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Long-Term  Where did I go wrong with this relationship?

thecloudsandrain

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 13, 2013
Messages
21
My current relationship has me feeling a little confused. In the beginning I gave my girlfriend lots of freedom (I still do). I didn't call her really at all and I usually waited for her to send me a text message, and she did. She'd ask if I were still awake or send me a message talking about her day or something that bothered her.

We are currently at the 7th month point in our relationship and I feel like I've been compartmentalized.

She no longer sends text messages saying she misses me, she no longer makes plans for our weekends(we usually meet up only on weekends), she doesn't contact me to talk about her problems, her day, or to have a conversation.

Now I understand there's a lot of "me" in this post, but I feel that at the 6/7th month of a relationship two individuals should have a strong desire to communicate regularly with one another. Perhaps even a desire to increase the level of communication.

Even though the level of communication and sharing has decreased the relationship has become increasingly more serious. She wants me to meet her grandmother, her mother, her father, etc. and has said she wants the relationship to last a very long long time.

While she seems invested in the future and says all the right words her lack of investment in our connection when we are apart makes it difficult for me to see how our relationship can continue to grow.

I could create my own schedule to call her on certain days of the week to have a conversation or send her more text messages, but it's really her investment in our connection that I want. Considering we only see each other on the weekends and I don't contact her a lot I feel that she should already be trying to heavily invest in our connection...but it just isn't happening!!

Where have I gone wrong? This has led me to look for signs of her cheating.

clouds
 
a good date brings a smile to your lips... and hers

Franco

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 14, 2012
Messages
3,637
thecloudsandrain,

This actually sounds relatively ideal to me!

Assuming that she's still very much "in love" with you when two are together, and assuming that she wants to move things forward (and have you meet her parents/grandparents/etc.), then I think it would definitely be too soon to assume anything is wrong. Remember, you set the precedent that you don't contact her that much, so it's likely that she has just accepted that precedent and continued to move forward with it because you have been good to her. Starting to contact her more would just appear needy because she would notice the sudden difference in your behavior -- that's not what you want.

What you want to worry about is when she suddenly wants to see you less. If she starts canceling plans to see you or starts becoming distant in person, then that's where problems might be arising. But if everything seems great when you two are actually together, then I would continue to do what you are doing.

- Franco
 
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