Expectations Weird behavior from a girl im seeing?

[moom]

Been seeing this girl for three months- past the purely fwb phase and slowly progressing towards a relationship (waiting for her to breach the topic though).

Here’s how its currently going down between us:

1. She comes over 1-2 days a week and always spends the night + the day after. Sometimes spends the second night over as well.

2. During this time, we fuck a bunch, go out and get into fun adventures like getting coffee, going on small day road trips, bars, exhibits, and other fun date style stuff

3. She knows Im seeing other girls too, but she also knows shes my favourite and that I’m really into her

4. She’s submissive, always brings things gifts/snacks over, and remembers what i like and dont like. She does shit for me like clean my room, fold my clothes just cause, etc

5. I tend to pay for about 75% of our stuff + adventures (just cause im quite generous with my money in general and I make much much more than her and like doing fun shit)

6. She almost always initiates texts, and with calls its even- ill call her, next call will be her, then back to me at random times, usually once every two days or so. We don’t really text much in between seeing each other though, about 4-10 lines of texts between us maybe, with her initiating most of the time and me letting the conversation die off. Its always just banter really nothing else

7. This one is a bit alarming but some massive investment on her side. On valentines day, she came over with flowers, cake, etc. I wrote her a poem myself. Last week she said she wanted to get my favorite part of the poem tattooed on her. (She has 7 other tattoos as well) So we went to the shop and she got the quote tattooed on her back, going down her spine with my nickname from her that she gave me, all in arabic. A bit impulsive but fuck it

8. She tells me things like how she always thinks about me all day, how “im her person,” etc. We havent said i miss you or i love you to each other ever

Now some things that throw me off, perhaps someone here can explain it???:

1. She never asks if I’m seeing anyone else, never seems to care if I’ve been with another girl. I go on trips once a month, and she never asks if I’ve been with another girl. Why? Don’t you think if she was really into me then she would care who I was with?

2. We don’t follow each other on social media. I casually told her once that i dont really care about it and she said the same. I always thought girls that were really into you would always be watching your stories on instagram and shit, or trying to figure out what you’re doing at any given moment, but it seems like she doesnt care to know. My experiences with past women show that they ALWAYS want to know if they’re really into you so something feels weird here

3. She hasnt tried to push for commitment even once after 3 months, or even hint at it?

4. Lately (just in the past week literally) ive initiated more calls and texts than her (she didnt initiate this past week, i dod). She picked up the call no later than second ring every time no matter what she was doing, and i was always the one to end the call first, but something still feels like she slightly distanced herself. Am i overthinking? because clearly her actions show full investment and plenty of devotion

 

[Chase]

@moom,

She thinks you're her boyfriend.

Everything you're doing with her says "boyfriend." She is in-love with you and treating you like a boyfriend.

The fact that you're seeing other girls is something she has either forgotten or willfully blotted out of her head. Girls do this in one-sided monogamy (which is what this is). So she is not going to push for a 'talk' unless/until you do something to make her question her status as "moom's girlfriend."

A lot of times in a one-sided relationship, the girl will not ask you about it because she does not want to know the answer. She will only start asking if things get bumpy and she starts searching for signs of lack of commitment and/or things to kick up drama over.

Re: social media, a lot of girls don't care about it these days. Some are obsessed with it; many of the cool ones don't care.

Chase

 

[moom]

@moom,

She thinks you're her boyfriend.

Everything you're doing with her says "boyfriend." She is in-love with you and treating you like a boyfriend.

The fact that you're seeing other girls is something she has either forgotten or willfully blotted out of her head. Girls do this in one-sided monogamy (which is what this is). So she is not going to push for a 'talk' unless/until you do something to make her question her status as "moom's girlfriend."

A lot of times in a one-sided relationship, the girl will not ask you about it because she does not want to know the answer. She will only start asking if things get bumpy and she starts searching for signs of lack of commitment and/or things to kick up drama over.

Re: social media, a lot of girls don't care about it these days. Some are obsessed with it; many of the cool ones don't care.

Chase

Chase!!

Thank you for the awesome answer. I’ve literally read every relationship article on the site, probably multiple times at this point between you and Ricardus.

So this one-sided monogamy (in her head), is it a good thing? Because I almost think i’m in love with this girl and wouldnt mind it being 2-sided monogamy either dropping every other girl (but avoiding currently because of your article on commitment points).

Also, I was waiting to bring up my “relationship rules” until she pushed for commitment for max leverage. Rules like no close guy friends or no partying without me. How do I pull this off though or even out-frame playing games if she’s never going to push for it?

Anything else I should know in a case like this?

 

[DoWhatWorks]

Chiming in with a few thoughts

So this one-sided monogamy (in her head), is it a good thing?

Of course it is lol. You have a girl you like who adores you & she’s accepted you with other girls

Because I almost think i’m in love with this girl and wouldnt mind it being 2-sided monogamy either dropping every other girl

I wouldn’t rush into this. 3 months’ is a short amount of time - see how you feel after 6-12

Also, I was waiting to bring up my “relationship rules” until she pushed for commitment for max leverage. Rules like no close guy friends or no partying without me. How do I pull this off though or even out-frame playing games if she’s never going to push for it?

3 months is early. She’ll likely push in some form or manner around 6-8. If she doesn’t there’s other ways to get the same result.

She clearly adjusts herself to keep you happy so all you have to do is drop hints and then reward her.

E.g. You’re watching a reality TV show together & a girl mentions how her she doesn’t have male friends and you comment on how those girls tend to make amazing girlfriends and that’s why she’s in a happy relationship vs her friends.

I’ve personally done this with an old MLTR & saying how this older couple on TV were both in great shape even after kids and how I would do the same and expect that from my wife too.

She nodded enthusiastically and said she’s the same and whenever she told me about her workouts I’d validate, give attention kiss her etc. And compliment it.

In conclusion keep doing what you’re doing bro it’s clearly working. Just keep an eye on her investment & ensure it’s always higher than yours

 

[Chase]

@moom,

Everything @DoWhatWorks says.

Only thing I would chime in is there are girls who will never broach relationships directly themselves, because they view it as "the man's role" to advance things, for whatever reason. So what you will get there instead will be hints, which if you do not do anything on will lead to them becoming discouraged, then dropping out.

So just keep your ears open for that. Either she will push for exclusivity herself at some point, or she will start dropping a lot of not-very-subtle hints ("It would be so nice if..." "Do you ever think about if we will..." or, alternately, pouty "I just feel like we're never going to..." ones).

At which point you will either need to start properly framing one-sided monogamy, if you know how to do that, or you can just make it monogamous if that is what you want.

As DWW says, as things seem good, for now there is no need to rush

Chase

 

[moom]

@DoWhatWorks and @Chase,

Thank you guys for your answers! Definitely more encouraging here to know that I'm doing things right. This girl fits exactly what I'd want in a long term partner so your answers have really helped.

Thanks again!

 

[Chase]

@moom,

Only thing I'd say is make sure you run her through the borderline / Cluster B filter... lots of tattoos are something to keep an eye on, impulsive tattooing even more so. Just to make sure you're not getting sucked into the "sexy but deadly" type chica:

Spotting (and Avoiding) Cluster B Women

As you grow and mature, learning how to get better with women, some interesting things will happen to you as a man. Some things that seemed exciting begin to lose their thrill, while other new possibilities will pop up and prove themselves to be even more exhilarating than your earlier...

www.girlschase.com

Girlfriend with Borderline Personality Disorder: You Must Escape

Girlfriends with borderline personality disorder can be the sexiest, most intoxicating partners you will ever have. They are also the most damaging ones you can have, and you should run. Lately I have been hearing from more and more guys dealing with girlfriends afflicted with borderline...

www.girlschase.com

If she's not that, and all is good, then sounds like you're in a wonderful place!

Chase

 

[moom]

@moom,

Only thing I'd say is make sure you run her through the borderline / Cluster B filter... lots of tattoos are something to keep an eye on, impulsive tattooing even more so. Just to make sure you're not getting sucked into the "sexy but deadly" type chica:

Spotting (and Avoiding) Cluster B Women

As you grow and mature, learning how to get better with women, some interesting things will happen to you as a man. Some things that seemed exciting begin to lose their thrill, while other new possibilities will pop up and prove themselves to be even more exhilarating than your earlier...

www.girlschase.com

Girlfriend with Borderline Personality Disorder: You Must Escape

Girlfriends with borderline personality disorder can be the sexiest, most intoxicating partners you will ever have. They are also the most damaging ones you can have, and you should run. Lately I have been hearing from more and more guys dealing with girlfriends afflicted with borderline...

www.girlschase.com

If she's not that, and all is good, then sounds like you're in a wonderful place!

Chase

@Chase ,

Thank you for this! The thought has crossed my mind before, seeing some of her impulsivity, and after she got the tattoo (which she only thought of a week prior).

I’m going to paste the checklist here before and rate it on a spectrum of where she fits:

1. Extreme, hair-trigger temper =
(0/10)- in 3 months I’ve never seen her angry. Excitable, sure. Fiesty in a competitive/flirty way, a little. But never angry.

2. Wild emotional fluctuation =
(2/10) - eh, barely. Really always happy and excitable, atleast around me. She’s been super consistent. Maybe has teared up once around me talking about how her father yelled at her earlier in the day

3. Risky impulsivity =
(8/10) - The tattoo. She also once bought a jacket around me for like $450 and then later regretted her decision and returned it. She’s super spontaneous too. Doesnt really put herself in harms way, that would be more me (ie adrenaline sports).

4. Sexually dynamite =
(6/10) - I mean sex is phenomenal but mostly because of me lol. Shes got a past partner count of 7, 4 being relationships. One of those relationships was 3 years. I tend to use toys, cuffs, ropes, vibrators, etc so it makes it fun for me. We experiment, done anal, and have public sex here and there, and shes super loud which i love. But she mostly goes along with what i tell her.

5. Splitting =
(0/10) - Never seen her do this, only has positive things to say about almost all people in her life and past. Never has done this with me.

6. Unstable identity =
(2/10) - She does have her hands in a few different things because she loves learning. For example, she’s studying accounting in school because its her plan B. But she’s also stuck with the same few core things for years: Art, sells art she makes online, but always trying different forms of art like resin, wood, etc. Coffee, she’s been a barista for 5 years and has done competitions for it across the USA. She’s not 100% about who she wants to be but then again shes 21, neither did I at that age. Her interests and what she loves/hates seem super consistent though.

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness -
(1/10) - She’s told me on multiple occasions that she’s content with her life. But in the past, i know for a year or so she had trouble with eating after a breakup.

8. Suspicions they are bad people -
(0/10) - not that I know of, she’s got a bit of an overconfident ego on certain occasions to be honest lol

9. Bouts with depression, self-harm, and suicidal ideation -
(0/10) - never seen this with her

10. Low cognitive empathy and weird assumptions about people -
(0/10) - Going to give this a 0 out of 10. She’s generally quite accurate with assumptions (shes the kinda girl that makes connections from what she sees and says the eyes give away alot). On multiple occasions, she’s cold read me and came out with an assumption that was scary right, surprised me that she could even tell.

11. Panicked attempts to avoid real or imagined abandonment -
(0/10), never seen this with her. She seems to be quite self-assured. In fact it has me wishing she was actually a bit more needy than she is lol

Some others: She’s never love bombed me, and probably took until mid month 3 for her to start saying things like: “you make me happy” or “you’re my person”

Overall, even though impulsive, I don’t think she’s cluster B or borderline.

 

[nolimits]

@moom

Given your description she does not look borderline at all, provided you are brutally honest with yourself : )

I used to have a FWB I had started getting 'almost serious' with, and for a bunch of different reasons ended up ghosting. One of the main reasons ?

She was mildly borderline.

A few months after the relationship ended I became aware that what bothered me the most with this girl wasn't necessarily the drugs she took or the fact that she was a self-absorbed, bad listener.

Nor was the fact the she lacked self discipline (even though that was not a turn on).

What I could NOT tolerate was her high infidelity risk.
A high infidelity risk - I came to realize - is a deal breaker for me.

What is YOUR deal breaker man ?

If you're like me and infidelity bothers you, provided you really like this girl, then go ahead and date her. She does not look emotionally toxic from your description.

And It might turn out she's awesome. I'm not being sarcastic.

Plus, who's to say ya have to date her forever ? Set some right expectations from the get go and leave yourself some room to end things easily if need be.

Me, I am personally done having long term relationships with chicks who do drugs, have too many tatooes and a high partner count.
I am also done with girls who make me jelaous on purpose and am very skeptical of girls who are attachment avoidant as well.

Do you know what you're non negociables are ?

Know your boundaries and you'll be fine.

NoLimits

 

[Chase]

@moom,

Sounds like her head is screwed on straight then.

If tats and a little impulsivity are the only flags, and you're otherwise sold on the girl, I see no reason for qualms.

Chase

 

[Skills]

Been seeing this girl for three months- past the purely fwb phase and slowly progressing towards a relationship (waiting for her to breach the topic though).

Here’s how its currently going down between us:

1. She comes over 1-2 days a week and always spends the night + the day after. Sometimes spends the second night over as well.

2. During this time, we fuck a bunch, go out and get into fun adventures like getting coffee, going on small day road trips, bars, exhibits, and other fun date style stuff

3. She knows Im seeing other girls too, but she also knows shes my favourite and that I’m really into her

4. She’s submissive, always brings things gifts/snacks over, and remembers what i like and dont like. She does shit for me like clean my room, fold my clothes just cause, etc

5. I tend to pay for about 75% of our stuff + adventures (just cause im quite generous with my money in general and I make much much more than her and like doing fun shit)

6. She almost always initiates texts, and with calls its even- ill call her, next call will be her, then back to me at random times, usually once every two days or so. We don’t really text much in between seeing each other though, about 4-10 lines of texts between us maybe, with her initiating most of the time and me letting the conversation die off. Its always just banter really nothing else

7. This one is a bit alarming but some massive investment on her side. On valentines day, she came over with flowers, cake, etc. I wrote her a poem myself. Last week she said she wanted to get my favorite part of the poem tattooed on her. (She has 7 other tattoos as well) So we went to the shop and she got the quote tattooed on her back, going down her spine with my nickname from her that she gave me, all in arabic. A bit impulsive but fuck it

8. She tells me things like how she always thinks about me all day, how “im her person,” etc. We havent said i miss you or i love you to each other ever

Now some things that throw me off, perhaps someone here can explain it???:

1. She never asks if I’m seeing anyone else, never seems to care if I’ve been with another girl. I go on trips once a month, and she never asks if I’ve been with another girl. Why? Don’t you think if she was really into me then she would care who I was with?

2. We don’t follow each other on social media. I casually told her once that i dont really care about it and she said the same. I always thought girls that were really into you would always be watching your stories on instagram and shit, or trying to figure out what you’re doing at any given moment, but it seems like she doesnt care to know. My experiences with past women show that they ALWAYS want to know if they’re really into you so something feels weird here

3. She hasnt tried to push for commitment even once after 3 months, or even hint at it?

4. Lately (just in the past week literally) ive initiated more calls and texts than her (she didnt initiate this past week, i dod). She picked up the call no later than second ring every time no matter what she was doing, and i was always the one to end the call first, but something still feels like she slightly distanced herself. Am i overthinking? because clearly her actions show full investment and plenty of devotion

As the girls spend more time with you and get more comfortable in the relationship they will decrease some of that initial behavior is mainly due to comfort...

In other words in the early stages women try harder to impress you, once that is achieve they drop it down a notch...

my last 5 mains were not are and not in social media... That only means she accepted your frame (which is good)...


HOWEVER, if you feel something is off, at times is you seeing break in patterns and micro expressions and inconsistencies and you are getting internal warnings signs...... however, Sometimes is you PROJECTING, in other words lets say when you fuck a girl, you don't call or text that day.... If the girl does not call you or text you, you are projecting your own behavior onto her... "she is fucking another dude"

 

[moom]

@Chase Thanks again for your insight and input as always. Would never have been able to get this girl in the first place if it wasnt for you lol

@nolimits Appreciate your input man. Infidelity is also of course a massive thing for me. At this point this girl seems very loyal and devoted- will keep my eyes peeled though

@Skills That makes total sense man. You’re right, I may be a little paranoid but I’m actively fighting against it. Appreciate your input as always man

 

[Rain]

Are we actually sure the woman that the OP is seeing, is being exclusive to the OP? There's been no 'talk' or 'hint' that she is , besides all the girlfriendy stuff, but that's not enough to just assume she's not sleeping with, or dating with, other men... is it?

Also, @Vision wrote in a separate post , I'll quote him

We're obviously not talking about America or Western Europe, not sure what mythical land exists where these people are all fucking one person and staying in relationships all the time. I've been to a lot of places around the world and never found this place... sure EE is more like this than other places, some places in Asia too but there are plenty of men and women who are just fucking each other and leaving each other in all of those places.

If I'm understanding him correctly, most people aren't being monogamous these days. A recent girlschase article disagrees:

On average, that means 72% of the 18-24 y/o women you approach and 83% of the 25-34 y/o women you do are not going to be single.

But, overall, we can say with confidence that only a fraction of the women you see each day are, in fact, actually available.

That says most women are monogamous/unavailable these days. Vision disagrees, calling it mythical land.

 

[nolimits]

I remember an article from Colt mentioning that men must accept that monogamy is a fabrication of society and that nowadays it is a very rare thing..

It’s hard to say though. I tend to side with chase on this, meaning it depends a lot on a girl partner count and upbringing.

 

[Vision]

Are we actually sure the woman that the OP is seeing, is being exclusive to the OP? There's been no 'talk' or 'hint' that she is , besides all the girlfriendy stuff, but that's not enough to just assume she's not sleeping with, or dating with, other men... is it?

Also, @Vision wrote in a separate post , I'll quote him



If I'm understanding him correctly, most people aren't being monogamous these days. A recent girlschase article disagrees:




That says most women are monogamous/unavailable these days. Vision disagrees, calling it mythical land.

Pulling a quote of mine from a completely different context, saying that it means something it doesn't, then pitting me against someone else in order to create a fake either/or dynamic...

Please don't do that again.

 

[Rain]

Pulling a quote of mine from a completely different context, saying that it means something it doesn't, then pitting me against someone else in order to create a fake either/or dynamic...

It's not a completely different context. I quoted it word for word. There's no fake either or dynamic. What you wrote contradicts the website. If your quote doesn't mean what it says, then what is it meant to mean? That women are monogamous these days, despite calling it mythical land?

 

[moom]

Well if what they say is true- that a woman can only be "in love with one guy at a time," then the odds of her sleeping with someone else while she's seeing me are maybe around 2-5%. Pretty low odds i'd say. What makes me believe this?

Aside from all the girlfriend-y stuff, she got a tattoo with my name on her back last week lol. Then yesterday, she told me she loved me for the first time. She's paying for concerts, food, etc. She's really going all out- even though she knows I'm sleeping with other people. I mean, she COULD be sleeping with other guys, but if she is I'm still definitely her number one option while we're not exclusive.

Oh and I should note, about 2 weeks back she's told me she's been "exclusive to me mentally, physically, and spiritually" since the beginning of us seeing each other. Obviously I believe they were just words and that she said them because she was trying to push her purity on me, and I'll never know for sure. But I mean, I haven't been exclusive to her, and I've only seen growing good behavior from her, is there really a cause for concern if she slept with someone else when we're not mutually exclusive? Maybe, but probably not.

 

[Alpha13SC]

Well if what they say is true- that a woman can only be "in love with one guy at a time," then the odds of her sleeping with someone else while she's seeing me are maybe around 2-5%. Pretty low odds i'd say. What makes me believe this?

Aside from all the girlfriend-y stuff, she got a tattoo with my name on her back last week lol. Then yesterday, she told me she loved me for the first time. She's paying for concerts, food, etc. She's really going all out- even though she knows I'm sleeping with other people. I mean, she COULD be sleeping with other guys, but if she is I'm still definitely her number one option while we're not exclusive.

Oh and I should note, about 2 weeks back she's told me she's been "exclusive to me mentally, physically, and spiritually" since the beginning of us seeing each other. Obviously I believe they were just words and that she said them because she was trying to push her purity on me, and I'll never know for sure. But I mean, I haven't been exclusive to her, and I've only seen growing good behavior from her, is there really a cause for concern if she slept with someone else when we're not mutually exclusive? Maybe, but probably not.

@Skills has one post here, something like "women will be women" which explains some of their inner psychology, and it may respond to some of your questions. For some reason, I didn't find it, maybe he can link it.

 

[moom]

I'd love to get a link to that one as well- I can't seem to find it. I feel like I've seen it before but can't find it now @Skills

@Skills has one post here, something like "women will be women" which explains some of their inner psychology, and it may respond to some of your questions. For some reason, I didn't find it, maybe he can link it.

 

[Skills]

I'd love to get a link to that one as well- I can't seem to find it. I feel like I've seen it before but can't find it now @Skills

Why I believe that women are women regardless on how you meet, (my basic view on women part 1)

Context.- Since I joined the community....I had to fight ridiculous things such as: "dance floor is a trap" "text to meet only" "fuck women on the first night no matter what or game over" "talk on the dance floor" "don't physically escalate till closing location" "After 30 is over and you will...

www.skilledseducer.com