What Classes / Activities can I do to fill up my week and maximize my social XP this summer?

[Kaida]

One thing I’ve realized is that, while I’m in a better position when it comes to social skills than when I started (and can confidently say I went from well below average to a bit above average)

I’m still lacking significantly in frame control, charisma, social power, and being the king of a social group.

This summer that’s my #1 goal. I want enough social activities in my schedule that I have something to do every day.

Here are the activities I’ve signed up for (let me know y’alls opinions):

- Run Club full of college students that meets every Saturday Morning.

- Toastmasters Public Speaking group meeting every Friday (mostly ull of older people, but I’m in it for the leadership skills)



Activities I’m looking into doing (let me know opinions):

- Improv Classes (To improve my humor + on-the-spot abilities)

- Working as a waiter (Social Skills + Charisma)

Would love any activity suggestions y’all have!! I’m trying to come back in fall as a whole new person. I want to do as many activities as possible.

*Preferably with people in my age range 18-23

 

[Chase]

@Kaida,

Good plan!

I'm a fan of acting classes. They're often tied to universities, so it'll mostly be university students.

Might also be worth taking a bartending class and seeing if you can get work as a bartender. Or a bouncer. You're a big guy; you could probably get hired for that role. I don't remember if you're 21 yet but if not could check to see if any under-21 clubs are hiring.

There's really nothing that will train up your frame control and group management abilities like bar & nightclub cold approach. A few years of that and you're at ease in pretty much any social scenario.

Chase

 

[KJ Francis]

Dance class? Bachata is often referenced here. A girl I met did kizomba... Very sensual.

Or something that could show an unexpected side to you when girls who typecast you as a fuck boy find out... Like ballroom dancing.

Or painting class, etc. Romantic activities are good for when you have to talk about yourself on dates, it can then more easily be in emotional language about the experience, used to arouse her.

 

[Kaida]

There's really nothing that will train up your frame control and group management abilities like bar & nightclub cold approach.

Hmm I’ve been doing a good amount of that, but honestly - correct me if I’m wrong - I feel like the charisma / leadership skills I’m looking for are better trained in a social circle environment.

I’m more looking for the ability to be consistently charismatic and high value across multiple encounters, and be “sticky” to people and create deep connections and allies that believe in you enough to defend you in tough times.

People nearly always have a good, high-valueish first impression of me. But I never “stick” well enough, and across multiple varied encounters its like the halo effect wears off and the feeling is like “oh, he’s not as charismatic as we first thought”.

 

[Will_V]

One thing I’ve realized is that, while I’m in a better position when it comes to social skills than when I started (and can confidently say I went from well below average to a bit above average)

I’m still lacking significantly in frame control, charisma, social power, and being the king of a social group.

This summer that’s my #1 goal. I want enough social activities in my schedule that I have something to do every day.

Here are the activities I’ve signed up for (let me know y’alls opinions):

- Run Club full of college students that meets every Saturday Morning.

- Toastmasters Public Speaking group meeting every Friday (mostly ull of older people, but I’m in it for the leadership skills)



Activities I’m looking into doing (let me know opinions):

- Improv Classes (To improve my humor + on-the-spot abilities)

- Working as a waiter (Social Skills + Charisma)

Would love any activity suggestions y’all have!! I’m trying to come back in fall as a whole new person. I want to do as many activities as possible.

*Preferably with people in my age range 18-23

Just remember that some things sound great, but end up being super inefficient and require investing in lots of stuff related to that activity (training, knowledge, grunt work, climbing the ladder, etc) that doesn't actually involve meeting hot girls or being the king of the castle.

I agree with @Chase here, you can meet and befriend groups when you're out at night. The same way that it's much easier just to approach girls when you see them on the street, rather than choosing a career hoping to do some long game on your female coworkers, it's easier to approach groups rather than long gaming some social activity. You can also quickly tell if the group is cool or not.

That's not to say there aren't a lot of cool activities you can try, just for fun and experiences.

People nearly always have a good, high-valueish first impression of me. But I never “stick” well enough, and across multiple varied encounters its like the halo effect wears off and the feeling is like “oh, he’s not as charismatic as we first thought”.

This is something you'll have to work on directly, it won't magically vanish because of the context that you met the group with.

 

[Aussiedude]

For me personally, regardless of how many dates, social events, clubs or whatever event might be on. Nothing super charged my social skills and people-ability more than cold approach.

I was going on heaps of dates via the apps, as they've generally worked very well for me. But I felt I wasn't really making any progress going on date after date. It was only once I began facing my fears and doing what scared the living hell out of me. Did I really begin making big gains.

If you really wanna be a 'whole new person', I do believe cold approach will actually do that. Everything else I tried, felt like I was treading water. Give all those activities a go and see, but defs don't discount cold approach if you aren't doing it already. It's a trial by fire, but there's probably nothing better at advancing your social skills.

From what I've observed, people who have really weak social skills, for example if they're autistic. Would benefit by far the most from joining clubs and that sort of stuff you're describing.

But if you're already a pretty well rounded dude which it seems like you are. try what you've got listed. But defs get a regular cold approach schedule going as well. That is the ultimate combo.

Also get a job in a bar 10000% You'll get way more experience chatting with hot women. I really wish I got a bar job in my early 20s honestly. That's probably the one thing I would change if i could go back.

 

[Derek da man]

Dance class? Bachata is often referenced here. A girl I met did kizomba... Very sensual.

Or something that could show an unexpected side to you when girls who typecast you as a fuck boy find out... Like ballroom dancing.

Or painting class, etc. Romantic activities are good for when you have to talk about yourself on dates, it can then more easily be in emotional language about the experience, used to arouse her.

Dancing is great as long as the class is aimed at accommodating singles - Salsa, Bachata, Ceroc (modern jive), Kizomba, Argentine Tango or anything similar is usually great. Where I am Ballroom is generally an older age group and people tend to stick with 1 partner so you aren't likely to meet many realistic prospects.

Art/drawing classes, cooking courses, wine appreciation, the list can be endless.

Whatever you do though find something that YOU love. Most things will take time and effort so if you aren't loving what you are doing you will start to resent and that will come through. There are plenty of different activities where you can learn to be confident, gregarious, lead, listen, etc. Once you've developed those skills they are very transferable into many areas of life. Hence my advice not to waste time and effort on something you aren't enjoying.

 

[gameboy]

If you really wanna be a 'whole new person', I do believe cold approach will actually do that.

He's doing cold approach already guys, and pretty successful at it apparently!

Also get a job in a bar 10000% You'll get way more experience chatting with hot women. I really wish I got a bar job in my early 20s honestly.

Second that. I wish I'd done that in my twenties as well.

I just witnessed the other day how the bartender in one of my favorite cafeterias teased a pretty girl right on the open, before even taking her order. She sat down right next me, and I actually tried to open her first. She pretty much brushed me off though, with a minimally polite reply. (I was in an unfavorable position since I sat on a stool that was half a foot lower than hers, so I kind of opened her from below which was far from ideal. Had to give it a shot anyway though. Took a mental note never to sit on that low stool again lol)

Shortly after, the bartender came over and opened her with a tease. Being at work, he came in with some natural authority. Also his tease was genuninely funny. She laughed hard and reacted a bit submissively. Gotta give him credit, he seems to know what he's doing.

 

[OldGuy]

I second Toastmasters for leadership (also public speaking).
Contradances are good for social circle and pick up (common in US).

 

[TwoNameGame]

Join a language club (ex. French, Spanish).

• Interesting people
• Events
• Conversation
• Can't speak the language well enough? Use nonverbals or make the most of your words.

Become a tutor. Surprisingly, a ton of stuff carries over.

• Short time to build rapport
• Practice asking questions without interview mode,
• Practice compliance as a partner
• Deep dives (ex. Deep dive into a concept so they can truly learn it vs Deep dive to understand a student's goals and how to calibrate subject matter).
• Lets you invite others on study dates to maintain connections/isolate (a competent tutor can tutor ANYTHING using the same basic methods, even if you don't know the class).

 

[Chase]

@Kaida,

Hmm I’ve been doing a good amount of that, but honestly - correct me if I’m wrong - I feel like the charisma / leadership skills I’m looking for are better trained in a social circle environment.

I’m more looking for the ability to be consistently charismatic and high value across multiple encounters, and be “sticky” to people and create deep connections and allies that believe in you enough to defend you in tough times.

People nearly always have a good, high-valueish first impression of me. But I never “stick” well enough, and across multiple varied encounters its like the halo effect wears off and the feeling is like “oh, he’s not as charismatic as we first thought”.

For that you ideally want exposure to a variety of social circles.

When I was at my peak of casting a broad net for that, at one point, in California, I was regularly socializing with...

• My colleagues from my white collar prestigious consulting job (lunches, happy hours, sometimes bar/club outings)
• Wingmen and pickup artists I met via pickup lairs and by referral from other PUAs I knew
• A group of California party people my primary wingman for my first year there had attached himself to
• A couple natural playboys I met unaffiliated with PUA when I noticed them cold approaching at a bar and chatted them up
• A Mexican couple who took me to block parties with other Mexicans, illegal immigrants, etc. -- I met them via a crazy slutty chick from this bartending class I took
• People from Meetup groups (you start to see the same folks again and again... then shag some of them)
• Random groups of friends with random chicks I banged (party people mostly)
• Trust fund babies and corporate high earners I met via a private invite-only social network I managed to finagle my way into
• Actors and actresses from my acting for the camera class

I would be seeing all these different groups, at fairly regular intervals, integrating with them all, and feeling very awkward and out of place a lot of the time for maybe the couple years of this. Often I felt like a guy who was just hanging around, stepping a foot into each of these worlds, like a social circle tourist. Didn't really belong to any of them, probably shouldn't even be allowed to be there... yet there I was!

After a while you start to chill out about it and feel comfortable mingling with anyone. You meet new groups and you're right at home really quick.

Probably what helped solidify it for me was leading my own thing eventually -- throwing big parties, running a social club. At that point you're always the top dog and everyone is trying to cozy up to you.

Ultimately it's about figuring out what value you have to offer to new people. When you're still getting use to it, and don't have a position in any given hierarchy, you're just the outsider looking for a way to fit in. You always start in that position with any new group, but you get a lot better at very quickly becoming "one of them." Then eventually maybe run your own show.

But you usually need pretty good social skills / enough connections to start running your own show socially.

First party I tried to throw, back when I was still a beginner at the socializing stuff, everybody ditched except for my best friend and three random guys some girl I was trying to bang invited to attend in her stead, lol... a few years later and I was throwing huge bashes and the center of a high-end social circle.

You live and learn!

Chase