Best Books for Dating & Self Actualization

[HentaiSamurai]

What are your favorite books that have made an impact on your communication and dating skills?

My favorites below:

1. How to Win Friends and Influence People
   • Kind of common sense but the power is in taking the following approach: do 1 chapter a week and practice the chapter's habit for that week. Also great b/c most guys need learn basic social skills before seduction skills based on my interactions with dudes in this community. 90% of game is general social skills with 10% being the sexual dynamic.
2. Power of Eye Contact by Ellsberg
   • Closest thing to a magic bullet for game is eye contact and warm or sexy smiling (Chase has many posts on this); have gotten girls to run over to me by doing it right. Keep in mind that when learning, expect your first X number of tries to be weird and awkward. This book is also kind of common sense but the power is in practicing the skill as you read along.
3. The Inner Game of Tennis
   • The power of visualization, which is super helpful in all areas of life even down to real time interactions (like visualizing what it would feel like to be inside a woman or what you want to do to her, which will permeate your communication and make her feel horny)
4. The Happiness Advantage
   • Practical exercises to become happier, which is actually a prerequisite for success and achieviening goals vs. the typical view that you'll become happy once you achieve a certain goal.
5. The Charisma Myth
   • General information on charisma, which is a fundamental quality to cultivate.
6. Executive Toughness
   • Recommended by an old CEO of mine. Functions like a workbook to guide you through setting a vision, mission, product and process goals. Super practical hands on stuff. Bring a pen with you.

Bonus: Working with a therapist you resonate with. The power of having a dedicated professional to help you work through your emotional shit is crucial to becoming a healthy man and not getting lost in some of the unhelpful or harmful pickup conditioning that I've been in and seen all too many times.

 

[lsrlnr]

Per 1), are there other similar good books that can be considered an updated similar type? Considering Dale Carnegie's book was written in like 1936.

 

[HentaiSamurai]

Per 1), are there other similar good books that can be considered an updated similar type? Considering Dale Carnegie's book was written in like 1936.

Charisma Myth is kind of like an update on How to Win Friends & Influence People

 

[Warped Mindless]

Per 1), are there other similar good books that can be considered an updated similar type? Considering Dale Carnegie's book was written in like 1936.

The principals are pretty timeless.

“Captivate” and “The Charisma Myth” are both good.

“92 tips and tricks for talking to people” or whatever it’s called is also decent.

 

[FunGuy]

I can co-sign for:

How to Win Friends and Influence People

• This is one of the best books ever made. Everyone should read this book at least once, it will make you a more positive, pleasant, and magnetic person.

The Charisma Myth

• Also a great book, it goes into implementable details about how to conduct yourself with authority and confidence and also on how to attain a strong presence without having to say a word. Its one of those books that is very good to re-read every now and then.

I haven't read any of the other books you listed. Its ironic how the best seduction based books I read aren't centered around seduction. I think I made a thread about the book The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene and how much I hated it, horrible book that just stereotyped types of men who were good with women and didn't explain anything implementable. There are also classics like The Game by Neil Strauss and Mystery Method which are good reads but nowhere near as good at helping you attain needed skills for seduction as the 2 books I cosigned.

There is also a book called Improve Your Conversations by Patrick King, this book has some exercises and tips to help you attain conversational wit so you can make conversation out of thin air. Its been years since I read the book but from what I remember the author is a stand up comedian and comedians practically need to master the art of being socially witty.

 

[Will_V]

Action and result has always been my best teacher, but as far as books go, probably what has done the most for me have been the works of Freud and Jung, strange as it sounds. I am someone who learns a piece of information best when I have a big jigsaw puzzle to fit it into, and I can see its relationship with the surrounding pieces. Not everyone learns like that.

Psychoanalysis, as far as I'm concerned, is the only real science of mind, precisely because it is not so much a science as a language constructed of the symbols that the mind uses, and in this way it takes into account the observer as well as the observed, making it exponentially more useful and practical than other attempts to be more 'precise'.

Being able to get a small grasp on the symbols that the mind uses to construct reality, and see how these symbols and their arrangements have manifested in my own perception of myself and everything around me, has very much helped me to move past obstacles created by negative experiences and poor habits that would have otherwise been very difficult to separate from my perception of who I am.

It's part of the reason why I think and speak in analogies and stories, and I draw (sometimes thin) relationships between apparently completely different things, because I am interested in the symbols that they share, and symbols are how the mind works at the most fundamental level.

I've never enjoyed seduction and dating books all that much, because they generally try to clothe in niceities (or conversely, revel in a superficially primitive perspective on) something that operates deep inside the psyche, far away from the strictures of social convention, something far more complex and profound than they are willing to explore. That's part of the reason why I like Girls Chase, because even if the articles don't usually go too deep into the psychological or psychoanalytic theory (which is fair enough), they still draw lines between a huge variety of aspects of the male experience, across topic and across time, in a way that reveals patterns and relationships that are useful and fascinating.

I haven't read Zan Perrion's book yet though, which I'm looking forward to.

For general social skills and information, I've found Chris Voss's stuff to be very practical.

But the best thing for social skills is to develop the ability to relax and observe yourself and the other person clearly, in the moment, because people give off all kinds of signals all the time that tell you far more about the situation you are actually in than some formula given to you by a book that has already been deviated from.

 

[HentaiSamurai]

The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene and how much I hated it, horrible book that just stereotyped types of men who were good with women and didn't explain anything implementable.

Awful book that doesn't even make accurate observations about any seductive archetype. I'm there with ya on this trash.

 

[Gunwitch]

Awful book that doesn't even make accurate observations about any seductive archetype. I'm there with ya on this trash.

Things a fuckin doorstop too, 500 pages, terrible/no tech, ugh.

Gun

 

[Skills]

yeah i don't understand why people like the art of seduction could not get through it........

Books that are good for biz and seduction with caviats:

1.- how to win friends and influence people is a great book, BUT IT COULD TOTALLY BACKFIRE FOR SEDUCTION, i do recommend the book, but for more dealing with people and situations, in seduction it can totally put you in friendzone land....

2.- Influence the psychology of persuasion by Cialdini.- it is a extremely good book, for sales and even seduction (my pimp/hustle game is directly influence by this,, and field tested)

3.- goodby things.- this change my life best book on minimalist living

4.- subtle art of not giving a fuck.- really good book by manson

5.- models is another really good book by manson.- This is good for inner game, i would be careful and maybe ignore the vulnerability advice a bit, and the texting... The game advice is super beginner basic more focus on screening type game.

6.- I would read the fountainhead.- this is a true sigma character, sigma style works work when it comes to seduction and translates well....

7.- the game and the truth i would read not for the game content but just for a historical view of the pua community, the truth is about relationships though is kind of silly a lot of the relationship stuff he does, is a good view at different relationship set ups.

8.- for fitness i kind of like the approach of kino body very minimalistic workouts with focus on efficiency and flexible dieting....I would get any of his books that appeal to you.

9.- the relationship trap.- i found this is one of the best books on relationships. credit @Karea Ricardus D.

10.- no more mr. nice guy by glover.- mark manson took a lot of his ideas from this book....

11.- psyco cybernetic the one by maxwell.- this is the best book on inner game and image (every black piller should read this)... rsd tyler took a lot of the blue print ideas from here.

12.- the female brain.- excellent book to understanding women from a doctor

 

[HentaiSamurai]

6.- I would read the fountainhead.- this is a true sigma character, sigma style works work when it comes to seduction and translates well....

Great fiction book. The main takeaway is too not care too much about others' opinions and stay dedicated to a vision.

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

9.- the relationship trap.- i found this is one of the best books on relationships. credit @Karea Ricardus D.

Yeah huge eye opener that one. It's called "The Passion Trap" by Dean C. Delis. I couldn't stop turning pages as all the case studies described all my past relationships... and explained why they went the way they did.

 

[FunGuy]

Yeah huge eye opener that one. It's called "The Passion Trap" by Dean C. Delis. I couldn't stop turning pages as all the case studies described all my past relationships... and explained why they went the way they did.

That sounds like an interesting read. Is that book about noticing toxic traits in people before you date them or is it more about when you are actually in a relationship? Also is the title the relationship trap or the passion trap? I am confused if you and skills are talking about different books since you guys put 2 different titles.

 

[Skills]

That sounds like an interesting read. Is that book about noticing toxic traits in people before you date them or is it more about when you are actually in a relationship? Also is the title the relationship trap or the passion trap? I am confused if you and skills are talking about different books since you guys put 2 different titles.

No is not about that, and is called the passion trap, he made a chase article about this i read it during my break up....we are talking about the same book

 

[Conquistador]

Some books I've partly or fully read and can vouch for, in no particular order:

-Models by Mark Manson. A significant influence on my thinking. This excerpt from chapter 3 helped me decide to make this journey:

Connecting with women in this way, by being vulnerable - as opposed to compensating or becoming a fake alpha - will result in the some of
the best interactions and relationships of your life. In the past three years I’ve had women thank me for having a one night stand with them; women tell me that our week together meant more to them than their entire four-year relationship with their ex-boyfriend; women ask me to take their virginity because I was the first guy they had ever met who they trusted enough to do it. I have beautiful women from all over the world that I keep in touch with years later and share wonderful memories with - some of whom I spent less than 48 hours with.

-Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. This book needs to be absorbed rather than merely read, but it's useful for any kind of interpersonal communication. The reason I mention it here is that Neil Strauss, of all people, now recommends it as his #1 favorite dating read.

-Fundamentals of Female Dynamics by Michael Knight. A fascinating book, especially for guys with certain thinking styles. Highly recommended.

-How to WIn Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Definitely agree with OP ^^.

-Casanova's Memoirs. I haven't read much of it. There are different editions; early translations were based on censored versions, and the best and most complete version has so far only been published (recently) in the original French.

-The Multi-orgasmic Man by Mantak Chia and Douglas Abrams Arava. I really want to share the awesome story of how I got my copy, but I can't for now for OPSEC reasons. I acquired it during the course of an afternoon some months ago that changed my life in multiple ways. And yes, the stuff works, although I wouldn't recommend relying on only that book for your practice, or for taking everything in the book as the gospel truth.

-Reading general books on psychology and philosophy, and sometimes biographies of "Great Men" can sometimes lead to useful insights.

-Last but not least, I can't deny that the Old Testament's (taken in toto) unvarnished, unapologetic, and (with significant reservations) sex-positive perspective on human sexuality as an essential part of the human experience was a significant influence on my thinking.

 

[Warped Mindless]

I’m going to say something that’s likely controversial on here but needs to be said….

Picking up women should not be your big long term goal. I get it, when your sexless and lonely it can seem like the most important thing in the world. If that’s you, please feel free to work on this area of your life and get decent at it. But once you are decent and you have the skills that you know you never have to be alone in life, it’s important to move on to other bigger things.

Go read Chase’s book, the blog, and start a journal here. From there I’m not sure it’s worth the effort to keep reading pick up book after pick up book.

Fugure out your other long term goals and read books about that instead.

 

[HoofHearted]

Some books I've partly or fully read and can vouch for, in no particular order:

-Fundamentals of Female Dynamics by Michael Knight. A fascinating book, especially for guys with certain thinking styles. Highly recommended.

Dude! This seemed interesting so I read it real quick today. What an interesting little book, I am definitely in the target audience. I didn't get much out of it, other than being utterly delighted by its existence. There's not a lot of actionable shit in there, but if you're so left brained as to be eccentric about it (and I am!)... I found it quite lovely in how it presents information. I guess I already had so much of that information from experience, though. But for the target demographic of underclassmen in tech or engineer or applied math, how fucking delightful.

I particularly enjoyed the equation. I just thought it was a neat way to express the ideas.

It's just a theoretical grounding at best, though, and that certainly never put a dick in a vagina.

I liked the goddamn book.

 

[Conquistador]

I particularly enjoyed the equation. I just thought it was a neat way to express the ideas.

Me too, most memorable thing in the whole book XD

 

[Lantern]

Books on persuasion, seduction, sales, etc. this is all fine. But as Warped warns above, there are bigger things. And on these kinds of lists of books that people recommend it's almost always all non-fiction. Now, non-fiction is fine, but I think that a good fiction book can blow a hundred non-fiction books out of the water when it comes to the questions of the human spirit.

So I'll take this opportunity to recommend to you all The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera. It's a novel that explores a few themes, but primarily the question of romantic love and gives you four main characters which have four different approaches to the issue. One of the main characters, for an example most relevant to this forum, is a surgeon who early in his life decides to separate love and sex, and has a whole host fuck-buddies and refueses to become monogamus, even when he falls in love and starts living with one woman. The book doesn't give you any perscriptions, but it for sure makes you think and presents questions to consider for your own life, like any good novel should.

 

[HoofHearted]

Keep the book recs coming.

I understand where you guys are coming from.

I still can't help you'd be better off just checking it all out, even if only to conclude the book is dumb/not helpful.

And I love the literature recommendation. That particular novel of Kundera's is heavily based on Nietzche's philosophy, and could be an interesting gateway.

Frankly I think we all should be reading for HOURS every day across a wide, but discerned, spectrum. This isn't reality, y'all are too horny.

IOW please don't let the thread die, I'm using this.