"Women"/the game are driving me crazy...

metalbird

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 20, 2015
Messages
80
Members,

I'm asking for help. I've been an off-and-on frequenter of this site for almost a decade, and it remains one of the few places I trust to get a certain kind of advice, one that I need desperately now.

Here's my situation: it's been almost an entire year since I've had sex. It's been over a year since I've had remotely satisfying sex. I'm looking back on some two-and-a-half years of negative momentum in terms of results, even though I believe I've become increasingly stronger and more attractive as a man over that time.

Without going into long details, I'll try to describe my problem succinctly.

I basically feel like the Captain in Moby Dick. Two and a half years ago, a girl broke my heart like I'd never experienced before (she was about my 20th partner, but the most attractive I'd ever been with). Since then, I've never been able to get satisfying results with women; either I don't get the one's I want, or I get them but I get little satisfaction out of it. For a long time, none of the girls I would get with measured up to my ex. After a while, I stopped enjoying sex entirely. If I did find a girl who was attractive, and I found myself starting to actually like her, I would eject her out of my life out of fear of getting attached to someone less than my ex, knowing I could "do better".

After sex stopped being enjoyable at all, I started screening for higher tier women. Somewhat attractive girls would go for me, and I would entertain them just long enough for me to feel confident I could get with them if I tried. Then I would stop talking to them, since there was no challenge/interest any more.

A couple months ago, I finally met a girl who impressed me for the first time since my ex. We hit it off, and things went well, but I fumbled the escalation on the second date, due to bad logistics and having gone so long without getting to that point with a girl. We had a couple more dates, but the attraction fizzled out and I lost her.

I fell into a deep depression which I'm just now coming out of. The thing is, I know I'm capable of getting that level of woman. The problem is, it's so hard to find the right combination of timing, availability, etc. I don't want to keep doing this for another two years until I meet a girl who actually impresses me again. I'm also tired of being in what at this point is starting to feel like involuntary celibacy, due to my inability to find or feign any interest in the vast majority of women who I could get with.

What do I do?

P.S. If it matters, I'm on about 30 partners now. I could get more easily, but the game stopped being fun in and of itself a long time ago. I only care about results now.
 

Grand Pooba

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
Joined
Dec 6, 2012
Messages
1,465
Location
NYC
Worth checking out this post if you haven't yet, it sounds relevant and similar:
 

innerfire

Rookie
Rookie
Joined
Mar 6, 2020
Messages
2
Heya, metalbird!

On the one hand, you say you don’t want to spend (long) time until you meet a girl who impresses you and on the other hand you say you are not impressed by the women you can get. I see it as a paradox in a sense. I find myself in paradoxes all the time. Into the mentality “it is either this or that” and then it seems to be neither. However, what if it can be both at the same time? What if you can get a girl you are not impressed by, just so you are not sexually frustrated and at the same time continue look for what you wish for – a girl who impresses you?

You said “I fumbled the escalation on the second date, due to bad logistics and having gone so long without getting to that point with a girl”. Well, if you already have a girl, even if not your ideal one, these situations will probably be less of an occurance.

I am not saying stop going for what you wish, I am just suggesting that maybe you can get what you can now and still go for what you wish. Doesn’t need to be “either this or that”.

How does that sound?
 

Michal

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jul 5, 2013
Messages
271
I see two things.
1) inner one - still being damaged by the experience with your ex.
2) not having areas or places where you'd find quality girls.

I'll start with #2 as I just thought about it yesterday. I went through a big grocery store and I really have not seen any girl I would like the looks of. Then went to IKEA and saw maybe one. And then I remembered how a friend of mine has lots of social circles and has good looking girls there. Just the mere proximity like that can feed your abundance mentality. I had this during my university days because you have the 20 - 24 year-old girls everywhere. Now, to illustrate my point why this is essential to fix, I will talk a bit sideways. There is a saying - practice makes perfect. Or something like that. Reality is, perfect practice makes perfect. And you need to practice in the league you want to play in or higher. I played lots of sports as a kid and when cross country championship came, I noticed that some regions were much better. If you compete against tougher opponents, it should make you better. Howver, with game and other things where your ego is in place, you cannot just go and hit on 10s if you do not have the skills yet. You have those, you said you have been with 30 girls. Which I would say is enough to have a process down. So the way I see it, you can go and fuck some 7s, then an 8, just to get into it, but then you need to find a place where the girl quality matches your expectations. Surprisingly, for me... Tinder was good at this, but my profiles were always shit so in the long run, it gave me poor score and the higher quality girls did not match with me at all. But that might be one avenue you could try. I noticed on myself that if I "work on" 3 girls which I find attractive, I feel desired and I my game is better. I feel as I have options. But to main point for the #2 obstacle I see in you, find a place or a source with high supply of the quality girls you like.

Now, to point #1.
This is a deep root issue, I had plenty of those and I can tell you that simply gaming does not fix it. You can nomentarily forget about it but you should work on it to patch the wounds. What it fixed temporarily for me was finding a girlfriend. That is my ultimate goal in a sense, I dont want to fuck 100 bitches, for me.. all this is to find a great girl and have a companion, sex and great relationship. And frankly, so that I do not feel lonely from time to time. So when I found someone who seemed like she could play that role (and btw I have fairly high standards for this), these issues went away momentarily. But then I had issues in bed and my mental tornados started spawning so evetually, it all fell apart. There is that saying that you should be happy on your own first, that you should not rely on someone else for your happiness. And while I have issues with that statement, it is true in some sense. In pick up term, this issue #1 is a scarcity one. But that is what what fixing #2 should fix. This one, I found woeking on myself is the way to go. Because I struggle with self-confidence. So try to work on yourself to improve. Progress in the areas where you are not on the ideal level where you live up to your own standard. You can listen to some podcasts, Jim Rohn has some good ones which help shift the mentality
 
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