Would you be friends with someone if possible theft or got snarky etc?

[Rain]

@Teevster had an article recently about friends vs acquantances and I think @Chase had an article but I can't find it(picture of an older man on park bench alone, time is short).

I have two examples:

1. If you live in a share house, and one of your drinks in the fridge goes missing, no one owns up to it, means one person is low impuse control(unless it was someone downstairs not the upstairs people or if someone broke into the house etc).

So like... would you be friends with this person or are they a long term risk? ie If they did steal your drink or juice or whatever, does that mean they are untrustworthy if you got a girlfriend, because they might put moves on her since they demonstrated low impulse control?

2. If someone gets snarky/yells a bit if you play music and they do night shift, and does the person on the receiving end maybe hold a grudge, would either of these be normal for legit friendship or is it a bad thing like hold a grudge or something therefore wanting paybacks or they might realise the music was a bad idea and agree? I'm thinking the one on the giving the raised voice end probably wouldn't hold a grudge unless they thought the was on purpose... vs an accident?

I'm guessing that the above questions are not a problem purely for acquaintances, what about friendships ie would you be friends with the above?
I may have to look a bit harder for the Chase article, because there's also maybe a case for being too picky? But also don't just be friends with anyone, ie be a bit picky he was communicating in a comment I think he wrote somewhere as well.

 

[Wick]

I’m very picky about the people who I allow close to me.

This is because I believe those people influence you greatly.

A liar and a thief? Sounds like someone I want as far away from me as possible. I had a friend like that in high school actually. Only caused me trouble.

I consider a friend as an ally. Who is bringing me up? Who shares my vision for a great life? Who is influencing me to become better? I’m fortunate enough to have trust worthy, genuinely cool friends, but I deliberately sought out those types of people.

 

[Chase]

Some people just eat whatever food is lying around, drink whatever drinks are lying around. So long as they also contribute food/drink, and don't maintain different rules for different people (e.g., "I can eat your stuff but don't touch mine!"), I don't think it's fair considering them thieves. The behavior can be annoying, but it's not intentionally sneaky or malicious. It is incompatible with the really anal "never touch my stuff!" types though -- those two types (the carefree sort vs. the extremely orderly sort) basically cannot be friends, unless you're writing a sitcom.

That said, if the guy isn't fessing up, maybe he is a sneak or a mooch... it all depends.

Whether a dude who swipes drinks would also bang your chick, I dunno. There are degrees of scumbag... the best predictor for "will he bang your girl" IMO is whether you ever see him desperately white knighting OR whether he has shown himself to be an unscrupulous horn dog. Either of those guys will bang your girl if they get the chance to and just not tell you about it, friends or not, so you just keep chicks away from them (and probably not be friends either... who wants desperate people or folks with no scruples around?).

I don't understand the music example... there's like three layers of hypotheticals in there and I got lost somewhere on Level 2.

But if someone is holding a grudge against you that's not a friendship. At least not one I'd want to be in.

I'm guessing that the above questions are not a problem purely for acquaintances, what about friendships ie would you be friends with the above?
I may have to look a bit harder for the Chase article, because there's also maybe a case for being too picky? But also don't just be friends with anyone, ie be a bit picky he was communicating in a comment I think he wrote somewhere as well.

Depends what you're looking for in friends and how much choice you have with friends / how abundant or short supply friends are for you.

Beggars can't be choosers... but if you've got a lot of options, you necessarily have to be more exacting, yeah.

The other thing here is you're not giving any details other than "Person A did bad thing, Person B did bad thing, would you be friends?" so that is going to skew your results. The only thing any of us knows about either of them is that they do bad things... whether they have redeeming qualities, I do not know.

Chase

 

[Rain]

Thanks for the replies guys

That's a good point by @Wick both a thief and a liar, didn't notice it was two things by the one person! Of course, like @Chase says maybe its a bit variable on the is that theft or not.

So got a new one. Roommate/housemate been in your room. Not sure that counts as roommate/housemate broken into room since door not locked, but either way someone been in there is the point.

If you're moving out, and there's a clothes rack with your clothes on it, and a housemate asks about it and you say they can have it or something like that. Its a flimsy clothes rack can fall apart easily.
You come home and its fallen apart, and housemates cup of coffee in your room. I'm thinking they opened the door maybe without knowing it would hit the clothes rack and risk it falling, or that didn't happen they just tried fiddling with and it fell. I don't know.
Was not like that when I left. I did say moving out tonight but then changed and staying here tonight due to going out, if iirc.

Doesn't seem anything stolen, but obvious who's likely been in my room considering the coffee and also what they asked about this before I headed out. What is the way to handle this in two different scenarios:

A) If not moving out

B) If you are moving out

I'm thinking for scenario B it's not worth even making anything about it since leaving anyway, but maybe don't be friends with this person.

For scenario A, if something like this happened but without the moving out conversation, you'd have to confront them somehow? I mean, this not overreacting to a roommate/housemate going into your room, they should not do that, right?

Cheers

 

[Rain]

So I did ask about this and went something like this
me: hey
him: hey
me: my clothes rack collapsed
him: whats that mean
me: it fell down and you were in there
him: no.
me: otherhouse mate doesn't drink coffee and theres a cup of coffee/coffee cup in there.
him: what cup of coffee *takes a step closer and stairs into eyes and lowers eyebrows a bit*
me: you're just lieing to me now *turns around*
him: if you say so bro/whatever you say bro

Feel like a pussy now. See how he took a step closer and stared? On the other hand what did I plan to do, get him to admit and say sorry and leave it or if he clearly doesn't want to admit fault, whats the plan?

Really don't like this. Its obvious it was him in there because the other housemate said he(coffee drinker) had also been drinking alot of alcohol last night, and was maybe a bit drunk , and he was talking about wanting the clothes rack if I move out which I'm fine with, but don't go into my room wtf?

Part of me thinks I should leave it and other part thinks I should go back there and do something like pour orange juice on him or get physical or something. I don't like him coming a bit closer and staring.... its like.... if he knows(unless drunks can't remember?), if he knows and he's literally lieing to me but I'm not going to do anything about it.... what am I meant to do now about this? Either leave it or go back and fight? Pour orange juice on his head?

Would I have been better off not saying anything since IF, IF not willing to fight about this in first place? Now lost face? I dunno.
and no proof since I wasn't home. But obviously we know what's going on here.

@DarkKnight , @ulrich , @Fluxcapacitor

 

[Chase]

Hey man, not to be rude, but ever thought of just posting on Reddit?

Reddit - Dive into anything

www.reddit.com

I bet you'd get way more responses for these kinds of things.

It's pretty off-topic for SS but you can get a lot of people weighing in on it over there.

-C

 

[DarkKnight]

Rain, I wanted to reply here but will respect Chase decision. You can pm me if you want