Hi
@towarzysz! I self diagnose myself as someone who was midly to medium depressed throughout most of my life: from 7 to 32 years old more or less. For me, overcoming depression was a combination of many factors.
Ok, I somehow got really motivated and wrote a quite big article on this. I was not expecting this. But depression is a very close topic for me. I hope it will be useful for you! I cite many articles from GC but I was too lazy to get the links, sorry. I prioritized writing since the words were flowing.
Firstly, I think Chase, in one of his articles, defined depression very well. I cannot remember the article. If I'm not wrong, he says that depression is deeply linked to lack of self-esteem, to you feeling like you have nothing to offer to society, nothing to offer to anyone around you, no value to add. I can relate to this very much.
So the solution is somehow finding a way of being useful. Is it a job that you need? Is it a hobbie, such as playing music and being able to entertain people? Is it seduction? Is it getting in shape to be able to do some physical activity with others in group? It must be something that has a social aspect to it. Something you can share with others. Thus reading might not help directly since it's purely an individual task, but it might definitely inspire you to start taking the actions that you need to overcome depression. Reading was key for me. Some books and the internet helped me a lot. You can start by exploring the Girls Chase website
I would say the prioritary factors are:
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It's never too late to overcome depression. Mine got worst when I was 24, because I thought I had "thrown away my young years" and I would never get them back again, and my life would just be a downwards direction. Then, as I said, when I was 32 I started doing things that helped me overcome it in a definitive manner, and it's lasting until today, and still getting better. Even though my life is far from perfect. But if only I had allowed me to do them back when I was 24, without this "loss" or guilt of thinking that I didn't have any time left, I could have done even more. Thus there's always more time left.
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Start facing the things that are blocking your life, directly. If you are not aware of them, you must do therapy, or meditate, or some kind of introspection, or something to identify and discover them. Then it's necessary to face them. And this should be done directly. No shortcuts, no make believe, no hiding, no excuses. Develop your intelect, or your physique, or your masculinity, or your professional skills, or your social skills, whatever is the blocking point. And allow yourself to do it progressively. If you feel useless in terms of career, you must start with some easy job, and then build from there. Do it progressively.
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Finding some physical activity that you enjoy and start doing it. Progressively is also key here. Don't put pressure on you. If you have never run in your life, start by running 15 min twice a week. If you have never lifted weights, start doing it 30 min, once, then twice a week, then increasing time, etc. And actually, many therapists recommend a simple activity to start: just walking. Walking can take you a long way. We, humans, were made for walking. It's a very natural activity for us. And we never do enough of it. Coming back to the progressive aspect, if you try to skip steps, you will fail. It must be progressive. If you stop doing it for a while, take a step back and restart again.
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Getting rid of people around you who judge you for your depression. Or people that come to you with this "tough love" trying to help. Tough love doesn't work if you are depressed, it only makes it worse. You need sweet and tender love. Frequently, these people are the ones closest to you: your parents, family, siblings, close friends. Get rid of them. Get away from them, cut contact, minimize contact to a minimum, try your hardest to not let them impact your life anymore.
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Getting rid of people who trigger your depression. If you have that "perfect" brother who is good at everything he does and better than you, or a friend, or a female friend, or maybe even your parents, who is better than you, get away from them, in the same way as above. You cannot deal with them while you are under depression, while you are feeling weak. You need to cut contact, improve yourself, and then when you are feeling strong again, you can try to get back in contact. You need to feel strong enough that you can learn from them. If you don't feel strong enough, you cannot learn from these people, you will only
feel worse.
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Putting the oxygen mask on you before you help others putting it. This is a reference to those instructions that we hear on planes. It is very significant, and directly linked to the self-esteem concept. Having self-esteem means you are the most important person in your life. You are your priority. Not your mother, father, partner, or friends. You. If you are feeling bad, or ill, or, in the the worst case - if you die - then everything will be worse. The crucial point for you to start having a better life is focusing on you. Do you think that idea a friend is trying to convince you of is bad for you? Then it might very well be. Thus don't give ears to him. Focus on you. Are your parents or family asking too many things from you? Tell them of your situation and that you must focus on you, and start asking things from them. This is another concept thought all over this forum and in GC. Start to ask things from people, instead of just giving things to them. Don't feel guilty about it. It's temporary. You must recover your strength and add value to your life first, before giving value to others lives. You and your life are the most valuable things you have. So start doing what you want, not what others want.
And here are some other factors that help too:
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Improving your life hygiene. Tune again to your circadian rythm: discover that best time for you to sleep, and the best time to wake. Your body usually tells us this, but we ignore it. It was very surprising for me, but over the last few years, I started sleeping earlier and earlier, and waking up earlier and earlier also, and this just improved everything. Fix your eating habit, eat well. Drink less alcohol, use less drugs. Or none at all, better yet. Get some sunshine, and only a bit already helps. Address any medical issues. Spend less time in front of screens. Take care of yourself, overall. People in this forum mention a lot of this, I guess, and it's also all over GC articles. It's basic stuff that naturally gives you more energy.
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Finding a girlfriend, or just a friend. Someone that brings love to you. Non-judgemental love. Who accepts you as you are, who empathizes with you. Like I said above, forget about people with tough love, or people who are paternalistic, or who are "saying things not because they don't like you, but just because they care for you". Or people who are clearly better than you in everything. It sounds silly, but you do need people who are more or less at the same situation than you. Otherwise you will feel bad around them. I know a girl who is bipolar, and got into a psychotic crisis that lasted for a whole year, on and off, than she had to be put into a clinic. There she met a lot of people crazier than her, and started sleeping with a lot of crazy guys and getting attention there. This somehow kickstarted her self-esteem again, and a few months later she was out of the clinic and feeling better. Chase also has an article on this: he says that it can be good for a wounded man to search for a wounded woman. It can sound egoistic to search for someone only to cure you, but it works. And if you can also help cure this person, be it a girlfriend or a friend, then both will end up as winners. In my case I found a wounded woman. I still feel like she helped me more than I helped her, but for one thing: she had medium to heavy OCD and she learnt to control it while living with me. So something I did for her, at least.
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Finding some source of inspiration. This could be a mentor, a real person, but could also be some writer on the internet. I got a lot of help from some psychology books and from the internet. GC helped me a lot, really. And other psychology websites too. Find some that resonate with you, a "school of thought" that resonates with you. This could be linked to some spiritual aspect too. Psychology is frequently linked to some kind of spirituality. You could maybe resonate with Freud, or Jung, or stoicism, or buddhism, or hinduism, or hippie. But this always involves some luck. You have to somehow stumble upon a good reference, but before that, you will be searching.
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Finding hobbies or activities that you can share with others. Board games, sports, music, arts. Don't let any type of prejudice retain you. It doesn't need to be cool, it only need other people that like it too. If playing kidditch (the Harry Potter broom game) helps you, then do it. If its sewing, then do it, maybe in a sewing class with others. And so on.
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Clear your mind from prejudices and critics and external advice. Don't follow trends, fashion, external advice, or whatever. Don't let any prejudice affect your choices. This is related to focusing on you. Depression means you are not able to express yourself, that you are not being able to be who you really are. This could be because the world is putting some kind of pressure on us, telling us that this is silly, or dumb, or geeky, or feminin, or politically wrong, or weak. But this might put a wall on something you have inside you and kill any potential you have to express it. So start getting rid of prejudices and external validation and opinions about everything in your life, at many levels, and this will certainly help you tuning in to yourself again.
