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Warning, long read. But there's a lot to learn here since I fucked up some things.
TLDR: Went on a date from online, it went great until I got cockblocked not by one but by two guys, both unrelated to each other. Learned a lot about the game of dominance in social situations, and how girls go for the bad guys.
Quick background on me: I'm 51 years old. Live in a Southern European country, but I'm from the North. The girl in question is from this country but not from the city we both live in.
Met the girl online originally. I've uninstalled all the apps a while ago, but I still had this girls number from two years ago. She was pretty much the only decent one I matched with on Tinder. We set up a date but I had to cancel, then we didn't have contact after that and I kind of forgot about her.
A week or so ago I saw her Whatsapp status and commented on it, and she replied super enthusiastically. Chatted a bit and she was super friendly. She told me she had just recently ended a short but intense relationship. So I asked her out and we set up a date.
First date got cancelled, because she was stuck somewhere and couldn't get a ride in time. She would have been over an hour late, so in the end I said let's just meet another day. She was super eager to meet up again and even offered to buy me dinner later that same night, but I dislike dinner dates and also didn't want to appear too easy so I said no to that. In the end we rescheduled for 2 days later.
We met at a public square near our house. Before the date I was nervous that either she would reject me right on sight because I had never told her how old I am, my profile photo is from a while ago. On the other hand I was also worried that maybe we'd end up hitting it off together and she'd end up being some crazy BPD girl, because of how eager she seemed to meet up.
The moment we met, chemistry was good right from the start. In my experiences in most cases, with girls you know right away as soon as you say hi to a person if there will be a connection or not. In this case, it was there.
I knew we were both into the same type of music, so I was wearing a band t shirt, together with wide black jeans and boots. She was wearing a black ankle-long dress, and sneakers. Looked good in it. Cute face, beautiful long hair. Not quite as slim as my usual type though, but no fattie either. Cute girl overall.
She was all smiles, and I teased her right away about a stain she had on her dress. She had told me beforehand that she's an expert in spilling food on herself lol. Real funny girl, and a bit self deprecating which made her even cuter. So I looked for that stain right away and pointed it out. We both laughed, then I said if you'd come without a stain I would have stained you later, and she laughed even harder.
She asked me what I wanted to do, and I took her to a bar right next to where I live. It's a cozy little friendly bar, with a little terrace outside but there was only room inside. There was one table with 2 chairs, but again she asked me where we would be sitting and I decided to post up at the bar. Little did I know that my choice of bar would be fatal at the time.
On our way there, we got into good deep conversation right away. We briefly talked about what each of us do for a living, I cold read her but got it wrong, and she explained to me she was a social worker. When we walked by a church, I told her let's have a look through the door. We appreciated the decorations a bit and she told me she likes churches and sometimes just sits in one to relax, even though she isn't really religious.
We somehow got to talking about the universe and the possibility of life on other planets, and how they might already be here without us even being aware of it. Pretty deep stuff for someone you only met 2 minutes ago. The walk was maybe 5 minutes max.
Inside the bar, everything went great at first too. We connected a lot over music since we had similar tastes. We ordered some light drinks and she offered to pay by card. I offered her a couple Euros for mine, but she declined, so she ended up paying. Not that I care much either way, but it's a nice little detail.
The music was bit of a problem. I'm just a tiny little bit deaf from many years of playing in bands, and I sometimes have trouble understanding what the other party is saying in a noisy environement. So I had to lean in and ask her to repeat herself quite a lot. Not a huge problem, but it does come across as less smooth than if I didn't have to do that. Mental note taken: Take girls to quiet places, especially for the first date!
At one point she asked me her age, I told her 51 and she said she's 34. I didn't notice any negative reaction to the age difference. We just continued talking normally.
We shared a lot of laughs, I touched her inspecting some jewelry she was wearing, and she told me about what it meant to her. I teased her that she was blonde, which she wasn't but her hair wasn't completely dark either. At one point I asked her to show me her legs because she had mentioned over text that she hadn't shaved them. (Again, a bit of self deprecation there which I wasn't really sure why she did that, but I found it quite endearing.) She lifted her leg and pulled up her dress enough to show me her lower legs. I touched her skin a bit and there was indeed a bit of stubble there, barely visible but I could feel it. Nothing horrible though.
Then I held my arm next to her leg. My skin was much darker than hers, since I'm on the beach all the time. It was funny because I'm the Northern European one and she's from the South, and I teased her about that to which she laughed.
We talked a bit more about our favorite bands, I asked her for some of her favcorite songs and we were even singing some tunes for a bit. So far, everything going great.
Suddenly she's looking to the side, at some other guy. She says to him "I know you!" ... "From [city she lived before]". They start talking to each other, I just hang back and watch. (Let's call him Cockblock 1 for reference, or CB1. I'll be comin back to him again later). They talk in their language (I'm not a native) and with the noisy environment, I don't really follow what they're saying. After about half a minute or a minute, the guy leaves and I have my girl for myself again.
We keep vibing and all is good. At one point I suggest sitting outside, since the music is making it hard for me to understand her. She's fine with it but as I step outside I see that the table I meant to go to was taken. All other tables were occupied too so we had to stay at the bar.
She's showing me something cool music related on her phone, and we are really close. Suddenly a friend of mine appears. Let's call him Dan. I'm kind of perplexed so I fail to introduce them to each other. I couldn't even remember his name in the moment. He shakes my hand and then asks my girl her name, and they exchange names. I continue to just stare because I really didn't want to be disturbed at this point, so he buzzes off. I honestly wasn't sure what to do or say to him. It all happened really fast.
Talked for half a minute or so to the girl, then Dan comes back. This time I say Hi how's it going to him since I didn't want to be rude. He joins our conversation and asks my girl how we know each other. She seems reluctant to tell him and says something like she doesn't really know, so I just say we met in a bar. He isn't buying it and keeps asking, so she tells him how I commented on her status and we started talking and stuff. I say "It's our first date" hoping he takes the hint. But my girl goes and says "Well it's not really a date, more of a meetup". Damn. She seems interested in him.
Side note: This guy is older than myself, I think 55 or so. Still looking good. He's also taller than me, and dresses in a cool way. He's married and has two sons, so I didn't see him as competition at first. However he is also an alcoholic, and is out pretty much every day. He's a smooth talked and quite funny, which is why I thought he was cool. Today I would learn better.
So even though I told him it's a date, Dan stays. He must have liked the interest from the girl. I say "We met on Tinder" because he kept pushing it. He's like "Oh it's a Tinder date?" and acts like he's leaving, but he doesn't leave. The girl is like well might be on Tinder but it must have been a long time ago, since I'm not on there any more. I agree, and seay yes it was a long time ago, and I'm not on there anymore either. Dan says something about how Tinder is sketchy, and we all agree.
I get a closer look at Dan, and he looks a bit rough. I'm pretty sure he was high on cocaine. I can't be sure, but the signs were there. Red eyes, rubbing his nose several times, pale face. He was drinking beer and wine both while we were there.
He makes up for it though by being super witty and funny. Which is what I liked about him. He's quite fun to talk to. Now it's working against me though. My girl is laughing at his jokes. He doesn't seem to have my problem with the music like I have, so he's quicker to respond and my girl is laughing at his jokes as well as at mine. I'm still touching her once in a while and he isn't, but it doesn't seem to help much. The girl gives him at least equal attention now as me, I think even more. I'm don't think I'm out of the race though, since he's married and he's told her so. He's complaining how life with 2 kids sucks and is making him miserable. My girl says she's 34 and her friends all have kids and are asking her "and what about you?" He says "That's because they want you to be miserable too."
We joke a bit about music and bands and groupies and stuff. For a while I just lean back and go with the flow, thinking that maybe his presence will helpe me to get the girl in some way. Maybe he gave me some social proof, who knows. Probably doesn't work this way though.
At some point I decided to just lean back on a bar stool, and seem like the more relaxed guy of the two. While he was standing and telling his jokes. It actually kind of worked. Whenever there was a pause in the conversation I used it to ask the girl some deep question, with intense eye contact, but leaning with the back against the bar on my stool, while her and Dan were standing.
After a while I think Dan picked up on the fact that he was now in the position of the dancing monkey, and sat down too. We chat some more and I decide it's time to tell her "let's go for a walk". Should probably have done that at least half an hour earlier to get out of this bar, but I didn't want to look like I just wanted to get away from Dan.
The girl says she actually has to go home. She had mentioned this before, in fact. So I say "Ok, I'll walk you to the metro station. I feel like walking around a bit". We grab our stuff, I shake Dan's hand and we leave. She turns around and asks him his name, which he tells her in a funny way and she laughs. Seems like she really liked the bugger.
On the way to the station I have my girl for myself again for about 5 minutes. Pulling her to my place is out of the question now, even though it's just 1 minute away. I didn't properly factor in the time limits, and she now stated several times how she needs go to bed early. I'm thinking my best bet is to try and vibe with her during the walk, go far a goodbye kiss. Then see if there's a second date.
On the way, the girl tells me about the guy she briefly talked to earlier, CB1. She knew him from the city where she lived before. She told me she took him home once, then CB1 wanted sex but she didn't want it. He was like "I'm not leaving here without fucking you!" (Would you believe it? Some guys are really sick man.) He insisted so much that she had to get help from her neighbours to throw him out. Fortunately they heard their argument through the walls, and came over to help her. One of them was quite big so he got the guy out.
However CB1 decided to camp outside her house and wait for her to come out. He followed her and even grabbed her arm until the point were she shouted at him "Leave me the fuck alone or I'm calling the police!" in a public place, and not until then did he finally leaver her alone.
Side note: I had seen CB1 once before too. A mutual friend told me he got fined for arguing with the police. Seems to be quite a conflictive personality. I told my girl that, and she's like Ok so he hasn't changed much. (Apparently he told her that he's changed and how he's a better person now. I told her that's what they all say...)
She was quite upset to have seen him there. I hadn't realized that while they spoke, and asked her why she talked to him in a friendly way at all. She told me it's best not to provoke this kind of people so they don't end up doing something crazy again. She's probably right about that. Women really need to be wary about guys, it's just a fact of life.
I put her arm around her as we walked side by side, and she melted into me for a brief moment, resting her head on my shoulders. We kept walking and I kept my arm around her for a few seconds more before taking it back as we walked.
When we reached the metro station she gave me a hug and said "We should meet again, I really like you!" - something like that, roughly translated. It felt like getting friend zoned. If I had thought about going for a goodbye kiss before, it didn't seem like she was ready for it. And cavemanning her after she had just told me about that experience with CB1 was completely out of the question. Which is why I called him cockblock one. He effectively blocked my chance at a hail-mary last minute kiss attempt.
I sent her a text shortly after to say it's been a pleasure meeting you, and hope you get home safe. She texted me when she was home, saying "my pleasure" with two smiley faces, and that she was going to bed already.
The next day we had a brief chat in the evening. I think I was far too much of a nice guy in that chat. I won't even write it all out here, it's kinda cringey looking back. I know now that she is attracted to bad guys. Should have been more cocky funny.
In fact, this whole date was a lesson in how girls go for the dominant guys. Dan was dominant socially, and no idea about CB1 but he does seem to be a the bad guy type too.
AFTER THE DATE
I'm royally pissed at Dan. After hugging the girl goodbye, I went back to the bar to talk to him. I'm not a violent guy at all. But I can look hella scary when I'm angry.
When I enter the bar, there's a guy and a girl bartending, both young, maybe early 20s. What impressed me was the smile the girl gave me as I walked in. It was a big smile. The guy asked me "can I help you", and I asked if Dan was there (they knew him by name) and he told me he'd left like 5 minutes ago. I said "ok no worries and left". The girl was still grinning. I can't quite place her expression, but it looked like pure primal excitement.
It dawned on me later that she must have watched the whole date, from me coming in with the girl, us flirting like crazy, Dan intruding, and us finally leaving. And now she saw me coming back in, pissed off, and looking for my "rival". I think she was attracted to me in a way. I probably should have hit on her but was in a completely different head space in the moment.
I didn't have any intention to fight the guy or anything. I just wanted to tell him that he fucked it up for me and ask why the hell he did that.
Anyway, good thing he wasn't there. There was nothing I had to gain from talking to him in that state.
When I get home, I see a text from Dan saying "sorry for ruining your date". I reply something like "damn she was cute". He texts me some hours later and says "Sorry man. You can call her again" to which I say "great idea. thanks so much."
I'm still pissed off the next day, so I tell him (over text) in very clear words that it was not cool what he did, and if he ever sees me with a date to leave us the fuck alone. It's unfortunate that I have to say this over text, but I don't know when I'll see him again and I have no desire to meet him right now.
He's still apologetic and says "Will do" and he'll invite me to some drinks. Left him on read. He can shove his drinks where the sun don't shine.
It bums me is that right now it feels like I've not just lost the girl, but also a friend.
Of course maybe she'll come out on a second date. Right now I don't even care much anymore. Maybe I'll ask her out in a couple of days, if I still feel like it.
----
What I find interesting about this experience is several things:
1. How to deal with people like Dan. I used to like the guy, really. But now he's betrayed me. If there's one thing you don't do to a friend, is get between him and his girl. Pretty sure he did this on purpose.
Seems to be the narcissist type. Took me a while to figure it out, but it fits. Another mutual friend seemed to be pissed off at him, for what reason he wouldn't say. And he got himself kicked out of a whatsapp group once for being a dick. I thought it was funny at the time, but looks like he does it to everyone.
Best advice is probably to spot the type early, and avoid.
2. Could I have done anything differently? I think I could have told my girl to "let's go for a walk" earlier. But honestly it didn't occur to me before, also I didn't want to appear to be too reactive.
3. It's amazing how I got not 1, but 2 cockblocks, and all because of the choice of bar I made. Originally I had scheduled that first date somewhere else anyway, by the beach to see the sunset, but since that got cancelled I decided to reschedule nearer my place to make it easier to pull. Any other bar would have been better apparently. I learned the lesson. Take girls to a quiet boring bar, where you are the coolest guy in the room, not to a trendy bar with music where other cool dudes hang out.
I learned a lot from this date. It's true that girls are helplessly attracted to the dominant types. Time to dial down my nice-guy-ness. Just a bit. Can still be nice once I actually have the girl.
----
What I did well: Wasn't too eager to meet up at first, in fact she was chasing me for it. Even offering to buy me dinner.
Similarity - we had tons in common, especially music but also we were both from out of town. Also the brief moment we talked about religion and spirituality it felt very compatible. Of course there were some other things less so but it was much more than I experienced with most other girls.
Compliance - Got it throughout the whole date, up until the end were I told her let's walk. She followed me in everything, which was great.
Attraction - Apparently not so much. I thought I was on my way there, but when Dan showed up she showed him at least similar levels of attraction. Maybe it would have worked if he hadn't appeared, no way of knowing.
Age difference - She didn't seem to mind much. Great to know!
----
Side note: Another thing that I find interesting. If the first meetup attempt had worked out, or if i had chosen to go to any other bar, or at a different time, everything would have worked out completely differently. I am a believer in fate. Maybe the gods want me to get with a girl (or girls) from day game, not from online.
----
Any feedback welcome, especially how could I have dealt with this AMOG intruder in a cool way.
TLDR: Went on a date from online, it went great until I got cockblocked not by one but by two guys, both unrelated to each other. Learned a lot about the game of dominance in social situations, and how girls go for the bad guys.
Quick background on me: I'm 51 years old. Live in a Southern European country, but I'm from the North. The girl in question is from this country but not from the city we both live in.
Met the girl online originally. I've uninstalled all the apps a while ago, but I still had this girls number from two years ago. She was pretty much the only decent one I matched with on Tinder. We set up a date but I had to cancel, then we didn't have contact after that and I kind of forgot about her.
A week or so ago I saw her Whatsapp status and commented on it, and she replied super enthusiastically. Chatted a bit and she was super friendly. She told me she had just recently ended a short but intense relationship. So I asked her out and we set up a date.
First date got cancelled, because she was stuck somewhere and couldn't get a ride in time. She would have been over an hour late, so in the end I said let's just meet another day. She was super eager to meet up again and even offered to buy me dinner later that same night, but I dislike dinner dates and also didn't want to appear too easy so I said no to that. In the end we rescheduled for 2 days later.
We met at a public square near our house. Before the date I was nervous that either she would reject me right on sight because I had never told her how old I am, my profile photo is from a while ago. On the other hand I was also worried that maybe we'd end up hitting it off together and she'd end up being some crazy BPD girl, because of how eager she seemed to meet up.
The moment we met, chemistry was good right from the start. In my experiences in most cases, with girls you know right away as soon as you say hi to a person if there will be a connection or not. In this case, it was there.
I knew we were both into the same type of music, so I was wearing a band t shirt, together with wide black jeans and boots. She was wearing a black ankle-long dress, and sneakers. Looked good in it. Cute face, beautiful long hair. Not quite as slim as my usual type though, but no fattie either. Cute girl overall.
She was all smiles, and I teased her right away about a stain she had on her dress. She had told me beforehand that she's an expert in spilling food on herself lol. Real funny girl, and a bit self deprecating which made her even cuter. So I looked for that stain right away and pointed it out. We both laughed, then I said if you'd come without a stain I would have stained you later, and she laughed even harder.
She asked me what I wanted to do, and I took her to a bar right next to where I live. It's a cozy little friendly bar, with a little terrace outside but there was only room inside. There was one table with 2 chairs, but again she asked me where we would be sitting and I decided to post up at the bar. Little did I know that my choice of bar would be fatal at the time.
On our way there, we got into good deep conversation right away. We briefly talked about what each of us do for a living, I cold read her but got it wrong, and she explained to me she was a social worker. When we walked by a church, I told her let's have a look through the door. We appreciated the decorations a bit and she told me she likes churches and sometimes just sits in one to relax, even though she isn't really religious.
We somehow got to talking about the universe and the possibility of life on other planets, and how they might already be here without us even being aware of it. Pretty deep stuff for someone you only met 2 minutes ago. The walk was maybe 5 minutes max.
Inside the bar, everything went great at first too. We connected a lot over music since we had similar tastes. We ordered some light drinks and she offered to pay by card. I offered her a couple Euros for mine, but she declined, so she ended up paying. Not that I care much either way, but it's a nice little detail.
The music was bit of a problem. I'm just a tiny little bit deaf from many years of playing in bands, and I sometimes have trouble understanding what the other party is saying in a noisy environement. So I had to lean in and ask her to repeat herself quite a lot. Not a huge problem, but it does come across as less smooth than if I didn't have to do that. Mental note taken: Take girls to quiet places, especially for the first date!
At one point she asked me her age, I told her 51 and she said she's 34. I didn't notice any negative reaction to the age difference. We just continued talking normally.
We shared a lot of laughs, I touched her inspecting some jewelry she was wearing, and she told me about what it meant to her. I teased her that she was blonde, which she wasn't but her hair wasn't completely dark either. At one point I asked her to show me her legs because she had mentioned over text that she hadn't shaved them. (Again, a bit of self deprecation there which I wasn't really sure why she did that, but I found it quite endearing.) She lifted her leg and pulled up her dress enough to show me her lower legs. I touched her skin a bit and there was indeed a bit of stubble there, barely visible but I could feel it. Nothing horrible though.
Then I held my arm next to her leg. My skin was much darker than hers, since I'm on the beach all the time. It was funny because I'm the Northern European one and she's from the South, and I teased her about that to which she laughed.
We talked a bit more about our favorite bands, I asked her for some of her favcorite songs and we were even singing some tunes for a bit. So far, everything going great.
Suddenly she's looking to the side, at some other guy. She says to him "I know you!" ... "From [city she lived before]". They start talking to each other, I just hang back and watch. (Let's call him Cockblock 1 for reference, or CB1. I'll be comin back to him again later). They talk in their language (I'm not a native) and with the noisy environment, I don't really follow what they're saying. After about half a minute or a minute, the guy leaves and I have my girl for myself again.
We keep vibing and all is good. At one point I suggest sitting outside, since the music is making it hard for me to understand her. She's fine with it but as I step outside I see that the table I meant to go to was taken. All other tables were occupied too so we had to stay at the bar.
She's showing me something cool music related on her phone, and we are really close. Suddenly a friend of mine appears. Let's call him Dan. I'm kind of perplexed so I fail to introduce them to each other. I couldn't even remember his name in the moment. He shakes my hand and then asks my girl her name, and they exchange names. I continue to just stare because I really didn't want to be disturbed at this point, so he buzzes off. I honestly wasn't sure what to do or say to him. It all happened really fast.
Talked for half a minute or so to the girl, then Dan comes back. This time I say Hi how's it going to him since I didn't want to be rude. He joins our conversation and asks my girl how we know each other. She seems reluctant to tell him and says something like she doesn't really know, so I just say we met in a bar. He isn't buying it and keeps asking, so she tells him how I commented on her status and we started talking and stuff. I say "It's our first date" hoping he takes the hint. But my girl goes and says "Well it's not really a date, more of a meetup". Damn. She seems interested in him.
Side note: This guy is older than myself, I think 55 or so. Still looking good. He's also taller than me, and dresses in a cool way. He's married and has two sons, so I didn't see him as competition at first. However he is also an alcoholic, and is out pretty much every day. He's a smooth talked and quite funny, which is why I thought he was cool. Today I would learn better.
So even though I told him it's a date, Dan stays. He must have liked the interest from the girl. I say "We met on Tinder" because he kept pushing it. He's like "Oh it's a Tinder date?" and acts like he's leaving, but he doesn't leave. The girl is like well might be on Tinder but it must have been a long time ago, since I'm not on there any more. I agree, and seay yes it was a long time ago, and I'm not on there anymore either. Dan says something about how Tinder is sketchy, and we all agree.
I get a closer look at Dan, and he looks a bit rough. I'm pretty sure he was high on cocaine. I can't be sure, but the signs were there. Red eyes, rubbing his nose several times, pale face. He was drinking beer and wine both while we were there.
He makes up for it though by being super witty and funny. Which is what I liked about him. He's quite fun to talk to. Now it's working against me though. My girl is laughing at his jokes. He doesn't seem to have my problem with the music like I have, so he's quicker to respond and my girl is laughing at his jokes as well as at mine. I'm still touching her once in a while and he isn't, but it doesn't seem to help much. The girl gives him at least equal attention now as me, I think even more. I'm don't think I'm out of the race though, since he's married and he's told her so. He's complaining how life with 2 kids sucks and is making him miserable. My girl says she's 34 and her friends all have kids and are asking her "and what about you?" He says "That's because they want you to be miserable too."
We joke a bit about music and bands and groupies and stuff. For a while I just lean back and go with the flow, thinking that maybe his presence will helpe me to get the girl in some way. Maybe he gave me some social proof, who knows. Probably doesn't work this way though.
At some point I decided to just lean back on a bar stool, and seem like the more relaxed guy of the two. While he was standing and telling his jokes. It actually kind of worked. Whenever there was a pause in the conversation I used it to ask the girl some deep question, with intense eye contact, but leaning with the back against the bar on my stool, while her and Dan were standing.
After a while I think Dan picked up on the fact that he was now in the position of the dancing monkey, and sat down too. We chat some more and I decide it's time to tell her "let's go for a walk". Should probably have done that at least half an hour earlier to get out of this bar, but I didn't want to look like I just wanted to get away from Dan.
The girl says she actually has to go home. She had mentioned this before, in fact. So I say "Ok, I'll walk you to the metro station. I feel like walking around a bit". We grab our stuff, I shake Dan's hand and we leave. She turns around and asks him his name, which he tells her in a funny way and she laughs. Seems like she really liked the bugger.
On the way to the station I have my girl for myself again for about 5 minutes. Pulling her to my place is out of the question now, even though it's just 1 minute away. I didn't properly factor in the time limits, and she now stated several times how she needs go to bed early. I'm thinking my best bet is to try and vibe with her during the walk, go far a goodbye kiss. Then see if there's a second date.
On the way, the girl tells me about the guy she briefly talked to earlier, CB1. She knew him from the city where she lived before. She told me she took him home once, then CB1 wanted sex but she didn't want it. He was like "I'm not leaving here without fucking you!" (Would you believe it? Some guys are really sick man.) He insisted so much that she had to get help from her neighbours to throw him out. Fortunately they heard their argument through the walls, and came over to help her. One of them was quite big so he got the guy out.
However CB1 decided to camp outside her house and wait for her to come out. He followed her and even grabbed her arm until the point were she shouted at him "Leave me the fuck alone or I'm calling the police!" in a public place, and not until then did he finally leaver her alone.
Side note: I had seen CB1 once before too. A mutual friend told me he got fined for arguing with the police. Seems to be quite a conflictive personality. I told my girl that, and she's like Ok so he hasn't changed much. (Apparently he told her that he's changed and how he's a better person now. I told her that's what they all say...)
She was quite upset to have seen him there. I hadn't realized that while they spoke, and asked her why she talked to him in a friendly way at all. She told me it's best not to provoke this kind of people so they don't end up doing something crazy again. She's probably right about that. Women really need to be wary about guys, it's just a fact of life.
I put her arm around her as we walked side by side, and she melted into me for a brief moment, resting her head on my shoulders. We kept walking and I kept my arm around her for a few seconds more before taking it back as we walked.
When we reached the metro station she gave me a hug and said "We should meet again, I really like you!" - something like that, roughly translated. It felt like getting friend zoned. If I had thought about going for a goodbye kiss before, it didn't seem like she was ready for it. And cavemanning her after she had just told me about that experience with CB1 was completely out of the question. Which is why I called him cockblock one. He effectively blocked my chance at a hail-mary last minute kiss attempt.
I sent her a text shortly after to say it's been a pleasure meeting you, and hope you get home safe. She texted me when she was home, saying "my pleasure" with two smiley faces, and that she was going to bed already.
The next day we had a brief chat in the evening. I think I was far too much of a nice guy in that chat. I won't even write it all out here, it's kinda cringey looking back. I know now that she is attracted to bad guys. Should have been more cocky funny.
In fact, this whole date was a lesson in how girls go for the dominant guys. Dan was dominant socially, and no idea about CB1 but he does seem to be a the bad guy type too.
AFTER THE DATE
I'm royally pissed at Dan. After hugging the girl goodbye, I went back to the bar to talk to him. I'm not a violent guy at all. But I can look hella scary when I'm angry.
When I enter the bar, there's a guy and a girl bartending, both young, maybe early 20s. What impressed me was the smile the girl gave me as I walked in. It was a big smile. The guy asked me "can I help you", and I asked if Dan was there (they knew him by name) and he told me he'd left like 5 minutes ago. I said "ok no worries and left". The girl was still grinning. I can't quite place her expression, but it looked like pure primal excitement.
It dawned on me later that she must have watched the whole date, from me coming in with the girl, us flirting like crazy, Dan intruding, and us finally leaving. And now she saw me coming back in, pissed off, and looking for my "rival". I think she was attracted to me in a way. I probably should have hit on her but was in a completely different head space in the moment.
I didn't have any intention to fight the guy or anything. I just wanted to tell him that he fucked it up for me and ask why the hell he did that.
Anyway, good thing he wasn't there. There was nothing I had to gain from talking to him in that state.
When I get home, I see a text from Dan saying "sorry for ruining your date". I reply something like "damn she was cute". He texts me some hours later and says "Sorry man. You can call her again" to which I say "great idea. thanks so much."
I'm still pissed off the next day, so I tell him (over text) in very clear words that it was not cool what he did, and if he ever sees me with a date to leave us the fuck alone. It's unfortunate that I have to say this over text, but I don't know when I'll see him again and I have no desire to meet him right now.
He's still apologetic and says "Will do" and he'll invite me to some drinks. Left him on read. He can shove his drinks where the sun don't shine.
It bums me is that right now it feels like I've not just lost the girl, but also a friend.
Of course maybe she'll come out on a second date. Right now I don't even care much anymore. Maybe I'll ask her out in a couple of days, if I still feel like it.
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What I find interesting about this experience is several things:
1. How to deal with people like Dan. I used to like the guy, really. But now he's betrayed me. If there's one thing you don't do to a friend, is get between him and his girl. Pretty sure he did this on purpose.
Seems to be the narcissist type. Took me a while to figure it out, but it fits. Another mutual friend seemed to be pissed off at him, for what reason he wouldn't say. And he got himself kicked out of a whatsapp group once for being a dick. I thought it was funny at the time, but looks like he does it to everyone.
Best advice is probably to spot the type early, and avoid.
2. Could I have done anything differently? I think I could have told my girl to "let's go for a walk" earlier. But honestly it didn't occur to me before, also I didn't want to appear to be too reactive.
3. It's amazing how I got not 1, but 2 cockblocks, and all because of the choice of bar I made. Originally I had scheduled that first date somewhere else anyway, by the beach to see the sunset, but since that got cancelled I decided to reschedule nearer my place to make it easier to pull. Any other bar would have been better apparently. I learned the lesson. Take girls to a quiet boring bar, where you are the coolest guy in the room, not to a trendy bar with music where other cool dudes hang out.
I learned a lot from this date. It's true that girls are helplessly attracted to the dominant types. Time to dial down my nice-guy-ness. Just a bit. Can still be nice once I actually have the girl.
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What I did well: Wasn't too eager to meet up at first, in fact she was chasing me for it. Even offering to buy me dinner.
Similarity - we had tons in common, especially music but also we were both from out of town. Also the brief moment we talked about religion and spirituality it felt very compatible. Of course there were some other things less so but it was much more than I experienced with most other girls.
Compliance - Got it throughout the whole date, up until the end were I told her let's walk. She followed me in everything, which was great.
Attraction - Apparently not so much. I thought I was on my way there, but when Dan showed up she showed him at least similar levels of attraction. Maybe it would have worked if he hadn't appeared, no way of knowing.
Age difference - She didn't seem to mind much. Great to know!
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Side note: Another thing that I find interesting. If the first meetup attempt had worked out, or if i had chosen to go to any other bar, or at a different time, everything would have worked out completely differently. I am a believer in fate. Maybe the gods want me to get with a girl (or girls) from day game, not from online.
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Any feedback welcome, especially how could I have dealt with this AMOG intruder in a cool way.
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