Crazy woman? Pursue her or run away?

[L8D8]

TLR
HB Likes me online. Eleven days later I check out her profile and send her a message. Things are heating up but I fail to number close. She disqualifies me because of distance (15 MI). I ignore her concern and ask if she is emotionally available and if she is a USA citizen. She responds with a long message qualifying herself, says we're a perfect match, and provides her number. During a 2 hour call that evening (yesterday) she is engaged but midway through says it's over, she doesn't want to distract me from the things I love (swimming - WTF?). I almost give up but end up setting up a dinner date in 4 days. She texts me this morning wishing I was with her sipping tea. Her big sticking points were whether or not I snore and 15 mile distance. I'm confused. She talks about being in bed together then thinks we are too busy for a relationship. Is she going to flake on me or sleep with me? Should I escalate on our first date or is this chick nuts?

Paraphrase essential dialog:
ME: [Hmmm, she meets my basic requirements; cute, well educated, great career, few years younger than me] Blah blah, I like your style, blah blah.
HB: Ah ha, you finally came to your senses and messaged me. Do you snore?
ME: No, do you snore?
HB: No, I don't. How far are you from xx restaurant, I live next to it?
ME: I live 15 miles from that, 5 miles from work.
HB: Now I have a dilemma. We are a perfect match but I can't wait 45 minutes to get together.
ME: Are you emotionally available for a relationship? Are you a USA citizen? [As an AFC I never would have asked her to qualify herself before reading GC and this forum. I would have apologized for living so far from her and begged her for her number.]
HB: Yes I'm emotionally available. Been divorced 25 years and haven't dated in 4 years. I was born and raised in [foreign country] and am now a USA citizen. Her is my number 123-4567. [I can't believe that making her qualify herself worked.]
ME: I'll call you tonight at 9pm.

Phone call last night:
ME: Blah blah. I like to swim every evening and play on a tennis team.
HB: I'm sorry, this isn't going to work. We are both too busy and I couldn't possibly take you from the things you love [I protested but said it was nice talking to her. I asked her a few more questions and totally turned things around. Set a date for Sunday at the restaurant within walking distance of her townhouse.]

This morning:
HB: Blah blah. Next year I'll help you with your house.
ME: Blah blah. Are you relaxing on your day off?
HB: Blah blah. I have some leftover stuff, would you like it?
ME: Maybe I could use that, I'd like to stop by and take a look [seeded going to her house]
HB: To answer your question, I am sipping tea and watching kayakers on the river. It would be perfect if you were sitting next to me.
ME: Hold that thought.
HB: Puts heart on my last message.

Why does she go from no way this will work to making long term plans? First she says 15 miles is too far away then she says we're a perfect match. I've never been with a woman who goes so cold then hot. If she follows through with our date on Sunday, which is questionable, I'm thinking of asking myself over to her house on a high note. I've never even considered going for a first date lay but this seems like the time to practice. All my life I've thought of women as virtuous, delicate creatures that don't like sex. This community has taught me otherwise but I've never tried.

How should I proceed with the first date? Go for it all or pave the way for a second date? Or, is this woman too unstable and so I should I run?

 

[KJ Francis]

I HIGHLY recommend you get some sort of texting app, Google Voice, etc.

It can get WAY worse once a crazy girl meets you in person and develops any real attachment or feels like she can show more of her true, unhinged self.

You can go just for the experience of it if you have safeguarded yourself and understand you should never see a girl like this more than once a month or whatever.

Here are some texts from a girl in the span of a single minute.

Ok whatever don't care
Don't talk to me any more
Have no interest in hearing from you
I don't need to deal with a jerk
Why do you have nothing to say
Why are you going ghost
What's your problem
Why are you ignoring
Why aren't you responding
Well fuck you then

And that's a girl I fingered a couple times but never escalated further toward sex cause she is fucking nuts.

 

[L8D8]

Okay, that girl is nuts. Even I would walk away from her.

If she doesn't flake, I'll go through with the date on Sunday. If nothing else, I can practice what I've learned here. I tend to get oneitis so I don't want to fall for a crazy chick.

 

[KJ Francis]

Well she definitely seems DTF based off her asking about the restaurant so early (chasing you) and saying she lives next to it in the same message.

Most important thing right now in my opinion is to try to set up a couple dates with other women ASAP as oneitis prevention.

And don't forget to pack a few condoms! Have fun and definitely update us after.

 

[L8D8]

Follow up from "date" last Sunday. Well well, that was worse than if she'd have flaked. In retrospect she did give me 3 warnings.

Brief recap:
Wednesday - Two hour phone call. She keeps going hot and cold. I talk her into a date on Sunday.
Thursday - She initiates text message exchange, very good vibe.
Friday 11pm - I don't feel like texting her today so I don't. She texts me at 11pm and says we're a great match but too busy for each and cancels the date.
Saturday 1am - I say something romantic then say I'll meet her on Sunday as scheduled.
Saturday 8am - She scolds me for not understanding that she cancelled the date. She then leads me on with more questions.
Saturday 8:01am - I send a quick message before my tennis match stating that we are a great fit but wish her all the best.
Saturday - We exchange messages, mostly small talk. She pulls away a little then I pull her back. At this point I just want to go through with the date even though it's starting to feel like too much work.
Sunday 1pm - I remind her about the date. She confirms.
Sunday 7pm - I arrive at the restaurant a little early. She shows up and she is HOT! We really hit it off while waiting for our table. She is smiling and making massive eye contact.
Sunday 7:10pm - We are seated in a booth and she slides next to me. The lighthearted conversation continues and she emphasizes her points by touching my thigh. So far so good!
Sunday 7:15pm - She presses up against me while we scan the wine list.
Sunday 7:16pm - Before ordering, she recoils abruptly and says we need to go outside and talk. I tell the waiter we'll be right back.
Sunday 7:17pm - She faces me and says firmly that this isn't going to work. I ask her why, she hesitates, then finally says something about our pheromones don't match. I bid her farewell and head back in the restaurant to cancel the reservation and leave $20 for the wait staff.

Wow, I was embarrassed and a little angry. I ignored multiple red flags that she would flake but I never imagined it'd be at the beginning of the date while in a restaurant. Early warning signs; I was her first date in 4 years and she tried to cancel date at least 3 times before it happened. That's never happened to me before. Oh well, I already have a couple new phone numbers to pursue but let that crazy chick be a lesson learned.

 

[Chimp_OG]

Did you reciprocate or reward her for her touch and getting close to you? (Between 7:00-7:15pm)

I'm novice af but sounds like she went into auto-rejection because your attainability was too low so she stopped trying and just wanted out thinking "this is too much work".

 

[KJ Francis]

Haha yep she definitely seems crazy.

Can't knock yourself for it dealing with rapid hot and cold devoid of any logic. Truly empathizing with her emotional whims in each moment would just drive you truly crazy.

Honestly I am impressed you managed to remain the rock through all the texting and managed to get her out.

**********

Ok so through the lens of "assuming attraction" all the way through (and she was definitely attracted as you can tell firstly from the vibe you described at first meet), I think you actually missed an escalation window and were dealing with a shit test. I'm tagging @Skills in case he feels like commenting. He's probably one of the only guys here that sometimes deals with older women not just young girls (if I remember right L8D8 you are in your 60's). And he is very active so roll of the dice sometimes you meet crazy chicks.

So again just assuming attraction you may have been dealing with her crazy illogical method of seducing you.

Cause what I see is her:
-sliding over to you closing proximity on her own
-touching your leg in the interaction and pressing against you at the table
-pulling you out of the restaurant herself before you ordered
-her initial online dating game very early on was to mention the restaurant herself and that she lives next to it


So I think there is a chance she never wanted a dinner date and it was just a spot to feel you out quick before fucking.

Maybe she was being genuine, but the pheromone thing was possibly a shit test to see how you react. And assuming attraction is usually higher odds anyways. I think if you had smirked and been unreactive you could have walked down the block to her house then and there.

I don't know how exactly in a way that would make sense but logic may not have mattered much and moreso just leading. Like that you are fine with her decision no problem but you were embarrassed you were sweating a bit and would appreciate washing your face, but it wouldn't be appropriate in the restaurant, and if you could just use her bathroom real quick before bidding her adieu. But then escalate once inside.

Not worth beating yourself up about... But if you can handle crazy chicks then normal ones are a breeze. I would definitely get your volume up though and just go on as many practice dates as you can.

 

[KJ Francis]

Also how old was she? I just checked your other thread quick you are "67 yo, successful, bald but otherwise fit and athletic looking". Was she in her 50's?

 

[L8D8]

Hey KJ Francis, good post-mortem comments about my tragic date on Sunday. Yes, I am 67 and she is 63. My external fundamentals are solid, baldness being my only weak point. In this case I doubt it mattered, one of her profile pictures showed her bald son. In my experience, women will accept a bald man if they have a great relationship with either their bald dad, bald brother, or bald son.

My online game is pretty tight, my profile would probably be considered cocky-funny and it attracts a lot of intelligent, successful women. The HB on Sunday fits this category. I don't have much trouble getting dates, about 90% online, 10% IRL. However, I do have trouble closing which is mostly why I'm on this site and read GC.

I've moved on but still wonder if I could have done anything different to turn her around after she pulled me out of the restaurant. While outside, she did pull me in twice for a tight hug goodbye, but by then I was shaken by the sudden turn of events and had lost interest. I don't know, maybe while sitting close by me inside (and I mean kissing close) I had bad breath or used the same body wash as her ex (or worse). I've been on lots of dates and am pretty socially calibrated but I've never seen a woman turn so suddenly or dramatically. I'm going to chalk it up to a crazy woman (not really fair, I don't know why she hadn't dated for 4 years, maybe something bad happened to her) who was apprehensive about going on a date in the first place. I'm not sure what I could have done differently to get a second date, much less sleep with her

 

[Skills]

Haha yep she definitely seems crazy.

Can't knock yourself for it dealing with rapid hot and cold devoid of any logic. Truly empathizing with her emotional whims in each moment would just drive you truly crazy.

Honestly I am impressed you managed to remain the rock through all the texting and managed to get her out.

**********

Ok so through the lens of "assuming attraction" all the way through (and she was definitely attracted as you can tell firstly from the vibe you described at first meet), I think you actually missed an escalation window and were dealing with a shit test. I'm tagging @Skills in case he feels like commenting. He's probably one of the only guys here that sometimes deals with older women not just young girls (if I remember right L8D8 you are in your 60's). And he is very active so roll of the dice sometimes you meet crazy chicks.

So again just assuming attraction you may have been dealing with her crazy illogical method of seducing you.

Cause what I see is her:
-sliding over to you closing proximity on her own
-touching your leg in the interaction and pressing against you at the table
-pulling you out of the restaurant herself before you ordered
-her initial online dating game very early on was to mention the restaurant herself and that she lives next to it


So I think there is a chance she never wanted a dinner date and it was just a spot to feel you out quick before fucking.

Maybe she was being genuine, but the pheromone thing was possibly a shit test to see how you react. And assuming attraction is usually higher odds anyways. I think if you had smirked and been unreactive you could have walked down the block to her house then and there.

I don't know how exactly in a way that would make sense but logic may not have mattered much and moreso just leading. Like that you are fine with her decision no problem but you were embarrassed you were sweating a bit and would appreciate washing your face, but it wouldn't be appropriate in the restaurant, and if you could just use her bathroom real quick before bidding her adieu. But then escalate once inside.

Not worth beating yourself up about... But if you can handle crazy chicks then normal ones are a breeze. I would definitely get your volume up though and just go on as many practice dates as you can.

since you tag me, poster doesn't know how to run online properly and doesn't know how to run a date.... = this happens...

he plays tennis, imagine doing the basic wrong things while playing tennis= you will lose the match...

the lady is not crazy... she was not into him at meet...

op here is what i recommend you read:

Basic online structure 101

@Atlas IV asked for a basic structure here ....... I am not going to go into pics, apps, etc.... I will go more over the "structure".... Guys that i seen good at online, we all share kind of identical structure, i know because we were all in underground groups together.... Everyone, knows who...

www.skilledseducer.com

The classic 10 biggest mistakes men are making with women

So, background i was already getting laid and had over 200 lay count but i got onitis.... Onitis problem is that makes you lose control and revert to Afc (normie, average frustrated chump).... David d was a Ross Jeffries student and from Masf, he study all masf naturals/seducers and put together...

www.skilledseducer.com

Date Plans - The complete guide on How to date - Dating dynamics 101

Why listen to me on this, well i was never good at dating, i would either do ons or long texting (second gen/grandmaster) setting up sexual encounters or i would replicate what happened in the club a second time by doing a club date (since I am the highest value guy in the dance floor made...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[mirror]

How should I proceed with the first date? Go for it all or pave the way for a second date? Or, is this woman too unstable and so I should I run?

Just chill and enjoy your time. Depends on what you want, regarding first-second date.
For women to go nuts for you it's better to wait until the second or third date for sex, and escalate a lot already at the first date.
For a lot of men, just getting it over with is the goal and then they go have sex on the first.

My personal opinion is that you are looking to have a good time, so dont stress yourself out over first vs seconddate stuff and just focus on the experience that you can have with her, with a bit of escalation for the experience itself (and if it ends up with having sex, well who cares. you do you)

 

[L8D8]

All, thanks for your comments and words of encouragement. Haha, some tough love out there but that's what I need. I've been on over a hundred first dates since my divorce but haven't ever had a woman abort during the date. Honesty, I think I had bad breath but she still shouldn't have left me. I'd never cut off a date if a woman had bad breath. Even though I had flossed, brushed my teeth, and eaten mints before the date a could still taste onions in my mouth. Normally, I would have ordered water with a wedge of lemon at the restaurant but the waiter brought only water.

I don't consider the date to be a learning experience, just an outlier unlikely to ever happen again.