Break Ups Got suddenly dumped by an one year LTR girl with depression

[Spike]

Per all the Franco and David Shade stuff, she will sabotage it if you treat her well.

In the 2010 book he writes self esteem determines her betaization strategy.

i wish you spoke from your actual experience. rather than quoting things you read in a book or blog. because that way you’d see that what you just wrote is silly about her dumping you for treating her like a girlfriend.

as i wrote in response to teevster in the lay count thread. i have been work depressed low self esteem girls.they did not dump me for taking them to see my parents, do actual couple activities. follow them on social media etc., all normal couple things. i got dumped because i either cheated on them or took them for granted. where they didn’t feel that i cared about them or lost interest in them. because they were right.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

I agree... Despite her being on meds and such, it makes total sense why she broke up... She is also low abundance so it lasted longer.

Though I still think it is a bad idea to wife up someone who does not believe she deserves you. Per all the Franco and David Shade stuff, she will sabotage it if you treat her well.

In the 2010 book he writes self esteem determines her betaization strategy. Perfectly normal for her to pursue containment, but high self esteem will go about it differently. LSE will be a lose whatever you do situation.

Yeah but as I explained, I did try to move the relationship forward. Slowly for sure, but I did. I was hoping this summer to be special with her and actually get out and do a lot of "couply" stuff properly. But she tried to break up in May and then was away all June. In total out of 12 months we've been together, I hardly saw her for well over 4 of them as she's either been abroad with family, or her family was coming to visit her here.

She didn't say anything to her family about me at all for first 3 months. They only found out by accident when she was texting me and her mother saw it. And then her mother did not realise she is having sex with me, she assumed that it was pure traditional non-sexual dating. That's why the girl couldn't even come with me on a weekend break recently when I invited her, because this would mean having to lie to her mother and she did not want that, and neither did I. I did tell her "why don't you be more open with your mother, you are an adult and it's your life", but she clearly felt uncomfortable, given that the mum didn't even like the fact that we did yoga together (the implied physical contact and all...)

 

[HeartOfChaos]

OP I think what happened is you leveled up pickup skills but retired too early before really getting going. Hot, slim, and good chemistry is still out there.

I started doing cold approach daygame in 2010. In 15 years, I hardly improved. But the game clearly got way harder due to advent of social media, dating apps and me not getting any younger. Although granted, I was not approaching all these years straight, as I was in other relationships for a while.

Just as I struggled to pick up young sexy girls in 2010, it is the same now. Actually harder, because I am much older and my hairline is not the same as it was when I was in my twenties. Back then, plenty of girls checked me out when I was out and about, and I could rely on my looks to help me. Now I still look decent, I am tall and fit, but It's harder for sure.

I fucked 70 ish women in this time, but so what? The number of truly sexy hot, desirable girls is probably less than 20. Out of them, the number who I had true long term emotional and mental chemistry with can be counted on the fingers of one hand.

 

[Teevster]

No. She is Turkish.

I am not sure what specific signs you are referring to, but from what I've seen, the desire to introduce a potential boyfriend to friends and / or family and do thing of such nature is common in more conservative traditional cultures generally , including mediterranean.

Ok, it was just that I have seen similar things happen to a friend who dated a girl from South East Asia - also a so-called "conservative" ranting about "familly-stuff". Hint: it was all manipulation.

But if she is a Turkish girl from a conservative background, isn't it odd that she was a 28 y old virgin? Any conservative girl would have been married by then. Most Turkish girls who are unmarried at that age, are those that are NOT conservative. Are you sure she is telling you the truth?

Remember, women often use conservatism, shyness, and all that as a form of manipulation. I am sorry to say, but my gut-feeling tells me something is really off here - but I have a hard time grasping exactly what it is - something just does not add up for me. Yes, you could have done things better, but are you sure she is not exagerating these things as a way to guilt-duce you? That is a very common girl-tactic. it could also have been a rationalization or a plausible deniability behind the break-up itself.

I doubt she dumped you because of "you did not taking her out to enouh dates" or "introducing her to familly" etc.

If those were real issues - and they can be, she would have posed an ultimatum. Thats what girls would do in most cases.

Things just does not add up here.

-Teevster

 

[Teevster]

Though I still think it is a bad idea to wife up someone who does not believe she deserves you. Per all the Franco and David Shade stuff, she will sabotage it if you treat her well.

This.

I made similar statement in the other thread. Depressed girls tend to favor abuse. It is dark, it is terrible and it is no excuse to treat her poorly. However, this is important because this to me proves that OPs so called "mistreating" (I dont think he mistreated her, but it is framed like it in this thread) is not the main cause behind this break-up. Such girls tend to cling to "toxic" relationships.

-Teevster

 

[KJ Francis]

i wish you spoke from your actual experience. rather than quoting things you read in a book or blog. because that way you’d see that what you just wrote is silly about her dumping you for treating her like a girlfriend.

as i wrote in response to teevster in the lay count thread. i have been work depressed low self esteem girls.they did not dump me for taking them to see my parents, do actual couple activities. follow them on social media etc., all normal couple things. i got dumped because i either cheated on them or took them for granted. where they didn’t feel that i cared about them or lost interest in them. because they were right.

I don't know what you mean about like a girlfriend... He dated her for a year and never met her friends?

It is more helpful for him to learn from a reputable source like Franco than my experience. It is valuable to point people to existing sources like how Chad Tyrone has an encyclopedic knowledge of GC article links whereas new guys won't always find the hidden gems in thousands of articles or get one guy's experience vs. a point in the right direction toward someone more advanced.

By the betaization strategy it is more in the minute to minute language strategy that she uses. LSE will try to fill your head with her madness to increase your mental investment in her.

I do not have experience with LSE LD in relationships because I read Franco and don't enjoy torturing myself.

But believe me they have tried.

From today.

Her:

I wish I knew how people become happy
I feel like everything I tried doesn't work
Nothing works
I don't think my social life helps though
The good paying job didn't work. Volunteering didn't work. Doing things I like doesn't work.
The truth is I think their unhappiness is making me struggle to be happy more.
All of my friends are miserable. In bad marriages and feeling stuck. One lost his job and has a bad marriage. But I feel like they put their weight on me because they think I have it good and can handle their unhappiness
It's hard to find happiness when everyone around you is drowning and no one is showing you there's still light instead of complete darkness

Me: https://pi.ai/onboarding

 

[Spike]

I don't know what you mean about like a girlfriend

meeting her friends
doing couple activities (eating out, going shopping together, going to the movies, going to the amusement park, the beach, taking a trip out of the city etc.)
meeting her parents
talking about long term plans

from my understanding he didn’t do any of that. but was planning to. eventually.

I do not have experience with LSE LD in relationships because I read Franco and don't enjoy torturing myself.

then don’t offer advice about something you don’t know about

 

[KJ Francis]

then don’t offer advice about something you don’t know about

I would also caution you not to try heroin.

 

[Spike]

I would also caution you not to try heroin.

appeal to extremes fallacy

 

[Teevster]

Franco is the best source on female psychology and relationship stuff. If OP really wants to get in depth on this matter, it may be a good idea to book a consultation with him at https://www.francoseduction.com/coaching/

-Teevster

 

[KJ Francis]

Ok Spike don't forget to wash your hands between taking a shit and making dinner.

That is awesome Franco's still around.

 

[Spike]

Franco is the best source on female psychology and relationship stuff. If OP really wants to get in depth on this matter, it may be a good idea to book a consultation with him at https://www.francoseduction.com/coaching/

and i’m sure franco would be thankful that you sent him over a paying customer.

or he could just learn from this experience and realize it’s not wise to be shy about matters with a girl you want to be exclusive with

seems she did not feel like I was a proper "boyfriend" for a long, long time, and she wasn't sure if we even exclusive or not untill several months in - I kept my feeling about her a bit vague with her, because I am somewhat shy about these things myself.

I was on the verge of telling her I loved her, and felt this is the time to do it, but was a bit afraid to let myself go and say so.

 

[Teevster]

and i’m sure franco would be thankful that you sent him over a paying customer.

I have not talked to Franco since 2011 - so it is not like I am affiliated...

-Teevster

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Ok, it was just that I have seen similar things happen to a friend who dated a girl from South East Asia - also a so-called "conservative" ranting about "familly-stuff". Hint: it was all manipulation.

But if she is a Turkish girl from a conservative background, isn't it odd that she was a 28 y old virgin? Any conservative girl would have been married by then. Most Turkish girls who are unmarried at that age, are those that are NOT conservative. Are you sure she is telling you the truth?

Remember, women often use conservatism, shyness, and all that as a form of manipulation. I am sorry to say, but my gut-feeling tells me something is really off here - but I have a hard time grasping exactly what it is - something just does not add up for me. Yes, you could have done things better, but are you sure she is not exagerating these things as a way to guilt-duce you? That is a very common girl-tactic. it could also have been a rationalization or a plausible deniability behind the break-up itself.

I doubt she dumped you because of "you did not taking her out to enouh dates" or "introducing her to familly" etc.

If those were real issues - and they can be, she would have posed an ultimatum. Thats what girls would do in most cases.

Things just does not add up here.

-Teevster

She is not conservative herself, she and her family is very western in appearance and outlook on life and spiritual beliefs. Rather, she is a bit "traditional" in some ways. She did say she waited all this time for someone "special", a "boyfriend". Actually, she told me that a couple of her best friends in Turkey are also virgins at her age - so I guess it's not that rare. And she did tell me she thought she'd stay virgin untill marriage...First time I fingered her there was quite a bit of blood...She never was penetrated before...

(Incidentally, I dated a morrocan girl for a long time, who is now 31 and still a virgin, not married....She tried to have sex with me, couldn't do it because of vaginismus...Also muslim in theory, reads the Koran and so on, but sorta modern western too in clothing and outlook...)...So I guess it depends on what you mean by "conservative"...

The fact is that, she had low self esteem since teenage years. She had bad acne for many years as a teen, which she said really affected her self esteem and made her even more timid with boys, and she got little if any male attention. She showed me photos - indeed, it was pretty bad. Then she developed all further sorts of self image problems. It's surprising really, she is a very pretty girl, slim, great body, quite a few men clearly glanced in her direction when I was out and about with her... But she still has very clear multiple self image problems.

She even finds it difficult to express herself sometimes when talking to a cashier at a shop, or on the phone to say claim a refund for a ticket, etc. Just painfully timid and self conscious and having trouble expressing herself easily.

 

[Teevster]

Actually, she told me that a couple of her best friends in Turkey are also virgins at her age - so I guess it's not that rare.

 

[Teevster]

(Incidentally, I dated a morrocan girl for a long time, who is now 31 and still a virgin....She tried to have sex with me, couldn't do it because of vaginismus...Also muslim in theory, reads the Koran and so on, but sorta modern western too in clothing and outlook...)

So the Maroccan girl was suffering from PTSD (which tend to cause vaginismus).

Now, my experience with girls from north-africa and the middle east tells me that most girls from there love bullshitting about their sexual past and their sexual values. They say they are this, and that, acting all conservative. But everything that happens between closed doors "does not count". Mind you that I have a vast amount of experience with such girls. This is why I am sceptical here.

The fact is that, she had low self esteem since teenage years. She had bad acne for many years as a teen, which she said really affected her self esteem and made her even more timid with boys, and she got little if any male attention. She showed me photos - indeed, it was pretty bad. Then she developed all further sorts of self image problems. It's surprising really, she is a very pretty girl, slim, great body, quite a few men clearly glanced in her direction when I was out and about with her... But she still has very clear multiple self image problems.

She even finds it difficult to express herself sometimes when talking to a cashier at a shop, or on the phone to say claim a refund for a ticket, etc. Just painfully timid and self conscious and having trouble expressing herself easily.

This is not a normal girl. Attributing any logical reasoning behind the break up, like some here try to do, is in my opinion fallacious.

-Teevster

 

[Spike]

Now, my experience with girls from north-africa and the middle tells me that most girls from there love bullshitting about this. They say they are this, and that, actign all conservative

this is called projection. which makes your default assumption to automatically assume all her friends must also be lying about being virgins too.

her best friends in Turkey are also virgins at her age

listen man i have trust issues too lol. it’s an unfortunate trait i inherited from my parents. but when your experience is full of lying sluts who pretend to be conservative. then you’ll just think all girls are lying sluts. and you’ll never be able to trust anyone. pushing away girls that were frankly just telling you the truth.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

So she is suffering from PTSD (which tend to cause vaginismus).

Now, my experience with girls from north-africa and the middle tells me that most girls from there love bullshitting about this. They say they are this, and that, actign all conservative. But everything that happens between closed doors "does not count". Mind you that I have a vast amount of experience with such girls. This is why I am sceptical here.



This is not a normal girl.

-Teevster

I know that. The moroccan told me she fooled around (but no sex) with a couple of western guys before. I had Pakistani muslim girl fuckbuddy who was secretly hooking up with me during daytime in a hotel away from her family's knowledge. I understand all this.

Regarding my Turkish girl. Given that she has often anxiety and often finds it hard to talk to people, I can believe she was a virgin and very little contact with guys before me. She can't handle very busy bars / pubs easily either, she gets stressed out and anxious in them. It seems though her issues tend to oscillate: sometimes she is extremely shy and unable to articulate with people, other times not so much, and she appears normal-ish...

So the Maroccan girl was suffering from PTSD (which tend to cause vaginismus).

Now, my experience with girls from north-africa and the middle east tells me that most girls from there love bullshitting about their sexual past and their sexual values. They say they are this, and that, acting all conservative. But everything that happens between closed doors "does not count". Mind you that I have a vast amount of experience with such girls. This is why I am sceptical here.



This is not a normal girl. Attributing any logical reasoning behind the break up, like some here try to do, is in my opinion fallacious.

-Teevster

It seems her mental health problems run in the family. Her brother is apparently also suffering from episodes of (abnormal) anxiety, while some relative of hers is bipolar...

 

[Teevster]

this is called projection. which makes your default assumption to automatically assume all her friends must also be lying about being virgins too.

Most girl's who are 28+ claiming to be virgins, and claiming it is normal, are usually lying

I know that. The moroccan told me she fooled around (but no sex) with a couple of western guys before.

Straight in the butt!

I had Pakistani muslim girl fuckbuddy who was secretly hooking up with me during daytime in a hotel away from her family's knowledge. I understand all this.

Standard

Regarding my Turkish girl. Given that she was scared and struggling to talk on the pe she was a virgin and very little contact with guys before me. She can't handle very busy bars / pubs easily either, she gets stressed out and anxious in them.


It seems her mental health problems run in the family. Her brother is apparently also suffering from episodes of (abnormal) anxiety, while some relative of hers is bipolar...

So maybe all this whole incidence can simply be explained by referring to her mental issues - and not due to "you not taking her on enough dates" and what-not. That seems like the most pausible explanation.

PS: just because one is struggling mentally, does not equate that the person is unable to deliberatly and consciously use manipulation.

-Teevster

 

[HeartOfChaos]

this is called projection. which makes your default assumption to automatically assume all her friends must also be lying about being virgins too.

listen man i have trust issues too lol. it’s an unfortunate trait i inherited from my parents. but when your experience is full of lying sluts who pretend to be conservative. then you’ll just think all girls are lying sluts. and you’ll never be able to trust anyone. pushing away girls that were frankly just telling you the truth.

Not sure if this is directed at me, but I never doubted her that she was telling the truth. From all my knowledge of her, she is actually pretty straightforward and honest when it comes down to it, and tries to be direct in her communication (once over the timidity and shyness). She never ever looked like the type to play games. And given that I fucked around 70 women and been on dates with multiple others, I have some experience too...

In fact, I would say she is actually the type of a woman who isn't prone to playing mind games.