Caught feelings for a girl with massive red flags

[moom]

Girl I’m seeing is 21 (i'm 28), sexy, and loads of fun. She’s super sweet, super invested, and super kinky. Been seeing her for about 2 months, once a week. She comes over always with something in hand, spends the night, and we have sex like 5-7 rounds in a 24 hour period- with fun activities in between like drinks, pool, shopping, movies, etc. Sex is phenomenal. Never had a girl tire me out as i have a high sex drive but damn this ones a first. She cant get enough of my dick. shes submissive but gives just enough a challenge to me. The dynamic is good and fun, but the list of red flags keep getting bigger:

Red Flags:
1) Still friends and investing in a high school ex-boyfriend from 2 years ago whom she was with for 4 months. He’s part of her main social circle so they’re around each other all the time
2) One of her bestfriends is a massive drug dealer who moves weight across 3 states- sometimes she even helps him transport weed here and there for money. She parties alot with him and his friends
3) 7 guy body count (maybe even +1 or 2) at 21 years old - Theres a few things about her that tells me this is a fairly accurate
4) Mega impulsive. I’m a pretty impulsive guy myself, but she’s even more impulsive than i
5) She seems like a pretty flirty girl with the few friends of mine she’s met by happenstance. She's pretty sweet in general, but easily complies with every one of my friends/ does things for them (roommates and friends that we ran into while getting coffee/ being out)
6) 8 different tattoos on her body
7) Her longest relationship of 3 years was with a guy who is apparently a gangster and had people spying on her while he was out of town
8) She cheated on said gangster ex with her guy best friend who was mr. nice guy and consoled her while gangster ex made her cry. She claims he took advantage of her and she was raped (which I still don't believe)


Now unfortunately, ive caught feelings lol. I already know she’s trouble. My biggest priority right now is my business, growing it, along with the launch of my 2nd business.

This girl has a high possibility of being a headache if we become committed. Plus, i know for certain it won’t be a long term thing, I leave the country in October for atleast half a year. She’s also definitely not a woman that I would want as the mother of my children lmao

So, to me the most logical choice is to play it through as much as I can, but when the question of commitment comes up, use that to exit stage. Because if she left right now, it would hurt for a week or three sure, But i’d be able to find another girl in the next month or two quite easily that would be just as hot. However, if I commit to this girl, she could fuck my shit up.

Any men out there ever date/ commit monogamously to a girl with massive red flags? How’d it go / how’d it end?

 

[DoWhatWorks]

Brooooo reading this is almost identical to a girl I was seeing recently ahah.

ny men out there ever date/ commit monogamously to a girl with massive red flags? How’d it go / how’d it end?

For the love of god do not go mono with this girl or even only see this girl. At least have other girls you’re having sex with to keep you in check.

The mere fact you’re asking this question means you’re considering it

Because if she left right now, it would hurt for a week or three sure, But i’d be able to find another girl in the next month or two quite easily that would be just as hot.

The longer you stay the more it will hurt when you move on. That pain is inevitable now.

Now unfortunately, ive caught feelings lol.

This is normal lol just recognise you’re playing with fire

How’d it go / how’d it end?

Dated a girl like this for 5 months’ ended recently when she pushed for more commitment/investment.

My recent run of 5 new girls in 4 weeks’ is partly me trying to forget her lol. This is coming from a very logical guy so again tread carefully my man.

A friend of mine on this forum had a similar girl for 1 year+ & it was basically high highs and low lows. Will let him chime in if he wants.

Again though we were both logical guys who came out unscathed, if you’re more emotional you will get eaten alive.

Up to you though... Will be lying if I said those girls aren’t so much damn fun.

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

I've been in this situation twice, 2006 and 2018. Got attached to a red-flag girl and ended up dating them exclusively for 6 months each (even though I knew this probably wasn't going to work out long-term - due to their red flags).

This happens because of sloppy game, to be honest, I was meeting them too often, sleeping over, etc. You should keep things a lot more casual if it's supposed to be just a sexual thing. Don't sleep over. Don't meet to often (even weekly can be too much).

Best advice for you now - get out now if you still can. But you say it would involve 3 weeks of pain so sounds like you're already in kinda deep. In that case you might just ride it out if you trust yourself to actually end it later.

In both cases I had like this, I was already in too deep to pull out, so I just rode them out. Enjoy it for what it is and then if and when the drama gets to be too much - which it probably will - exit stage left.

These pairbonds usually fade after about 6 months, scientifically speaking. And as if by the book, both my relationships with red flag girls ended almost exactly at the 6 months mark. It's easier to get out at that point than during the initial infatuation stage.

So in summation:

1. Try to get out now
2. If you REALLY can't, then ride it out and enjoy for the crazy but fun drama that it's going to be
3. then get out when it gets too bumpy, probably around the 6 month mark

-Karea.

 

[moom]

For the love of god do not go mono with this girl or even only see this girl. At least have other girls you’re having sex with to keep you in check.

The mere fact you’re asking this question means you’re considering it

I am bro It's like standing on tracks with a speeding train coming my way and then walking towards it.

Dated a girl like this for 5 months’ ended recently when she pushed for more commitment/investment.

My recent run of 5 new girls in 4 weeks’ is partly me trying to forget her lol. This is coming from a very logical guy so again tread carefully my man.

A friend of mine on this forum had a similar girl for 1 year+ & it was basically high highs and low lows. Will let him chime in if he wants.

Again though we were both logical guys who came out unscathed, if you’re more emotional you will get eaten alive.

Up to you though... Will be lying if I said those girls aren’t so much damn fun.

I'm definitely more on the logical side. Definitely one of the funnest girls i've ever been with. I think I'll make the right choice when she pushes for more commitment / investment, but it will hurt. Fuck it, learning experience, and I'm not stopping cold approaching either way.

 

[moom]

I've been in this situation twice, 2006 and 2018. Got attached to a red-flag girl and ended up dating them exclusively for 6 months each (even though I knew this probably wasn't going to work out long-term - due to their red flags).

This happens because of sloppy game, to be honest, I was meeting them too often, sleeping over, etc. You should keep things a lot more casual if it's supposed to be just a sexual thing. Don't sleep over. Don't meet to often (even weekly can be too much).

Best advice for you now - get out now if you still can. But you say it would involve 3 weeks of pain so sounds like you're already in kinda deep. In that case you might just ride it out if you trust yourself to actually end it later.

In both cases I had like this, I was already in too deep to pull out, so I just rode them out. Enjoy it for what it is and then if and when the drama gets to be too much - which it probably will - exit stage left.

These pairbonds usually fade after about 6 months, scientifically speaking. And as if by the book, both my relationships with red flag girls ended almost exactly at the 6 months mark. It's easier to get out at that point than during the initial infatuation stage.

So in summation:

1. Try to get out now
2. If you REALLY can't, then ride it out and enjoy for the crazy but fun drama that it's going to be
3. then get out when it gets too bumpy, probably around the 6 month mark

-Karea.

I appreciate your advice. I think i'm going to end up riding it out to the 6 month mark. It's not even the drama that I'm worried about- it's the fact that she's such a big infidelity risk and that I know those worries are going to seep into my productivity for my business.

 

[topcat]

imma chime in..

personally i love these kinds of girls. Dated one as @DoWhatWorks mentioned, for over a year, and made it out unscathed.

Thing with these chicks though is, they require a firm hand (metaphorically) and a cold heart, or they will get the best of you and mess you up.

Exclusivity is off the cards. They love you insomuch as they don’t have you. They need chaos. When they feel too stable they get fidgety and cause you hell.

Everything you do regarding closeness needs to be earned. That goes for staying over, going out to eat etc. etc. You basically need to be hot and cold with them. Hot when they’re hot. Cold as eskimo tits when they start shit. Unpredictable but highly rewarding is the M.O.

IMO you got too close to her too fast without her begging for it. Keep your hand on the eject button and enjoy what’s left, but do not for the love of god get further entangled with her.

Best.

 

[topcat]

Also, about that infidelity risk. They don’t value their fidelity, so you shouldn’t either. Value her compliance instead. Fidelity isn’t theirs to give. Refuse it when they offer it..

 

[moom]

imma chime in..

personally i love these kinds of girls. Dated one as @DoWhatWorks mentioned, for over a year, and made it out unscathed.

Thing with these chicks though is, they require a firm hand (metaphorically) and a cold heart, or they will get the best of you and mess you up.

Exclusivity is off the cards. They love you insomuch as they don’t have you. They need chaos. When they feel too stable they get fidgety and cause you hell.

Everything you do regarding closeness needs to be earned. That goes for staying over, going out to eat etc. etc. You basically need to be hot and cold with them. Hot when they’re hot. Cold as eskimo tits when they start shit. Unpredictable but highly rewarding is the M.O.

IMO you got too close to her too fast without her begging for it. Keep your hand on the eject button and enjoy what’s left, but do not for the love of god get further entangled with her.

Best.

I'm quite a chaotic person myself to be honest- impulsive, rough around the edges, fuck the status quo. That last one I would think most regulars on this board share.

I do have the firm hand, no so much the cold heart lol. Thank you for your perspective- definitely don't plan on getting exclusive with her, but I'll ride out the fun for as long as I can because damn, we have a fun ass time together

 

[TomInHo]

Girl I’m seeing is 21 (i'm 28), sexy, and loads of fun. She’s super sweet, super invested, and super kinky. Been seeing her for about 2 months, once a week. She comes over always with something in hand, spends the night, and we have sex like 5-7 rounds in a 24 hour period- with fun activities in between like drinks, pool, shopping, movies, etc. Sex is phenomenal. Never had a girl tire me out as i have a high sex drive but damn this ones a first. She cant get enough of my dick. shes submissive but gives just enough a challenge to me. The dynamic is good and fun, but the list of red flags keep getting bigger:

I can relate heavy. When us men meet a girl that matches our drive, it can makes us go a little crazy and cloud our judgement.... We can get into a pussy trance

Red Flags:
1) Still friends and investing in a high school ex-boyfriend from 2 years ago whom she was with for 4 months. He’s part of her main social circle so they’re around each other all the time
2) One of her bestfriends is a massive drug dealer who moves weight across 3 states- sometimes she even helps him transport weed here and there for money. She parties alot with him and his friends
3) 7 guy body count (maybe even +1 or 2) at 21 years old - Theres a few things about her that tells me this is a fairly accurate
4) Mega impulsive. I’m a pretty impulsive guy myself, but she’s even more impulsive than i
5) She seems like a pretty flirty girl with the few friends of mine she’s met by happenstance. She's pretty sweet in general, but easily complies with every one of my friends/ does things for them (roommates and friends that we ran into while getting coffee/ being out)
6) 8 different tattoos on her body
7) Her longest relationship of 3 years was with a guy who is apparently a gangster and had people spying on her while he was out of town
8) She cheated on said gangster ex with her guy best friend who was mr. nice guy and consoled her while gangster ex made her cry. She claims he took advantage of her and she was raped (which I still don't believe)

I feel a major part of relationship management is screening, and putting girls in the right categories. This girl seems like a wild child, and I think one of the reasons you want something more meaningful with her is due to the challenge

But believe me brother... it's not worth it

One of my favorite books is 48 Laws of Power, and Law 10 fits this situation perfectly

AVOID THE UNHAPPY AND UNLUCKY

Girls like this can ruin you. Her past is an indicator that she invites chaos into her life, and guess who is going to receive most of if you get into a serious relationship with her....

YOU!

Now unfortunately, ive caught feelings lol. I already know she’s trouble. My biggest priority right now is my business, growing it, along with the launch of my 2nd business.

This girl has a high possibility of being a headache if we become committed. Plus, i know for certain it won’t be a long term thing, I leave the country in October for atleast half a year. She’s also definitely not a woman that I would want as the mother of my children lmao

So, to me the most logical choice is to play it through as much as I can, but when the question of commitment comes up, use that to exit stage. Because if she left right now, it would hurt for a week or three sure, But i’d be able to find another girl in the next month or two quite easily that would be just as hot. However, if I commit to this girl, she could fuck my shit up.

Any men out there ever date/ commit monogamously to a girl with massive red flags? How’d it go / how’d it end?

The best way to handle this situation is to invest less and downgrade her to something more light and casual

Keep her at a distance, see her only a few times per month and don't let her sleep over.

It's kind of ironic, but the reason why your emotions are going crazy over her are because your investing too much. Look up the Sunk-Cost Fallacy

By investing less and focusing on other things, your emotions will normalize and your logical brain will kick in. Making it easier to still enjoy her but keep your life intact

I've learned this the hard way, because even a few months of going serious with girls like this can mess up your life if not handled with care

 

[topcat]

I'm quite a chaotic person myself to be honest- impulsive, rough around the edges, fuck the status quo. That last one I would think most regulars on this board share.

I do have the firm hand, no so much the cold heart lol. Thank you for your perspective- definitely don't plan on getting exclusive with her, but I'll ride out the fun for as long as I can because damn, we have a fun ass time together

good luck bro

 

[Skills]

Girl I’m seeing is 21 (i'm 28), sexy, and loads of fun. She’s super sweet, super invested, and super kinky. Been seeing her for about 2 months, once a week. She comes over always with something in hand, spends the night, and we have sex like 5-7 rounds in a 24 hour period- with fun activities in between like drinks, pool, shopping, movies, etc. Sex is phenomenal. Never had a girl tire me out as i have a high sex drive but damn this ones a first. She cant get enough of my dick. shes submissive but gives just enough a challenge to me. The dynamic is good and fun, but the list of red flags keep getting bigger:

Red Flags:
1) Still friends and investing in a high school ex-boyfriend from 2 years ago whom she was with for 4 months. He’s part of her main social circle so they’re around each other all the time
2) One of her bestfriends is a massive drug dealer who moves weight across 3 states- sometimes she even helps him transport weed here and there for money. She parties alot with him and his friends
3) 7 guy body count (maybe even +1 or 2) at 21 years old - Theres a few things about her that tells me this is a fairly accurate
4) Mega impulsive. I’m a pretty impulsive guy myself, but she’s even more impulsive than i
5) She seems like a pretty flirty girl with the few friends of mine she’s met by happenstance. She's pretty sweet in general, but easily complies with every one of my friends/ does things for them (roommates and friends that we ran into while getting coffee/ being out)
6) 8 different tattoos on her body
7) Her longest relationship of 3 years was with a guy who is apparently a gangster and had people spying on her while he was out of town
8) She cheated on said gangster ex with her guy best friend who was mr. nice guy and consoled her while gangster ex made her cry. She claims he took advantage of her and she was raped (which I still don't believe)


Now unfortunately, ive caught feelings lol. I already know she’s trouble. My biggest priority right now is my business, growing it, along with the launch of my 2nd business.

This girl has a high possibility of being a headache if we become committed. Plus, i know for certain it won’t be a long term thing, I leave the country in October for atleast half a year. She’s also definitely not a woman that I would want as the mother of my children lmao

So, to me the most logical choice is to play it through as much as I can, but when the question of commitment comes up, use that to exit stage. Because if she left right now, it would hurt for a week or three sure, But i’d be able to find another girl in the next month or two quite easily that would be just as hot. However, if I commit to this girl, she could fuck my shit up.

Any men out there ever date/ commit monogamously to a girl with massive red flags? How’d it go / how’d it end?

uhmmm! I would date and judge her in how she treats you, the only really red flag i saw was #8....

1.- she was only with him for 4 months, does not really mean anything.
2.- the "partying" could be the problem part of the equation, but again no big deal, if she falls for you she will slow it, stop it.
3.- 7 guy body count is nothing this is the cock carousel stages.
4.- impulsive, that is most people at 21.
5.- does not mean anything
6.- i don't like tatoos on women (but what does this has to do with anything, is the trend with gen z)
7.- 3 years is good is not red flag, with a bad boy, that is women at that age, probably cause most dudes her age are pussies.
8.- this is the only thing i would consider a red flag, but it seems she was vulnerable and he took advantage....


^ date her and judge her on how she treats you for 6 months while dating other women, but since you already have negative red flags that are not there, do what you want... read my women are women series....

 

[Skills]

Also, about that infidelity risk. They don’t value their fidelity, so you shouldn’t either. Value her compliance instead. Fidelity isn’t theirs to give. Refuse it when they offer it..

there is infidelity risk with every girl unless you go to saudi arabia...

 

[topcat]

there is infidelity risk with every girl unless you go to saudi arabia...

of course. what i’m saying is you shouldn’t really worry about that, especially with a known hoe. don’t get exclusive just worry about making her more compliant than the next man instead..

 

[Skills]

I'm quite a chaotic person myself to be honest- impulsive, rough around the edges, fuck the status quo. That last one I would think most regulars on this board share.

I do have the firm hand, no so much the cold heart lol. Thank you for your perspective- definitely don't plan on getting exclusive with her, but I'll ride out the fun for as long as I can because damn, we have a fun ass time together

To be honest, and this is off the record/off topic speculation (so please don't take it as fact is skills throwing shit out there).... Could this be a case of you just SCARE, or sabotaging yourself to maybe fall for this girl.... Just keep that in mind, with seduction and relationships the right mental forecast hardware projections can become reality... AGain one of my biggest problems with the whole red pill paranoia of women community avoidance of anything with 2 legs...

 

[moom]

I can relate heavy. When us men meet a girl that matches our drive, it can makes us go a little crazy and cloud our judgement.... We can get into a pussy trance



I feel a major part of relationship management is screening, and putting girls in the right categories. This girl seems like a wild child, and I think one of the reasons you want something more meaningful with her is due to the challenge

But believe me brother... it's not worth it

One of my favorite books is 48 Laws of Power, and Law 10 fits this situation perfectly

AVOID THE UNHAPPY AND UNLUCKY

Girls like this can ruin you. Her past is an indicator that she invites chaos into her life, and guess who is going to receive most of if you get into a serious relationship with her....

YOU!


The best way to handle this situation is to invest less and downgrade her to something more light and casual

Keep her at a distance, see her only a few times per month and don't let her sleep over.

It's kind of ironic, but the reason why your emotions are going crazy over her are because your investing too much. Look up the Sunk-Cost Fallacy

By investing less and focusing on other things, your emotions will normalize and your logical brain will kick in. Making it easier to still enjoy her but keep your life intact

I've learned this the hard way, because even a few months of going serious with girls like this can mess up your life if not handled with care

She’s definitely 100% a wild child. I’ve had 2 other serious monogamous relationships in the past, and she’s a 180 from the girls I’ve dated in the past. I think this is another reason why I enjoy her so much- I’ve only been serious with girls that are safe, low partner count, non-spontaneous girls that like to relax. This ones a wild child rebel just like me.

Now if I was a girl, i’d definitely not want my son to get serious with me cause I’m not long term material. This girl is kinda like that but just way less experienced lol.

I am definitely trying to keep my investment at bay- she’s investing 10x more into this than I am but naturally as I invest more time into her, i fall for her a little more. 1 week is usually enough space tho imo because it calms the emotions and I usually sleep with my other girl in between.

Thanks for the advice and perspective.

 

[moom]

uhmmm! I would date and judge her in how she treats you, the only really red flag i saw was #8....

1.- she was only with him for 4 months, does not really mean anything.
2.- the "partying" could be the problem part of the equation, but again no big deal, if she falls for you she will slow it, stop it.
3.- 7 guy body count is nothing this is the cock carousel stages.
4.- impulsive, that is most people at 21.
5.- does not mean anything
6.- i don't like tatoos on women (but what does this has to do with anything, is the trend with gen z)
7.- 3 years is good is not red flag, with a bad boy, that is women at that age, probably cause most dudes her age are pussies.
8.- this is the only thing i would consider a red flag, but it seems she was vulnerable and he took advantage....


^ date her and judge her on how she treats you for 6 months while dating other women, but since you already have negative red flags that are not there, do what you want... read my women are women series....

This is an interesting perspective- tbh aside from #8, also her having an ex that was a legit gangster and the fact that she transports weed sometimes were also massive red flags for me lol.

And in regards to #1, i read one of Chase’s articles about when the ex-boyfriend is still in the picture and thats why I said it was a red flag

But this is also a very refreshing perspective. I’m going to continue dating her for the next few months and see how it goes, right now she treats me like a king

 

[moom]

To be honest, and this is off the record/off topic speculation (so please don't take it as fact is skills throwing shit out there).... Could this be a case of you just SCARE, or sabotaging yourself to maybe fall for this girl.... Just keep that in mind, with seduction and relationships the right mental forecast hardware projections can become reality... AGain one of my biggest problems with the whole red pill paranoia of women community avoidance of anything with 2 legs...

I mean, I’ve just read so much about slut tales and red flags lol, may be slightly oversensitive about these flags.

The red flags add to the sense of me feeling more out of control later down the line, which is really what I’m scared of and why I may sabotage myself

Thankfully, i’m much more experienced and nonchalant about women since my last relationship- find it much easier to replace, much better at game, fundementals are much tighter, and think I’ll be able to handle relationship things much more calmly when the need arises

 

[alleniverson]

I promise you this girl’s body count is over 7 lmao. I have been in a situation just like this. Read chase’s article on cluster b women. Cut back to once per week immediately if you can’t bring yourself to cut ties. Don’t get roped into these women’s world. Biggest piece of advice I can give.

 

[Skills]

I mean, I’ve just read so much about slut tales and red flags lol, may be slightly oversensitive about these flags.

The red flags add to the sense of me feeling more out of control later down the line, which is really what I’m scared of and why I may sabotage myself

Thankfully, i’m much more experienced and nonchalant about women since my last relationship- find it much easier to replace, much better at game, fundementals are much tighter, and think I’ll be able to handle relationship things much more calmly when the need arises

chase is one of the best at social dynamics and relationship writter i ever seen but those are HIS EXPERIENCES/HIS REALITY.. opinion..... Me and topcat for example different reality.... Community at the end of the day is based ON FIELD TESTING... no he said she said...

date her, date other women (cause you want to and not out of silly insecurities), make them all compete, pick the best, if she happens to win you over, devote more time with her.... enjoy the experience with caution but without fucking paranoia... I can tell you i dated way worst in every number and i had amazing relationships... if it does not work out you have the skill set to go out and try again and learn from the experience....

 

[moom]

uhmmm! I would date and judge her in how she treats you, the only really red flag i saw was #8....

1.- she was only with him for 4 months, does not really mean anything.
2.- the "partying" could be the problem part of the equation, but again no big deal, if she falls for you she will slow it, stop it.
3.- 7 guy body count is nothing this is the cock carousel stages.
4.- impulsive, that is most people at 21.
5.- does not mean anything
6.- i don't like tatoos on women (but what does this has to do with anything, is the trend with gen z)
7.- 3 years is good is not red flag, with a bad boy, that is women at that age, probably cause most dudes her age are pussies.
8.- this is the only thing i would consider a red flag, but it seems she was vulnerable and he took advantage....


^ date her and judge her on how she treats you for 6 months while dating other women, but since you already have negative red flags that are not there, do what you want... read my women are women series....

By the way, about your women are women series- I have read it in the past already and honestly the more experience I get, the more true I see it is.

When a girl really digs you and falls for you, she’s the same way with you, no matter if shes a raging slut with 100+ lays or a nubile, +\- a few differences.

Her past + genetic personality + environment may color a few of the choices she makes, how dominant you have to be with her, and how much she’ll get herself into situations where she “plays with fire” and a few other things but for the most part, I’ve been with women all over the spectrum and they all seem to treat me very similarly given enough time and investment,