talented, gentle, emotionally intelligent artist - kind, stable, and a good life companion. We recently became parents, and she is fully invested in nurturing our child and continuing her art career, which is deeply tied to her physical studio and materials. My career and creative pursuits are not, however; both as a coach and as a writer, they are fully mobile, and I find I am much more energized and inspired when I travel.
I’ve never felt much physical attraction toward her. I am a handsome man, and was desired by many women in high school and college, but refused them all out of a desire to spend a life of pure love with one woman, as the religious ideals I grew up with advised. So I looked past her appearance being around a 5, and mine a 9, and focused on the intellectual, creative, and cooperative bond between us more than the romantic or passionate side. While I care about her, I feel a growing internal divide - I now long for deep romantic connection, raw sexual attraction, and shared adventures across the world. I realize that while I am a loving man, my adventurous spirit's fulfillment is essential to my inspiration and creative output, and that ignoring my life's calling will only lead to depriving the world of my gifts.
Sexual Incompatibility:
We have different sex drives, different levels of eroticism and kink, different levels of adventurousness. The effects of seven years of not especially passionate love-making, of my kinks not being explored, of hearing about the kinky adventures of others, of seeing the way women on the street and in my classes look at me and wondering "what would it be like", have left their mark. I have a high sex-drive - I would make love with a woman several times per day, for an hour or more each time. She allows love-making once per day, and it's always ten to fifteen minutes, vanilla-only. It doesn't matter how much time I spend with her or how beautifully we spend the day or what I try to coax her to want more. She told me she only ever even touched herself once in several months before I came into her life, and never really had any fantasies. It feels like I have so much love, so much eroticism, so much potential to give to women, and it's being stifled and drained and stunted and unappreciated with her. I hear so many stories of women looking for men like me - handsome, kinky, virile, adventurous - and think I'm depriving not only myself of so many great adventures, but the women of this world as well.
I keep hearing women being unhappy with their men who don't satisfy them. Who aren't adventurous. Who aren't passionate. Who are boring. I have so much to give in this direction. And it feels like the flowing waters of my life-force are being thrown at an impassive desert of dry stone, that soaks it up, never to give it back again, never to be nourished or grateful for it, never to sprout a forest or to become an oasis. Just - totally - wasted with this woman. When so many others are ravenous for this drink, and I to provide it...
Shared love and memories:
She loves me very much. We were each other's first and only partner. We traveled across Europe for five years, and built so many beautiful memories together. She took me in when I was broke and an outcast, and believed in me even when my own mother didn't. She supported that I become a writer and I that she becomes an artist. She encouraged me to apply to acting school and I that she goes to a classical art atelier. She helped guide me to become a spiritual coach and I her to do her Masters' in sacred arts. When I lost all income (business failed) she said she would support me until my new business takes off - but I didn't want to be a burden and took a job instead, something I thought I'd never do. She gave me her salary to invest in Bitcoin once, and I did - and then I supported the both of us with the results in Madrid for a year while she went through her art atelier. She is so warm, kind, affectionate, positive, and truly has "old love" for me. I am so afraid of losing that and never getting it back, never finding true love like that again. There seem to be so few women who truly give, but I am aware that is likely the illusion of my inexperience. Still, leaving her feels like dying, like leaving behind a life I built for 7 years. When I told her I was leaving, on what was to be our last day together, she hugged me and told me "I love you so much", in such a sad yet loving tone. She was - and is - my angel.
It breaks my heart to hurt someone who loves me and supports me so, but I felt we were incompatible since the beginning, and now more than ever. We would just be miserable - I, drained of my appetite for life; she, feeling neglected and alone - if we continued together. So perhaps the kindest thing we can do for each other is to split up. And to do so while supporting, honoring, and still caring for each other and our son.
Lessons learned and growth together:
I have learned a lot from our time together. I have become a better man - more focused, more patient, more giving, more confident, more grounded. I have defeated some of my insecurities, and overcome my digital addiction. I have fixed many flaws - e.g. selfishness and avoidant attachment. I have gained greater self-awareness, and awareness of what makes a relationship grow or shrink, and of a woman's emotional needs. I have come to be responsible and care for more than myself in life. I have gained clarity on my calling and mission, on my talents and how to use them to provide value to this world. I have healed many emotional wounds from my childhood, and gained newfound trust in the human spirit.
Above all, I have known what it's like to be truly loved; this alone is the most valuable experience - it is what most people seek their whole lives for. It gives me confidence in finding it once more, and prevents me from settling for lust or convenience alone. It also keeps me accountable to love back, to reciprocate, and to create that paradise born of reciprocated love once more; this time, with a truly compatible partner.
Business struggles due to her time demands and bad investments:
I’m launching a business that requires intense focus and time. At the same time, my wife is asking me to spend half my days fully present with our 7-month-old child, without working or multitasking. I don't understand why I couldn't care for the child while working at the computer, I told her I'd stay with the child all day if she let me do so. Being woken up at night repeatedly for no reason makes me feel drained of energy and discipline as soon as I wake up for the day (she insists we sleep in the same bed even though I can't help her breastfeed so it makes no sense for me to be sleep deprived too). She wants me to contribute to the household, and rejects the help her parents and my parents offer, which again makes no sense at all to me - why should I spend hours cooking and cleaning dishes and caring for the infant instead of building my business, when our parents would gladly do so, they are retired and it doesn't drain anybody's income for it to happen? I had hoped I could combine parenting time with listening to audiobooks or dictating content, but now that our child is growing and will require emotional and verbal engagement, I realize that’s not realistic.
Furthermore, she insists on spending the money she makes on renovating our home - an activity that grants us neither an increase in money (I would invest it into our businesses to make 10X back instead! It feels like she is literally wasting 10X the money she spends!) nor an increase in joy (I would invest it into travels, dance courses, experiences to enrich our lives and memories!). Oh, and it's not even our home - it's on her parents' name, so we can't rent it or sell it either; it's strictly a liability. I can't see myself tying my financial future up with someone so financially careless.
Some would say fine, it's her money, and it's the man's alleged responsibility to provide a home for his family - but it is bought with my time (spent with the child), during which I can't work on my business (because she insists he "won't grow up with screens!") so that she can work on hers, so she prevents me from providing a home truly our own while still wanting one. And she would never finance my travels. What's worse, she hates it when I work, because she hates computers and that it takes my time away from the family - but all my work and business revolves around computer work! It feels like I'm literally fighting my family to provide for them, and they waste the time and money I spend on them on things I couldn't care less for.
It is already hard enough for me to hurl away my inertia, toughen up my discipline and schedule, and break the crust of my sloth to go after what I want in life, to save my soul, to give my gift to the world. I don't need an external obstacle in the form of a family that's dragging me back, sabotaging my sleep, halving my time, making me feel bad about working, suppressing my life-force, and denying my work's rewards on top of it. Even if she verbally and by intent allegedly supports me, her effects on my work ethic and drive to achieve are devastating.
Travel is too expensive with her:
I couldn't care less whether I live in a palace or a camper van, that's not what determines the quality of my experience in life. She'd spend on the one yearly vacation she'd allow as much as I would need to travel the world year-round. Our last vacation to Florence for one month cost us a total of about eight thousand euros. Some people live comfortably on that sum year-round in Bali, Chiang Mai, or Meddelin. It feels downright ridiculous to me. I will never build an empire or a legacy as I aspire to under her conditions. It will take a decade or more for me to live the life I want under her conditions. Which reminds me that, during our vacation to Sanctuari de Cura in Mallorca, she insisted I spend the days building her website, writing her articles, instead of soaking in the views and adventuring as I yearned to - and as usual, we didn't even make love passionately afterward...
Potential for family business as fellow creators:
Still, we could create a beautiful family business together - art & writing workshops and retreats. Classical art is a rare skill, highly valued by wealthy hobbyists. I am not as talented as she is and I spent much more time learning about business, sales, and marketing than honing my artistic skills. We could be like the Disney brothers, but I feel a reluctance to be the "man in the shadows" doing deals and sitting at my laptop while she shines. I would prefer to shine alongside her. And I could - we could be an exemplary spiritual couple, and I could use this to build an image and a business as a spiritual coach. But what kind of a spiritual coach would I be if I built my image on a lie, giving up my soul's calling, and conforming to society's expectations?
My need to travel to reinvent myself and rekindle my love of life:
This growing tension coincides with a powerful, almost spiritual calling I feel - to live as a digital nomad, to explore, write, blog, blog create, coach, and experience the world while it's still available to me. I increasingly realize how short life is - how little time we have to both enjoy every moment of life and build a lasting legacy. 30 years of life went by in a flash, and I have next to nothing to show for it. I'm still broke. I still didn't write my first novel despite thousands of hours and pages trying. I want to slow time down and enjoy it more by introducing as much variety into my experience. And I want to really, sharply focus on achieving the things I want in life. No more addictions, no more distractions.
But my wife is not aligned with that lifestyle. What variety of experience is there in sitting 5 to 6 hours in a park to watch a kid play? Then 1 to 2 hours every night to watch a soap opera and pretend I was together with my wife? And then, well, guess what - we're too tired to make love tonight. She prefers stability, a fixed home, and calmly watching the back garden's plants grow as the years go by. Her priorities are home renovation, family presence, and peaceful creation in her workshop - all understandable and valuable, but fundamentally different from mine. My priorities are adventure & travel, creative output, and business and legacy building; to run naked in the rain; to swim across the lake; to reach for the stars.
And women. I am becoming extremely desirous to meet women, not just for physical but also for romantic connection. To experience the variety of beauty, both physical and spiritual, that different women have to offer. To be with women of various talents, of various interests in life and expand my horizons with their own. To see what kinds of sparks we may share, what conversations we may have. I discover in me a lover of women - coming not from a place of exploitation and thirst, but from one of wanting to share and to create and abundance both physical and emotional together. To simply receive all a woman can give as a gift, and give all I can give as a gift, without holding back, without portioning it. This is the greatest joy of life - sharing it with others, sharing oneself with others most fully. I find in myself a true lover of women.
Considerations over leaving her a single mother:
I know that if I stay, I will likely resent the constraints and begin emotionally withdrawing. In fact, I realize I have been emotionally withdrawn for a long time, which served only to exacerbate her desire to take me away from my work, and put us on a mutually destructive spiral. I neglected her for a long time, actually - mostly because I didn't feel all that drawn to her. I deeply regret not giving more of myself with her, but also, if she had helped me to build a business in life instead of fighting me every step of the way, I would now be free to spend time with her. If she had offered to create adventures together instead of trying to tie me down, she would be joining me now on a rich, adventure-filled life now instead of being alone. We both made this happen, yet neither of us did so on purpose; we were simply too inexperienced to know we were incompatible. There is no blame in that for either of us, and I would be happy for us to remain good friends who support one another through life.
But if I leave to pursue my soul-led path, I will be sacrificing physical presence with my child, a beautifully positive and loving place to return to, and deeply altering the shape of our family. As I mentioned, she is not especially beautiful - but has a very beautiful heart. It might be difficult for her to find a man to rebuild her life with as a single mother, and I would want our child to have a masculine example in his life. I grew up without a father, and I now realize this deprived me of much competitive drive, strength of character, and social and financial skills in life; I want better for my son.
I want to remain involved - through letters, stories, audio recordings, and co-creative projects with my wife (like publishing books or running retreats). I want my son to grow up knowing I love him, even if I’m not around daily. Perhaps to still visit him from time to time, take him on some of my travels, and so on.
There is great value in being a father, in having someone adore and model you. It's another form of legacy, one much more personal and intimate and real. And it is an experience I do desire in life very much - to help raise and shape another human being to reach not just the level I did in life, but a greater one still - while witnessing and encouraging the unfolding of their own unique journey and gifts through life. But I am not ready for it now - and never under the conditions my wife imposes.
It feels like I have fulfilled my duty to her, in a way - and she to me. I gave her a healthy, beautiful son - and she gave him to me. A sacred celebration of our 7 years of life together. An achievement together to be remembered with fondness as we grow old, even apart.
Despite knowing that I'm supposed to stay and raise the child, I would instead stay with a woman I feel right for me, with whom I can live life freely as I truly want to, with the child an extra blessing in life, someone to give my abundance to, not to sacrifice my time and resources and freedom for.
I don’t want to abandon my family - but I fear I may abandon myself if I stay. I think that my staying a husk of myself, resenting her and the child for stealing away my life, bereft of motivation to become a truly good example of a man, would do more harm than good to the child's growth. Better that he have a fulfilled, exceptional father, always present in spirit and heart, than a beaten-down, dried-up old fart, physically present but emotionally withdrawn.
At the same time, I also want to allow her to rebuild her life, and rebuild mine. I would rather spend time meeting and dating and bedding new women, looking for the woman of my dreams, and improving myself to become the man of hers, than dragging on this doomed relationship.
She says she won't even ask for child support - a new chance at life for me:
I am free to rebuild my life. She said she'd never ask me for any money, never want child support, never have me on the hook. I would still support her and the child as they need it once I rebuild my business, although I doubt they would need it given her parent's resources.
In any case, it feels amazing to be free like this - like being given a second chance at life. A life lived on my terms for the first time. Without parents, without a partner. Time to reinvent myself, to build a life aligned with my true self.
Yet, the very fact that she would ask me for nothing makes me think she is a truly extraordinary, rare, and valuable breed of woman. The fact that she allows me to be free makes me want to invest in her. The fact that she took me in broke, and still wants to be with me, still broke 7 years later, makes me realize the depth of love I'm sacrificing for this freedom.
And yet, this also makes me cherish this freedom more. It gives me fuel to strive to become the best man I can be, and enjoy life to the highest degree I can, and create the greatest legacy I can. To honor the love that was lost to pay for this freedom. By using it fully and wisely.
And, to be completely honest, having a child makes me want to start life anew. I now feel free to adventure more, to dare more, to risk more in life, knowing that even if I fail, even if something happens to me, I will have at least have had this legacy. It makes me want to no longer settle for a woman that is not right for me, or for a life lived not on my terms - for I have had those things already.
And even if she asks for it eventually, I would gladly pay a quarter of my income to be free, than stay with her and be miserable. Plus, the way things are going, I'd likely contribute more financially if I stayed as well - she wants a house with a garden and land, private schooling and tutors for the kid, and all sorts of luxuries while denying me the time to build the business that would finance them. We married under common property, and I don't feel comfortable working to build a business half the time and sitting with the kid the other half just for her to be entitled to half of my business and leave me burned-out, miserable, and broke once we inevitably do split up.
Grieving the loss, but from its ashes, rekindling a passion for my new life:
I miss being told "I love you so much" so much. And all our little names for each other. And her beaming eyes in the morning. And her cymball-like little voice. I always resented that she was so much like a little girl and so little like a passionate woman; now I find it endearing and miss it dearly, but I am aware that the first sleepless night we spend together again would bring back all my resentment about it in sharp spades.
I spent the past two weeks mostly crying for the loss, even though I initiated it. It's not just the loss of the memories, the bond we built, but of the future, of our potential together. It's the scarcity mindset too, inevitable with her being my first and only, of where I'd find not just a woman, but a loving woman like her once again. Even though women always desired me, and even though I know age can be an asset, I'm feeling insecure about wanting 20-year-old women when I'm 30. I'd much prefer to travel with someone rather than alone, to share my life and journey with someone, to have someone to plan out my stories and my business with. It gives life so much meaning and richness to share it with someone, to build a lasting relationship with someone, memories we can look back on and be happy for when we're old. But I can't really do those things with her now anyway, so I guess I'd be single even if I stayed with her, would only build resentment, and lose those memories entirely, not even living them for myself.
As the withdrawal fades, though, I find myself increasingly eager to meet new women, experience what else life has to offer, and build my skills up as a seducer and a lover. I now realize this was my calling from the beginning, even though I ignored it due to my insecurity wrapped in religious ideals. I feel infused little by little with a newfound love for life, a longing for romance, a voraciousness for experience and new growth. I find myself wanting to become a true Casanova, meeting hundreds of women to share my great love of life and women with. I find myself budding into a seducer, and willing to truly bring this essential skill in a man's life to the greatest heights that I can.
And then - and only then - to reap that great, sweet fruit of a life of love and family with a woman whom I choose. A choice made after having tasted all that the world of women has to offer - fully aware, fully informed, fully experienced. A woman I can truly be proud to share my journey, my gift, and my mission in life with, be proud to conquer, to romance, to seduce every day, be proud to offer my life, my commitment, and my love to.
This is what I believe Girls Chase can help me to achieve. This is why I love and appreciate all the work that you do; I am so grateful that you inspired me, encouraged me, and gave me the tools and information to achieve this for my life. I can't wait to reach success in business so that I too can contribute to yours, and benefit from direct coaching with you.
Questions for the community:
Would you recommend breaking up now, to spare more pain and give each other time to rebuild, and also, to not emotionally harm the child (who likely has little attachment to me at this point compared to later)? Or waiting to try and mend it somehow (although I don't think it can happen at this point, especially not our sex drive mismatch)?
Post-divorce, how to separate in such a way as to minimize both our hurt? Would you recommend still being present in her and our child's life from afar (via letters, calls, story-telling, collaborating on stories and retreats, etc.), or just giving her space to rebuild with someone else?
How to heal faster after this loss - by dating? If so, how do I start dating? What resources at Girls Chase or elsewhere would you recommend I check out to start dating new women and becoming a great lover? I am totally inexperienced with dating, but can spend 2 to 4 hours each day doing it.
It feels like the women out there are so selfish, shallow, and unremarkable these days, but it is likely my inexperience and insecurity bias my interpretation. What is your experience with this? Are there many great, loving women waiting to be discovered out there? Or is it indeed as rare and difficult as it seems to be to find one?
Is it harder to find a partner as a divorced man with a child, even if I only see him once a year? How do women react to knowing the man was divorced - how much is it negative (he likely won't commit to me either) or positive (he's preselected and desirable)?
How feasible is it to find a spiritually aligned, sexually compatible partner while traveling? I have this apparent mismatch of a great sex drive and also a deep spiritual calling - are there women like this out there also, or am I chasing a hymera?
How long do you think it would take me to find a great quality woman to rebuild my life with? How long would it take me to self-improve into a man who can attract his dream woman? How long did it take you - and what amount of time did you dedicate to it?
How difficult is it to find a long-term partner on the road? I will be traveling constantly for a long time, but spending a month or two in many places - do you think this makes it significantly harder to find a wife-material woman (little time to build social circle or bond)? Or does it make it even easier (more exposure to varied women, more willingness to date as lovers)?
Finally, do you have any advice on the logistics of sleeping with women while traveling for cheap, like in a car or via hostels? I have a car whose seats can be put down to install a bed, I'm thinking of using it to travel around Europe while building my business to finance further travels. But how do I pull girls to my car without them feeling unsafe joining me in it? Or if I use cheap hostels, where would I pull women to if it's even possible?
I'm willing to invest serious time (and, eventually, resources) into this.
Thank you for any insight you may offer. I wish you great adventures on your own journey in life and love!
