- Joined
- Aug 3, 2025
- Messages
- 60
Hello gentlemen. 38 year old guy in UK here. Girl is 28. Met her in daygame exactly one year ago, August 2024. She was a virgin when I met her. A masters student from abroad, from a rather conservative country that tries to be western somewhat. Many girls there remain virgins till marriage (although she and her family are modern and western).
She had constant depression and social anxiety since she was 16. She is on anti depressants and other meds and having meetings with a psychiatrist. Nice, lonely, timid and shy personality, but she can be blunt and straightforward and prone to angry outbursts too. She never had a job in her life, and is relying on her parents' money. She was trying to apply for jobs here after her degree, had a brief internship, but got no further and simply gave up. Spends all her days basically doing nothing and can't get motivated for anything on her own. Her timid personality and anxiety is holding her back. She often says negative things about herself, how she is "useless", "worthless", and has nothing to offer. She also told me several times "what is a smart successful guy doing with a piece of shit like me".
In spite of all her problems, I was very happy to have met her. I felt very lonely too. I fucked many women but always struggled to get young, sexy, desirables ones. I have no real male friends and some events in my life (death of my mother, financial problems, some health issues) have hit me hard in recent years. So I was relieved and happy at last to meet a younger chick who was slim, attractive, submissive and actually wanted to be with me.
I have exclusively dated her all this time. We met up typically twice per week but texted everyday. In truth, I only saw her 8 of the 12 months we've been together, as she often went abroad to stay with her parents to help her with depression, for family holidays, etc.
I always supported her as much as I could, tried to make her feel special, tried to encourage her to do yoga and meditate with me, bought some nice gifts for her, took her to nature places I like. However, seems she did not feel like I was a proper "boyfriend" for a long, long time, and she wasn't sure if we even exclusive or not untill several months in - I kept my feeling about her a bit vague with her, because I am somewhat shy about these things myself. She said some things like "I don't feel like we are properly together", as I guess I didn't do standard "couply" things like taking her out to restaurants or meeting her friends, share with her my instagram (that I barely even use)... I simply don't value or care about this stuff standard society / social media stuff, but clearly she does.
Anyway. In late May, a few days before her last planned trip for a month back to her parents, she suddenly says "I have bad news for you. I can't be with you and have sex anymore blah blah blah". I ask her what's wrong. She never gave a clear answer but seemed like a mix of that I never met her friends / don't care about stuff like instagram and tik tok that she wanted me to connect to with her / 10 year age gap / she feels like she is dragging me down and holding me back with her mental health problems / that she never envisioned me as a serious long term prospect.
I told her to take time off and not overthink. We continued texting next few days and the status quo was gradually restored.
In late June she came back from her parents and everything was normal for 4 weeks. The only disappointing thing was that she said she'd be going back home yet again soon for another month. I tried not to let it show but it sadden me a bit as I was looking forward to spending summer with her and growing stronger as a couple. I was on the verge of telling her I loved her, and felt this is the time to do it, but was a bit afraid to let myself go and say so. I wanted to save it for our anniversary which would have been this weekend.
Then suddenly a week ago, she says again "I can't do this anymore...it often feels like I am forcing myself to be with you...do you love me? Because I don't really love you...There is no deep passion here". We talked, I tried to get a clear reason as to what changed. She came up with a whole outburst tirade:
"You don't see my friends... In my culture we meet friends socially... Where is this likely to lead? Do you want to be with me? Do you want to marry me? Have children? Where are we gonna live? I also don't feel like I can have a relationship in my state...I don't love you... I was with you all this time because I didn't want to be lonely.... I was thinking you'd leave me soon after we met but you stayed and I liked you and your attention"
To me, it seemed like she thought it was a situationship rather than LTR (in fact she did say explicitly a few months prior once: "what are we? In a situationship?" That I simply ignored).
It's as if a whole flood of emotion came out that evening, mix of various rationalisations and explanations...
I basically blurted out that "I always loved you. I am open to marriage...But you need a job here first...I want to be together and develop with you...but you need to bring more to the table. I always tried to support and help you but you contributed very little Stuff like not meeting your friends is not critical to me as I want to spend time with you, not your friends...". We talked a bit more and then I left saying something like "ok, take time off and re-think everything."
Over last few days we messaged each other sometimes. I offered to meet her on our anniversary, saying I want to give us another chance to build something special. She simply said "I am sorry. I can''t do it". To which I said "ok, not to put pressure on you, go spend time with your family and let's see if things change in September", to which she said "ok", and that was pretty much the end of our communication.
Your thoughts and advice would be very appreciated. Do you think it's worth going no contact for at least a month till she gets back here in UK? Or try to keep talking? Drop an anniversary card that I bought for her in her letter box before she flies home, telling her that I love her?
I don't know how to behave with a girl who has depression in such circumstances.
TL/DR: dated a girl with chronic depression for one year. She has low self esteem. Dated exclusively but she seemed unclear on our boyfriend / girlfriend status. She attempted to break up in May, we smoothed things over, then again she initiated a break up literally last week - a few days before our one year anniversary. No clear reason to me (just a mix of various vague explanations) why she wanted to break up. Seems like she thought it was a situationship rather than LTR. How to get her back?
She had constant depression and social anxiety since she was 16. She is on anti depressants and other meds and having meetings with a psychiatrist. Nice, lonely, timid and shy personality, but she can be blunt and straightforward and prone to angry outbursts too. She never had a job in her life, and is relying on her parents' money. She was trying to apply for jobs here after her degree, had a brief internship, but got no further and simply gave up. Spends all her days basically doing nothing and can't get motivated for anything on her own. Her timid personality and anxiety is holding her back. She often says negative things about herself, how she is "useless", "worthless", and has nothing to offer. She also told me several times "what is a smart successful guy doing with a piece of shit like me".
In spite of all her problems, I was very happy to have met her. I felt very lonely too. I fucked many women but always struggled to get young, sexy, desirables ones. I have no real male friends and some events in my life (death of my mother, financial problems, some health issues) have hit me hard in recent years. So I was relieved and happy at last to meet a younger chick who was slim, attractive, submissive and actually wanted to be with me.
I have exclusively dated her all this time. We met up typically twice per week but texted everyday. In truth, I only saw her 8 of the 12 months we've been together, as she often went abroad to stay with her parents to help her with depression, for family holidays, etc.
I always supported her as much as I could, tried to make her feel special, tried to encourage her to do yoga and meditate with me, bought some nice gifts for her, took her to nature places I like. However, seems she did not feel like I was a proper "boyfriend" for a long, long time, and she wasn't sure if we even exclusive or not untill several months in - I kept my feeling about her a bit vague with her, because I am somewhat shy about these things myself. She said some things like "I don't feel like we are properly together", as I guess I didn't do standard "couply" things like taking her out to restaurants or meeting her friends, share with her my instagram (that I barely even use)... I simply don't value or care about this stuff standard society / social media stuff, but clearly she does.
Anyway. In late May, a few days before her last planned trip for a month back to her parents, she suddenly says "I have bad news for you. I can't be with you and have sex anymore blah blah blah". I ask her what's wrong. She never gave a clear answer but seemed like a mix of that I never met her friends / don't care about stuff like instagram and tik tok that she wanted me to connect to with her / 10 year age gap / she feels like she is dragging me down and holding me back with her mental health problems / that she never envisioned me as a serious long term prospect.
I told her to take time off and not overthink. We continued texting next few days and the status quo was gradually restored.
In late June she came back from her parents and everything was normal for 4 weeks. The only disappointing thing was that she said she'd be going back home yet again soon for another month. I tried not to let it show but it sadden me a bit as I was looking forward to spending summer with her and growing stronger as a couple. I was on the verge of telling her I loved her, and felt this is the time to do it, but was a bit afraid to let myself go and say so. I wanted to save it for our anniversary which would have been this weekend.
Then suddenly a week ago, she says again "I can't do this anymore...it often feels like I am forcing myself to be with you...do you love me? Because I don't really love you...There is no deep passion here". We talked, I tried to get a clear reason as to what changed. She came up with a whole outburst tirade:
"You don't see my friends... In my culture we meet friends socially... Where is this likely to lead? Do you want to be with me? Do you want to marry me? Have children? Where are we gonna live? I also don't feel like I can have a relationship in my state...I don't love you... I was with you all this time because I didn't want to be lonely.... I was thinking you'd leave me soon after we met but you stayed and I liked you and your attention"
To me, it seemed like she thought it was a situationship rather than LTR (in fact she did say explicitly a few months prior once: "what are we? In a situationship?" That I simply ignored).
It's as if a whole flood of emotion came out that evening, mix of various rationalisations and explanations...
I basically blurted out that "I always loved you. I am open to marriage...But you need a job here first...I want to be together and develop with you...but you need to bring more to the table. I always tried to support and help you but you contributed very little Stuff like not meeting your friends is not critical to me as I want to spend time with you, not your friends...". We talked a bit more and then I left saying something like "ok, take time off and re-think everything."
Over last few days we messaged each other sometimes. I offered to meet her on our anniversary, saying I want to give us another chance to build something special. She simply said "I am sorry. I can''t do it". To which I said "ok, not to put pressure on you, go spend time with your family and let's see if things change in September", to which she said "ok", and that was pretty much the end of our communication.
Your thoughts and advice would be very appreciated. Do you think it's worth going no contact for at least a month till she gets back here in UK? Or try to keep talking? Drop an anniversary card that I bought for her in her letter box before she flies home, telling her that I love her?
I don't know how to behave with a girl who has depression in such circumstances.
TL/DR: dated a girl with chronic depression for one year. She has low self esteem. Dated exclusively but she seemed unclear on our boyfriend / girlfriend status. She attempted to break up in May, we smoothed things over, then again she initiated a break up literally last week - a few days before our one year anniversary. No clear reason to me (just a mix of various vague explanations) why she wanted to break up. Seems like she thought it was a situationship rather than LTR. How to get her back?
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