Why are you here?

A

Anonymous

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I figure I know why I am. I haven't been too lucky in my dating life and social life in general when I was in my teenage years, so now here I am trying to actively improve my skill set in that area. But how is that even possible? For starters, I never even considered the possibility of improving. I never even considered this as a skill. I just figured it had to come down to good luck, genetics, whatever - something you couldn't change, and something sure as hell I couldn't change. How wrong I was. Turns out that, and some day I happened to realize, of course this skill set can be improved. But beyond that, it can be mastered, by just about anyone. Looks don't matter. Well, yeah, they do. But you can change them aswell as the whole you. I konw I did, and I still do. It's hard. It's frustrating. Sometimes, it can bring you down. But the point is: you get back up. And it's always worth it. I'm regularly going out for about 3 months now, age 22, and not only my skills, but I as a person improved much more than I could ever have imagined. I'd say it as the Beatles said: In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make. No pun intended - I guess even today I can't cloesly come to imagine how much love I can actually be making.


The question I'm asking in this is simple, and I'm trying to keep it simple to let you write about whatever kind of motivation you guys have. I'd also be really curious about Chase's answer to this. The question is, as said in the title:


Why are you here?



- M.
 

Just_Dave

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Hey M.D.,

Just Dave here, the reason why I'm here to collaborate with people I wouldn't ordinarily meet. It great to receive different perspectives on various topics, by learning from everyone and applying various skills and tactics, I can go further not only with women but overall life.

Take care,

Just Dave
 

Chase

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Howdy M.D.,

M.D. said:
The question I'm asking in this is simple, and I'm trying to keep it simple to let you write about whatever kind of motivation you guys have. I'd also be really curious about Chase's answer to this.

That's a question I could answer in any number of different ways!

But I suppose one of the most relevant ones is that I find talking and knowledge-sharing with men who are genuinely dedicated to upgrading themselves is one of the best ways to meet motivated individuals more likely to make something of themselves and do very interesting things with their lives. Having a forum on the site makes good business sense for the company, of course, and it's a great way for me to stay in touch with newer guys and stay focused on where the real questions and issues and struggles are.

Although, more than anything, personally, I hope and I am working so that this becomes a place where really driven, ambitious, talented people will come to congregate, where we can keep the discussions interesting, value-generating, and revelatory, and that we're able to turn these boards into something truly special, the way that the old Fast Seduction boards were in the past and a few other places I've had the privilege of having participated were as well.

Cheers,
Chase
 

Jeet02

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Hey M.D.

I am here to pick on the brains from other talented PUAs in the world. To learn from them and hopefully to be able to help others as I improve. I feel like I have failed with women too much in my past and I have said "enough is enough". The problem is obviously something I am doing, so what am I doing wrong? So I am working on that and I have always liked self improvement. I feel like if you are not trying to improve and become a better person everyday you are pretty much wasting your time (maybe not that exaggerated, but you know what I mean). I want to become better with women to the point where I will KNOW I can get any woman I want. But mostly cause it is like Chase said in one of his posts, you can not except to do great with The One if you haven't practiced. You can't except a guy that has never played baseball to come into the world series and hit a homerun every game.

And to wrap up, I honestly feel, and have felt for some time, that this is the only real part of my live in which I am lacking at: women. That's it. I feel like if I can master that, I will be pretty happy with myself. Not that I am not right now, but I will be happier. I will feel more complete if you will.

That's why I am here.

-Jeet
 

Ross

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I figured these forums were one of the rare places I could find practical, sound advice for many things in life. I also get a kick out of having intelligent conversations, trying to deepen my understanding of misunderstood things, as well as enlighten others of what I've learned.

I originally stumbled upon this website when I was having problems with a girl that I "liked". I was in a depression when I liked her, so I was really a mess and sort of clung onto the idea of working to make myself better so that I could get her. As if that would solve my problems and make them disappear; little did I know I would learn so much about life, which was simply set in motion by some radical thinking that finally made sense.
 

nino

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Hey M.D !

I could quote your post and you'd have my answer. Even the age is almost right (20).

The key factor in stepping up my game was getting over my last relationship and getting ready to grow up ;) While still being a guy who looks for serious relationships, I kinda like where things are going right now and in a very short amount of time I've made a lot of progress already.
 
A

Anonymous

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Some very interesting insights for me there. Thanks guys. :)
 

AFCnoob

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I've recently made a lot of major changes in my life, and deciding to meet more women was one of them. However, I didn't realize at first that I had no idea how to do that, and I messed it up royally. It seemed the most logical thing to do was to actually go and learn how. Then I found the GC blog, and it was pure gold. I had taken Chase's advice and was journaling my interactions, but had no way to share them, and no way to get advice. I was going to suggest a forum, and the day I came to do it, I saw the blog post about a new forum so quite naturally...here I am!

The light side (the carrot)

No matter what I do, I've found it is always way more successful with a "support group" who can help motivate me and give me tips and stuff. I've also found that giving others tips about things you've learned actually helps you learn those things better. Something about explaining/teaching something forces you to first understand it on a more fundamental/explicit level yourself. These things keep me highly motivated, and make me more excited about further developing this skill.

The dark side (the stick)

I have to be honest and say there have been several times when I've wanted to throw in the towel. I rationalize, make all sorts of excuses and decide that this whole thing is either too hard, not worth it, or not what I really want. This is especially true when I'm dealing with rejection or confusion about the major changes I'm making in my life as a result of learning this skill. But this board is a good source of inspiration and motivation. I don't know why, but when I see others having the same exact problems I am, it makes me feel like I can make it after all. Also, for some reason, other people encouraging me not to give up, or straight up calling me on my bullshit rationalizations/excuses seems to work better than when I do it myself. This keeps me going, even through the tough times.

I would like to believe that I'm just a highly motivated individual who decides to do something and then just works away at it until I achieve success, but that's just not the case with me. When I look back on anything I've learned to do well, I see that there wasn't just a powerful desire to acquire the skill pulling me when I was feeling motivated, but also powerful negative feelings pushing me when I wanted to give up, like fear of future embarrassment, anger at previous failures, feelings of inadequacy, etc. I've found that this special combination of push/pull or carrot/stick motivation is a factor in all of the things I've done successfully.

So, that's why I'm here.
 

Silluger

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Hey M.D.

After reading the responses that everyone else has written so far, I'm pretty much in the same boat. I always wanted to be able to be successful with girls. (I mean, who wouldn't?) But I found that for me, it was mostly just talk and no action. I only started reading some of Chase's stuff 2 years ago while I was still in school and started seeing some vast improvements not just in my dating life but also just interacting with friends, classmates, teachers, hiring professionals, you name it. However, I stopped working on it after about 3 months or so as I reached a kind of a barrier or plateau and missed out on this one girl that I really liked.

Since that time, I've always regretted not going back to mastering this art but I kept using excuses like finding a job or doing well in school to stop me from pursuing it. Well, now that I'm out of school with a job, there's really nothing I can use to stop myself from trying. Plus, I always found that it's easier to stay committed to a certain lifestyle if everyone knows you're working at it, something about pride/ego or something like that :)
 

Thinkingenigma

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I'm here because of the blog. I started reading it a few months ago, and I was immediately hooked. Chase's advice fit perfectly with my learning style, and I have been able to make great improvements in my my social life in only a short period of time. I wanted to join the forum because I figured that I could learn from like-minded folks who were further along the same path as me, as well as give advice to those who are struggling in the same ways that I have.
 

Eric

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So, I've always had somewhat of an obsessive personality when it comes to things I'm passionate about. I'm always pushing myself to perfect the things I love and so that's the short answer.

The long is that I kept wracking my head over women. I'd have interest but I could never seem to keep things together. It was never easy for me, and it always seemed like it was for everyone else. Girls would fall in love with me right away, but then dismiss me and friend-zone me after our first date. I did what I usually did, like chase, and rammed my head into the wall until I got it right. I would theorize and theorize, I would constantly use my friends as outlets for my conjecture. But it's the same problem again for me, no one had any answers. Everyone would always tell me "Well if you can't solve it then I don't know who can". On top of that I've had two girls dump me for the reason that "I always felt out of control, I could never win. You were always right all the time", and I kept thinking... WHY? What am I doing wrong? How can I fix this?

I had a general idea of what was going on, but couldn't quite put my finger on it at the time.

It wasn't until I started reading a lot of Chase's stuff that things made so much more sense to me. I adopted most of it, and I even eliminated the word 'No' from my vocabulary (for the most part, sometimes I do have to use it) to become more warm. Thankfully I found this stuff instead of having to figure it all out myself.
 

The Tool

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There are many reasons as to why I am here but in a Nut Shell, I was tired of being the "Nice guy" that got nowhere with women. Never kissed a girl till I was 20 (ps I still am 20) That was 7 months ago. So I decided I needed a change I was searching for "how to text a girl" and found Chases site, amazed at the sites awesomeness I made it my religion, I erased all previous knowledge I had before and replaced it with his. In a matter of 7 months I went from never having kissed a girl to approaching girls, getting numbers going on dates, taking them home, and having them become my lovers. A skill set I thought you had to be born with that could not be learned. Also Completely changed how I dress and lived life, switched from running marathons to Bodybuilding and powerLifting, started dressing smooth and suave. Essentually changed my whole outlook to who I am today.

What entices me and essentially bring me here is that this is one place where people who have come from the same/similar circumstances, and who have the same goals can share information, learn, and give advice in a community that shows nothing but respect for one another.
 

Eric

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The Tool said:
There are many reasons as to why I am here but in a Nut Shell, I was tired of being the "Nice guy" that got nowhere with women. Never kissed a girl till I was 20 (ps I still am 20) That was 7 months ago. So I decided I needed a change I was searching for "how to text a girl" and found Chases site, amazed at the sites awesomeness I made it my religion, I erased all previous knowledge I had before and replaced it with his. In a matter of 7 months I went from never having kissed a girl to approaching girls, getting numbers going on dates, taking them home, and having them become my lovers. A skill set I thought you had to be born with that could not be learned. Also Completely changed how I dress and lived life, switched from running marathons to Bodybuilding and powerLifting, started dressing smooth and suave. Essentually changed my whole outlook to who I am today.

What entices me and essentially bring me here is that this is one place where people who have come from the same/similar circumstances, and who have the same goals can share information, learn, and give advice in a community that shows nothing but respect for one another.

That's what I'm talkin bout :D

Atta boy.
 

DigitalStef

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I am here because for all of my years in high-school I wasn't trying to improve on myself at all. I was lazy physically, been told I am highly intelligent but unmotivated, and was lacking in direction in my physical, personal, social, and educational life.
Two years ago i set out to redress those issues when i got my first job out of the year. I also started actively to look for ways to improve both my social life and actually start dating. I started in the simplest ways i could think of, ego boosting myself by knowing, saying, and encouraging the fact I am awesome. (Inspired by Barney Stinson's quote: "When I get sad I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead") This hugely made me a much more positive person and gave myself more confidence when interacting with girls. But i was still very inept at the time when it came to dealing with women. Did manage to get a few dates, but also failed to make an impression on other girls i wanted to date.
So being the techy I am I set out to research how i can improve myself at interaction with women. Helped me a bit, but i got shot down majorly by one i had a huge crush with that i obsessed over a short while. Although my passions are a more mild, but long term burning, so I never did anything to bad.
I shortly found girl chase after that and have been analytically picking apart some of the post. When i examined the post it struck me hard that this guy (Chase) knew his stuff and since then i have been reading post as they come and go to improve myself in anyway I can.
My favorites being How to master anything and his post about Grit.

Now I am happy to be here to get a direct line to those who know their stuff and can get some feedback about my attempts and suggestions I can integrate into my technique as i build it from scratch.

Gratefully -
Stef
 

Rationalis

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The Tool said:
There are many reasons as to why I am here but in a Nut Shell, I was tired of being the "Nice guy" that got nowhere with women. Never kissed a girl till I was 20 (ps I still am 20) That was 7 months ago. So I decided I needed a change I was searching for "how to text a girl" and found Chases site, amazed at the sites awesomeness I made it my religion, I erased all previous knowledge I had before and replaced it with his. In a matter of 7 months I went from never having kissed a girl to approaching girls, getting numbers going on dates, taking them home, and having them become my lovers. A skill set I thought you had to be born with that could not be learned. Also Completely changed how I dress and lived life, switched from running marathons to Bodybuilding and powerLifting, started dressing smooth and suave. Essentually changed my whole outlook to who I am today.

What entices me and essentially bring me here is that this is one place where people who have come from the same/similar circumstances, and who have the same goals can share information, learn, and give advice in a community that shows nothing but respect for one another.

The Tool's explanation is about the same as mine. I was a wimp in early college, so I decided to become a better man. This meant dressing better, becoming more socially aware/less socially reserved, putting down the video games for a while... I then got into working out and fitness. Due to my body-type, I saw results almost immediately and it motivated me to go further. In the end, I am only interested in progression and expansion and getting better with women was one of them. After my first lay, I became more motivated to increase my skills and ascend to mastery status.

So, yeah.
 

Sam

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Broadly speaking, there are two categories of men, when it comes to a man's decision to improve his personal life:
A) Men who never bother to actually do it, and, instead, remain entrapped to half-truths (e.g. "just be yourself") or to self-defeating lies (e.g. "women are all about money and expensive cars).

B) Men who seek a tiny, little, tangible result: "how do I get Maria/Julia/Samantha back".

My reasons, on the contrary, fell to a third, "greater picture" category: I wanted choice in my personal life
I have always been astonished by the unlimited choice -real or imaginary- women have and I wanted to create the exactly same kind of personal life for myself. I wanted to demystify women as "veto players". Women, I thought, can be single for months and yet they somehow find the guts to say "no" to the only one guy who actually found the courage to approach them. How could they do it? How could they choose between "nothing" and "something" the former over the latter, while the average man would go for the least common denominator? Yes I know: women play defence, while men play offence; women must filter incoming requests to avoid being harmed physically and psychologically; it takes women a month to produce one single egg, while it takes only minutes for us to produce millions of sperm cells; and yes I know Clausewitz's proverb that "defence is stronger than offence, for it is easier to hold ground than take it" . Yet, I admire the power of "no".

I understood that demystification of women comes to a man only through quantity. In this context, my progress has been palpable, although not yet consistent enough: I have approached over 50 women during the last 2 months only; I have got numbers; dates; kisses; heavy make outs; sex. But: with women I am not crazy about.

So, why I am here? Because I believe that being part of a community of men who share the same flame, the same passion, and the same inquietude will contribute to the fulfillment of my next goal: absolute abundance
 

Jeet02

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112
Wow Sam. I think you have definitely laid out my thoughts way better than I did myself. very well put out.

-Jeet
 

MorningStar

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Bravo Sam, very well said. I need more buds like you, that's exactly where I plan on taking my dating life and my life in general as well.

It would be cool to meet some of you folks eventually for some mutual wingmanship. I'm not at the point of going out solo just yet, but it could be good times learning from other students of the game.
 

Flames

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I'm here because around 3 years ago I looked at a girl one day, and something went ping and I suddenly became 'unlocked'. Now she'll almost certainly never realise what she unwittingly unleashed but I'm glad she did. :)
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
Hey MD!

As far as my story goes, it's fairly similar to yours. I usually find that I have a better shot at reaching my goals when I talk about it with other people, be it with fitness, academic or career stuff. Why wouldn't dating be the same?

What I really want is to share my experiences with like-minded people, ideally getting valuable insight on what I do and hopefully giving some to others!
 
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