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- Oct 9, 2012
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I have noticed a lot of new guys and even intermediate guys treat their approaches on girls as SERIOUS BUSINESS.
An approach/courtship should not be serious business. It is supposed to be a fun time. "Girls want to have fun", right?
If it is too serious, she is going to treat it VERY SERIOUS herself: vet you hard, put you under the microscope, feel a ton of pressure, & probably want to run away (to escape all that crushing seriousness!).
Your approaches should be casual and easygoing. One of the simplest ways to do that is to make them fun.
WAYS TO MAKE APPROACHES & PICKUPS MORE FUN
Here are just a few ways to inject more fun into approaches:
WHEN TO INJECT THE FUN
In my opinion, you want to be giving women 'fun vibes' the moment you walk up.
You want to continue to inject fun REGULARLY into your interactions with them after that.
Every time a conversation, pickup, etc. starts to drag and feel like it is not going anywhere, stop, take a step back, and do something fun.
If a girl is on some long monologue about her job that is boring you and boring herself, slap a smirk on your face, hold your arms out in an X, have her put her hands in yours, and spin her around. Now instead of a boring conversation you are in a fun flirtation.
If the conversation is dragging and you are not getting anywhere with her, do a future projection and tell her you can "Already picture" what the future will look like with her -- then weave some humorous, flirtatious scenario what your joint future will look like, that matches in some way what the dynamic has been with her so far (and teases her on it a bit).
There should be a meter in your head that is constantly monitoring the 'fun' level and sets off an alert when 'fun' dips too low.
FUN TOO LOW! INJECT MORE FUN NOW!!!
FUN VS. ENTERTAINER
One more point -- a lot of the time when guys try to be "fun" they slip into becoming "dancing monkeys" who are injecting a lot of "free fun" into interactions where women aren't giving them anything.
The end result is the girl just has to exist, and the guy will try to entertain her.
That is not what we are going for here, because it is not ACTUALLY fun:
Instead, you want girls to be 'paying' for the fun you create. They do this with compliance/investment/following your lead.
I call this concept girls "paying for the candy" in my article on not being a dancing monkey:
www.girlschase.com
Alongside your 'fun-dar', you should also have a 'pay-dar' that keeps track of how much a girl has 'paid' for the 'fun/candy' you are giving her.
If she's put a lot into the payment jar, you give her some more fun (or some escalation -- the best reward for a good girl!).
If she's being stingy with her 'payment', you cut back on the fun (and throw a countdown timer on how long you'll hang around before you decide this chick is lame and bail).
A good approach is MUTUAL fun: you inject fun/playfulness/energy, and she 'pays' with compliance/investment/following.
When you're being playful with a girl and she is eating it up, laughing, and complying with everything you ask, that is FUN, no?
Very fun for you.
Very fun for her.
Make your approaches fun, "demand" payment from her, and enjoy your approaching a whole lot more!
Chase
See also: "How to Be Playful: 4 Tips You'll NEED" | "How to Turn Your Conversations Playful"
An approach/courtship should not be serious business. It is supposed to be a fun time. "Girls want to have fun", right?
If it is too serious, she is going to treat it VERY SERIOUS herself: vet you hard, put you under the microscope, feel a ton of pressure, & probably want to run away (to escape all that crushing seriousness!).
Your approaches should be casual and easygoing. One of the simplest ways to do that is to make them fun.
WAYS TO MAKE APPROACHES & PICKUPS MORE FUN
Here are just a few ways to inject more fun into approaches:
- Tease her: "That purse is tiny. What do you keep in there, just a pair of tweezers?" (more teases and one-liners here)
- Flirt with her: "I think you and I would be a dangerous mix. I'd get in trouble and you'd bail me out so I could get into even more trouble."
- Use playful, skeptical facial expressions and body language: use the Bored Look, the Skeptical Look, and other expressions that playfully imply you are skeptically evaluating her. e.g., throw on a skeptical look and open the girl standing next to you with, "And who might YOU be?"
- Express playful skepticism about things she tells you (in your skepticism, pretend she is more important/higher value than she says she is and is trying to conceal that from you): she tells you she's a clothes store manager, and you throw on a skeptical look and say, "Is that really the truth? I'm getting some doctor vibes from you. Are you sure you're not a doctor?" When she insists she isn't, you can tell her you're "having your doubts" or say that "you will trust her... for now."
- Spin her around: put your arms out in an 'X' shape (crossed) and have her take your hands with her arms held straight (uncrossed). Lift your hands up, uncrossing them as you do, and spin her around. (You can also do this one-handed once you have the move down.)
- Use future projection: "I can already imagine what a relationship with you would be like. You'll be asking to meet my parents after two months, won't you?"
- Air cheek kiss her: pretend you are French: when you meet her, or when you take her leave, take her hand in a handclasp, and give her an air cheek kiss on each cheek. (You do not actually have to say you are French or try to talk like you are French. But you can if you want to -- it'd be fun!).
WHEN TO INJECT THE FUN
In my opinion, you want to be giving women 'fun vibes' the moment you walk up.
You want to continue to inject fun REGULARLY into your interactions with them after that.
Every time a conversation, pickup, etc. starts to drag and feel like it is not going anywhere, stop, take a step back, and do something fun.
If a girl is on some long monologue about her job that is boring you and boring herself, slap a smirk on your face, hold your arms out in an X, have her put her hands in yours, and spin her around. Now instead of a boring conversation you are in a fun flirtation.
If the conversation is dragging and you are not getting anywhere with her, do a future projection and tell her you can "Already picture" what the future will look like with her -- then weave some humorous, flirtatious scenario what your joint future will look like, that matches in some way what the dynamic has been with her so far (and teases her on it a bit).
There should be a meter in your head that is constantly monitoring the 'fun' level and sets off an alert when 'fun' dips too low.
FUN TOO LOW! INJECT MORE FUN NOW!!! FUN VS. ENTERTAINER
One more point -- a lot of the time when guys try to be "fun" they slip into becoming "dancing monkeys" who are injecting a lot of "free fun" into interactions where women aren't giving them anything.
The end result is the girl just has to exist, and the guy will try to entertain her.
That is not what we are going for here, because it is not ACTUALLY fun:
- Being a dancing monkey is not fun for you (it is work... thankless work!)
- You being a dancing monkey is also not fun for her (it is annoying and try-hard)
Instead, you want girls to be 'paying' for the fun you create. They do this with compliance/investment/following your lead.
I call this concept girls "paying for the candy" in my article on not being a dancing monkey:
How to Never Be the "Dancing Monkey" When Joking with Girls
Develop the ability to tease playfully without becoming the “dancing monkey” – learn how to make humor work for you, not against you. We’re two days away from the rerelease of Lush Teases™. I hope you’re jazzed (I am!). In the meantime, let’s talk about balancing your humor properly to get...
www.girlschase.com
Alongside your 'fun-dar', you should also have a 'pay-dar' that keeps track of how much a girl has 'paid' for the 'fun/candy' you are giving her.
If she's put a lot into the payment jar, you give her some more fun (or some escalation -- the best reward for a good girl!).
If she's being stingy with her 'payment', you cut back on the fun (and throw a countdown timer on how long you'll hang around before you decide this chick is lame and bail).
A good approach is MUTUAL fun: you inject fun/playfulness/energy, and she 'pays' with compliance/investment/following.
When you're being playful with a girl and she is eating it up, laughing, and complying with everything you ask, that is FUN, no?
Very fun for you.
Very fun for her.
Make your approaches fun, "demand" payment from her, and enjoy your approaching a whole lot more!
Chase
See also: "How to Be Playful: 4 Tips You'll NEED" | "How to Turn Your Conversations Playful"
