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Break Ups  Got suddenly dumped by an one year LTR girl with depression

Skills

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
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Nov 11, 2019
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5,897
Yes, I dropped a card in her mailbox yesterday. I understand I need to be cautious of settling. Maybe that's an internal reason why I did not advance this relationship faster, because I had a nagging thought if it is wise getting involved with a girl who has such issues long term (as well as that intellectually and in terms of education she is on a lower plane to me, frankly).

However, I reckon most men, as well as women ended up settling in a way. I had several LTR with sexy, smart, nice women before, and they all ended for various reasons, and thinking about them critically, they weren't right for me in the first place: one woman was too old (6 years older than me, whereas I always wanted a younger woman), another was 8 years younger than me and optimal in many ways but alas her religious /ethnic background made her incompatible with me in terms of marriage prospect, another girl came at a stage of my life when I was too young and wanted to play around.... So in a sense it would all have been settling.
brother most break ups will happen regardless and is good they happen you could not be right for each other... Also women will nitpick on stuff that never really bother them now, those same things bother her.... All of this i mention on the video...
 

Rakehell

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
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Mar 28, 2021
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794
I don't think if she is autistic. She never said anything about this,
It’s likely she doesn’t know herself.
She seems to be ok over last couple of months in terms of managing depression (in winter it was pretty bad during certain periods).
Depression is common in those with autism.
It's as if a whole flood of emotion came out that evening, mix of various rationalisations and explanations...
This is delayed emotional processing. The confusing dumping of negativity, that feels like black and white thinking.
She had constant depression and social anxiety since she was 16. She is on anti depressants and other meds and having meetings with a psychiatrist. Nice, lonely, timid and shy personality, but she can be blunt and straightforward and prone to angry outbursts too. She never had a job in her life, and is relying on her parents' money. She was trying to apply for jobs here after her degree, had a brief internship, but got no further and simply gave up. Spends all her days basically doing nothing and can't get motivated for anything on her own. Her timid personality and anxiety is holding her back.
All of these things point to autism.
Girls being depress in winter is NORMAL...
he says shes been depressed constantly since she was 16
 

Skills

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
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5,897
It’s likely she doesn’t know herself.
this does not matter brother...
Depression is common in those with autism.
Depression is common with women in general specially with gen z..

This is delayed emotional processing. The confusing dumping of negativity, that feels like black and white thinking.
a lot of women are like this...
All of these things point to autism.
he would know better he is dating her...we are not doctors..
he says shes been depressed constantly since she was 16
I know he said, "more in the winter" which is normal...

^ he has 2 options regardless of autism and the other diagnose or not:

- cut contact see if that works..

- move on...

that is it, regardless....
 

Rakehell

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
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794
I know he said, "more in the winter" which is normal...

^ he has 2 options regardless of autism and the other diagnose or not:

- cut contact see if that works..

- move on...

that is it, regardless....
While this is somewhat true, seduction is qualitatively different with someone who is autistic or otherwise neurologically unstable.

If he is acting from a reactive place (even if he is cutting contact), it’ll be unsustainable when she comes back.

He has to be more self possessed and solid through her mood swings, he won’t be able to sustain anything with her going about it trying to fix her or cheer her up like he had been in the past.

He can’t go in assuming HE’S the reason for the breakup.
 

KJ Francis

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
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It is not even the depression that was the big red flag for me.

It is her low self esteem. Case in point:

She often says negative things about herself, how she is "useless", "worthless", and has nothing to offer. She also told me several times "what is a smart successful guy doing with a piece of shit like me".

Franco (2010):

She is – in fact – very much present in the group of the serial daters, and she is one of
those “eternally single ladies” who every other evening get to meet a guy just to tell
him after a while… “I do not feel like we can be together.”

Just before she said that, the guy had showed her an interest in her as a woman and as
a person and she had inside her head that voice telling: “He cannot be serious. How
one can be with a low level person like I am?”
 
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KJ Francis

Cro-Magnon Man
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So... what was your sex life like?

Franco (2008):

Distinguishing LSE LD women from the good girls is extremely
difficult for a guy without field experience in doing pick-up
and seduction.
Have you have ever wondered why in your "dating" game you end
up all the time with those "eternally single ladies" who seem
to be so nice at the beginning and then give you so much
trouble and the end?
Why they seem to have all the time endless problems there,
where they seemed so "kind and caring" at the beginning?
That happens because they were LSE LD women and you considered
them good girls due to a mistake in your evaluation of them.
You made basically a mistake in evaluating their
phenomenology. This method is sweeter and can bring into your
seduction women with LSE LD problems as a "secondary effect"
because they may be scared of guys with a more direct,
aggressive approach.
As I said: if she is not comfortable with sex she is not a
good girl!
Also, if she is not comfortable with herself, has a lot of
negative thoughts and feelings about herself and she does not
like sex she is almost probably a LSE LD woman (low self-
esteem low sex drive) .
In the case she has negative feelings about herself and men in
general and a strong sex drive she is a LSE HD woman (low
self-esteem, high sex drive) .
Both mean trouble in a long-term relationship and have to be
avoided if you are looking for a good girl.
You should tend to consider her LSE if she exhibits signs of
not being comfortable with sex.

Franco (2010):

When you are in a long-term relationship with a woman or in a marriage, realize that the most
important single factor defining how she will deal with sex and sexual pleasure will be: her
self-esteem.
Sex and sexuality are joyful and pleasurable events connected with her soul and her body.
The higher her self-esteem, the better she will relate to sex and sexuality.
The lower her self-esteem, the worse she will be able to relate to sex in a positive and joyful
way. This is because a woman with a good self-esteem will always appreciate herself and her
own body.
Deep inside, she will feel: "I am good and I deserve closeness and pleasure."
Instead, a woman with a low self-esteem will project that view of the world on herself and you.
She will feel herself, the world around her, pleasure and sexuality like something "bad" and
"damaging."




LSE woman (low self-esteem)
Her view about the world and herself is somewhat negative. She feels bad about her
own body and very often associates pain and suffering to sexual pleasure, or is totally
unable to enjoy it




The most important distinctive trait of the HSE HD woman is this one: what makes her
aroused sexually the most is deep communication with you and the auditory and verbal
expression of emotions.
Now, the important distinction compared to her LSE HD (low self-esteem high sexual
drive) sister is this one:
Drama is not an expression of emotions.
Drama is a clear sign that a woman is unable to express
the emotions connected with her sexual desire, her communication
with you and the relationship




Realize that you can have a woman with a bad self-esteem feel sexual pleasure and
that with a LSE HD woman you will have to expect drama, chaos, endless highs and
lows in the relationship. With a woman who is LSE LD, you will have to expect always
resistance towards sexual pleasure of her associating pain and suffering in some way to
the sexual pleasure itself.

Practical Female Psychology (2008):

Any relationship started by such LSE women is a dead end in
both directions. They will react with frustration to a man who
does not supplicate to their MPS because they take it as a per-
sonal offense. On the other hand, they tend to become sexually
frigid over time with men who do supplicate to their MPS, be-
cause the feminine part of their personality cannot derive last-
ing satisfaction out of such a dynamic.




People with low self-esteem (LSE) will more frequently suf-
fer from feelings of discouragement and a lack of self-worth.
When they receive poor treatment, they are more likely to feel
that it is justified and deserved. When they receive good treat-
ment, they are more likely to discount such treatment as being
undeserved and consider the donor of such treatment to be ei-
ther misinformed or stupid.




The issue of a woman's self-esteem is extremely important. If
you are looking for a healthy, long-term relationship, failing to
recognize a woman's level of self-esteem may mean years of
problems for you, severe emotional pain, and even economic
losses. The chances that a woman with LSE can change into


an HSE woman, without years of therapy and a strong motiva-
tion on her part for change, are extremely, extremely low. Fur-
thermore, the journey would be full of dangers for your own
well being as a man. It is extremely important for you to learn
to screen LSE women out of your life, and by doing so, make
room in your life for HSE women.

Practical screening tool:

The other group of LSE women, the LSE LD women - low self-
esteem, low sexual drive - you will be able to recognize
because they will enjoy female talk with you and will change
all what you say into negative.

Like this:

Franco: (long pleasurable descriptions of Paris)

LSE LD woman: "It is too expensive as a town and I hate all
those well dressed women who show off with their expensive
clothes."

Franco: "Hmm ... I feel I have a terrible headache suddenly ...
I think I will go home"

She will cut you off like this and for two reasons:

1. She is scared of sex and your description is arousing her.

2. Her bad self-esteem does give her the permission of
enjoying anything: she feels that she does not deserve Paris
and in general does not deserve good things.
Good: here you have a wonderful "ready made" screening tool
made by Franco to screen out the bad ones very fast
 

HeartOfChaos

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 3, 2025
Messages
60
So... what was your sex life like?

Franco (2008):



Franco (2010):



Practical Female Psychology (2008):



Practical screening tool:

The other group of LSE women, the LSE LD women - low self-
esteem, low sexual drive - you will be able to recognize
because they will enjoy female talk with you and will change
all what you say into negative.

Like this:

Franco: (long pleasurable descriptions of Paris)

LSE LD woman: "It is too expensive as a town and I hate all
those well dressed women who show off with their expensive
clothes."

Franco: "Hmm ... I feel I have a terrible headache suddenly ...
I think I will go home"

She will cut you off like this and for two reasons:

1. She is scared of sex and your description is arousing her.

2. Her bad self-esteem does give her the permission of
enjoying anything: she feels that she does not deserve Paris
and in general does not deserve good things.
Good: here you have a wonderful "ready made" screening tool
made by Franco to screen out the bad ones very fast

Francis, thank you for these - very interesting read.

I had sex with her every time (or nearly every time) I saw her. She never denied me it. Always open to experimentation in bed with toys, etc. She was a virgin when I met her. As she put it, she waited that long for it as she wanted her first time to be "special". She also admitted that because she was so shy and low self esteem, she always struggled to express interest and talk to guys she fancied. I took her virginity on our third meeting, but we fooled around in bed the first night I met her.

One thing to note here, is that she never seemed to experience an orgasm in her life. I asked her about it - she said she never really felt it, not when she masturbated, and neither when she was with me. He clit does not seem to be very (if at all) sensitive - I reckon it could be due to anti depressants she was always on since she was a teen, as I read that this medication can affect the ability to orgasm.
 

HeartOfChaos

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 3, 2025
Messages
60
Anyway an update on the situation.

So as I said, yesterday I dropped off a card in her post box, saying what Skills advised - that I loved her, wanted to move on the relationship, understood that I should have made more of an effort to meet her friends, and all that.

Just got a text message from her: "Hi, I got your card. Did not expect it. I want to say thank you for understanding. I saw you tried to help me in every way and I appreciate that. I really want you to be happy and find an amazing partner that's gonna love you the way you deserve to be loved. Thank you for the great memories. ❤️ "

So yeah... I don't know if and how I should respond to this, and what's next?
 

Skills

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
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Nov 11, 2019
Messages
5,897
Anyway an update on the situation.

So as I said, yesterday I dropped off a card in her post box, saying what Skills advised - that I loved her, wanted to move on the relationship, understood that I should have made more of an effort to meet her friends, and all that.

Just got a text message from her: "Hi, I got your card. Did not expect it. I want to say thank you for understanding. I saw you tried to help me in every way and I appreciate that. I really want you to be happy and find an amazing partner that's gonna love you the way you deserve to be loved. Thank you for the great memories. ❤️ "

So yeah... I don't know if and how I should respond to this, and what's next?
Cut all contact.... It is out of your control... There may be another guy too.... If so she is in the honeymoon period with that other guy and his flaws have no come out... You need to cut contact...
 

HeartOfChaos

Space Monkey
space monkey
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Aug 3, 2025
Messages
60
Cut all contact.... It is out of your control... There may be another guy too.... If so she is in the honeymoon period with that other guy and his flaws have no come out... You need to cut contact...

Cool man, I replied thank you, all the best for future to her and no more contact from now on.

I very much doubt there is another guy though, but who knows. She really doesn’t come across guys much through her social ties

She is flying back home to her country to her parents tomorrow for a month anyway.
 

Skills

Tribal Elder
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Messages
5,897
Cool man, I replied thank you, all the best for future to her and no more contact from now on.

I very much doubt there is another guy though, but who knows. She really doesn’t come across guys much through her social ties

She is flying back home to her country to her parents tomorrow for a month anyway.
I got one that told me:

Go fuck yourself dont contact me anymore get out of my life... To come back begging after it happens
 

HeartOfChaos

Space Monkey
space monkey
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Messages
60
I got one that told me:

Go fuck yourself dont contact me anymore get out of my life... To come back begging after it happens

Ok but how would that be related to what I’m describing?

Having said that, when we had that break up conversation on the day she broke up, she did say to me “you are mad at me aren’t you…” to which I sorta ignored / didn’t really know what to say.

I’m not great at reading people and thinking on my feet in general
 
a good date brings a smile to your lips... and hers

Teevster

Tribal Elder
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Messages
2,232
Let me guess, she is south-east asian? All the signs are there. This is 100% by their the playbook.

-Teevster
 

Skills

Tribal Elder
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Messages
5,897
Ok but how would that be related to what I’m describing?

Having said that, when we had that break up conversation on the day she broke up, she did say to me “you are mad at me aren’t you…” to which I sorta ignored / didn’t really know what to say.

I’m not great at reading people and thinking on my feet in general
Brother my point is no matter how bad they dump you... If you do the no contact they usually ping back...
 

HeartOfChaos

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 3, 2025
Messages
60
Let me guess, she is south-east asian? All the signs are there. This is 100% by their the playbook.

-Teevster

No. She is Turkish.

I am not sure what specific signs you are referring to, but from what I've seen, the desire to introduce a potential boyfriend to friends and / or family and do thing of such nature is common in more conservative traditional cultures generally , including mediterranean.
 

HeartOfChaos

Space Monkey
space monkey
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Messages
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Brother my point is no matter how bad they dump you... If you do the no contact they usually ping back...

Ok cool. Let's see. The girl had no first hand experience dating any other guys except me. So I think all the stuff about not seeing her friends and "situationship" came from her watching all the social media girls channels and also some of her friends' influence (she told me back when she tried to break up in May how in her culture couples who date invite each other daytime for tea rituals at their place, stuff like that, which I never did).
 

Skills

Tribal Elder
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5,897
Ok cool. Let's see. The girl had no first hand experience dating any other guys except me. So I think all the stuff about not seeing her friends and "situationship" came from her watching all the social media girls channels and also some of her friends' influence (she told me back when she tried to break up in May how in her culture couples who date invite each other daytime for tea rituals at their place, stuff like that, which I never did).
Yes this is big with genz unfortunately..
 

Spike

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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the desire to introduce a potential boyfriend to friends and / or family and do thing of such nature is common in more conservative traditional cultures generally , including mediterranean.
anywhere really. visiting her family is one of the marks that this relationship is serious. before that it’s an unspoken agreement that this is still just a situationship.

i’m afraid you are just being gaslight into seeing this as weird/autistic.
 

KJ Francis

Cro-Magnon Man
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anywhere really. visiting her family is one of the marks that this relationship is serious. before that it’s an unspoken agreement that this is still just a situationship.

i’m afraid you are just being gaslight into seeing this as weird/autistic.
I agree... Despite her being on meds and such, it makes total sense why she broke up... She is also low abundance so it lasted longer.

Though I still think it is a bad idea to wife up someone who does not believe she deserves you. Per all the Franco and David Shade stuff, she will sabotage it if you treat her well.

In the 2010 book he writes self esteem determines her betaization strategy. Perfectly normal for her to pursue containment, but high self esteem will go about it differently. LSE will be a lose whatever you do situation.
 

KJ Francis

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
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OP I think what happened is you leveled up pickup skills but retired too early before really getting going. Hot, slim, and good chemistry is still out there.
 
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