Unswunghero's Journal

[unswunghero]

Why am I here? I spent over 2 years solely using dating apps to try and meet women. About 2 months ago I realized that is futile and have given up on them for meeting women. Also, my social circle dried up quickly over the summer and I basically did nothing all summer because of it and was too lazy/not confident enough to go out and make new friends. I wanted to start this journal a month ago but could not find a forum until recently. I've since found some new friends in the last month after joining a rec kickball team.

I'm using this journal to hold myself accountable for all of my social interactions.


A bit about me:

• 28 yo. In a mid sized US city (eastern US).
• 5'6. Handsome. Small frame, not overly muscular, but strong build/good posture. I am also balding, hair thinning, and a nice bald spot in the back.
• Ambivert - I can be outgoing but can also be shy. I need to build momentum over days/weeks to be outgoing and then I ride that for days to weeks to months before I am more introverted again then I have to reset and build the momentum back. My social skills are average I would say.
• Pulled or could have pulled several women between the ages of 20-23 but had a ton of anxiety around sex; had women in bed 2 different times but got ED because of anxiety
• Gave up on dating and meeting women completely for 2-3 years due to work stress/life in flux (including the first 1.5 years of COVID)
• Finally started getting back out at 26, lost virginity after pulling a girl at a bar: the interaction went from me saying hello to us leaving the bar literally 5 minutes later. Didn't go past one time because I met her when I was in a different city for a wedding.
• Didn't really go out to bars after that for the last 2 years because I got tired of the bar scene. Just used dating apps but only 1 FWB and nothing other than first dates otherwise (usually because I wasn't attracted to them or there just wasn't any chemistry)
• A year ago, I get a FWB I met on tinder, we hooked up for 2-3 months before going our separate ways.
• Had a few tinder hookups last winter but since then

Why am I creating a journal?

• I need to hold myself accountable for trying to be social
• I need to hold myself accountable for approaching women when I am out at the store or bars or social eventsI am going out places alone to make new friends and meet women with the goal of creating a social circle and getting better at game/social skills in general.

Goals:

• Go out by myself to make new friends and meet women.
• Go out with new friends to social events or bars, etc.
• Get a FWB or someone to date casually that might turn into a girlfriend. Not really going for one night stands but sorta open to having them.

 

[unswunghero]

2 weeks ago I went to a singles night at a bar where I live after learning about it the week before. I went and stood at a table. I started by approaching these two girls that walked in, they basically ignored me. I then went and stood near a table, then walked up to a girl who was with some other single girls there but wasn't talking to anyone, I wasn't really attracted to her, and I was mostly just looking to warm up my social skills for the night.

After a couple minutes, I left that conversation and went back to standing near a table. This girl who was cute but a bit overweight approached me, and told me she liked my shirt. We talked for the rest of the night, and made out a good amount. Was really nice being the object of pursuit as opposed to the opposite. I tried to get her to go home with me a couple of times, as she was very forward and said she wanted a sexual relationship with me. However, she didn't want to leave with me. She texted me later that night that she wanted to come over, but I was exhausted and had to tell her no. Went on a date with her a week later but I felt less attracted to her, conversation also got awkward cause she started talking about her weight, we ended the night with a kiss but I probably won't see her again.

Tonight I'll be going out to the same bar/singles night, and will add another post here as a field report.

 

[gameboy]

Good luck! I've had good success so far trying the Newbie Assignment, in case you want to give it a try. (although I kind of got stuck on day 4 for ages, and I'm not following it to the letter)

 

[unswunghero]

Went out to the singles night last night. Saw a married couple that I know through a friend but hadn't seen in over a year, and talked to them for a while. There weren't a lot of single and/or attractive single women at the bar. I tried making eye contact with the 2 that I found attractive but they never looked at me, one ended up talking to this guy soon after entering. I saw a guy (Guy X) I met the last time and talked to him and his friend for a bit.

Saw two girls that were standing at the bar like they were trying to order a drink, was gonna go talk to them but I figured I'd wait until they were done getting their drink. They were there for at least 10-15 minutes and I realized they were just hanging out next to the bar so I approached them, "hey how are you" and struck up a conversation.

The one was single (girl A), the other one was off the market (girl B). The single one was not the best looking but not unattractive, has a nice butt and pretty eyes . I ended up flirting and teasing them a lot. Girl A asked me what I was looking for -- I said "I'm not sure, really just looking for someone I'm attracted to and can do fun things with, and if it ends in a relationship that's fine, if not, that's fine". She said she was not in the right place for a relationship, I was confused and said so are you just looking for a hookup. She said she has a 4 date policy before sex. I was very confused as to what she was looking for, and she said well I would totally make out with you right now. I went for it but we were in such a public spot she wasn't having it and I played it off as a joke.

Girl A ended up making a friend in the bathroom (girl C). Girl C was objectively stunningly attractive, spicy latina, tight crop top and no bra, and a very sassy personality. Girl C was with a guy friend (Guy Q), we all thought they were there as a couple but then learned they were just friends. We ended up having a fun conversation, poking fun at eachother (I do great with sassy girls, they are my favorite). Girl C invited girl A, B, and me out to another bar cause she wanted to go dancing. I drove them to another bar.

The whole interaction with girl C was her throwing shit at me and me playing it off. Ex: her, "oh so you think you're funny." me, "no, definitely not. I just get lucky sometimes". Literally everything she said to me could have been read as a "shit test".

We all went in to the other bar. I'm talking to Girl A and she pulls me in and says "I just want to jump your bones, you're so hot." She also started feeling me up and grabbing my butt which she complimented, saying it was a great butt and better than hers -- so of course I grabbed her butt and things got a bit flirty. Girls all go into the bathroom, and they come out and Girl A tells me "girl B and C approve of you. Girl C said she's been testing you and you passed".

Girl A was also getting hit on by another guy and she was entertaining him. I just turned my attention to the group. We go to the dance floor, bump into Guy X. Girl A looks at Guy X with doe eyes and tells me she finds him sexy. I introduce them and then Guy X's friend comes over she did the same doe eyes at him, and I tell him that she finds him sexy and she says "of course i do is that okay?" I told her I find Girl C sexy so yeah that's fine. She then asked if it was okay if she flirted with Guy X. I said go ahead. She went over and talked to Guy X, then goes over and talks to his friend. I keep playing it cool and dancing and hanging with Girl B and C and our other guy friend. Eventually Girl A comes back to me, grabs me, keeps grabbing my ass, and keeps telling me I'm so sexy and she wants me. I try to kiss her but it's still to public apparently. We then we go dance a bit. eventually she shoves her tongue down my throat. Objectively the worst kisser ever, basically trying to lick my chin, lips, and inside of my mouth very sloppily. We dance a bunch. I danced a little bit with Girl C while girl A and girl B were dancing together. Girl A keeps telling me she wants to rip my clothes off, tear me apart, fuck me, that she likes me so much, etc. But she was drunk.

We eventually leave the bar, girl A was pretty damn/too drunk and we get her in an uber home. Girl C was acting obsessed with me. I drive the rest of them back to their cars, got Guy Q and Girl C's phone number and she says she wants to take me out again with her friend next time they go out. She also texted me some.
Girl A has also been texting me and telling me I'm awesome.



Wow what a fucking night. Got 3 hours of sleep. Let's see where this goes.


Edit (everything below):
Adding some things that happened with Girl C - Important to note that she is a "bad bitch": she is hot shit, she knows she's hot shit, she will tell you she's hot shit, and will eventually tell you she's the baddest bitch in the club (and it will probably be true).

• Right after meeting her, she caught me checking her out or something (her nipples were showing through her shirt cause she was braless) and I looked away. She said "what? does it intimidate you when I look at you" and I responded "no, I'm not just used to women looking me up and down like that" (she may have looked me up and down, I'm not even sure). She said "So you aren't gonna look me up and down" and I went "nope, I only look women in the eyes." and proceeded to lock eye contact with her until the moment passed
• At the second bar, the girls were trying to get into the bathroom (single toilet style) which had a line. Girl C kept trying to jump the line and pull the other girls with them. The second time, the group (mixed girls and guys) sorta confronted them. I jump in the middle, lock eyes with Girl C and forcefully say "Get in the back of the line, BITCH" to which the random girls who were confronting them got a bit scared of me and what was about to happen and Girl C defends me and tells them "he's with us, he's with us, it's cool"

I swear this is the most game I've ever had and I rocked it the whole 4-5 hours straight, just all instinct and in the flow.

 

[gameboy]

She said she has a 4 date policy before sex. I was very confused as to what she was looking for, and she said well I would totally make out with you right now. I went for it but we were in such a public spot she wasn't having it and I played it off as a joke.

Awesome response to that stupid policy line!

 

[unswunghero]

Soooo updates. Girl A was texting me a ton in the day after meeting her (Friday). She lives in the town over (30 minute drive) and I had to go there the following Tuesday for a thing, so we set a date for after my thing. She also made sure ell me that she wanted something casual, and made sure that's what I was looking for.

But Saturday she texted me all day, and then she mentioned she was free that night. I had no plans after late afternoon, so we ended up getting dinner. She Ubered there cause she doesn't like driving at night. She looked really good, a lot better than she did the night I met her. She paid for her own food AND she paid for my drink because I'd bought her a drink the night I met her. We ended up going back at my place for a drink and a movie, and ended up making out a lot. She told me she wants to be casual and not exclusive and take things slow, she doesn't want a relationship. I offered to let her spend the night, which she was very heavily considering but then ended up Ubering home. She said she wanted to see me Tuesday for our scheduled date too. She had to have spent well over $100 on ubers and dinner/drinks just to see me.

Tuesday (last night) we ended up on our scheduled date. We got dinner and drinks. She looked even better than Saturday. Then we went back and made out in the car for over an hour. She wanted me to come over but I didn't have enough time cause it was already really late and I've got a dog plus work. She also told me she's not seeing anyone else, still wants things to be "casual" because she doesn't want to rush things, but it seems like she is leaning towards being exclusive and just doesn't want to rush into a relationship that isn't right. She's shown some signs of real maturity which is cool, and she is a lot of fun. So I'm excited to see where this goes, considering the only thing close to a relationship I've had in my entire 28 year old life was an exclusive FWB for 2 months last year.

It's amazing, 7 days ago I was on the verge of tears talking to my 2 best guy friends who are married/engaged about how I'm so tired of being single. I start this journal to hold myself accountable. That very day I meet someone interested, and I see some potential. I'm not going to get my hopes up because that only has downsides, but I'm going to take this slow and keep trying to stay as busy as possible in the rest of my social life and keep trying to meet new people.

 

[unswunghero]

Just an update on the situation with girl A. We ended up on another date last Friday (3 dates/hangouts in 6 days). We went out axe throwing and then drinks. She ended up getting too drunk, I didn't know her tolerance so I wasn't keeping any eye on/limiting her alcohol intake. She got quite "lit" and we left the bar so I could take her home. She was falling over drunk, which was really sad and disappointing just in general. After getting he inside she immediately started making out with me. We made out on the couch and cuddled a lot. She also ended up telling me "I love you" about 200+ times (not an exaggeration) as we were making out and cuddling. She kept clarifying herself (No, no, I don't mean it but I love you) -- I said "you love spending time with me" and she said that's more what she meant. She also said she loves that I have siblings because she wants to marry into a family, so that was a lot to take in because she keeps saying she wants something casual and isn't in the right place for a relationship. I stayed for a while to let her sober up, then went home in the wee hours of the morning.

She called the next day to apologize for saying she loved me, and make sure she clarified she didn't actually love me, but also she's never said "i love you" to a guy in any context and I'm the first guy she's said this too. So she really likes me.

I'm scared of what to do, I feel like I'm going to break her heart really bad. Her personality is as good as I could ask for, she's lots of fun, easy to talk to, and LOVES sports (literally obsessed with sports).

But she's not as attractive as the women I know I could get. When I'm out with her, I see other girls looking at me/us with that "why is he with her" look, as I am pretty handsome and when I'm with a girl she is having fun (otherwise we wouldn't be going out cause I'm not gonna go out with someone where both of us aren't having fun). She is like a 6.5, would be a 7-7.5 if she was fit (she could lose 10-15 lbs). I know I could get a girl who is an 8+, so I just don't know what to do. I absolutely hate that feeling of seeing more attractive women at places when I'm on a date and thinking "I could get her and she's way more attractive than the girl I'm with", especially as I've never really been with a girl I'm 100% attracted to.

I'm very sexually inexperienced, I've had sex like 7 times (2 or 3 times was premature ejaculation). 3 of the girls I tried having sex with I got performance anxiety/ED (probably from porn use/porn addiction that I picked up in high school), 1 girl I came almost immediately when she started giving me a BJ (though I still made her orgasm twice with my hands, including squirting) and this ended as a ONS. So I'm very much in a situation where I want a relationship mainly gaining sexual experience (though I do want some companionship). But I am scared of going after a woman I'm truly attracted to because I don't have the sexual experience/skill/confidence and don't want that to fuck things up with a women where everything is perfect except I'm sexually inexperienced and I get dumped early on because of that.

People keep telling me that all relationships are worth it, so I'm just going to keep things going as far as I can with girl A. I still just am afraid of breaking her heart, but she is in the same situation of being afraid of breaking my heart. So I guess it's possible we'll come to a mutual agreement that the relationship should end, but hopefully after we've had a lot of sex so I can get some experience. I still really like this girl, so if things end up in a true long term relationship, it would be fine. But if she doesn't get in shape/value fitness like I do, plus she has a cat and I'm allergic, I have some good excuses that we aren't meant for each other. Fitness and health is my #1 value in my personal life.

 

[unswunghero]

So I wrote a field report about meeting a MILF at a bar (47), who I made out with and got her number on Friday. Yesterday, I texted her that it was nice to meet her. She responded immediately. I texted back a few hours later saying we should grab a drink next week, she said she's free just tell her what works for my schedule. We made plans for Monday. She asked what I was doing last night, told her I was going to a friends and family thing. Then she told me she was going to watch a friends band and invited me along if I got bored. My thing got boring so I left early to meet the MILF at the bar/venue. This was an old person's bar. Most people there were my parents age. But they were getting down on the dance floor and it was entertaining. MILF was with her friends who are in their 50s. I hung out with, flirted/talked, danced, grinded, and made out some with the MILF. The band stopped playing and so it was time to leave, she was DDing her friends home. She said she still wanted to go out Monday if she is feeling okay from her flu/covid booster she's getting today. Said "if she has 2 glasses of wine she's probably gonna take advantage of me". She also asked me to maybe come over and hang today if I want. Just texted her that last night was fun, and she asked what I'm doing today.

Girl A that I've been out with 3 times and I have plans for Thursday. She didn't have time to hang out last week/needed some personal time. But we chit chatted on the phone for 40 minutes last night before I went to my friends party.

Oh how the turn table have turned.

 

[unswunghero]

Update on the MILF situation.
We ended up going out to a cocktail bar last night, as originally planned. It's a cool place that I go on a lot of first dates. We had a good conversation, mostly just getting to know her, letting her talk. It was actually a pretty platonic conversation for a while. Maybe a couple jokes. Then we had some funny jokes about sex/relationships. Eventually we'd both had 2 drinks, and she said where to next, I said "lets go to my place". I gave her my address. She came over. We fucked. My performance was not quite nearly what I would have liked, I didn't last more than a couple minutes. But fuck it, that ended a 1 year dry spell. She's also objectively the sexiest woman I've had sex with (big tits, nice ass, skinny).

But I texted her today that I had fun. She said we did too. I said we should do something soon, and mentioned a restaurant/bar she talked about. She said yes we need to, and should go to that restaurant.

Also, I am seeing Girl A tomorrow, who is coming over for dinner. Will be 13 days since I've seen her.

 

[unswunghero]

Update on Girl A:

• She came over for dinner/to watch a basketball game wednesday. After the game we started making out. I said let's go to the bedroom, she said not yet. 10 minutes later I said it again, she said okay. But then stopped because she told me she wants to start seeing other guys so she doesn't catch feelings for me since she doesn't want a relationship. It was really a buzzkill, especially because we've already had the conversation "let's be casual" 4 or 5 times already. Kissed more, then I lead her to the bedroom. Started feeling her up but she was on her period, she actually still seemed kinda down but I wasn't trying to have period sex as the first time. She didn't want to go down on me since I couldn't get her off, either. Tbh, I'm not really feeling this girl anymore. She has seemed much less attractive the last 2 times I've seen her. I think she's been partying/drinking a lot, and seems bloated/heavier.
• She said she wants to see me next weekend, so like a once/week pace. But she wants me to come to her (35 minutes away) next time, but she lives with her elderly mom and has cats, so we wouldn't be fucking most likely and tbh I don't even know if I want to at this point since she's been less attractive and annoying with her "status of the relationship" talks. So I may see her just as something to do but I really am leaning away from her right now.

Update on the MILF:

• Went out to dinner Thursday. I'm enjoying my time with her; conversations have had some awkward pauses, our conversations don't gel as much as I'd like. Part of that is she has 20 years of life experience on me so it's harder to have those flowing conversations; also during dinner it is harder because there's a lot going on around you, waiters interrupting, etc.
  • NOTE: This is why I personally and so many others recommend "drinks" as first/early dates, because there is no distraction from your flirtations and conversations
• We did not do anything after dinner, she was tired and in a bad mood from some family stuff. But she said she would come over to my place this weekend if I was bored. So I walked her to her car and we kissed briefly.
• It's funny looking at other people giving us weird looks when we're out cause she is 20 years older than me. But I feel like I always get looks when i'm out with a woman anyways (he's so much more attractive than her why is he with her; oh they are a good looking couple; they look like they're having fun; etc type looks)

 

[Lover]

Started feeling her up but she was on her period, she actually still seemed kinda down but I wasn't trying to have period sex as the first time.

Why not?

But then stopped because she told me she wants to start seeing other guys so she doesn't catch feelings for me since she doesn't want a relationship. It was really a buzzkill, especially because we've already had the conversation "let's be casual" 4 or 5 times already

This was her telling you you guys were moving too slow as far as getting casual. She was sober and you made it to your bed, but you bailed because she was on her period. Auch. All that commute just for nothing to happen

You can fuck a girl in the shower or put a towel under her if she's on her period. And you can finger her clit to get her turned on.

As things are now, you may not get many more opportunities with her but she invited you over. Take control of the situation and invite her to your place confidently again. And make sex happen this time

 

[unswunghero]

Why not?

Because I don't even know if I'm even attracted to her in general anymore, she's been less and less attractive the last 2 times I've seen her. I don't think I'd be able to get/keep it up if she was on her period.

Honestly, I really don't care that we didn't have sex and I don't care if I never see her again. She lives 30 minutes away and lives with her mom, so if she wants to fuck, she has to come to me (which is fine but a lot more difficult). Literally she's been just pissing me off and became new best friends with Girl C which ruined all chances at girl C.

 

[unswunghero]

I'm actually going through some anxiety right now. The MILF I've been seeing says she has been feeling lousy this week, and the first time we had sex I didn't realize I'd came and kept thrusting and there's a chance some of my sperm got into her squeezed out of the condom (also had booty call sex with her the day after our dinner date). So I'm having some anxiety that she's pregnant. Holy fuck, fuck me.

Went out to singles night at that bar the other night and it was pretty dead. This woman came up and talked to me the whole time, she was also a MILF. Prettier/younger looking than the milf that I've been seeing, but has a son who is 2 years younger than me. She said the youngest guy she'd hook up with is 35 but she also wanted to get my phone number and text me. So that's interesting, just gonna see where that goes. Let her initiate things, cause she was also sorta looking just for friends. And said her daughter is marrying a dimwit next year, and she said she'd love to swap me in.

The milf I was seeing was supposed to go to a live music show tonight, but canceled cause she is feeling lousy. Again, hoping she's not pregnant and is just feeling down about a rough interaction with family over christmas. She does have depression and is on antidepressants, so sadly I'm hoping that she's just dealing with that OR is just not interested in me anymore and is an excuse.

I'll post an update about the live music show tonight. I think I'll be going alone, my friends don't seem interested in using my extra ticket.

 

[unswunghero]

I forgot to post an update about the concert I went to. I went there, and stood near the wall in the middle of the venue. I saw a girl alone and she walked near me, I made conversation with her. I opened with "I saw your pigtails and I was hoping your were one of my friends who always wears pigtails", the conversation was pretty boring. We had some things in common but tbh I wasn't socially warmed up and I didn't really put my best conversation skills forward. I talked to some other girls but nothing went anywhere. I accidentally drank too much because I got carried away by the environment and having fun with the rock music.

After the concert, I went to a cocktail bar next door. I got a drink and went and sat alone at a couch. I saw 2 women and a guy on the other side of the room. Both women were in 40's and had short pixie style hair cuts. The guy and one of the women almost immediately stood up and went to the bar. The other woman held eye contact with me. For some reason I had the thought "these women aren't american" and so I walked up and sat down across from the woman and said "you aren't american are you?" she said "no, I'm from Czech Republic". I then proceeded to talk to her and her friend/her friend's boyfriend. I got too drunk though and eventually they were like "you should leave now" because I was borderline blackout drunk and embarrassing myself. Obviously I'm disappointed that I got too drunk but I'm not mad at myself or anything, I had fun, and it was awesome to have this cool intuition that these women weren't american and they turned out to be from the czech republic.

I haven't seen Girl A or the MILF since before Christmas as everyone was busy and then I got a cold and have been sick since NYE.

Girl A and I were texting 2 days before NYE. I told her I was going to bed, and she proceeded to ask me a question in her reply. The next day I just ignored it and then I got sick. I didn't respond for over a week because I didn't see the point and also wanted to see if she would text me/gauging her interest since she was prioritizing hanging out with her friends over me. 9 days later she texted me "hey stranger! how's it going" and then a few texts later she asked why I never responded to her.

Yesterday I texted her to make plans. She ended up calling me to talk about options and we talked for like 2 hours just chit chatting. She also brought up a couple times how she kept wondering why I never texted her back/"ghosted" her.
^^^Emphasizing this to show how feigning disinterest can increase her interest in you by building the mystery.
I'm really sad this girl isn't more attractive, I'd wife her up based on her personality/how much fun and how easy it is to talk to her. She just isn't fit enough for me and usually women get less fit over time, she exercises a lot but bodyfat% is not one of her priorities. Fitness is my #1 priority and I like women to be not overweight.


Also, with the MILF, after she canceled the plans for the concert, I didn't text her for 3-4 days. I texted asking how she was doing. She normally had been responding to me really quickly. Eventually she replied back but she didn't respond for 22 hours. So I just didn't reply back at all and had no plans on replying. A few days later she asked me if she could come over the next day. Unfortunately I'm still dealing with a cold so I'm having to keep her away which sucks; hopefully me getting sick doesn't ruin things, but she's a mature 47 year old adult so let's hope she understands.
^^^Again, most women love games, especially if she's not looking at you from a "I want to marry this guy" perspective. Even if she's looking at you like that, playing "games" (not being available all the time) in the beginning can increase that attraction in her.


It's taken me a long time to be okay with playing games, and part of that right now is that I have options. It's easier to feign disinterest when you have options and don't actually give a fuck if a girl falls off your list. So if you don't have options, you have to fake it till you make it and learn to cope with the anxiety that playing games might give you when you don't have other options, because it's more likely to work than not in my experience.

 

[unswunghero]

I'm still getting over this cold. Had to get antibiotics but the my sniffles are lingering.

I hung out with Girl A Saturday, we went to an arcade bar and a small dance club. At the dance club she told me she wanted to suck my dick in the car afterwards. Then she got really drunk even though I told her not too. She also asked me what I was thinking as far as our relationship. I told her I don't see us being together forever. She said she felt the same way. Club closes and we left, I got "assaulted" by a homeless man walking back to the car (he got in my face, asked for money, grabbed at my arm when we walked away but he kept walking away too), then got to the car. We madeout and then she sucked my dick. I was very uncomfortable cause she was super drunk and it felt immoral, even though she told me she wanted to do it before she'd started to get really drunk.

This chick is a biter. And I kept telling her not to use teeth/bite on my dick. But she ended up eventually biting at the base and that's what made me finish. It wasn't even enjoyable because it felt immoral and I was just scared she was gonna bite me the whole time.

We talked the next day on the phone and she apologized for getting drunk. I told her she made me uncomfortable with her getting really drunk and then giving me head. I told her we won't be doing anything together if she's drinking, because she seems to lose control of herself and starts chugging drinks once she gets more than a couple drinks in her. We proceeded to talk for 4 hours and have the "relationship" talk; she said she thinks she might want a relationship with me. I told her that's unlikely. She said we haven't fucked yet because she likes me, if she didn't like me we would have fucked by now
^^^^classic "nice guy/relationship material" treatment that she's giving me and that's a huge turn off for me
She also keeps telling me I should be seeing other girls and asked if I was talking to anyone else. I said sort of, I'm talking to the MILF but haven't seen her in a while because of my illness so IDK if I'm still seeing her or not. She said maybe we should just be friends if I don't see a relationship happening anytime soon. I said we can't be just friends, eventually he agreed. But she wants me in her life still so we are gonna keep seeing eachother, even though she admitted she's probably gonna fall for me. I told her the ball is in her court, she'll probably get her heart broken but we'll make it worth it.

We went out last night too and got dinner/watched some of the NFL game. Then we made out in the car for like an hour. She bit my lip so hard it's now swollen and bruised. She lives with her mom and 30 minutes away from me so we couldn't go somewhere to fuck and our cars were in the open.


I sent her a picture this morning and said if she doesn't start being more careful we aren't gonna see eachother anymore.

Also, she keeps being 40-60 minutes late arriving at places and it's really pissing me off. I'm not meeting up with her anymore until she's just come over to my place at least 3 times in a row because fuck that, I'm not letting her disrespect me like that.

Honestly, I'm having big regrets for even seeing her last night. When I was at the restaurant and she told me she hadn't even left yet, I was super close to just leaving but she lives 30 minutes away and that's the only reason I stayed cause I didn't feel like driving 30 minutes again.

Tbh I may just wait till she fucks me, and if she's ever late again, I'm gonna ghost and block her the moment she tells me she's running late. I hate people who are late, and the only reason I'm still seeing her and putting up with it is because I've been sick and she let me hang out with her while I was still sick and she even ended up catching the sniffles also.

 

[unswunghero]

Lol that was a waste of a post yesterday. After telling her not to bite me so hard, she got mad at me and after a bit of a back and forth she said she just wants to be friends. I blocked her on everything.

I updated my instagram with some photos yesterday. I used to just have 1 post. Now I have 4. A girl I went out with once (but kept having scheduling conflicts after that) hit me up right after I uploaded the photos. I'll see what happens there, not putting any ideas in my head there. She is kind of "fake" -- I am best friends with her older brother, he and her parents are white and speak properly, but she speaks with an "urban" accent and its really a turn off cause idk how she started speaking like that, I mean wtf.

Still trying to get over my sniffles, and will hit up the MILF when I am. I also have little hope there just cause it's been nearly a month since I've seen her and will be over a month probably by the time I get over the sniffles.

Lol, also been texting "MILF #2" who said she doesn't date below 40's. But gonna just keep seeing what might happen there.

I will be doing more cold approach once I get over the cold (lol the irony): gonna try working from coffee shops, keep hitting up grocery stores/target, keep going out to bars/singles events, etc. This cold has been so annoying, I probably would still be seeing Girl A and definitely the MILF if I hadn't gotten sick.

I guess my "Lessons Learned" from Girl A:

• She said she didn't want a relationship (she's not in a good headspace/life situation)
  • the first time we hung out she said she was open to being FWB, I should have pounced on that. But at the same time, that early on I still wanted to see if she was someone I wanted a relationship with, as at that point I still thought she was really attractive (only knew her for 2 days).
• She texted me all the time, I didn't know how to not respond
• She ended up starting to fall for me, and that's why she said we didn't fuck (also, bad luck with her period and then me getting sick so IDK if that's really why)
  • I need to stop texting back so much
• I need to have stronger boundaries (honestly, a lot of this was because of my cold and not able to pursue other options)
  • If a girl shows up late, move on. Only reason I didn't is cause I'm still sick but she didn't care that I was sick.
  • If a girl is an alcoholic, move on. Girl A got really drunk on 2 dates. After the first time, I told her not to do it again. After the second time, I should have just moved on, but as a nice guy I wanted to help support her to not be an alcoholic but you can't help someone who doesn't want it.
  • If she bites my dick, move on.
• No more girls who are overweight/settling out of desperation to get my rocks off. Now that I've had sex/BJs recently, I'm not "desperate".
  • Of course she looks great when she's skinny, but I wasn't gonna stick it out with her until she lost the weight, and she was in a weight gaining phase because she's currently in an alcoholic phase cause she's coping with some family issues.
• Don't add girls on snapchat & never text first
• Don't hang out with a girl more than 1-2 times a week unless we've already fucked, in which case you gotta be fucking when you see them.
• Overall, I need to be selfish with girls like this. After meeting her the first time, and she started flirting with other guys, I knew she wasn't one for me to be in a relationship with. I was really just looking for someone to hang out with and have sex, and I loved her personality when she wasn't drunk. But I need to be more selfish if she says she isn't looking for a relationship.

Goals moving forward:
I still want someone who I can spend regular intimate time with - cuddle, makeout, fuck - on a casual basis just chilling at home. That's really what I want. I've had this only with a FWB before. That also is part of a committed relationship, but the issue is it can take weeks or months to get to that point/in a committed relationship. So I'm riding this fine line of trying to meet someone for the actions of a casual relationship but also being open to an actual relationship. I probably just need to choose one, but also so many committed relationships arise out of casual relationships. That's sort of what I was going for with Girl A/the direction I originally thought it was headed but then she changed from wanting casual to not casual. I need to make up my mind I guess or just find someone that clicks and wants the same thing - where we can just chill at home from an early standpoint but also be moving in the direction of a committed relationship; the hard thing there is if you're just chilling at home, it usually becomes physical and then girls often break things off cause they don't want an easy relationship. Though my FWB I had we just chilled and fucked with the understanding that we were FWB, but then she ended up wanting a relationship after a couple months (wasn't gonna happen cause she was married and had kids). Which leaves me to looking for a FWB while looking for someone who wants a committed relationship. IDK I'm confused. I'm just ranting my thoughts here, literally using this as a journal.

 

[unswunghero]

Wow, been a while since I updated. So I ended up talking to the girl who reached back out to me (my friends sister). We went out for a drink at a nice cocktail bar/lounge. After about 10-15 minutes of conversation, she brought up "I'm glad you said you aren't looking for anything serious." At the lounge, we kissed after about 45 minutes. At the hour mark, we'd both finished our drinks. I asked if she wanted another drink, she said "if you want another." I asked if she likes wine, she said "am I that obvious" and I teased her, a bit and she asked if they had wine at the bar. I said "yes... but the reason I asked is I have some wine at home. Do you want to go back to my place?" She said, "whatever you want". We went back to my place, turned on the tv and we talked for a few minutes. I then kissed her, we makeout, she straddles me, she puts my hand under her shirt (her nipples are pierced), I ask if we should go to the bedroom, we go to the bedroom, we get naked, I go down on her and make her orgasm, she gives me head, and we then fuck doggy style which is how she wanted to do it.

She canceled our next hangout because she was hungover/throwing up from going out with friends for her birthday the night before.

The next hangout, we get tacos and chill at my place. She was on her period. But we made out. I was actually not horny cause I was tired, so I didn't even ask her to blow me.

The next hangout (this past saturday), she canceled morning of cause her boss asked if she could work till close. I told her she can't keep canceling on me day of (at least two thirds of the time she has canceled on me day of). She said "yeah, I thought I had time for this but I guess I don't. I guess we can just go back to being friends."

After this happened, I decided I am ready to and want to pursue an actual serious relationship. My confidence in all areas is ready to finally go after a woman of the quality that I want to pursue (hot 7-8+, intellectual, classy).

 

[unswunghero]

Funny MILF Story and Field Report - Number Close Hot Asian:
I was trying to figure out my plans for the night after the above girl canceled. I was either gonna just stay home and chill or go out to the cocktail lounge and maybe try and meet someone there. While I was getting ready, my friend texted me to join him going to bars with our friends. So I went out with them.

We went to the first place, had a few drinks and shot the shit. Went to the next bar, which is a nice rooftop cocktail bar.

I went to the bar to get a drink, and while waiting for the bartender there were three 40ish year old women (1 blonde, 2 brunettes) and a man, and they were all wearing black sequence dresses. The blonde woman looked at me and I smiled at her and she smiled back (I knew I had her at this point). So I asked the other women (they didn't seem to know each other) why they were wearing sequence. She said they were coming from a a "black and shiny" themed party. I turned back to the bar. The blonde one was at the bar next to me, talking to the guy she came up with (also about 40, he seemed like he was probably gay). She was teasing him saying "you're so cute". He walked away.

The blonde then turns to me and says "wow, you're super cute too. but you're way too young for me" I asked if she really cared or if she thought I cared. "she said, the age gap just won't work". Since I decided I'm not looking for something casual anymore, I decided not to push it. She then asked me if she could give me some advice, and she proceeded to ask if I was insecure about my height (5'6"). I said I used to be.

She then said, "Don't be insecure about your height. I used to be that 5'5 girl who only went for guys over 6'. My ex husband was 6'3 and 250lbs of pure muscle. BUT DO YOU KNOW HOW BAD 69ing WAS??? It was Horrible! But with someone my own height, it is the best thing in the world! So now I only go for guys your height" She then proceeded to tell me about guys with different skin tones and builds, and how tall skinny white guys actually have the biggest dicks, but she actually likes short guys with average length dicks with big girth. I just ignored her at that point cause I decided I want to stop pursuing casual relationships.

I went over to my friends who were at one of the sectional couches/fire pits. There were two girls there visiting from Spain. We all tried talking to them but they didn't speak any english. I know some spanish, and talked to one for a few sentences. But then they left cause I think they got tired of trying to speak english with us.

These 4 asian girls then came over and took the side of the sectional that the spanish girls had been using. They started taking pictures, and I asked if they wanted me to take one of all of them. So I took their picture. 2 of the asian girls left to go get drinks at the bar. The two that stayed were the prettier of the 4. They also shifted over in the sectional to be close to me (I was standing up in front of the couch/fire pit). One (Girl 1) was looking at me and held eye contact when I looked over, so I sat down next to her and asked if they were there celebrating something. She said, no we are cousins and haven't seen eachother in a while. She lives about 1 hour away with her sister (the other girl at the couch) and the 2 girls that went to the bar are their cousins who live where I do. I chatted to her for a while, just getting to know her. She was leaning in and putting her hand against my ear so I could hear her. The other 2 girls came back with drinks. I was sitting between Girl 1 and her sister, and then we took a group photo and I put my arm around Girl 1 and her sister. Girl 1 leaned into me. I keep talking to her and then get her phone number. Soon after, one of my friends came and sat on the other side of Girl 1 and started talking to her. I started talking to the sister. The sister is really cute, but I'm not interested in her because she is 2 years older than me and also keeps spending time on her phone/facebook/instagram. The sister and I talk about music and I ask if she wants to go dance, so we go dance on the dance floor. We come back and Girl 1 and my friend are flirting. I talk to her for a second, and then keep talking to the sister. My friend and Girl 1 are having fun talking, very close, playing with eachothers hands, and he gets her snapchat. I'm talking to the sister, talk a bit to Girl 1, and back to the sister. For a second I was just sitting there silently cause the sister was on her phone again. Girl 1 leans over and asks if I'm Ok. At this point, I know she's still interested in me.

My friends decide they are going to leave the bar (they live together). Girl 1 asks if I am going with them. I said I don't have to and she told me I should stay. By this time, one of their friends/her boyfriend have joined us as well. The girls decide they want to go to a club, so I lead them to the club a couple blocks down. We go to the club, and meet one of the cousin's boyfriends there. So we've got 5 girls and 3 guys. The club was super packed, loud (the girls didn't like the house music), and hot. Girl 1 asks if I am going somewhere. I say "I can go home. (her eyebrows raised). That's not an invite. Unless you want it to be" She laughed and said let's go to another bar.

The 3 single girls (the sisters and 1 cousin) and I leave the two couples, and the four of us go to the bar across the street. I buy us all a drink. But then it's basically closing time, so I help them get put the pickup spot in the uber app, and also call my own uber. I hug girl 1 then the other two goodbye, and I go in for a second hug with Girl 1 -- I hold eye contact to see if there is a kiss/peck there, but there is not so I give her a second hug.

Next day, I texted girl 1 that it was fun meeting her. She said "Me tooo!!!". I respond that we should go out for a drink or food and ask if she's free next weekend. "Unfortunately I'll be out of town" I ask what she's up to she responds. I ask if she's up to do something during the week, and she reminds me that she lives an hour away but will keep me updated on her schedule.

I said "yes, and we can always meet somewhere halfway". And she responds "you said you work from home"?

I say yes. She says, "cool. I can stop by whenever I come to town. lol"

I respond "Sounds like you're going to be making lots of excuses to come to town"

She responds with crying-laughing emoji. And asks where in town I live.

I tell her I'm by the shopping mall.

She said "Perfect"

I said "why perfect"

She said "I go there to shop sometimes"

So.... Idk, it seems like she may be looking for something casual. But I guess we will see what happens.

 

[unswunghero]

So a follow up on the asian girl.

I texted her last Friday (7 days ago) that it was a shame she'd be out of town cause last Friday was such a nice day. She texted me several hours later that she just got off work, and wasn't sure if she'd be going out of town, and asked how my day was. I responded an hour or so later, saying it was busy and I was on the way to hang out with friends.

We texted some the next morning/day, I joked about hanging out cause she ended up not going out of town. We didn't hang out cause she had some other things she needed to do, and we had one or two light texts after that. After she responded with an "lmao. thats funny" I didn't text back.

Yesterday at 5:30 pm she texted me "I'm at the mall "

I told her I was just getting some errands done and asked if she wanted to meet up after.

I needed food so I asked to meet at a restaurant by me.

We met there, I ate a sandwich but she wasn't hungry. We talked a bunch, mostly her talking cause I was eating. I don't think she was wearing any makeup, and she acknowledged she was tired and had dark circles under her eyes/asked if I could tell. She was still super pretty, so I was very happy about that. I love a girl who doesn't wear makeup, especially when they're still really pretty without any.

I finished eating, asked if she wanted to go hang out at my place.

We sat on the couch and talked a bunch more. She had a very interesting upbringing and is a fascinating person.

On 2 separate occasions during conversation, she brought up the topic of sex. We were seated next to eachother but about a foot between us.

Eventually, I leaned in for the kiss/put my hand under her chin. She had a weird non-committal response and didn't lean back to kiss me, so I said "can I kiss you". She smiled/said yes, we kissed for a few seconds. Had a few back and forth kiss/conversation/kiss.

After some heavy makeout, she told me she was on her period, but she kept going for my crotch, I asked if she wanted to go down on me, she did. I unfortunately came super quick, she was very intense. Then she left cause she had an hour+ drive home.

She didn't text me that she got home, normally girls text me when they get home.

I think I'll text her early afternoon, "thanks for hanging out. I enjoyed seeing you". I always feel weird/don't know how to follow up, especially since she never texted me that night.