- Jul 3, 2020
If you would, I'd be curious to know, from a guy with your experience with women's dating lives and psychology, what would you consider/teach to be the napkin-level fundamentals of successful women's 'game' with men (besides looking good, of course)? Like if a fairly smart, attractive, and sociable girl wanted a guy just a tad out of her league, for anything more than a hookup.
I think some of the things that a woman could do to successfully reel in a man might actually correlate a lot to what men are frustrated about not getting from women.
If I could sum everything up, I'd probably say it's these 4 things...
1. Perceived value
This looks like believing that she's worthy and valuable to have the guy she wants in her life, positioning herself so that he immediately thinks she's valuable, and then communicating in a way that shows the man she's slightly above him in value but that he's still valuable and amazing in his own right (this last one is similar to what a lot of old school PUA stuff looks like). This makes a guy feel like she's special, unique, and different than all the other women he's met out there.
This looks like creating positive shared experiences together so that he misses her when she's not around and creating a range of emotional experiences together so that he has a depth of connection with her, unlike what he has with most women.
This includes masculine/feminine energy dynamics by being in her feminine and pushing a man into his masculine as well as light/dark polarity. This is what creates passion between two people and gets a man's primal drives going so that he wants to dominate her, protect her, provide for her, and feel like she's irresistible.
This looks like showing a man that you're on the same side as each other, that your values align, and that you're someone that he can see himself being with in the far distant future, someone who has his back and you're growing in a similar direction as each other.
Obviously, there's a lot of nuance and there's a lot more in depth stuff there, but if a woman wants to attract a high quality man, these are the things she needs to focus on with him.
Personally I don't think it's useful so much to compare gender pain points (like the percentage of celibate guys vs the percentage of girls who can't get relationships or something like that) because frankly I don't think it helps anyone get better. Many of the MGTOW type guys on youtube are obsessed with these type of statistics and wallow in it ad nauseum, and the most it seems to do is to produce a strange mix of victimhood and reactive distrust.
You're absolutely right. But that's men looking at stats that victimize men.
If I tell YOU that 1/4 men haven't had sex in a year and that's a 70% increase from just a few years ago, that has a very different effect than telling a woman that 1/4 of men haven't had sex in a year... because one of them is telling you that things are difficult for you... and then other is telling someone that things are difficult for this person they're trying to have a relationship with.
What this potentially can do is give women the ability to have compassion for men. And if they have compassion for men, they can be on the same side instead of it looking like us vs them. Instead, "we all have it difficult and we're all in this together, trying to get the same things."
That's the value of it... raising their consciousness level to "we're in it together" instead of "I'm trying to get my needs met by fighting this person who has everything easy" in their lives.
It doesn't always work but it can help a lot of women understand men and their challenges a lot better. And if they understand men's challenges, they can potentially connect with men on a deeper level and have the man feel like she understands him better.
I believe that the healthiest outlook is every man and woman aiming for the top of their respective spheres, accepting that the world is inherently competitive and that people are self-centered and that's fine, and being satisfied with wherever they land after they have worked on themselves as far as they are capable or willing - which for anyone is way higher than they would achieve by accident.
Right but who wants to settle? We all want someone who is a little out of our league... or at least someone we believe is a little out of our league.
That's one of the problems with dating these days... everyone wants the best and nobody wants to be the person who deserves the best.
Do I care if women don't know about the 80-20 rule in their sexual selection? Nope. Does she want to think about it? Probably not. Would it help either of us to dwell on it? I doubt it.
Right, it's not what you want them to know.
One of the challenges that a lot of women have is that they objectify men (just like men do with women). A lot of women see men as these confidence creatures who have no emotion and life is easy for them because society helps men.
That objectification separates us. And it's our vulnerabilities that connect us. So if we can show women that we're vulnerable as people, and it's not just some trick to get into their pants, they may be able to feel more connected with us as a whole.
Just like learning about women and their challenges has allowed me to feel more connected to women.
All I really want women to do to increase their appeal (sexually and as a companion) to their ideal men, while I focus on my appeal to my ideal woman.
The only real disappointment I've felt for a woman is when she does something that she was taught 'real women do' and it fails with me, and she's hurt or confused by it. That could have been fixed. But her dwelling on my frustrations with the female nature? Not useful, I think.
Right... and a lot of women feel that way about the entire PUA community. Like you're here learning techniques and it's turning you into this sleazeball that takes from women (this is what most women think of the PUA community) instead of learning how to be a man and a gentleman who is naturally what women want (many women think this is what men should be learning).
But if she knows that you came from a place (I'm just making this up because I don't know you) where you were a virgin until you were 27 and approached 100 women and couldn't get a number... or your first girlfriend in high school, who you thought you were going to marry and gave her a ring, slept with all of your best friends (this part is actually my story) and that you're doing this so that you can build your communication skills and make a woman feel safe, loved, and cherished in a relationship, she may have a little more compassion for you learning how to actually have options with women.