Diary of a Hopeful Nihilist

[HopefulNihilist]

Been thinking of starting a journal for a while now, if only to push my self to actually approach. Freshman year was dry as fuck, mostly because I barely approached, and ruined all the opportunities life threw into my lap. It's time to change that.

College starts up again late September - I wanna have my fundamentals down by then. After that I'll have loads of time on the best possible training ground: college campus. I wanna be slaying girls by the end of sophmore year.

My strengths:
- I'm pretty good looking. Nothing out of this world, but I've got a good face and some decent muscle on me. Working on cutting right now so I can start lean bulking in fall.
- Good at socializing, tho I'm trying to get more comfortable being more laid back in social settings.
- Good at flirting and physically escalating once I get past my initial anxiety. Or atleast I think I am...

A few problems:
- Moderate AA. I can strike up conversations with strangers pretty easy, but cute girls are a little harder.
- Can't show intent. Well, can't yet. Got some real anxiety surrounding that. Of course the only way thru it is thru it...
- General anxiety around failure and social judgment. Been trying to flip that into a fear of not getting success. Moving from inaction to action.
- Work has me doing crazy hours. Like 9-9 hours, all on weekdays. And I'm a guy who needs his sleep, so can't do nighttime during the week. I work in outdoor sales tho, so maybe could use that to my advantage...

This is where I'm at. Right now I just gotta work on approaching and showing intent - can't get girls if you don't talk to them.

Goal: Show intent with 3 cute girls a day.

 

[HopefulNihilist]

Sooooo... things are a lil worse than I thought.

Went out specifically to daygame for the first time. Was in my hometown for the day so I just went downtown - its pretty touristy so has plenty people around. Walked around for a good hour and a half, and was comfortably checking girls out and staying confident with my eye contact.

But, man, my approach anxiety's worse than I thought. I opened only one girl with a basic situational opener, and didn't show any intent. I didn't even complement her or nothing...

Still tho, I get the feeling that I can do this given enough effort. There were a few other girls that if I was less anxious I could have easily approached. I know I could.

To be honest, my main hangup is not only being rejected, but "not talking to them for a good reason". I need to understand, approaching a cute girl is as natural as sex itself. As good a reason as asking for directions. That rejection literally doesn't matter. And if I don't try, there are loads of cute girls out there who'd love to know me but never will.

Mindset is everything. Bring it on.

 

[HopefulNihilist]

Wow, that went nowhere fast. I knew I struggled with commitment but damn...

The longer I stay at college, the more I realize how much I wanna be able to get girls. Every time I go to bed I'm thinking about how I don't have anyone beside me. So, we're gonna try again - try something different.

Something I realized recently is that I really struggle to talk to cute girls comfortably. Like at all. I can do it, but I'm nowhere near as social with them than I am with others. I don't even have any female friends for fuck's sake, let alone lovers. How the fuck do I expect to get comfortable flirting if I can't even hold a normal conversation with a girl??? Gotta accept that. fact. Gotta accept it and move forward.

So, new game plan. We're going for smallest possible push here, to not freak myself out.

Goal: Get comfortable speaking to cute girls platonically.

Not making a friend. Not going out of my way to talk to them. Not even pushing myself to speak to them any different than how I speak to anyone else - I'm already pretty sociable guy toward people I'm not attracted to. Just treating them like any other person. My macro-goal is to be generally comfortable flirting with girls by the end of the academic year and weave it into my daily life, so this seems like a good first step.

On top of that, I'm gonna try and engage with the forum more, get some motivation from speaking to people and make some friends. That'll hopefully help fix my commitment issues and keep my mind focused. And get me to where I wanna be.

 

[HopefulNihilist]

Interesting week. The goal was a complete success. I was able to treat cute girls like basically anyone else - just platonically and friendly. But I had a couple revelations this week too.

One thing I realized is that my mindset is dogshit. Steaming dogshit. Had a little talk with @mirror in the general chat that was a big help. I realized, I just don't see myself as a guy that girls are attracted to. It's not that I think I'm ugly or anything - I'm pretty fit and keep myself tidy. I just don't really notice any female attention coming my way. Obviously that's a self fulfilling prophecy - I don't think girls are into me, so I don't try, and so girls become less into me - so I need to do some work to fix it.

The best way is just clearly to just start flirting with girls. Problem is, that runs up against some pretty strong approach anxiety, on top on fear of seeming creepy.

That's why I needed to get used to talking to girls platonically last week. When I talk to a hot girl, I get scared that she might think I'm flirting with her?? And that she wouldn't like that?? I don't get it either. But it means I can't just go ahead and approach girls without freaking myself out. I need to keep taking it slow.

So, how to move forward?

Well, something I realized while browsing the beginner board is that my standards are way too high. I've had only 1 girlfriend, who I broke up with years ago. How am I gonna ever get confident moving to girls with basically no experience? I need to lower my standards of the girls I flirt with to just get used to it. I'll build confidence with less attractive girls, get used to being a flirty guy who girls are attracted to, and I'll start feeling ready to move to the hotter ones.

Goal: Get comfortable flirting with girls.

I need to watch myself to make sure I don't try going all Casanova and freak my brain out. Baby steps - it's just light flirting. I don't even need to move to those girls more than I speak to others, same as last week. I just need to flirt a bit when I can. When I get into a groove of that I'll start pushing myself to interact with girls more.

 

[OldGuy]

Good plan! When I got better at interacting with women I would move too slow and they would lose interest and I would take that as needing to move to lass attractive women. Do not do that! Stay on the forum and get advice, We will tell you what the problem is likely to be.

 

[average_daygamer]

This is a good blog and I am struggle with the same things.

A quick question, how do you talk to cute girls without going out of your way to talk to cute girls?

I noticed you reported a complete success in that area.

I also get you on feeling not attractive to girls. This stems from a lack of positive reference experiences, though.

So I can see how the brain would trick you into thinking it makes sense.

 

[HopefulNihilist]

A quick question, how do you talk to cute girls without going out of your way to talk to cute girls?

I noticed you reported a complete success in that area.

I'm a pretty sociable guy as is - my fear of seeming 'creepy' was just stopping me being that way around cute girls - so I just had to transfer my usual friendliness across to them. I'm in college, so there are plenty around too. I'm gonna start going out of my way a bit more soon, once I've built up the confidence. Not completely though - doubt I'll ever be the kind of guy to go out just to cold approach.

I also get you on feeling not attractive to girls. This stems from a lack of positive reference experiences, though.

So I can see how the brain would trick you into thinking it makes sense.

Yeah exactly. I just need to find some of those positive experiences and start getting my confidence up. Build some long-run momentum.

 

[HopefulNihilist]

Big things this week.

The goal went pretty successfully, though it could have been better. I'm still trying to get used to flirting with girls, and I'm glad I didn't push myself to FLIRTFLIRTFLIRT and say something completely stupid. That would have scared my brain and made me want to stop learning, like in the past.

I did make some progress though. Been doing some learning through the week. I read through some Girlschase and watched some of CoachKyle's Youtube, and I put something pretty important together: Flirting is just banter + escalation. I'm pretty good at banter already - it's how I normally interact with people I like - and escalation is sprinkling in sexual intent at high points, both verbal and physical. I've just gotta keep learning at the intensity I have been, and I'll improve loads.

Okay, now onto the good stuff.

I went to an open-mic event at a student bar near my college, and was sharing a table with some people (it was packed so we all had to share). This black girl - let's call her 'Girl 1' so we can easily keep track of girls on this journal - was also at the table, doing some work on her laptop. I teased her about studying on a night out. There was some good conversation, some flirting and hinting at a meetup. She seemed pretty into it, and after talking for like an hour we left with eachothers' numbers.

After that came Halloween. Had a pretty shit attempt-at-a-night, and shot a message across to Girl 1 to hopefully make it better...

Me: u free tonight?

Girl 1: Now??

Me: why not
Me: it'll be fun
Me: will i be making you stay up past ur bedtime

Girl 1:
Girl 1: Okayy okay

Got em.

Went to her apartment, ended up with her laying on top of me while I'm feeling her up a little. Didn't get the lay, barely even got a kiss - every time I went for it she would turn away, something about her 'being slow'. Make a joke out of misunderstanding what she meant by that - slow in the head? And when I stopped holding her to make her show intent she got sad and asked me to hold her again. Girls are hilarious sometimes . I'm gonna be seeing more of her in the future I'm sure...

Could have done better that night tho. She's clearly a soft inexperienced girl, and I got a bit pushy - I need to really learn to control myself when I get horny haha. I'm nowhere near skilled enough yet to escalate with a resistant girl, especially not a resistant virgin - learnt that about her while she was on top of me - and it's not even what I'm focusing on improving right now. When that happens, I need to chill out, take it easy, and try again next time.

Regardless, this week did show me one thing. Girls are into me, even with my excruciatingly mid flirting ability. It would be interesting to see how far I can push that, so I'm going to focus on the one thing I stopped myself from doing these past couple weeks.

Goal: Start actively indirect-approaching girls.

Again, gotta remember not to push too hard here. I'm not Casanova, and I need to take it easy while I build up my skills. I did well last week, but this is another area that I could easily get real weird with if I'm not careful. Light banter, light escalation, and light push to indirectly approach.

 

[HopefulNihilist]

Not as much success this week on the goal. I've got a lot of resistance against even slightly going out of my way to get to meet girls - it feels like any way I do it would be awkward and she would "know what I'm doing". This seems to be my first real roadblock. I'll do some more research and work on it to get myself comfortable. The only way is through.

Apart from that thought it was a good week. Got a message from a boy I dated a few months back, I'll see if I can get something out of it. Also, met up with Girl 1 for a "movie" and got a bit further - making out and shirts off. Still no lay, but I feel like it's only a matter of time...

Either way. The goal remains the same.

Goal: Start actively indirect-approaching girls.