A question to Cold Approachers

[AspiringStoic]

Hi guys,

This is something that has perplexed me for a while, and it came up again recently when another member mentioned something similar so it would be great to hear your guys' experiences on this.

I mainly approach in everyday locations i.e. street, malls, bus stops, shops etc. Every since I first came across daygame related stuff most coaches usually recommended going out 3-5 times per week and doing "daygame sessions of at least 10 approaches" each time.

This was said to be important because this volume would put you "in state" and it was said that the later approaches would be way better than the initial ones.

Initially I could not do 10 approaches in a day and would struggle. Then after reading habit books, I changed my strategy and started trying to do 1-3 approaches EVERY day.

This built up my approaching ability and now I can push myself and do 10+ approaches in a session if I want to. But what I have found is that though I have done this just to hit that 10 approach mark, my best results always seem to come in the 1-5 category.

Looking back all my best interactions, dates, instant dates have come from approaches 1-5 usually. It feels like to me 1-6 is the sweet spot and because I do it everyday all I need is 1 approach to get warmed up. After approach 6, I feel usually that I am forcing it and in fact feel my state usually go down. It becomes more of a willpower exercise.

I sometimes do it just to prove to myself I can do it. But have not got great results from it.

So I wanted to ask the guys who cold approach, whether they find that longer sessions with 10 or more approaches feels better and do they actually get more in state as they approach more?

Curious to know your experiences.

P.S. I am doing SOLO daygame. I know walking around chatting with a wing in daygame is different and going out at night with friends is different.

 

[Will_V]

Hi guys,

This is something that has perplexed me for a while, and it came up again recently when another member mentioned something similar so it would be great to hear your guys' experiences on this.

I mainly approach in everyday locations i.e. street, malls, bus stops, shops etc. Every since I first came across daygame related stuff most coaches usually recommended going out 3-5 times per week and doing "daygame sessions of at least 10 approaches" each time.

This was said to be important because this volume would put you "in state" and it was said that the later approaches would be way better than the initial ones.

Initially I could not do 10 approaches in a day and would struggle. Then after reading habit books, I changed my strategy and started trying to do 1-3 approaches EVERY day.

This built up my approaching ability and now I can push myself and do 10+ approaches in a session if I want to. But what I have found is that though I have done this just to hit that 10 approach mark, my best results always seem to come in the 1-5 category.

Looking back all my best interactions, dates, instant dates have come from approaches 1-5 usually. It feels like to me 1-6 is the sweet spot and because I do it everyday all I need is 1 approach to get warmed up. After approach 6, I feel usually that I am forcing it and in fact feel my state usually go down. It becomes more of a willpower exercise.

I sometimes do it just to prove to myself I can do it. But have not got great results from it.

So I wanted to ask the guys who cold approach, whether they find that longer sessions with 10 or more approaches feels better and do they actually get more in state as they approach more?

Curious to know your experiences.

P.S. I am doing SOLO daygame. I know walking around chatting with a wing in daygame is different and going out at night with friends is different.

Yes, for me around 5 is best.

After a couple of hours I start to get bored and it feels like I'm just grinding/hustling, I start to lose my spontaneity and attentiveness, and I don't have the same effect.

 

[Chase]

@AspiringStoic,

The problem is staying fresh and having the same amount of excitement/eagerness.

Past a certain point you start "grinding" like @Will_V notes.

This is generally easier to get out of in night game. You take a break from approaching, hang out with your wing for a bit, or with an insta-wing (random dude you just met), or get into a longer convo with a girl and her friends. When you come back out again you have to re-warm up, but you also tend to be a bit rawer again.

The other problem with mass approach is slipping into a kind of mini-habit, where let's say you have not gone past 5-10 minutes of convo with the first 6 girls you approach. Then you approach girl #7 and she is DOWN but you are in this habit of 5-10 minute convos, then bail, so you second guess the signs and end up just settling for a number, which then flakes (because she wanted you to pick her up THEN, not reconnect with her later).

The way to remedy that with solo day game is either to break up your approaches throughout the day if you have a schedule that allows it... e.g., do 3-4 approaches in the morning, get some work done, have lunch, another 1-3 approaches in the afternoon, more work, chill out, 2-5 approaches during evening rush hour, have dinner, another 1-3 approaches after dinner. You can easily get 10 in without sacrificing freshness or focus.

Or, if that is not an option for you, you just need to train yourself to go through a system like Roy Valentine's The System process:

1. Most girls are not open to anything with you right now
2. Some girls will be open to meeting up with you later for a date
3. A small number of girls will be open to going home with you right now

So you go out specifically looking for the #3 girls, meanwhile figuring out with any remaining girls whether she is a #2 or a #1 girl, and number closing if she is a #2, then ejecting, or just skipping the number close and moving on if she is a #1.

It's easier to keep your focus up this way, even if you lose a little freshness, because you don't fall into the "habit" of "have a 5 minute conversation then bail" but instead are sticking with the habit of "see if she's a #3 girl I can pull; if not, see if she's a #2 girl I can #-close; if not, keep moving."

Chase

 

[MrVariety]

When I get in a groove and start approaching automatically I tend to get a bit ungrounded - I just slip into a pickup automaton and I don't have that authentic nervous energy that keeps the interaction crisp.

There's a diminishing in returns in day game. Most women I've dated from the "street" has been the first girl I talked to that day. Building state by approaching women in day game is an ineffective strategy. I like the idea of the "money reps," those reps you feel the most resistance of you grow more. In weight lifting it's the the three last reps in a set, and in pick up it's precisely the opposite in terms of changing your baseline default approach ability. Though I suppose there's a different type of benefit of approaching beyond fatigue, perhaps mental endurance. I don't know.

Besides, I think the whole idea of chasing "state" is a hoax. It's just the placebo effect. For some reason there's a meme in the pickup community you can't just wake up, brush your teeth and pick up the first girl you talk to that day. I used to think this and I didn't take my first approaches seriously and it was a self fulfilling prophecy. You don't need to talk to 10 girls to access the best part of yourself. That's ridiculous.

If you want to change your mood (and bit of your permanent personality) into being more open, and kill the excuse making mind, you don't need to wait along for hours for ten beautiful women to come by - just start high fiving everyone you see on the street.


Mr Variety

 

[James D]

4-5 approaches is the sweet spot.

Been on day game runs before. Didn't find them productive.

Approaching 4-5 girls every single day for 30-40 days is can result in permanent increase in skill.

The compound effect is real on this one.

I'd favour this over high approach days that eventually lead to burnout.

 

[DoWhatWorks]

I actually have a contrarian opinion on this.

Used to not agree with blitz, but now DG is my main pipeline I like them.

1-2x a week where I do up to 10 keeps me socially warm and makes the casual 1-5 approaches during the week way easier.

The main benefit of blitz is you need less days "out" in the week to make it happen. I've reverse engineered I need about ~20 approaches a week to get 1 lay a month, it's more efficient for me to do 2 days of 10 then 4 approaches, 5 days a week.

The key to making it work is approach in areas you genuinely like to be around and don't push past fatigue. <-- this is such an overlooked and underdiscussed part of daygame in my opinon.

Ultimately though, we'll all have our preferences so it's good to have these threads so people can try and keep what works for them.

 

[AspiringStoic]

@Will_V and @James D

Thanks for the input. I have also found this to be true in my experience. 10+ approaches in a day always made me want to "rest" on the next day whereas with 3-6 approaches/day I can do it everyday and not burn out or need to take a day off. And I find it kills AA way more. Something about doing it everyday normalizes approaching to the brain.

@Chase

My question in essence is this. Lets take two guys.

Guy A
Does 5 approaches a day usually.
So he racks up 35 approaches/ week.

Guy B
Does 12 approaches x 3 times a week.
So he racks up 36 approaches/ week.

What a lot of daygame literature said was Guy B will have superior results or rather it is better to do what Guy B is doing because he is doing more "warmed up" approaches.

But from my experience I have not found that to be true. I have found more success doing what Guy A does.

So I was wondering if there is something inherently better about trying to switch to the do more approaches in 1 day while warmed up thing. Am I missing out on developing any qualities by sticking to doing 5-6 approaches per day though my weekly total still adds up to the same number?

 

[Swati]

Agree with this, consistency way better than doing a marathon, but the consistency did and I've learned from it's flow.

past couple weeks, I had horrible logistics, I need to travel like 40+ minutes to get to some location that just killed my drive as well. These small things that contribute to fatigue also need to minimized to be operate decently.

 

[AspiringStoic]

Oh yes also I would like to add that I mean this question in an all things being equal manner.

I know things will change if you dont live in a big city or if you live in the suburbs in which case you have to travel to get to your area where you can cold approach. In that case, definitetly going few days a week and doing more approaches makes sense.

So I am posing this question in a situation where that logistical situation is not a factor.

 

[Chase]

Interesting discussion re: the diminishing returns (@MrVariety and @James D) vs. higher volume approaching in areas you like to be in to stave off fatigue (@DoWhatWorks).

So basically we have some different strategies here:

• Limit approach numbers per day, and just approaching daily
• Do high volume approach sessions, but in areas you very much like to limit burnout
• Break a high volume approach session up into chunks, with restorative bits in between

My question in essence is this. Lets take two guys.

Guy A
Does 5 approaches a day usually.
So he racks up 35 approaches/ week.

Guy B
Does 12 approaches x 3 times a week.
So he racks up 36 approaches/ week.

What a lot of daygame literature said was Guy B will have superior results or rather it is better to do what Guy B is doing because he is doing more "warmed up" approaches.

But from my experience I have not found that to be true. I have found more success doing what Guy A does.

So I was wondering if there is something inherently better about trying to switch to the do more approaches in 1 day while warmed up thing. Am I missing out on developing any qualities by sticking to doing 5-6 approaches per day though my weekly total still adds up to the same number?

My recommendation for guys who want to start getting explosive results is to do a smaller number of approaches, consistently:

Can You Approach 4 Girls Per Day for 30 Days?

If you can do 4 approaches per day for 30 days straight, you can build some incredible momentum – and get some fantastic new women into your life. A few nights ago, a friend of mine had a woman he describes as quite beautiful, with whom he's built a great connection over the past few weeks and...

www.girlschase.com

Multiple guys on the forum have had great results following this challenge. @James D, for one, has had multiple stints doing it where he pulled multiple girls during the challenge.

That said, if you are able to manage your energy well, you can make mass approach sessions work. The benefit of mass approach sessions is they put you into "pickup mode", where if the guy's objectives are aligned right (like the Roy Valentine system I mentioned above) he is running straight screening game and is much more attuned and "on" than if he is doing smaller numbers.

The caveat I would say is that most guys who recommend mass approach as ideal are doing mass approach almost every day too. So instead of 12 approaches 3 x per week, they are doing 12 approaches 6x or 7x per week. That way they are not having drop-offs from too many "cold" days not spent approaching.

You can do, say, one day mass approaching per week like DWW does, then snipe the rest of the time. Then you only have to gin yourself up for that one mass approach day. But if you are mass approaching Monday, then Tuesday is off, then mass approaching Wednesday, then Thursday is off, then mass approaching Friday, etc., it really starts to dick around your energy, the inconsistency. It's not very sustainable.

(Night game mass gamers get around this by clustering their sessions. Friday & Saturday mass approaches, maybe Thursday before that as a warm-up day, maybe a little on Sunday as a cool down, then perhaps a fewer chill days for things during the week. It gets weird trying to do scattered mass approach day game sessions though. Though if anyone's made that work well, I'd love to hear about it!)

There are also mass approach guys who do all their approaching in one or two days. I knew a guy who learned by going out one day per week, Saturday, for 12 hours, and just approaching the entire day, doing 40+ day game approaches in a day, because he lived far from the city and it was the only practical option for him to get the reps in. Then on Sunday he'd drive back into the city again and take the most promising girls out on dates he'd met the day before and bang them in his van. Peak efficiency for a guy living out in the burbs! The rest of the week he just worked and stayed in the suburbs and did not game.

Chase

 

[Skills]

Hi guys,

This is something that has perplexed me for a while, and it came up again recently when another member mentioned something similar so it would be great to hear your guys' experiences on this.

I mainly approach in everyday locations i.e. street, malls, bus stops, shops etc. Every since I first came across daygame related stuff most coaches usually recommended going out 3-5 times per week and doing "daygame sessions of at least 10 approaches" each time.

This was said to be important because this volume would put you "in state" and it was said that the later approaches would be way better than the initial ones.

Initially I could not do 10 approaches in a day and would struggle. Then after reading habit books, I changed my strategy and started trying to do 1-3 approaches EVERY day.

This built up my approaching ability and now I can push myself and do 10+ approaches in a session if I want to. But what I have found is that though I have done this just to hit that 10 approach mark, my best results always seem to come in the 1-5 category.

Looking back all my best interactions, dates, instant dates have come from approaches 1-5 usually. It feels like to me 1-6 is the sweet spot and because I do it everyday all I need is 1 approach to get warmed up. After approach 6, I feel usually that I am forcing it and in fact feel my state usually go down. It becomes more of a willpower exercise.

I sometimes do it just to prove to myself I can do it. But have not got great results from it.

So I wanted to ask the guys who cold approach, whether they find that longer sessions with 10 or more approaches feels better and do they actually get more in state as they approach more?

Curious to know your experiences.

P.S. I am doing SOLO daygame. I know walking around chatting with a wing in daygame is different and going out at night with friends is different.

do whatever works brother...There is not "right" way... is what you find works for you...

 

[DoWhatWorks]

Taking a moment to say this is the exact type of thread where this forum is at its best.

Respectful, no pretending, accepting of different styles with no defensiveness.

Let's keep it up lol

 

[OldGuy]

Also, for beginners, pushing through to 10 approaches get you past the counting approaches until i am done stage and can finally quit.

 

[AspiringStoic]

don't push past fatigue. <-- this is such an overlooked and underdiscussed part of daygame in my opinon.

I 100 percent agree with this. In the beginning I thought pushing past fatigue and "grinding" is what approaching was all about.

I remember going out with the intention of doing 10 approaches as an absolute beginner with very high AA, because that was what the books said was the least acceptable number. I would be out for 2-3 hours and manage only 4-5 and come back beating myself up for being such a dismal failure instead of patting myself on the back for having done 3-4.

This led to anchoring very negative feelings towards this whole approaching thing. Once I gave myself permission to push myself but say okay I am happy with what I did today if I did 3-4 solid approaches, that is when my resistance to approaching dropped a lot and I began to have positive feelings towards cold approach and feel that its enjoyable and not drudgery.

 

[SexualHero]

I also think 5 per day around 20 per week is sweet spot. 10 per day can be mentally draining, and your results can take a dive. But it's not just that, it can be also physically demanding if you need to walk around for 3 or more hours searching for 10 women you would like to approach. So, you get both mentally and physically tired, it's not wonder you are not at your best. There is also issue of time, lots of us have work and other responsibilities and can't really spare 3 hours during workdays.

Having said that, if you are newbie and you do not have you AA under control, exposure therapy is best way to deal with. And more you approach, sooner you will get it handled. When you are dealing with AA, you are probably not sniping, you are not too concerned if you really want her in your bed or not, so it's easier to get to 10. So, I would say go for it, handling AA is most important aspect of this, and I honestly believe a lot of guys fail at this very first step. But, like Stoic said, dont beat yourself up if you cant do 10 while having AA. When you starting, even one approach might be all you can do. Then go to 3-4, then go to 10 to deal with AA, then come back to how many you actually want to approach per day, which seems to be 5 for most guys. I believe you have to go through mass approach phase to effectively deal with AA ( exposure therapy )

 

[ChrisXKiss]

I'd say that aiming at 10 per day, unless you specifically allocate enough time to go out and approach every day, is a lot.

If you have some time before work, then some time after work, then a bit more between other commutes, it is a lot of pressure to say you have to make 10 approaches.

Now if you specifically go out to approach it could also be a little.

I think that if I go around the city for an hour I could do 10 approaches without feeling like I mass approach or that I have to reach a certain number.

I just meet enough attractive women I want to approach, so I do it.

So the way I see it, it is about the habit of approaching. Keeping your radar open all the time, and doing at least 2-3 preferably every day to keep the habit and not let your brain start thinking it is something you don't do anymore.

I am not even particularly concerned with the results during that, because i expect that I can be unlucky for 3-4 days straight with these numbers.

The problem I see with low numbers is that if you do 2-3 approaches and they flop, and then the same happens the next day too, then all you know is that for 2 days straight your approaches were flopping and if it continues it can start affecting you.

For that reason I believe that if you really want results more dedicated sessions are valuable. I have sometimes gone out and stayed even though nothing seemed to be working, because I wanted to have the experience of getting a good result, and I also believed that statistically sooner or later it would happen.

And a number of times it did. Pretty interesting experiencing girl after girl being uninterested to eventually find one that is totally into you.

Of course fatigue can become a real problem here, emotional or physical. I have pushed through that some times to keep going, but I would never recommend it, I've had some of my harshest rejections in that state and I don't do it anymore.

So knowing your limits, and feeling when it starts getting too much for you is really important. And if you have passed the approach anxiety stage the only thing that matters is how many approaches you need to get results.

I said earlier that I can do 10 approaches in an hour, but if I do 3 and get an instant date of course they become less, but it is better. If you generally go out and although you have quite some free time, you do 4-5 approaches that don't lead anywhere, then I would say raising these numbers a bit can be valuable, since you increase your chances for something good on each day.

The most important thing of all in my mind though is that even when going out specifically to approach, even if you end up doing 30 approaches, to not do them just to do them.

If you don't have approach anxiety anymore, the point is to put yourself in situations where there are enough women that you just want to approach.

That's exactly what I do when I go out for a session, I don't have in mind I am going to reach a certain number, I almost never keep track of it by the end. I simply have in mind that I will go out and walk from point A to point B, then maybe to point C for a total of x hours, and I expect that I will find enough girls that will motivate me to approach them.

In the same way I do expect that daily I will see at least 2-3 women I would like to approach just by going about my day.

And I believe that for someone that doesn't have huge amounts of free time, this process can be sustainable. Approaching a bit here and there every day, then having one/two days that you go out more to increase the numbers and your probabilities of getting a result faster.

If you have more free time to spend on it, I would say just approach as much as you can to the point that it doesn't cause fatigue or affect your mood and state negatively. If it goes well, more approaches mean more chances for another win, and if it goes bad, more approaches mean more chances to turn it around.