FU Worst Night yet

Kaida

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jul 6, 2020
Messages
195
So I’m out of town with the same social circle mentioned here. Back then the girls were nuking my social proof due to me being a a bit uncalibrated in my social skills.

After a 4 month break and a social skills improvement, I was able to improve my social standing a bit by lowering my sexuality (at least until im more calibrated) and somewhat friendzoning myself by being an encouraging male friend and building rapport with the girls there that were making me look bad.

Its a sports team at the end of the day, so I made a decision to just focus on my running and not really practice pickup in there unless there was some clear opportunities.

Idk if I’m the only one having embarrassing moments like this or if I’m the only one with the balls to post it online for criticism. Because the only FUs I see on here are from me lol. Either way shows I need to improve.


All the girls and boys were in my shared hotel room doing dirty truth or dare at 1am. My room was chosen because it was the farthest from the coaches. Probably bout 8 girls & 8 boys.

At the beginning, the girls asked me if I wanted dirty dares done on me.


I was debating how to answer because I didnt want to seem too eager. Must have took too long because my friend ended up answering for me “yes he wants play bro” which I didnt really like but whatever.


Once we started playing, the female leading the game basically kept on saying “ew ill never touch Kaida” “I’ll follow all the rules but never put me with Kaida” etc. She was the only girl doing this at this point.


I sensed it was bad, but since I really didnt know how to push back against that frame without looking butthurt


The other girls started loudly refusing to do dares with me, not rlly getting into it when paired with me etc. Even the guys were confused asking me “what did you do?”.


Most action I got was when I was dared to take this girl in the bathroom and grab her ass. She made a huge deal out of it which got to me so I ended up grabbing her in a pretty weak and tentative way. Immediately regretted it because it showed I accepted the frame.


What pissed me off even more was how the girls would immediately say “sorry for being mean” after insulting me like I’m a little kid.


As the dares got more intense, I got more and more left out. The height of it was when 3 pairs of girls and boys were making out on the beds and I was asked to just look at the floor and ignore them kissing and moaning. Felt like a cuck almost


I was boiling angry by the end of the night. And to top it all off they left the room a mess so my roommates and I cleaned up after their makeshift orgy.

————————————————————

ALL criticism from experienced individuals is appreciated. I dont care how harsh it is


Main Questions I want answered:


How should I have stopped the negative preselection from snowballing?

What problems/mistake do you see?



Edit: Removing my assumptions as to not narrow the advice I recieve
 
Last edited:

Wick

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Dec 25, 2012
Messages
906
Reminds me of friends I used to have.

I stopped hanging out with them and got new friends.

Ones that have my back, talk me up, and would never treat me this way.

People who actively put you down are sometimes jealous or have insecurities triggered by you, took me awhile to learn that and realize the bullshit they said to me was wrong and actually the opposite of what they said is more likely truth.

As for the girls, submitting to that frame did you in.

Not taking it seriously and calling it out would help. “Whoa!” Raised eyebrows, laughing.

“What is this gang up on kaida day?”

Honestly, sounds like these people aren’t worth your time.

Yeah maybe you could work on your frame, but find people who aren’t vicious wolves who feel better when they bring someone else down. That would get someone kicked out of my social circle.
 
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Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
712
Rough situation.

At the beginning, the girls asked me if I wanted dirty dares done on me. This means I (probably) wasnt completely taken out of the equation to begin with.
I might have said something like "No. I'm a good christian boy. I don't hold hands until at least the fifth date". Something so ridiculous that it's clear you're joking.

Once we started playing, the female leading basically kept on saying “ew ill never touch Kaida” “I’ll follow all the rules but never put me with Kaida” etc. She was the only girl doing this at this point.

How was she saying this? Was it truly mean spirited (I doubt it) or could you tell she was busting on you but you didn't know how to respond? Guessing that it was the latter and she still saw you as weak and wanted to throw some shit your way to see how you'd handle it.

I would have made a joke out of this/maybe flipped the script framing her being mean as her liking me.

"Aww you're being mean. You must really like me". With a cheeky grin. Showing her that you don't care at all.

If she was close by in the circle possibly could have paired this with some playful touch.

Essentially, you were given two shit tests early on but instead of handling them in a funny, socially calibrated way, you clammed up since you didn't know how to respond. And that's what killed you. Doubly so since the second one was from the alpha female (I think, just based on what you've described) of the group. So when you failed her shittest, the other girls after seeing the interaction and your response, followed her lead.
 
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Wick

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Dec 25, 2012
Messages
906
Lets have this never happen again.

You need some spunk. Some fight. Some hunger. Some fire.


I think the key to this is knowing clearly what you want, what you tolerate, what you value. It makes decisions easier. It makes it more likley you act, instead of thinking, overthinking, and sitting there just taking the punishment. You see it coming, and you move. You see what you want and you go for it.

In spiral dynamics, (a model for the evolution of consciousness, and it can be applied to the growth of anything- business, a person, a country). This level of consciousness is the "orange" level. That's not important, what is important is understanding this stage in growth is about providing for the SELF, getting what you want and moving the world around for YOUR sake. The lesson at the end is that this ultimately burns you and the things you love when taken too far. But it's necessary to learn.

Watch the Wolf of Wall Street and you will see a very clear example of the orange level of consciousness.

I don't recommend the self-destructive debauchery or the fraud. But I do recommend learning and trying out the fiery spirit.
 

Kaida

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jul 6, 2020
Messages
195
Reminds me of friends I used to have.

I stopped hanging out with them and got new friends.

Ones that have my back, talk me up, and would never treat me this way.

Yeah man. I need better friends. The reason I’m in this track team is mainly cuz I’m trying to submerge myself in new social situations so I gain experience (I’ve never been in a sexual situation like that with multiple girls before) but i dont know if this is worth it anymore.

Im kind of locked into this social circle until the first week of February as well
People who actively put you down are sometimes jealous or have insecurities triggered by you, took me awhile to learn that and realize the bullshit they said to me was wrong and actually the opposite of what they said is more likely truth.

Yeah, this alpha female is pretty insecure


Honestly, sounds like these people aren’t worth your time.

Yeah maybe you could work on your frame, but find people who aren’t vicious wolves who feel better when they bring someone else down. That would get someone kicked out of my social circle.

True man. 2 of the guys in this social circle are very charismatic and dont really put me down so I try and pick up social skills from them, but most others are annoying honestly.
 

Kaida

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jul 6, 2020
Messages
195
I might have said something like "No. I'm a good christian boy. I don't hold hands until at least the fifth date". Something so ridiculous that it's clear you're joking.

I can clearly imagine them being like “So no?” and then reframing my joke. It wasn’t a genuine question

How was she saying this? Was it truly mean spirited (I doubt it) or could you tell she was busting on you but you didn't know how to respond? Guessing that it was the latter and she still saw you as weak and wanted to throw some shit your way to see how you'd handle it.

It was the latter but it was still said seriously

"Aww you're being mean. You must really like me". With a cheeky grin. Showing her that you don't care at all.

If she was close by in the circle possibly could have paired this with some playful touch.

Yeah, this is something I should have done. I can imagine the touch backfiring tho by her shuddering and screaming
 

Kaida

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jul 6, 2020
Messages
195
Lets have this never happen again.

This cannot happen again. I havent been this angry in years man. The other guys there got 4+ makeouts in front of me, I was one of the only ones left with nothing.

From now on most of my focus is going on social calibration and getting results. Im tired of getting put into these positions.


I don't recommend the self-destructive debauchery or the fraud. But I do recommend learning and trying out the fiery spirit.
Thanks bro. I will read the article and will learn what your saying. Thanks brother
 

Wick

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Dec 25, 2012
Messages
906
The reason I’m in this track team is mainly cuz I’m trying to submerge myself in new social situations so I gain experience

ahh, i've seen this before.

youre the odd one out. the others are there, normal track people there for normal tracks reasons. And here you are for different reasons. you dont fit like the others.

the alpha female is trying to protect her track circle and you dont make sense to here. "the question always hoving at her lips is "why are you here"

i've been in your position.

the problem is, you may never fit. your goal is not to become an authority there, at least not through normal track related means.

but thats not a problem since youre there to learn, and youre getting rich lessons.

Where you will shine is a place that is your element. the alpha female will have your side and be looking for weirdos encroaching on your turf.

while this is not the only factor at play, its a relevant one, at least for understanding why shes bitchy to you.
 

Skills

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 11, 2019
Messages
3,272
Location
South Florida
So I’m out of town with the same social circle mentioned here. Back then the girls were nuking my social proof due to me being a a bit uncalibrated in my social skills.

After a 4 month break and a social skills improvement, I was able to improve my social standing a bit by lowering my sexuality (at least until im more calibrated) and somewhat friendzoning myself by being an encouraging male friend and building rapport with the girls there that were making me look bad.

Its a sports team at the end of the day, so I made a decision to just focus on my running and not really practice pickup in there unless there was some clear opportunities.

Idk if I’m the only one having embarrassing moments like this or if I’m the only one with the balls to post it online for criticism. Because the only FUs I see on here are from me lol. Either way shows I need to improve.


All the girls and boys were in my shared hotel room doing dirty truth or dare at 1am. My room was chosen because it was the farthest from the coaches. Probably bout 8 girls & 8 boys.

At the beginning, the girls asked me if I wanted dirty dares done on me.


I was debating how to answer because I didnt want to seem too eager. Must have took too long because my friend ended up answering for me “yes he wants play bro” which I didnt really like but whatever.


Once we started playing, the female leading the game basically kept on saying “ew ill never touch Kaida” “I’ll follow all the rules but never put me with Kaida” etc. She was the only girl doing this at this point.


I sensed it was bad, but since I really didnt know how to push back against that frame without looking butthurt


The other girls started loudly refusing to do dares with me, not rlly getting into it when paired with me etc. Even the guys were confused asking me “what did you do?”.


Most action I got was when I was dared to take this girl in the bathroom and grab her ass. She made a huge deal out of it which got to me so I ended up grabbing her in a pretty weak and tentative way. Immediately regretted it because it showed I accepted the frame.


What pissed me off even more was how the girls would immediately say “sorry for being mean” after insulting me like I’m a little kid.


As the dares got more intense, I got more and more left out. The height of it was when 3 pairs of girls and boys were making out on the beds and I was asked to just look at the floor and ignore them kissing and moaning. Felt like a cuck almost


I was boiling angry by the end of the night. And to top it all off they left the room a mess so my roommates and I cleaned up after their makeshift orgy.

————————————————————

ALL criticism from experienced individuals is appreciated. I dont care how harsh it is


Main Questions I want answered:


How should I have stopped the negative preselection from snowballing?

What problems/mistake do you see?



Edit: Removing my assumptions as to not narrow the advice I recieve
Hey kaida, you are the 3rd guy saying people dont post fuck ups, a loooot of my posts is about my own fuck ups, i actually had a fuck up playing truth and dare made a post of it:



I personaly suspect may be an issue with your fundamentals and vibe... i would have answer sweetheart dont flatter yourself you are nit impressing anybody...in a cool non butthurt way...

Edit. It could also be your hesitation when they proposet put you in one of the guys that dont get it no secret society dude...
 

Kaida

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jul 6, 2020
Messages
195
I personaly suspect may be an issue with your fundamentals and vibe...

Yeah it probably has something to do with my vibe. When you say fundamentals do you mean looks?
It could also be your hesitation when they proposet put you in one of the guys that dont get it no secret society dude...
I keep hearing about secret society. What does that mean?

Also thanks for the anecdote skills, made me feel better about the situation
 

Surveyor

Space Monkey
space monkey
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291
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Los Angeles

Rakehell

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Mar 28, 2021
Messages
560
Kaida, I wouldn’t take it personal man. If i’m not mistaken this is the same group of people, who’ve given you crap before.

Could be because of your vibe or coming off uncalibrated beforehand, who knows. But it’s likely your reputation with this particular group is in the lows and they just choose you to alienate for the sake of it.

Imo with seeing this type of behavior put on others in some shape or form in every group, the best thing you can do is find new people to hang with. Especially if it’s one of your only circles, it’ll do nothing but bad things for your self esteem.

Even if you’ve made yourself out to be a completely different person it’s likely they'll still do things to put you down until you get a better handle on who you are.

Once you’re around people who treat you better you’ll see it was more than likely an isolated incident, and not a total reflection on you as a person.
 

Brazerprime

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jan 20, 2023
Messages
42
"At the beginning, the girls asked me if I wanted dirty dares done on me.


I was debating how to answer because I didnt want to seem too eager. Must have took too long because my friend ended up answering for me “yes he wants play bro” which I didnt really like but whatever."

Why you waiting so long bro? Just say yes, it's normal. My guess is you just seemed superrrr uncomfortable.

Also Idk how old you are but STOP thinking in "frames" and all that stuff if you're younger.... that's more for game purposes later on (and even then not very helpful), in a social circle situation you'll just seem fucking weird.

A lot of the issues imo seem like things from even before you even played this game. Social circle is tough man. I'd encourage you to meet new people and not get locked in with these people who mess up your self esteem and make you feel bad. Life is short, and you won't see most of them anyway in awhile. I know it feels like they are the "entire world" right now, but it isn't.

Even talking about "social standing".. dude it's too much. Game is not meant for social circle stuff.

Biggest issue and something I wish I learned a while ago is to not focus so much on game when you are in school. It's a LOT more about pre-selection and seeming "cool", pick up is more of a thing for cold approach and independent of your "tribe" or whatever
 

POB

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
Joined
Nov 13, 2019
Messages
525
Location
South America
They caught you off guard, that's it.
Happens to everybody, don't beat yourself about it.

Honestly, I fucking hate doing those social games with unkowns.
Think they are wierd and not fun at all (unless I'm doing them with people that I really know and like).

If you don't feel comfortable about any situation, just bail.
Really, get up and walk away.
If people ask, just be honest and say you were not having fun.
If they press, just say "well, X is being a jerk and I don't like being treated like that by someone who does not know who I am.
I'm focused on having a good time, so I'll look for people who can provide it, that's it."
It's not being butthurt, but having cojones to not try to impress others.
 

Beck Bass

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Mar 9, 2020
Messages
505
I was debating how to answer because I didnt want to seem too eager
Hesitation is death. I get that you wanted to think of a good answer, but most times it's better to just say whatever comes to mind, fuck up, and then learn the lesson, so next time you answer quickly, but with a better answer. I would have said something like "yeah, whatever" or "why not?", with that whatever, shoulder shrug vibe, maybe even some devilish smile or something lol

“ew ill never touch Kaida”
I would just say "why are you so into me woman? chill a little"

She made a huge deal out of it which got to me so I ended up grabbing her in a pretty weak and tentative way. Immediately regretted it because it showed I accepted the frame.
Yeah, next time just say "whatever, I don't need your ass, I got better girls to squeeze"

Man your value in this group is really, really low. I would not put up with this.
You have to stand up for yourself, people will treat you how you let them.
Just stop hanging out with them, ignore them hard.
If you do need to interact with them, treat them like the low lifeforms they are.

Maybe you need to hang out with some less popular people, get some experience with girls that are easier and stuff.
Once you have more social experience, you'll be able to stand up for yourself better and hang out with those silly bullies (if you choose to do so, if you want to like cuck their boys or whatever).
I myself wouldn't even hang out with those trashy hoes.

From what I see you did nothing to cause this other than not standing up for yourself, but they were hostile from the beginning, so it's hard to even just tell you to stand up for yourself. I myself will walk away from any situation where people are not quite treating me like I think they should. If I'm like at a club or party talking to a group of girls, and they start ignoring me (and maybe even talking to other people), I'll just find other people to talk to. Or maybe just go home and sleep, get some work done, whatever. Since it was your room ofc it was even more complicated, but next time don't allow them to use your room, tell them to fuck off.

I don't know what the situation is, are they from your imediate social circle? If so, you have to choose who you hang out with better.
Anyway, you just need distance from this people. And let people know you have self respect, with your actions, don't let them walk all over you, if you can confront them, do it, but generally just fighting head on isn't the best approach, sometimes you gotta just walk away, if you really wanna fight, sometimes it's gotta be indirect, maybe for example suggesting you wouldn't touch that girl that was saying mean shit to you with a stick as well, to see how she reacts. You have to stand up for yourself

Idk if I’m the only one having embarrassing moments like this or if I’m the only one with the balls to post it online for criticism. Because the only FUs I see on here are from me lol.
I post some of mine but they are mostly on my journal. I get rejected all the time man, it's the nature of the game, just don't let people bully you and stuff like that, that is crossing a line
 

Surveyor

Space Monkey
space monkey
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291
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Los Angeles
Idk if I’m the only one having embarrassing moments like this or if I’m the only one with the balls to post it online for criticism. Because the only FUs I see on here are from me lol. Either way shows I need to improve.
A lot of guys here prefer to post their FUs on their journal threads and their LRs on this board. Is it less courageous than posting here? Maybe.

If you're not sure what went wrong or want to discuss it, then posting an FU thread is usually better.
 

samuraijack

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
May 20, 2021
Messages
75
Ah to be young again.

When you are older, you will look back at this moment and cringe. Only saying that bc I've done it plenty. But that is a part of growth.

Imagine the man you want to be in the future, with your ideal friends, with your dream girl(s), in your dream career/business.

What would he do in situations like this? Then go and behave like him now. Make it into a habit.

If someone is breaking his balls, would he let it ruin his entire night? Or maybe he would have a strong frame, and witty comebacks that show your boundaries but at the same is calibrated so it doesn't kill the mood.

Take full responsibility of the way people treat you. They do to you what you let them get away with.

Take a deep breath and zoom out a bit. You are seeking approval from kids who wont matter to you very soon.

Oh and...leave pickup stuff out of your social circles for now. Subtle things are ok.
 

Derek da man

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
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Jan 24, 2020
Messages
233
@Kaida
I can so relate to your position, I've been there many times as I suffered being bullied a lot all the way through school and college. I didn't understand how it was always me being picked on and it has taken me years to work out why. It damaged my self-esteem for years and even now I see the odd trait come out occasionally.

I will try and explain how I see the situation, why it happens, and then how to prevent it. There isn't a single problem or solution, so it needs many points to address it. The advice above so far is pretty much spot on in that it will help you in a similar situation and move forward but there are also some underlying fundamental points that if you know about you can avoid getting in the situation in the first place.

During our formative years (kind of 12 - 20 ish) we all want to be liked/loved therefore we modify our behaviours so as not to offend anyone, basically we become quite compliant and sub-missive to avoid confrontation. Often to the point that we don't stand up for ourselves when others mis-treat us. We are usually too scared to say "What you said isn't nice, I don't need people like you in my life, you are not my friends" and walk away. There can be may reasons why we have become like this as we grow through childhood, and as I'm no psychologist I'm not going to try and explain them, but I see these traits in others too.

as said:
You are seeking approval from kids who wont matter to you very soon.

In a social situation you probably don't want to be seen as anything other than nice due to all of us having insecurities. Those around you will also have similar insecurities and so when someone makes a humorous comment against you, such as your friend making the comment "yeah he wants to play bro" the fact that you didn't speak up for yourself, or provide a confident witty retort, shows your lack of confidence. From this point on you become the butt of a lot of the jokes made as the rest of the group knows you're not going to give them any come backs which means they feel much safer when attacking you than anyone else. Remember they are also insecure, so they don't want to deal with any conflict or come back.

Most people who get picked on are usually quite intelligent and quite in response which can often feel threatening to those around them as you usually have correct answers to things and can easily make them look stupid, hence they attack you before you show them up. Also, those who are quite intelligent usually pick up on others feelings quite quickly and, as they have no desire to hurt others feelings, fail to speak up for themselves. Again, this also avoids any conflict which you hate having to deal with.

However, whilst you are feeling under attack or being made to look weak you clam up, your brain freezes and you can't think or a response fast enough or one that fits the situation so we then again we look weak. This is despite the fact that normally you can give responses fairly quickly.

There isn't much you can do to remedy the situation that has passed, but next time someone puts you down, even in a marginally humorous way, don't let them get away with it. If it was intended in humour then return it with humour, if it becomes a direct attack then point out to them, in public if need be, that what they are saying isn't nice/appropriate/etc and don't be frightened to offend them and walk away if needed. There are some examples of good responses in the thread so far, take them and use them in "role plays" in your head, or try and use one of them several times each day.

I am in no way blaming the victim of bullies but there are some common behavioor traits that result in others finding you an easy target. I had a similar situation when my daughter was being bullied at school and by helping her change her behaviour it resulted in her not being bullied and also she ended up with lots of good supportive friends.

Hope this helps
 

Will_V

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
Joined
Jan 24, 2021
Messages
1,008
So I’m out of town with the same social circle mentioned here. Back then the girls were nuking my social proof due to me being a a bit uncalibrated in my social skills.

After a 4 month break and a social skills improvement, I was able to improve my social standing a bit by lowering my sexuality (at least until im more calibrated) and somewhat friendzoning myself by being an encouraging male friend and building rapport with the girls there that were making me look bad.

Its a sports team at the end of the day, so I made a decision to just focus on my running and not really practice pickup in there unless there was some clear opportunities.

Idk if I’m the only one having embarrassing moments like this or if I’m the only one with the balls to post it online for criticism. Because the only FUs I see on here are from me lol. Either way shows I need to improve.


All the girls and boys were in my shared hotel room doing dirty truth or dare at 1am. My room was chosen because it was the farthest from the coaches. Probably bout 8 girls & 8 boys.

At the beginning, the girls asked me if I wanted dirty dares done on me.


I was debating how to answer because I didnt want to seem too eager. Must have took too long because my friend ended up answering for me “yes he wants play bro” which I didnt really like but whatever.


Once we started playing, the female leading the game basically kept on saying “ew ill never touch Kaida” “I’ll follow all the rules but never put me with Kaida” etc. She was the only girl doing this at this point.


I sensed it was bad, but since I really didnt know how to push back against that frame without looking butthurt


The other girls started loudly refusing to do dares with me, not rlly getting into it when paired with me etc. Even the guys were confused asking me “what did you do?”.


Most action I got was when I was dared to take this girl in the bathroom and grab her ass. She made a huge deal out of it which got to me so I ended up grabbing her in a pretty weak and tentative way. Immediately regretted it because it showed I accepted the frame.


What pissed me off even more was how the girls would immediately say “sorry for being mean” after insulting me like I’m a little kid.


As the dares got more intense, I got more and more left out. The height of it was when 3 pairs of girls and boys were making out on the beds and I was asked to just look at the floor and ignore them kissing and moaning. Felt like a cuck almost


I was boiling angry by the end of the night. And to top it all off they left the room a mess so my roommates and I cleaned up after their makeshift orgy.

————————————————————

ALL criticism from experienced individuals is appreciated. I dont care how harsh it is


Main Questions I want answered:


How should I have stopped the negative preselection from snowballing?

What problems/mistake do you see?



Edit: Removing my assumptions as to not narrow the advice I recieve

So one kitty cat took a swipe and the rest smelled blood and jumped on it. Don't sweat it, just make sure you handle it next time.

The problem here is frame control. You were too hesitant and unsure of yourself and weren't ready to dish it out when the focus was on you. Own the frame, don't just be part of it. Seize it and play around with it. That's what hooks girls attention.

From this and various other posts, it seems like you're having trouble getting over a certain belief framework you have about girls, and your attempts to manage situations through that framework is getting in the way of your free self expression. This is putting you in your head instead of getting you connected to your instincts, and making you drop the ball. It is also jamming you up when you make a mistake so that you can't recover.

Instead of trying to work out the 'right' thing to say, open your awareness and be calm. Take in what's going on around you, understand and accept reality and maneuver within it. Be present and ready to adapt, and don't be afraid of making mistakes or finding yourself at a loss. In these kind of high energy social situations, you have to be way closer to your instincts and able to immediately release any tension when things don't go your way at first.

PS in situations where you don't want to seem too eager, I think there are two good responses 1) nonchalant acceptance (shrug and 'yeah sure!') or 2) jokes. Whatever works for you. But hesitation will not work.
 
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