Atomic Ascent

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Hi everyone,

After seeing many other members start journals and go on to find great success, I have decided to start one as well. I am finally going to start taking my dating life seriously and establish it as a priority, at least for the foreseeable future. I hope that this journal will help hold me accountable for my efforts and keep me focused.

I'm a college student in the US, and my current goal is to incrementally develop my personality to be more charming, and hopefully have some fun experiences with women along the way
I'm a big believer in the "natural" / social circle style, where my personality is completely congruent at all times and doesn't require me to ever go out expressly with the intention of meeting women. This is my aim --- to be able to go about my normal life and meet interesting people (both men and women) at a high rate.

My natural strengths:
-flirty banter
-deep diving
-getting to know people one on one
-"fundamentals" (can always be improved)

My current weaknesses:
-group conversations
-party / club / other high energy situations
-staying in a positive and uplifting mood ("in state")

My (initial) plan:
Align my actions with my desired identity by talking to as many people as possible. I will start out by destroying any remaining fears / anxiety related to going up to random people and talking to them, and the only way to do that is consistent action (talking to everyone I see).

Enjoy!

 

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9/26: First Journal

Just got back from a night out with friends. Not much happened, but I want to stay consistent and record everything.

-went to a party with friends
-bumped into two old acquaintances of mine and chatted for a bit
-asked a random girl what she thought of the party, made small talk for 2 minutes, traded names. Seemed interested but I just left (wasn't attracted)
-talked to a few people in the elevator, asked them how their night was going, etc (big win for me - I always want to do this but never used to)

Overall: good job staying "in state" (which is really just being in the moment by being playful and focusing on having the most fun possible). Good job with eye contact and using touch more as a part of every conversation.

Need to work on: staying in conversations longer, and not just trying to leave at the first hint of awkwardness. Also, there was a group conversation where I engaged for the first 5 minutes and then fell silent. I need to stay active in the conversation, and realize that not everything I say has to be perfect.

 

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Early October: Journal #2

Wrote this up weeks ago but procrastinated on posting it. Need to get better about that.

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Last few days have been interesting. Been mostly staying in a social state by talking to everyone I see, whether that be in class, parties, libraries, anywhere. I need to continue focusing on being extremely present, and also providing positive energy and active listening to people. I want to consistently be genuinely excited to see people.

Also, last night at a party:
I talked to a girl with “Hey what's your name” and then led her to dance a bit before sitting.
From the beginning, she was very receptive to touch and responded well to my grabbing her hand, hand around the shoulder, touching arms, legs and back, etc.
I also kissed her (big win!) but she seemed bored and kept looking around. She also asked me how much longer until the party ended, and kept saying she was tired and had to sleep. She said she was too tired to get up and walk around the venue.
About 10ish minutes after we kissed, her enthusiasm noticeably dropped. At this point, she was still welcoming touch but when I tried to kiss again, she said “I don’t know if you like me enough” and “we just met”. She also didn’t want to leave because of her friends. Any thoughts on what happened?

To be honest, I didn’t do a good job deep diving and our conversation was very superficial. Anyways, that was a good learning experience. Things I did well: Taking risks and talking to people. Need to work on: mainly fixing the issues with my interaction above, and also improving the smoothness of my small talk in general.


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Journal #3: late October

Not sure what happened but I've been feeling much more out of state lately. Possible causes:

1. much more work now that college classes are getting harder
2. gym schedule more irregular
3. stopped talking to random people as much (or at all, really)

I feel like the key to my success has always been "state", and that only comes from talking to random people (point #3 above). As soon as I stopped taking the initiative to talk to random people everywhere I go, I fell out of the habit, and now there is much more inertia to get back to that state. This affects the way I behave in every other situation and my mood as well.

Point #1 (work) is also crucial, since I noticed that whenever I have a lot of work / deadlines, I get less playful in conversations and less invested in what other people are saying. Basically, I become more boring. I need to either reduce my workload or learn to care less about deadlines.

The goal now is to get back to that state, little by little. I will start by getting a massive head start on my work so I have free time, and then start setting aside more time to going out consistently.

Also: kissed a girl at a dance class a couple weeks ago! That's #3 for me, happy about that.