TL
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HB Likes me online. Eleven days later I check out her profile and send her a message. Things are heating up but I fail to number close. She disqualifies me because of distance (15 MI). I ignore her concern and ask if she is emotionally available and if she is a USA citizen. She responds with a long message qualifying herself, says we're a perfect match, and provides her number. During a 2 hour call that evening (yesterday) she is engaged but midway through says it's over, she doesn't want to distract me from the things I love (swimming - WTF?). I almost give up but end up setting up a dinner date in 4 days. She texts me this morning wishing I was with her sipping tea. Her big sticking points were whether or not I snore and 15 mile distance. I'm confused. She talks about being in bed together then thinks we are too busy for a relationship. Is she going to flake on me or sleep with me? Should I escalate on our first date or is this chick nuts?
Paraphrase essential dialog:
ME: [Hmmm, she meets my basic requirements; cute, well educated, great career, few years younger than me] Blah blah, I like your style, blah blah.
HB: Ah ha, you finally came to your senses and messaged me. Do you snore?
ME: No, do you snore?
HB: No, I don't. How far are you from xx restaurant, I live next to it?
ME: I live 15 miles from that, 5 miles from work.
HB: Now I have a dilemma. We are a perfect match but I can't wait 45 minutes to get together.
ME: Are you emotionally available for a relationship? Are you a USA citizen? [As an AFC I never would have asked her to qualify herself before reading GC and this forum. I would have apologized for living so far from her and begged her for her number.]
HB: Yes I'm emotionally available. Been divorced 25 years and haven't dated in 4 years. I was born and raised in [foreign country] and am now a USA citizen. Her is my number 123-4567. [I can't believe that making her qualify herself worked.]
ME: I'll call you tonight at 9pm.
Phone call last night:
ME: Blah blah. I like to swim every evening and play on a tennis team.
HB: I'm sorry, this isn't going to work. We are both too busy and I couldn't possibly take you from the things you love [I protested but said it was nice talking to her. I asked her a few more questions and totally turned things around. Set a date for Sunday at the restaurant within walking distance of her townhouse.]
This morning:
HB: Blah blah. Next year I'll help you with your house.
ME: Blah blah. Are you relaxing on your day off?
HB: Blah blah. I have some leftover stuff, would you like it?
ME: Maybe I could use that, I'd like to stop by and take a look [seeded going to her house]
HB: To answer your question, I am sipping tea and watching kayakers on the river. It would be perfect if you were sitting next to me.
ME: Hold that thought.
HB: Puts heart on my last message.
Why does she go from no way this will work to making long term plans? First she says 15 miles is too far away then she says we're a perfect match. I've never been with a woman who goes so cold then hot. If she follows through with our date on Sunday, which is questionable, I'm thinking of asking myself over to her house on a high note. I've never even considered going for a first date lay but this seems like the time to practice. All my life I've thought of women as virtuous, delicate creatures that don't like sex. This community has taught me otherwise but I've never tried.
How should I proceed with the first date? Go for it all or pave the way for a second date? Or, is this woman too unstable and so I should I run?
RHB Likes me online. Eleven days later I check out her profile and send her a message. Things are heating up but I fail to number close. She disqualifies me because of distance (15 MI). I ignore her concern and ask if she is emotionally available and if she is a USA citizen. She responds with a long message qualifying herself, says we're a perfect match, and provides her number. During a 2 hour call that evening (yesterday) she is engaged but midway through says it's over, she doesn't want to distract me from the things I love (swimming - WTF?). I almost give up but end up setting up a dinner date in 4 days. She texts me this morning wishing I was with her sipping tea. Her big sticking points were whether or not I snore and 15 mile distance. I'm confused. She talks about being in bed together then thinks we are too busy for a relationship. Is she going to flake on me or sleep with me? Should I escalate on our first date or is this chick nuts?
Paraphrase essential dialog:
ME: [Hmmm, she meets my basic requirements; cute, well educated, great career, few years younger than me] Blah blah, I like your style, blah blah.
HB: Ah ha, you finally came to your senses and messaged me. Do you snore?
ME: No, do you snore?
HB: No, I don't. How far are you from xx restaurant, I live next to it?
ME: I live 15 miles from that, 5 miles from work.
HB: Now I have a dilemma. We are a perfect match but I can't wait 45 minutes to get together.
ME: Are you emotionally available for a relationship? Are you a USA citizen? [As an AFC I never would have asked her to qualify herself before reading GC and this forum. I would have apologized for living so far from her and begged her for her number.]
HB: Yes I'm emotionally available. Been divorced 25 years and haven't dated in 4 years. I was born and raised in [foreign country] and am now a USA citizen. Her is my number 123-4567. [I can't believe that making her qualify herself worked.]
ME: I'll call you tonight at 9pm.
Phone call last night:
ME: Blah blah. I like to swim every evening and play on a tennis team.
HB: I'm sorry, this isn't going to work. We are both too busy and I couldn't possibly take you from the things you love [I protested but said it was nice talking to her. I asked her a few more questions and totally turned things around. Set a date for Sunday at the restaurant within walking distance of her townhouse.]
This morning:
HB: Blah blah. Next year I'll help you with your house.
ME: Blah blah. Are you relaxing on your day off?
HB: Blah blah. I have some leftover stuff, would you like it?
ME: Maybe I could use that, I'd like to stop by and take a look [seeded going to her house]
HB: To answer your question, I am sipping tea and watching kayakers on the river. It would be perfect if you were sitting next to me.
ME: Hold that thought.
HB: Puts heart on my last message.
Why does she go from no way this will work to making long term plans? First she says 15 miles is too far away then she says we're a perfect match. I've never been with a woman who goes so cold then hot. If she follows through with our date on Sunday, which is questionable, I'm thinking of asking myself over to her house on a high note. I've never even considered going for a first date lay but this seems like the time to practice. All my life I've thought of women as virtuous, delicate creatures that don't like sex. This community has taught me otherwise but I've never tried.
How should I proceed with the first date? Go for it all or pave the way for a second date? Or, is this woman too unstable and so I should I run?
