Socializing Does cold approaching not work in this day and age?

[ulrich]

M

Frankly, Toronto is probably going to stay at the barrel bottom of my "places to visit to go pick up women at" bucket list, right next to Detroit,

What is so wrong about Detroit?

I was going to move to the suburbs last year but it wasn’t meant to be, lol.

maybe I missed a bullet

 

[isildur1]

I think what you’re experiencing is normal - a transition process away from the apps and onto daygame is pretty burdensome mentally for anyone- the majority of my wingmen have quit or become flustered in the face of rejections or losing momentum - Ive lost momentum countless times and have experienced slumps of large amounts of flakes, bad dates and the loss of good relationships but you need to fight your way through it (that’s of course far easier said than done - its easy for me to shout out behind the key board “go on just approach more” but I understand that the mental fight is a tough one hence why so many people quit daygame because they simply have too much ego or not enough balls to keep their work rate going and I say that as someone who’s pussied out of interacts countless times and has had blow outs crush my ego .





For me coming from university I had lost a lot of leads from social circle and night game which I relied upon heavily , I then switched to online dating as I was stuck living between London and Cannes probably two of the toughest places to get matches and that was a pretty humiliating process - I finally switched to daygame because I wanted to be self reliant but that switch onto daygame itself was a really tough one as even- though I had 6-7xed the amount of dates I was getting a month I was dealing with dating women from cultures that were vastly different from the “British uni girl” I was used to whilst at university- this meant a lot of difficult dates and lmr that ensued and a large number of near misses but again I had to fight through it sometimes I did other times I let the frustration shame me into inaction-





But most my better looking friends struggled post university they were too egotistical to do daygame and stuck with their friendship circle or on tinder and only dated what the apps gave them - the majority then underperformed post university because all they relied up was what the apps gave them and even that was scarce and is ever diminishing - as we are seeing match.com and bumble’s stock prices crash 80-90 percent and larger numbers of only fans accounts , bots and prostitutes take over these apps have left both genders frustrated and led to them leaving the apps - this was never going to last forever and even my friends who crush it online have noticed a huge diminishment in the amount of matches since 2018 with shadow banning and more “fake” matches - one of my friends who’s a handsome poker player also got less matches than me in Latvia despite being better looking - my theory to this is the app was just trying to trigger an algorithm to make him pay for more “ tinder gold “ memberships. - relying on an algorithm itself for dates is never sustainable because as soon as something bad happens on said app or as soon as the algorithm is alternated to try and seek more profit the user experience is then damaged .





So whilst the transition into daygame as my main source wasn’t smooth and was humiliating at times I was still getting better results than my friends who did far better than me at uni simply because I was more adaptable and less ego driven than them. I now have a girlfriend - a lot fo them don’t despite them being better looking than me- simply because I approached far more people than they did.





Sort of you need to expect that most of your lead generation sources won’t last forever- a good example of this is the cool jocks at university who do well because they are the star player at rugby or football and are able to get a huge amount of attention from their social circles - the issue is once uni finishes their “alpha” roll is gone in the group and the social setting which got them a lot of women are gone- these men then struggle to adapt to a new climate or realise that what they once had Is no longer there any more - hence why a lot of good looking guys I know struggled in their dating lives post university when there was no longer the social setting or the social cirlcle had gone.





Part of being a good seducer is “to know when you’re beat “ in a certain situation - for exaple I know my social circle is just full of people in LTRs and im never going to win in that environment so I need to move onto another way of finding women- I know my dating profile can’t compete in London so I switched to daygame in London and got a lot more results- I know im in a new city and I have no social circle so I better bite the bullet and approach and meet people . I know that my body is probably too weak to night game now so Im going to do more daygame which is more sustainable





Just now I was in Japan - didn’t have any friends so I sought out to speak as much Japanese with strangers as possible so I could have a social circle - as a result I got to hang out more with the locals and really experience Japan in its truest form - it comes down to me admitting theirs a change in the environment and biting the bullet and putting yourself out there- and as a man the job we have is to put ourselves out there -





A general point that with game certain advice can be good for some people and bad for others-





for example if you own a bar then social circle game is good for you - you can bring women into your life easily . If however- you don’t have a bar or night club or don’t have the value to give to a social circle its probably not the best choice .





Online dating is a good choice if you have elite 1 percent pics - but for the vast majority of people reading this thread won’t be in that top 1 percent elite - nothing wrong with that, mathematically we can’t all win on the apps and with the women on these apps diminishing day by day that statistical in-probability will be higher and higher .





I remember being on a lot of dating telegram groups people getting frustrated by their poor online dating results - trying to come up with a line to message girls to get them attracted - reality is the vast majority of these men would be better off just dedicating themselves to 1000 or so sets and really putting the work in. The reality is in todays era people just want quick solutions - there was a guy on the live chat earlier that just asked for a trick on how to get women to approach him? I mean really lol . Its a man’s job to lead the actions and approach.- I do think as a whole online dating has made the whole pua community somewhat lazy and stagnant- this isn’t a dig at you but something I’ve noticed since 2017-2018 men in this space really don’t have much of a can do attitude anymore the ease of online dating has probably messed them up to a degree.

 

[the player of games]

so many people quit daygame because they simply have too much ego or not enough balls to keep their work rate going and I say that as someone who’s pussied out of interacts countless times and has had blow outs crush my ego

this

although I don't think that's @average_daygamer 's problem

 

[RDRChaseMember]

I think what you’re experiencing is normal - a transition process away from the apps and onto daygame is pretty burdensome mentally for anyone- the majority of my wingmen have quit or become flustered in the face of rejections or losing momentum - Ive lost momentum countless times and have experienced slumps of large amounts of flakes, bad dates and the loss of good relationships but you need to fight your way through it (that’s of course far easier said than done - its easy for me to shout out behind the key board “go on just approach more” but I understand that the mental fight is a tough one hence why so many people quit daygame because they simply have too much ego or not enough balls to keep their work rate going and I say that as someone who’s pussied out of interacts countless times and has had blow outs crush my ego .





For me coming from university I had lost a lot of leads from social circle and night game which I relied upon heavily , I then switched to online dating as I was stuck living between London and Cannes probably two of the toughest places to get matches and that was a pretty humiliating process - I finally switched to daygame because I wanted to be self reliant but that switch onto daygame itself was a really tough one as even- though I had 6-7xed the amount of dates I was getting a month I was dealing with dating women from cultures that were vastly different from the “British uni girl” I was used to whilst at university- this meant a lot of difficult dates and lmr that ensued and a large number of near misses but again I had to fight through it sometimes I did other times I let the frustration shame me into inaction-





But most my better looking friends struggled post university they were too egotistical to do daygame and stuck with their friendship circle or on tinder and only dated what the apps gave them - the majority then underperformed post university because all they relied up was what the apps gave them and even that was scarce and is ever diminishing - as we are seeing match.com and bumble’s stock prices crash 80-90 percent and larger numbers of only fans accounts , bots and prostitutes take over these apps have left both genders frustrated and led to them leaving the apps - this was never going to last forever and even my friends who crush it online have noticed a huge diminishment in the amount of matches since 2018 with shadow banning and more “fake” matches - one of my friends who’s a handsome poker player also got less matches than me in Latvia despite being better looking - my theory to this is the app was just trying to trigger an algorithm to make him pay for more “ tinder gold “ memberships. - relying on an algorithm itself for dates is never sustainable because as soon as something bad happens on said app or as soon as the algorithm is alternated to try and seek more profit the user experience is then damaged .





So whilst the transition into daygame as my main source wasn’t smooth and was humiliating at times I was still getting better results than my friends who did far better than me at uni simply because I was more adaptable and less ego driven than them. I now have a girlfriend - a lot fo them don’t despite them being better looking than me- simply because I approached far more people than they did.





Sort of you need to expect that most of your lead generation sources won’t last forever- a good example of this is the cool jocks at university who do well because they are the star player at rugby or football and are able to get a huge amount of attention from their social circles - the issue is once uni finishes their “alpha” roll is gone in the group and the social setting which got them a lot of women are gone- these men then struggle to adapt to a new climate or realise that what they once had Is no longer there any more - hence why a lot of good looking guys I know struggled in their dating lives post university when there was no longer the social setting or the social cirlcle had gone.





Part of being a good seducer is “to know when you’re beat “ in a certain situation - for exaple I know my social circle is just full of people in LTRs and im never going to win in that environment so I need to move onto another way of finding women- I know my dating profile can’t compete in London so I switched to daygame in London and got a lot more results- I know im in a new city and I have no social circle so I better bite the bullet and approach and meet people . I know that my body is probably too weak to night game now so Im going to do more daygame which is more sustainable





Just now I was in Japan - didn’t have any friends so I sought out to speak as much Japanese with strangers as possible so I could have a social circle - as a result I got to hang out more with the locals and really experience Japan in its truest form - it comes down to me admitting theirs a change in the environment and biting the bullet and putting yourself out there- and as a man the job we have is to put ourselves out there -





A general point that with game certain advice can be good for some people and bad for others-





for example if you own a bar then social circle game is good for you - you can bring women into your life easily . If however- you don’t have a bar or night club or don’t have the value to give to a social circle its probably not the best choice .





Online dating is a good choice if you have elite 1 percent pics - but for the vast majority of people reading this thread won’t be in that top 1 percent elite - nothing wrong with that, mathematically we can’t all win on the apps and with the women on these apps diminishing day by day that statistical in-probability will be higher and higher .





I remember being on a lot of dating telegram groups people getting frustrated by their poor online dating results - trying to come up with a line to message girls to get them attracted - reality is the vast majority of these men would be better off just dedicating themselves to 1000 or so sets and really putting the work in. The reality is in todays era people just want quick solutions - there was a guy on the live chat earlier that just asked for a trick on how to get women to approach him? I mean really lol . Its a man’s job to lead the actions and approach.- I do think as a whole online dating has made the whole pua community somewhat lazy and stagnant- this isn’t a dig at you but something I’ve noticed since 2017-2018 men in this space really don’t have much of a can do attitude anymore the ease of online dating has probably messed them up to a degree.

I hear ya dude.

One thing I'm trying to do is put myself in situations where I get to know women as much as possible and see which ones I'm the most interested in.

I have no problem cold approaching, but I don't want to engage in the high volume it comes with largely because it's time consuming and I don't really have a lot of time to put into that these days.

I'm now going to singles events (I understand they're generally expensive, but in my area, they cost very cheap like $10-20). They're also trying to incorporate activity-based interactions to make conversations easy.

There is one thing I just want to say in regards to this forum in general. A lot of the people here are trying to pitch learning dating and the strategies as a skill we need to get better with. And while I agree with this statement, I think it's also best to think about how can we make it so we can enjoy our lifestyles.

What I mean is with the strategies we can have at our disposal, it doesn't change the fact that we have to play a numbers game, we're going up against rigged systems, and dating is a very unfair game where the top 1% of guys in social circles and online dating get their pick while the rest has to work for it (or in the case of the everyday man, limit themselves to social circles). But if dating is gonna be this hard, then why just confine ourselves to developing better skills? Why not make life more enjoyable by including things that can bring us joy.

For me, I like local concerts, going out just to grab a snack, walks in parks, playing video games, and on some days, sunbathing. A lot of these I tend to do by myself and I rarely see my friends since we're distance away, so cold approach and social events have mostly been my options. With that strategy, I'm definitely gonna be facing a high rejection rate, so rather than just pumping up my numbers (which can lead to a lot of mental exhaustion), why not take it easy and enjoy the things you like with it? This is the reason why I focus more on integrating cold approach into my lifestyle. It's just an option.

 

[the player of games]

I have no problem cold approaching, but I don't want to engage in the high volume it comes with largely because it's time consuming and I don't really have a lot of time to put into that these days.

As opposed to local concerts, walking in parks, playing video games and sunbathing. And how many approaches can you get in doing these activities?

But I hear what you are saying. These things are intrinsically enjoyable. Therefore easy. So I guess I'm going to be one of those 'skillset' guys, although I don't possess the skill yet. I liken cold approach to going to the gym. I don't like the thought of it. I don't like doing the exercises - most of the time. It's hard work. I do like how I feel afterwards when I've finished. I do like when my muscles grow (doesn't happen too often or too much unfortunately). And sometimes, I actually like it during the workout when I'm resting in between sets and realising I'm getting closer to my goals.

Cold approach and social circle aren't mutually exclusive. No one here is saying start cold approach and stop video gaming.

But you are right. It can be mentally exhausting and I've given up several times because of that. That's why I believe the key part of cold approach is mental or inner game. It's not easy.

I'm now going to singles events (I understand they're generally expensive, but in my area, they cost very cheap like $10-20). They're also trying to incorporate activity-based interactions to make conversations easy.

I did this hardcore, years ago. The quality of the women cannot compare to those you can access with cold approach, although occasionally, you can get lucky.

 

[RDRChaseMember]

As opposed to local concerts, walking in parks, playing video games and sunbathing. And how many approaches can you get in doing these activities?

I can get 1-2 approaches in. It also helps that by doing them I'm at my best mental state too, so weather I get rejected or not, I still get to enjoy my day!

So I guess I'm going to be one of those 'skillset' guys, although I don't possess the skill yet. I liken cold approach to going to the gym. I don't like the thought of it. I don't like doing the exercises - most of the time. It's hard work.

I'm not saying not to approach it as a skillset, I just offered a different perspective to look at it. I did cold approaching a lot and worked on it as a skillset before. I'm fairly confident I can get a number and know how to navigate text situations and what not. I'm pretty good when it comes to the skill. I think sometimes we focus too much on a skill that we forget to enjoy ourselves with the things that do bring us joy.

That's why I believe the key part of cold approach is mental or inner game.

Would you say this would be the key difference in if you've gotten in lots of approaches or not?

I did this hardcore, years ago. The quality of the women cannot compare to those you can access with cold approach, although occasionally, you can get lucky.

Tbh I'm a bit indifferent here. From the singles events I've gone to, there were stunners I've seen. I even had days where in cold approach situations, the women there I felt were alright. Cold approach, in theory, gives you a lot of options you wouldn't normally get (maybe apart from online dating), but you still have to filter out general unavailability which comes with territory in any strategy. At least with singles event, you can gaurantee the people there are looking for someone to hookup with or build a relationship with, definitely high in availability. In cold approach and social circles, you have more filtering to do.

This is the reason why I'm a bit indifferent to it. I believe you can meet high quality of women in any strategy, cold approach and online dating giving us more flexible reach.

 

[Orchard]

What is so wrong about Detroit?

Nothing. People were cleaning up last weekend at the techno festival. I wouldn't mind hearing about @Chase thoughts though. Detroit is great though. I guess Royal Oak is better for day game though.

 

[the player of games]

Would you say this would be the key difference in if you've gotten in lots of approaches or not?

I would say that all game is inner game, the number of approaches is irrelevant. There is always something to work on. If your inner game is rock solid, the rest is just details. My theory is if you layer outer game on top of solid inner game, you will become a god.

Tbh I'm a bit indifferent here. From the singles events I've gone to, there were stunners I've seen. I even had days where in cold approach situations, the women there I felt were alright. Cold approach, in theory, gives you a lot of options you wouldn't normally get (maybe apart from online dating), but you still have to filter out general unavailability which comes with territory in any strategy. At least with singles event, you can gaurantee the people there are looking for someone to hookup with or build a relationship with, definitely high in availability. In cold approach and social circles, you have more filtering to do.

Lol. Perhaps you and I have a different interpretation of what a stunner is. Now, to be sure, I did meet and date one or two of these girls at these singles events. But they were the exception. If you are a really hot girl, there is no shortage of male attention, you don't need to go to a singles event, you don't need to be online.

I have a friend who is slaying it on Tinder, but even then, the average of the girls he meets is still not as high as what I see in the streets. (He has managed to match with one or two really hot girls although he always manages to lose them - because there is always a newer, shinier guy begging for her attention on the app before he can close the deal.) On the streets, there is no competition. During my last daygame incarnation, I approached and chatted with several bona fide fashion models on their way between photo shoots. I can guarantee you, those, and other high value girls are not on Tinder or at singles events.

 

[isildur1]

As opposed to local concerts, walking in parks, playing video games and sunbathing. And how many approaches can you get in doing these activities?

But I hear what you are saying. These things are intrinsically enjoyable. Therefore easy. So I guess I'm going to be one of those 'skillset' guys, although I don't possess the skill yet. I liken cold approach to going to the gym. I don't like the thought of it. I don't like doing the exercises - most of the time. It's hard work. I do like how I feel afterwards when I've finished. I do like when my muscles grow (doesn't happen too often or too much unfortunately). And sometimes, I actually like it during the workout when I'm resting in between sets and realising I'm getting closer to my goals.

Cold approach and social circle aren't mutually exclusive. No one here is saying start cold approach and stop video gaming.

But you are right. It can be mentally exhausting and I've given up several times because of that. That's why I believe the key part of cold approach is mental or inner game. It's not easy.


I did this hardcore, years ago. The quality of the women cannot compare to those you can access with cold approach, although occasionally, you can get lucky.

I had my best successes from daygame when approaching high volume of women - end of the day the majority of attractive women are in some sort of relationship to begin with so you gotta put in the numbers imo.



The day I met my girlfriend id already had done 15 sets that day- yes it’s time consuming but so too is any mode of dating - online you’re messaging alot of leads , social circle you’re putting in time developing bonds and waiting for iois ,



Most men on this and other dating forums simply don’t put the numbers in- my dating life only radically changed when I started tor really consistently approach day in day out without excuses



And it isn’t that hard to stack up huge numbers - say you do 5 approaches a day for 1 year that’s roughly 1600 sets no doubt you can gleen a lot of quality women from that without it being time consuming. Do that over 10 years that’s 16,000 sets and a lot of opportunities will open .



Whenever I had good streaks I was putting in the work - whenever I had bad streaks i was too much in my head and making excuses - a lot of daygame is really a mental battle between you and yourself imo .

 

[ulrich]

I had my best successes from daygame when approaching high volume of women - end of the day the majority of attractive women are in some sort of relationship to begin with so you gotta put in the numbers imo.



The day I met my girlfriend id already had done 15 sets that day- yes it’s time consuming but so too is any mode of dating - online you’re messaging alot of leads , social circle you’re putting in time developing bonds and waiting for iois ,



Most men on this and other dating forums simply don’t put the numbers in- my dating life only radically changed when I started tor really consistently approach day in day out without excuses



And it isn’t that hard to stack up huge numbers - say you do 5 approaches a day for 1 year that’s roughly 1600 sets no doubt you can gleen a lot of quality women from that without it being time consuming. Do that over 10 years that’s 16,000 sets and a lot of opportunities will open .



Whenever I had good streaks I was putting in the work - whenever I had bad streaks i was too much in my head and making excuses - a lot of daygame is really a mental battle between you and yourself imo .

I wholeheartedly agree with this, 5 approaches a day is something extremely doable and it quickly becomes rewarding.

Yes, the first weeks you commit to 5 approaches you might need a couple of hours to get the balls to actually do them.

And yes, at 5 per day, you will run into many pointless days where all your sets are bad or taken.

But as @isildur1 points out, the level of volume you achieve this way is massive as long as you commit.

 

[Chase]

What is so wrong about Detroit?

I was going to move to the suburbs last year but it wasn’t meant to be, lol.

maybe I missed a bullet

Urban blight & very high crime rate:

Crime in Detroit - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

In recent years some neighborhoods in the downtown area of Detroit has seen a significant decline in crime, while the crime rate remains high in most of the city.

I've dealt with enough of that in my life that I just prefer not to be around it anymore. I spent plenty of time in cities with similar crime rates (though not as much urban blight).

The more you need to be on your guard in a city, stay out of certain areas, avoid certain places after dark, worry about high crime areas spilling over occasionally or not so occasionally into supposedly safe areas, etc., the more I just prefer to avoid.

I'm the kind of guy who not infrequently likes to sit up in the park alone at 3 AM typing on his laptop (nice environment to get stuff done: it's quiet, everyone else is asleep, you're very focused. Just don't forget the bug spray in the summer). That's a good city metric for me:

"Would sitting on a bench in the park alone with my $3,000 laptop at 3 AM in the morning be a good idea or a bad idea in this city?" The worse of an idea it is, the shorter my visit will likely be...!

Chase

 

[James D]

Would sitting on a bench in the park alone with my $3,000 laptop at 3 AM in the morning be a good idea or a bad idea in this city?" The worse of an idea it is, the shorter my visit will likely be...!

Then you'll love my city!

Every now and then I'm in a park until 4 a.m. messing with DeepSeek or creating some fiction. Only difference is my laptop is less than 3k but still reasonably valuable.

 

[OldGuy]

Detroit was terrible when I grew up in a suburb there, but the suburbs were fine (those not surrounded by Detroit). It has improved though.