Want to start a family, not learn seduction anymore

[raiden]

Hi all. I'm mid 30s and I've been reading GC for about 7 years. I have poor fundamentals, possible slight autism, and I learn really slowly so I haven't done as well as many others. My dating coaches also told me to focus on my online dating system usage to get dates rather than cold approach. I've stopped working with coaches now but I've been slowly, steadily getting more success. This year I hit the milestone of lay reports achieved with more than one woman in the same calendar year. But these women or relationships weren't quite right for serious girlfriends.

I've recently had a realization that I really want to have children. I don't care so much about racking up more lays or having good dates. I want to move into the phase of being a family man. It's ok if I didn't achieve my full potential in my seduction career. What should I do and how should I proceed? Previously I had been specialising on the apps to women under 30. Should I change that and go for older women? Should I consider returning to cold approach, or trying dating events? Will I have to take the plunge/chance on a woman and stop reading GC?

 

[isildur1]

which coaches are telling you to focus on online? lol - for the majority of men daygame is the best mode forward especially if you want a relationship with someone you plan on marrying you need to increase your options and daygame is the best way to create options.

Finding the right fit for kids is tough , you need to do everything in your power to date a lot of women and write down the attributes that you want for women to have kids with

 

[Atlas IV]

This probably won't be popular advice, but if you've given up on learning seduction, but starting a family is the top priority, and you are willing to spend money to solve the problem, I'd consider a matchmaking service.

I have a friend who met his Vietnamese wife through matchmakers after feeling disillusioned and tired of dating. Spent a fortune on it, but I have to admit they set him up with a really very nice girl. She is "wife material" by every definition from what I've seen, and pretty cute.

You're basically paying for a company to filter through a database of available women to find ones that you match with in personality and goals. Their business success rests on you finding a compatible girl. If you've totally given up on game, it might be an option

 

[samson]

This probably won't be popular advice, but if you've given up on learning seduction, but starting a family is the top priority, and you are willing to spend money to solve the problem, I'd consider a matchmaking service.

I have a friend who met his Vietnamese wife through matchmakers after feeling disillusioned and tired of dating. Spent a fortune on it, but I have to admit they set him up with a really very nice girl. She is "wife material" by every definition from what I've seen, and pretty cute.

You're basically paying for a company to filter through a database of available women to find ones that you match with in personality and goals. Their business success rests on you finding a compatible girl. If you've totally given up on game, it might be an option

I always thought the women found through Matchmakers are basically the same women on the apps?

 

[KJ Francis]

You may escape the street hustle and "grind to find", but you're still seducing your wife every day with banter, pacing and leading, eliciting values, deep diving motivations, and navigating attitude dissimilarity.

You still need to keep up fundamentals and smooth physical escalation. And having a strong frame relies on your ability to live without her, meaning you need to retain some skill to remeet your needs.

She still needs to know you remain preselected.

 

[raiden]

I always thought the women found through Matchmakers are basically the same women on the apps?

I thought this too and I thought that the matchmaker women would be older, more desperate women who can pay for this service. Is that right and is that what I should be going for? But I guess one month with matchmakers could be worth it. I could explicitly state my age preferences.

 

[Atlas IV]

I always thought the women found through Matchmakers are basically the same women on the apps?

I'm not sure what their process is. I know that companies like Vida Select will basically do Tinder for you and just line up the dates. But the company my friend used had their own internal database of candidates and set up matches between people based on certain criteria. I think they're two different business models

 

[TomInHo]

I thought this too and I thought that the matchmaker women would be older, more desperate women who can pay for this service. Is that right and is that what I should be going for? But I guess one month with matchmakers could be worth it. I could explicitly state my age preferences.

I've had a few clients that did matchmaking services and they saw no results from them. There really is no shortcut to finding a wife

Even if you are burned out, it means you may need to find a way of doing pick up that is more sustainable. This way you will have the energy to put in the numbers to filter our enough women to eventually find a woman you're long term compatible with

You can do online, day game, night game, social circle, speed dating, match making etc... It honestly doesn't matter.

And to be fair it also doesn't matter if you don't like seduction. It's the same thing as a coach that loves working with people but is unwilling to learn sales and marketing skills to attract his dream clients

He will never be able to stay in business and actually achieve his goal if he doesn't learn how to get comfortable with the act of selling

So just pick a few avenues of marketing and selling yourself that you can stay consistent with and accept that no matter what method(s) you pick finding a wife will take effort

 

[Skills]

Op there are no shortcuts unless you join a religious group are active in the group and get lucky, but if you are unattractive is still kind of the same... A lack of dating success dude will have lack of success in most settings... Also what is the point of starting a family if you won't be able to maintain it due to lack of skills or be miserable dur to the same issue...i had a student about to give up and got a hot gf it doesn't take long which sucks for me, he stop coaching... But you still need to know what you are doing... Start here

Long-Term - Relationships fundamentals 101- Part 1 How to enter into a serious relationship properly

So guys every other month you see variations of post like this, or like this, or like this I personally have tried different relationships set up with what you guys consider wife material ( 20s, 8s plus, low lay count, traditional values, eastern european, christians and the rest), to open, to...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[raiden]

Also what is the point of starting a family if you won't be able to maintain it due to lack of skills or be miserable dur to the same issue...

If we're saying that then it seems like I'll need some relationship practice. I learn slowly and mess up often so I'll probably need to screw up a few times before getting it right. It could take years. I want to have kids and play with them while I'm physically active. When I get to retirement age, around 55, I want them to be approaching adulthood. I used to see a skilled seducer and be amazed, and want to be like him. I no longer feel that way. Now I see fathers and want to be like them.

I guess that I'm just frustrated that seduction is the most difficult and punishing thing to learn. It's like learning piano but less fair.

Thanks for your guide. It seems like I need to keep going as I am to try to have a rotation but add one wife material woman to the rotation. Really hard work.

 

[OldGuy]

A good book on relationship is "Married Man's Sex life 2011" by Athol Kay.

 

[Skills]

If we're saying that then it seems like I'll need some relationship practice. I learn slowly and mess up often so I'll probably need to screw up a few times before getting it right. It could take years. I want to have kids and play with them while I'm physically active. When I get to retirement age, around 55, I want them to be approaching adulthood. I used to see a skilled seducer and be amazed, and want to be like him. I no longer feel that way. Now I see fathers and want to be like them.

I guess that I'm just frustrated that seduction is the most difficult and punishing thing to learn. It's like learning piano but less fair.

Thanks for your guide. It seems like I need to keep going as I am to try to have a rotation but add one wife material woman to the rotation. Really hard work.

Guys don't really have that time issue women have an you can always freeze your juice

 

[Rakehell]

Hey man. Relationships can be tricky to manage, in some ways managing a relationship and keeping it as the relationship you want is trickier than hooking up with a brand new girl.

The initial commitment phase (asking her to be your girlfriend) is easy because she wants it to happen, the honeymoon phase is easy because the relationship is fresh and emotions are high.

After that it takes a level of skill in maintaining the caliber of the relationship and keeping things enjoyable for you.

Some people have better instincts in managing a relationship than creating new ones. But they’re definitely two different skillsets and it will still require some effort on your end if you want it to be a relationship that you enjoy.

 

[raiden]

Guys don't really have that time issue women have an you can always freeze your juice

Most guys will
-work 50 hours per week
-work out 8 hours per week
-30 hours per week on traveling and essentials such as shaving
-5 hours per week on fun hobbies or social things

Then on top of that you have to schedule 2 dates per week to keep up your rotation , and have an extra session or two going on a date or an approach session. It's grueling and unforgiving. It's no surprise that rates of inceldom are so high.

And the time issue is because a guy might not want to be aged 60 and with a walking stick when his kid is 15 and ready to play one on one basketball with him. As a guy gets older his fundamentals will also become naturally less competitive so the stuff at the top of the post will require even more time.

 

[TomInHo]

Most guys will
-work 50 hours per week
-work out 8 hours per week
-30 hours per week on traveling and essentials such as shaving
-5 hours per week on fun hobbies or social things

Then on top of that you have to schedule 2 dates per week to keep up your rotation , and have an extra session or two going on a date or an approach session. It's grueling and unforgiving. It's no surprise that rates of inceldom are so high.

And the time issue is because a guy might not want to be aged 60 and with a walking stick when his kid is 15 and ready to play one on one basketball with him. As a guy gets older his fundamentals will also become naturally less competitive so the stuff at the top of the post will require even more time.

You need better time management systems then. For example

A) Work Hours
B) Fitness Hours
C) Woman Hours
D) Family/ Social Hours

Then you you need to decide what's important to you and find ways to allocate time better

There's really no reason why you should be spending 30 hours a week on traveling and shaving. You need to find a way to bring those hours down

50 hrs per week makes sense when you're building a business but you can work less hours and make more money if you get a higher paying job or outsource some of you work

Fitness should not take 8hrs. I am a fitness trainer and only spend 2-4hrs per week on that

Then when it comes to your woman time . . . . errr what you expect?

Getting a wife is a second job and you will need to make time for meeting women, sleeping with them, screening them for relationships

But the better you get with seduction the more efficient you will be and can do somethings faster. And when you do get an LTR most of that time you used in dating will be redirected to maintaining the relationship

If you really want a wife soon this should be a wake up call that you may need to make some adjustments in your life in general

And you should start making your woman hours a top priority

 

[Skills]

Most guys will
-work 50 hours per week
-work out 8 hours per week
-30 hours per week on traveling and essentials such as shaving
-5 hours per week on fun hobbies or social things

Then on top of that you have to schedule 2 dates per week to keep up your rotation , and have an extra session or two going on a date or an approach session. It's grueling and unforgiving. It's no surprise that rates of inceldom are so high.

And the time issue is because a guy might not want to be aged 60 and with a walking stick when his kid is 15 and ready to play one on one basketball with him. As a guy gets older his fundamentals will also become naturally less competitive so the stuff at the top of the post will require even more time.

Your schedule is unrealistic exaggerated to support your flawed point...i am trying to figure out your underlying cope which is you want to retire from pick up... Is ok but again to go in a relationship the right way key point right way requires effort..

 

[ulrich]

When I get to retirement age, around 55, I want them to be approaching adulthood.

Retiring at 55? In this economy??


Lol, I am not sure that is a thing nowadays.

 

[Water]

Hi all. I'm mid 30s and I've been reading GC for about 7 years. I have poor fundamentals, possible slight autism, and I learn really slowly so I haven't done as well as many others. My dating coaches also told me to focus on my online dating system usage to get dates rather than cold approach. I've stopped working with coaches now but I've been slowly, steadily getting more success. This year I hit the milestone of lay reports achieved with more than one woman in the same calendar year. But these women or relationships weren't quite right for serious girlfriends.

I've recently had a realization that I really want to have children. I don't care so much about racking up more lays or having good dates. I want to move into the phase of being a family man. It's ok if I didn't achieve my full potential in my seduction career. What should I do and how should I proceed? Previously I had been specialising on the apps to women under 30. Should I change that and go for older women? Should I consider returning to cold approach, or trying dating events? Will I have to take the plunge/chance on a woman and stop reading GC?

What you desire is actually the norm. The vast majority of guys in the seduction community leave it, get into a serious LTR with the first girl who is willing to, then they settle and get comfortable with the routine, then marry that girl and have kids.

Your desire to start a family and get married and have kids is not unusual, but if you do so now you will be living a mediocre life and getting with a girl that’s lower quality than you’d like ideally.

I can’t count how many guys ended up doing this. I saw many people’s wives and they were u-g-l-y. I wouldn’t have approached them. And the guys were acting like they caught a 10, this was not due to a difference in preference, which can happen, they were deluding themselves and protecting their egos by believing any girl they seduce is more attractive than they are.

If the same woman had rejected them they would’ve been resentful and considered the girl ugly.

The thing is, I also know guys who left the community and got married and had kids, who ”made it.” The girl was hot and quality. They had a great career. They had already had a lot of success and developed a high skill level in seduction, so they had already sown their wild oats. So they wouldn’t be imagining sexual experiences they missed out on by getting married, which can cause resentment.

I think an underlying motivation for some of the guys replying is to prevent you from falling in the former category of men I listed above. Stay in the community and work on improving yourself, not just in seduction, but improve yourself across the board.

Be quality, then you can get quality. Or end up settling.

 

[TomInHo]

I can’t count how many guys ended up doing this. I saw many people’s wives and they were u-g-l-y. I wouldn’t have approached them. And the guys were acting like they caught a 10, this was not due to a difference in preference, which can happen, they were deluding themselves and protecting their egos by believing any girl they seduce is more attractive than they are.

Ignorance is bliss

If the guy is truly happy with his choice then doesn't matter what you think tbh

 

[Water]

Ignorance is bliss

If the guy is truly happy with his choice then doesn't matter what you think tbh

I agree. Some guys are genuinely happy, I literally just looked up one of my former best friends on facebook and saw he got married. The girl was not attractive to me by any means, but based on the kind of person he is, it’s clear he’s happy with his choice.

I am more referring to those who are resentful secretly. This I believe leads to affairs and passive aggression that deteriorates a relationship. One extreme example guy in particular talked about having dreams of having a harem, while bragging about his less than quality wife. (He’s a narcissist) Then mentioned how she wasted a ton of money in an investment that went badly, and he brings that up whenever they get into an argument, to guilt trip her and “shut her up” (his words). That’s not healthy. He’s also deluded himself and said he turned down dozens of girls who wanted to bang him. I’ve been in field with him, his game is nonexistent. He has like 5 lays but did over 2,000 cold approaches. And his porn addiction shows he’s not sexually satisfied, he has sex with his wife once every 3+ months.