All Questions March AMA

[Tony D]

So with my workload lately I don't have the time I'd like to dedicate to foruming, answering emails and chatting on social media. I'm pumping out 2k word articles for GC, my own blog, and running a coaching biz.

So, with that I'm here to answer all your questions, should you have them. Specifically you newbs with your "What do I say?" questions. This is your safe space to be vulnerable and release your pangendered queries.

In case you don't know, I'm an OG dating coach. I've run over a hundred live bootcamps, over the last ten years, and have on average 3-10 active phone coaching clients every month. I've literally answered every question a quadrillion times so ... you're not special. But let's celebrate that. Because whatever question you have, there are hundreds of lurkers looking for the same answer.

 

[Sub-Zero]

1. Is it possible to make up for lost time? Or should you forget about it?

2. How long into your seduction career did it take for you to get good? What is the key thing missing for getting good?

 

[Tony D]

1. Is it possible to make up for lost time? Or should you forget about it?

2. How long into your seduction career did it take for you to get good? What is the key thing missing for getting good?

Of course it is possible. I don't know how old you are, but I started working on my cold approach at 27. Some guys think that over 25 is too old. I mean, if you're just referring to getting good at picking up women, the younger you are, the more drive you might have. I do know men in their 40's and even 50's who got into the stuff, though not as heavily as younger men in twenties and thirties. Technically we can reproduce until we die.

As for success at everything else, I'm in my forties and I still hustle. I still have dreams and ambitions. They're not all related directly to women. But I'm still building my life and will until I die.

How long to get good? At cold approach, I'd say after about three months of going out 7 nights a week I was competent. After two years I was teaching. After ten years it's who I am.

 

[Sub-Zero]

Of course it is possible. I don't know how old you are, but I started working on my cold approach at 27. Some guys think that over 25 is too old. I mean, if you're just referring to getting good at picking up women, the younger you are, the more drive you might have. I do know men in their 40's and even 50's who got into the stuff, though not as heavily as younger men in twenties and thirties. Technically we can reproduce until we die.

As for success at everything else, I'm in my forties and I still hustle. I still have dreams and ambitions. They're not all related directly to women. But I'm still building my life and will until I die.

How long to get good? At cold approach, I'd say after about three months of going out 7 nights a week I was competent. After two years I was teaching. After ten years it's who I am.

what would you think a huge key is when becoming good with women that you noticed?

it's like when I mess up its the opposite; I either move to fast or too slow.

It happens randomly and I lose the chicks as fast as I get them.

my drive is there, but it's a lot to deal with having to go out myself all the time, spend money, deal with flakes, etc.

that takes a toll on my drive and has been for years.

I'm just missing something I can never understand, it feels so random when I get chicks.

I could move super slow with one chick and get her or I could move super fast and not get a chick or vice versa.

then it comes to a time where you think, I guess this it it, how's it's supposed to be.

but I keep trying it just feels like I have to get lucky and I don't have it under my control, it's all on the girl.

thanks for responding to my questions.

 

[Tony D]

This article will answer your question. https://www.girlschase.com/content/chaos-theory-and-art-seduction

what would you think a huge key is when becoming good with women that you noticed?

it's like when I mess up its the opposite; I either move to fast or too slow.

It happens randomly and I lose the chicks as fast as I get them.

my drive is there, but it's a lot to deal with having to go out myself all the time, spend money, deal with flakes, etc.

that takes a toll on my drive and has been for years.

I'm just missing something I can never understand, it feels so random when I get chicks.

I could move super slow with one chick and get her or I could move super fast and not get a chick or vice versa.

then it comes to a time where you think, I guess this it it, how's it's supposed to be.

but I keep trying it just feels like I have to get lucky and I don't have it under my control, it's all on the girl.

thanks for responding to my questions.

 

[Beam]

Hi Tony,

I don't know if anyone else struggles with this (since no one answered it) but I'd be curious to hear your thoughts on this question

Thanks!

 

[Tony D]

Hi Tony,

I don't know if anyone else struggles with this (since no one answered it) but I'd be curious to hear your thoughts on this question

Thanks!

I've always found that if people figure you're too much in their "space" or too touchy feely, they'll let you know. They'll either move away, or ask make a comment.

I've quite physical with people, and find it funny when others are not. I actually go out of my way to use touch to build rapport... a hand on the shoulder, a quick back rub, a hug with close friends or family... and sometimes even new acquaintances. In many parts of the world strangers greet each other with a kiss on the cheek.

Remember this... whatever you feel, they feel. You need to be comfortable with yourself. Don't see physicality as a tactic to get laid, but rather as an extension of how you choose to promote yourself, or express your personality.

 

[Chrance]

Hey @Tony D

My questions are:
(1) What was your biggest sticking point
(2) How did you figure it out, and
(3) How did you overcome it?

 

[Tony D]

Hey @Tony D

My questions are:
(1) What was your biggest sticking point
(2) How did you figure it out, and
(3) How did you overcome it?

1. I used to get really upset when women didn't text me back. I took it incredibly personally, considered it rude, disrespectful, etc. Now I'm just aware that most people are busy and that guy they met at the mall isn't a high priority, and that's okay. My perspective changed because now I'm busy, and have far less time to chase pussy.

2. I changed priorities and accepted human nature for what it is.

3. I don't care anymore.

 

[William Wallace]

1. I used to get really upset when women didn't text me back. I took it incredibly personally, considered it rude, disrespectful, etc. Now I'm just aware that most people are busy and that guy they met at the mall isn't a high priority, and that's okay. My perspective changed because now I'm busy, and have far less time to chase pussy.

2. I changed priorities and accepted human nature for what it is.

3. I don't care anymore.

what are you tips for those living in small cities with small dating pools? that is without moving?
and or how to ¨develop a relathonship over the internet¨ to meet up atleast.
Also any tips for people with autism with genetic flaw in social interaction? are we to give up hope or?

 

[Tony D]

I'll never tell anyone to give up hope. You just do the best with what you've got. I'm not a doctor and can't tell you what you're physically or intellectually capable of. But I'll support your goals. I'm here to tell you to do your best.

You're in a small town? Maybe you like small towns? You can still go out and socialize. But if you're really terrible at approaching, or really nervous around women to the point that you can't even take action... then what choice is there? You either do it anyway, do online dating, or move to a city.

I don't think you can develop a deep relationship over the Internet, easily. I'm not an online dating expert so not the best person to ask.

 

[jesslee09]

When a woman is being completely disrespectful to you in public, how do you deal with an emotionally abusive moments? In a case of a girlfriend or a friend, I would drop her from my life and move on. But I've been in scenarios where I'm tied to a company and a co-worker starts screaming at me due to certain frustrations she has out of the blue.

I feel that if I yelled back at her, it wouldn't be a good lookin front of my coworkers. But if I sat there and took it, co-workers would laugh at me as I've been in it before.

How can you handle certain scenarios such as these to put her in her place? Do you mock her? Make fun of her? I find myself getting tensed up.

 

[HumanWhoLearns]

How is dating different when you're dating outside of your own race (I'm dating a black girl - don't have much experience in general but esp outside of my own race - white)

For depressed guys, how long until do you think before they should talk about it. Additionally, any ideas for marketing yourself better towards women when they ask you questions about yourself?

What are the biggest reasons that guys struggle when using dating sites and how can they correct them?

 

[ulrich]

How would you go on creating a lifestyle that is full of women?

I am an engineer, most of my life working in technology fields with men only... almost all my friends are men... now it seems I will have plenty of time available with a business I created that it´s about to explode.

What should I do with my time (besides obvious daygame)?

 

[Tony D]

How is dating different when you're dating outside of your own race (I'm dating a black girl - don't have much experience in general but esp outside of my own race - white)

For depressed guys, how long until do you think before they should talk about it. Additionally, any ideas for marketing yourself better towards women when they ask you questions about yourself?

What are the biggest reasons that guys struggle when using dating sites and how can they correct them?

I don't think the race matters or makes a difference at all. If they're really beautiful they're going to be in high demand. What is different is dating from different cultures. Like, if you date FOB girls, it will be different than an American born. How? I'd have to go through every country and religion in the world. It's too broad a question.

If you're depressed then this should be your first priority. Aim to educate yourself on depression, and bring self-awareness to the problem. As a life coach, anxiety, and depression, especially amongst men, is my expertise. Personally I overcame my depression by finding a life purpose, moving towards it daily, and doing tough things that are good for me in the long term, rather than short term pleasure.

But I always say, depression is not doing what you need to do.

I struggle with dating sites... so you tell me. I think it comes down to amazing, well thought out pics, a great well tested and optimized write up, and heavy volume... involving paid campaigns, and even auto responders. Or... if you're from a first world country, go to a poor country. Your value is higher and it's much easier.

 

[Tony D]

When a woman is being completely disrespectful to you in public, how do you deal with an emotionally abusive moments? In a case of a girlfriend or a friend, I would drop her from my life and move on. But I've been in scenarios where I'm tied to a company and a co-worker starts screaming at me due to certain frustrations she has out of the blue.

I feel that if I yelled back at her, it wouldn't be a good lookin front of my coworkers. But if I sat there and took it, co-workers would laugh at me as I've been in it before.

How can you handle certain scenarios such as these to put her in her place? Do you mock her? Make fun of her? I find myself getting tensed up.

First, try to empathize with her. What's her perspective? Even if it's a loser's point of view. Let her know she's been heard, and that you're seriously considering what she's communicated... even if poorly. Even better... thank her for sharing her perspective. This is all so that she calms the fuck down. You need to be zen as fuck, basically. It demonstrates that you are a leader, and higher value, not only to her, but to those who work with you.

Then, you need to set boundaries. Tell her, if she has issues, she needs to address you in a professional manner. If she can't do that in person, than do it by email, or social media, or have someone pass the message. Then tell your point of view, if you have one. This will establish dominance. Calm... cool, collected, logical, empathetic but tough.

I know it would feel better to just tell her she's a dumb cunt... but that makes you appear weak. Save that for a last resort, when strength is needed. Then you can say "I tried being civil... but she kept pushing me."

Everyone loses their cool sometimes. But it's always better to be collected.

 

[Tony D]

How would you go on creating a lifestyle that is full of women?

I am an engineer, most of my life working in technology fields with men only... almost all my friends are men... now it seems I will have plenty of time available with a business I created that it´s about to explode.

What should I do with my time (besides obvious daygame)?

Ummm... daygame.
Night game.
Hobbies.
Social Circle.

There are many jobs that facilitate this too. You could do one as a hobby. Bartender, promoter, photographer, dance instructor. Or just hang out is scenes that involve beautiful women. Art, fashion, fitness....

Easiest way though is to have a space and host awesome parties.

 

[Isn’t]

Hi Tony, I have been picking up my pace at day game. Took me a while to manage my approach anxiety, but now I am happy that I have graduated to next step, which is cold approaching on street at NYC.

Question - Looking at this as a pure numbers game perspective - How many girls should I be approaching on a weekly basis, with goal being to get one new woman every one or two months?

Also, do you think this is the right way to approach this game ( Talking to X number of girls to get 1 girl)? And you do think I am setting my expectations right by targeting 1 new girl every 1 or 2 months?

 

[Tony D]

Hi Tony, I have been picking up my pace at day game. Took me a while to manage my approach anxiety, but now I am happy that I have graduated to next step, which is cold approaching on street at NYC.

Question - Looking at this as a pure numbers game perspective - How many girls should I be approaching on a weekly basis, with goal being to get one new woman every one or two months?

Also, do you think this is the right way to approach this game ( Talking to X number of girls to get 1 girl)? And you do think I am setting my expectations right by targeting 1 new girl every 1 or 2 months?

Sure. I've written about this already. Check this blog post out.

 

[Sub-Zero]

Sure. I've written about this already. Check this blog post out.

So a question about that; how do you not feel approaching that many women as daunting? I'm talking specifically cold approach day game.

One chick Is hard enough, imagine 50.

I could see 20 not being too bad, but 50 is a lot for day game.

I mean, gotta do what you gotta do, so really don't care what the numbers are, but it's just hard doing it so many times with little to no results.

1. How do you look at that number of approaches and not feel like it's too much and keep approaching knowing you have to approach many women to get one chick?

2. Why does it take so many approaches to get a lay?