Break Ups Got suddenly dumped by an one year LTR girl with depression

[HeartOfChaos]

Ok that's awesome you are getting out there again.

Well, I was always out there the next day after break up, really. But with me no amount of random hook ups will replace the feeling of deep sadness and loss. I know this, because I went through another bad break up many years ago. I fucked a dozen girls in the next several months. Did not help. The only thing that helped was getting another LTR eventually...

My character is often prone to melancholy which makes me dwell on the past mistakes.

 

[KJ Francis]

Unless your classification of sex drive is purely based on if she has an orgasm or not.

Not necessarily. It's all on a gradient spectrum anyways.

He has two main screening tests. The self esteem threshold test is like briefly poking her to see if she defends herself. You wouldn't need to run it on your ex because she already explicitly stated that she feels that she is worthless.

The other screening test is to engage in the flowery talk (rich, sensory descriptions, emotions, etc.). The HSE girls will enjoy connecting on this level, whether HD or LD. The LSE HD girls will find you boring. The LSE LD will enjoy this type of talk but will reframe it as negative.

EVERYTHING is on a gradient, including the self esteem. A girl can display high and low traits depending on the situation. Same with Franco's distinction of good girls (heart-motivated), adventuresses, and materialistas. Even online tests on attachment styles give the results like a pie chart.

 

[Bismarck]

Respectfully, you seem a bit bitter - not sure if because of your results with the game (what came first, the chicken or the eggs?)

Not sure what did it to you, but I love meeting a new girl, provided I am physically attracted to her, and, yes, it would be nicer if the night ended with my dick in her mouth, but if it doesn't, I still enjoy the process.

Then again, perhaps I have blinkers in that the tour guide gig made securing toosh effortless, so, despite having missed many opportunities, I still managed to go through my fair share of babes over the years.

Having to cold approach every single dame would certainly have made everything more like a chore, especially if I had to approach high volume to snag one date. My success with the tour guide twat then propelled me to social circle success where snatch is concerned.

Cold approach has been at best a supplementary source of poon for me.

I guess it's true what they say that you can have positive momentum (winner's mindset) with increased test, but that the opposite is also true...

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Respectfully, you seem a bit bitter - not sure if because of your results with the game (what came first, the chicken or the eggs?)

Yeah, bitter because of both lack of results and game itself. And due to life in general (lack of satisfaction with location, career, health issues, it's all tied in together). If I could, I would just disappear to some desert island for many months...

Not sure what did it to you, but I love meeting a new girl, provided I am physically attracted to her, and, yes, it would be nicer if the night ended with my dick in her mouth, but if it doesn't, I still enjoy the process

I used to enjoy it over a decade ago. Then it became a chore, because I was repeatedly failing to meet women who are compatible with me / who are hot enough. And yes, majority of the time it's end result (sex / companionship) that I like, not the meeting or seduction part. I reckon because most girls I see I just don't find very interesting or intriguing. To me the depressed average girl might be more interesting to talk to than some hot party bimbo.

I mean the bimbo is hot and I'd fuck her no questions asked, but I wouldn't want to spend 5 mins of my time talking to her.

Having to cold approach every single dame would certainly have made everything more like a chore

Thats the problem. Especially in high volume only to be left with leftovers. I can't do it any longer in terms of time constraints, lack of results, etc. But cold approach is the only option I have.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Then again, perhaps I have blinkers in that the tour guide gig made securing toosh effortless, so, despite having missed many opportunities, I've still managed to go through my fair share of babes over the years.

Your are a tour guide. Very different from me, where I work in a heavy male dominant STEM field from home most of the time. I don't have a social circle. In my spare time, I prefer being in nature by the seaside. No opportunities to meet people women naturally.

Edit: I may sound pessimistic -I am not really. Just very, very jaded and frustrated from never being to meet any "normal" desirable women of the "right" age bracket who are compatible with my values.

 

[Chase]

Basically the break up happened 2 weeks ago,, just several days before our anniversary. Following few days we exchanged a few messages back and forth. It boiled down to this, paraphrasing a bit:

Me: - "look, let's try to meet and do something nice and try another chance for us to build something special together",

Her: - "I need to think about but I dont know", and then "I am sorry I can't do it... Blah blah... I want to hang out trust me but I made up my mind"

Me: - " ok I don't want to pressurise you... I want you to feel good...So just think about it and we could see when you are back in town"

Her: "Ok "


And then 2 days later following advice from Skills I wrote to her the card briefly explaining that I understand I made a mistake, and she acknowledged by texting "Your card was unexpected. I want to say thank you for understanding. I want you to be really good and happy and find an amazing partner who's gonna love you the way you deserve."

So I sorta tried the Olive Rule a bit via the card I wrote and also in the message earlier I did mention for her to think and see if we reset thing when she's back... But trying to get her out for our anniversary did not work, she said "she can't do it" - I mean I did reveal too much in texts but hey...

So yeah. She's been away for a week and we haven't talked. Realistically the earliest I could see her is in around a month or so, as I will be away for a bit as well...

Still think it's a good idea to get in touch soon and say "Hey, we should talk when are both back" ?

Well, yeah, sticky given all the communication attempts already that also did not resolve things.

For the record, with women who are coming to you saying "You need to lead me clearly and strongly" (which is what she was saying), you really want avoid vague language like "let's try to meet soon" "do something" "build something special" etc.

Vague stuff is okay when you're feeling a situation out. When it hits "crisis of leadership" moments, you need to be clear and firm.

The impression I get here is you don't really know what you want with this girl either. You don't want to lose her, but beyond that...

In which case, her read is accurate. She doesn't know where it's going and doesn't understand why you're still with her either. Nor do you...

...

Anyway, given the prior go-nowhere attempts, all of which were vague and failed to lead ("I made a mistake" is not clear or leading, btw; it is appeasing...), and her basically responding with "have a nice life", you need a cool off period.

If she's gone for a month, if it was me, given how badly fumbled the responses have been so far, I'd probably have absolutely no contact with her whatsoever until maybe 2 weeks after she's back... then text her, "Hey. Hope you had a nice trip. We need to talk. When can you meet?"

But she is going to push for details, and I don't think you'll know how to respond.

Even if you get her out in person, I'm not certain you'll know what to say.

Especially since it doesn't seem like you even know what you want from her.

So really you might just be better going full no contact and hope she gets desperate and has a change of heart and contacts you. Because otherwise, even if you get the meet, I suspect you will just repeat earlier patterns, and she will leave all annoyed and defeated anyway. Or she will press you for details, not like what she hears, and not even show up.

...

Honestly, at this point, I would say the best thing for the girl is to let her go and find a guy who can give her the kind of firm, clear leadership she needs.

You'd do better with a more decisive girl who will power through your uncertainty and push you to make decisions. That's my read.

If you want to keep this girl, then you are going to need to spend the next 6 weeks giving yourself the hardest crash course of your life on being decisive, leading, and knowing what you want and getting it.

Turn yourself from "HeartOfChaos" to "HeartOfSteel", basically.

Cheers,
Chase

 

[HeartOfChaos]

The impression I get here is you don't really know what you want with this girl either. You don't want to lose her, but beyond that...

Chase: my own situation is difficult and I am vague regarding my own long term plans, and I told her as much months ago.

I am focussing on improving my financial situation (possible career change) and my living situations is unclear (out of my control, I am facing a a legal matter where I may lose my home, in which case I will need to move far elsewhere or change career, etc - so basically I may be facing radical changes in the next year or so. It's 50/50). She is aware of this

She is on temp visa, so if she doesn't get a job with specific salary, she may need to leave in the next 12-18 months.

Before break up, in the long run I was aiming towards moving in with her, with potentially leading to marriage (I could envision it) - but this is difficult due to my own vague living arrangements and that she cannot support herself financially - no job - supported by her parents' money which will not last forever, although they are well off as I understand.

I was also aiming towards meeting her family, to see how they are really like, to help me form my own decision regarding her. And before meeting her family, I was hoping to do some travelling with her, to take vacation, to do more long term "couple activities" - again to get closer together and evaluate things.

So: I wanted to be with her and try to build towards actually being together as a couple leading to cohabitation, potential family later down the line in several years. I know I want a committed relationship leading to family one day, but I want to spend more time with her properly to see if we are a real match long term or not because I have doubts. So I wanted to do more activities with her (and yes, including meeting friends and family) to establish further compatibility.

However, because

a) I was always a bit shy in expressing my real desires and feelings to women
b)I am very caught up in stuff regarding my work, legal situation, health issues, etc
c) I am not very social astute and not smooth at reacting to social cues
d) she was away a lot (4 out of 12 months she spend abroad basically)

I found it difficult to build momentum I wanted with her and also did not pay attention to her cues regarding her concerns. The point d) that she tends to go away for weeks a time (due to either depression or needing to do this and that with family) made it difficult for me to create real momentum and a sense of continuity

you need a cool off period.

Yeah, it's happening now really. She will prob be here earlier than a month though - not certain. I am likely to be away myself at the time however.

But she is going to push for details, and I don't think you'll know how to respond.

She may not push for details. And I am not intending to discuss stuff over the phone. Both me and her err towards being blunt in communication when it comes to it. I will simply say that it's best to discuss in person as it's not something to talk over in texts. What other response can there be?

What do you think?

 

[Skills]

Whatever I have seen from girls going no contact on me.

Try to be as warm as possible over text but keep text super short.

Mostly they come back around in 20-30 days.

Or at least respond

try to move to call as quickly as possible

but don’t be over emotional or sour on them

Also, somehow bringing back shared memory over text does not work

over the text be mature and keep giving them benefit of doubt, (even if u believe otherwise) like ahh seems busy, is health of everyone ok etc … blah blah, don’t overdo it though

as long as she has not broke up due to other man and attainablity was a problem it will work

If nothing works you can go on a dark path of breaking her down mentally where she don’t have a choice except meeting you - use jealously plotline aonly after you have been warm enough and water is above your neck

Also, had a lot of one-itis and Its not a easy phase tbh but after few one-itis it gets easier

Also, given this is a long time of month, try to bang a few chicks, you have right to do it, will make your jealously plot-line more solid if it comes to that.

P.S. Haven’t read the whole thread

Empath matches my experience... You are of all people... Good job

 

[Skills]

Hey man, I appreciate your thoughts.

I actually fucked an old fuck buddy of mine a few days ago, who I haven't seen since last summer. Wasn't that great though, I kept losing my erection half way through as kept thinking about my break up.

I had a date / hook up scheduled tomorrow from a dating app, but I decided to cancel it. Because the date is a 38 year old average looking chick, and I realised that I am in no mood to just fuck random mediocre washed up 30 something year old women any longer - because I know that from LTR perspective I will never want to be with them.

I spent so much time, emotional energy and dedication with this Turkish girl over the last 12 months, had some intense experiences with her. Not with any one girl before I spent so much time together. I guess I am simply getting older, and my priorities have changed. I am realising casual hook ups are like smoke and ashes compared to being with one person.

In hundreds of swipes on many dating apps, I can barely get a single match with a half decent looking girl under 30 nowdays.

During 2017-2022, I did reasonably on apps (nothing spectacular), but in recent years it has dried up almost completely.

With daygame, I spent 4 hours last weekend only to get 2 numbers that don't respond - the usual story since I started in 2010.

To compound things: in my mind, I always had an "ideal" image of a woman for me in terms of her ethnicity / background and language (that matches my own). And the simple fact is that the percentage of such women (and people in general) with such criteria is small, in UK at least. Searching for her in UK is like for a needle in a haystack. I came to conclusion a long time ago that I unless I move out of UK, or take some other radical life altering action, I will simply not come across many women of my original background.

This Turk girl is not pure Turkish, a part of her ancestry is kinda close to my own, which also gave her extra "points" from me, and there are some other reasons which made me consider her seriously...

Yes the above is normal... Post break up there will be s drop in your game... Is normal cause you are healing... Taking a break is ok too..to improve fundies and other aspects of life... Break up is a time for growth...

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Whatever I have seen from girls going no contact on me.

Try to be as warm as possible over text but keep text super short.

Mostly they come back around in 20-30 days.

Or at least respond

try to move to call as quickly as possible

but don’t be over emotional or sour on them

Also, somehow bringing back shared memory over text does not work

So to clarify, they go no contact on you first? And then you reach out first or them?

 

[Chase]

@HeartOfChaos,

Chase: my own situation is difficult and I am vague regarding my own long term plans, and I told her as much months ago.

I am focussing on improving my financial situation (possible career change) and my living situations is unclear (out of my control, I am facing a a legal matter where I may lose my home, in which case I will need to move far elsewhere or change career, etc - so basically I may be facing radical changes in the next year or so. It's 50/50). She is aware of this

She is on temp visa, so if she doesn't get a job with specific salary, she may need to leave in the next 12-18 months.

Before break up, in the long run I was aiming towards moving in with her, with potentially leading to marriage (I could envision it) - but this is difficult due to my own vague living arrangements and that she cannot support herself financially - no job - supported by her parents' money which will not last forever, although they are well off as I understand.

I was also aiming towards meeting her family, to see how they are really like, to help me form my own decision regarding her. And before meeting her family, I was hoping to do some travelling with her, to take vacation, to do more long term "couple activities" - again to get closer together and evaluate things.

So: I wanted to be with her and try to build towards actually being together as a couple leading to cohabitation, potential family later down the line in several years. I know I want a committed relationship leading to family one day, but I want to spend more time with her properly to see if we are a real match long term or not because I have doubts. So I wanted to do more activities with her (and yes, including meeting friends and family) to establish further compatibility.

However, because

a) I was always a bit shy in expressing my real desires and feelings to women
b)I am very caught up in stuff regarding my work, legal situation, health issues, etc
c) I am not very social astute and not smooth at reacting to social cues
d) she was away a lot (4 out of 12 months she spend abroad basically)

I found it difficult to build momentum I wanted with her and also did not pay attention to her cues regarding her concerns. The point d) that she tends to go away for weeks a time (due to either depression or needing to do this and that with family) made it difficult for me to create real momentum and a sense of continuity

This all sounds like a very unclear and uncertain situation, all sides around.

I can understand you would hope she'd be understanding, given the uncertainty on both side.

But women do not really work like that. Especially not emotionally unstable women. You will get a grace period of instability from the beginning of the relationship to the breakpoint.

Where the breakpoint is exactly will differ by the girl, her situation, and her mental stability -- for mentally stable girls in a stable situation who aren't in the "biological clock is ticking loudly / family and friends are pressuring her to get hitched" stage, it can be later; for girls in less stable situations, it will be earlier. For your girl, it seems like all the factors point to instability, so not surprising you are getting this after only a year.

Anyway, "maybe I might like to commit to you someday perhaps once my situation improves" is fine when you're before the breakpoint.

Once you reach the breakpoint, it is not enough. She is at the point where she stops trusting your words and starts listening only to actions. Do your actions tell her "This seems like it is really going somewhere?" or do your actions tell her "We're just treading water here"?

I'm not telling you "you have to do anything" here, btw.

I am just telling you why your strategy of "fully explaining to her I'm not ready yet" is just going to lead to her moving on to find herself a man who is much more ready than you are.

Yeah, it's happening now really. She will prob be here earlier than a month though - not certain. I am likely to be away myself at the time however.

In that case, it makes even more sense to wait (and gives you a good 'excuse' for doing so).

She may not push for details. And I am not intending to discuss stuff over the phone. Both me and her err towards being blunt in communication when it comes to it. I will simply say that it's best to discuss in person as it's not something to talk over in texts. What other response can there be?

What do you think?

Sounds good to me!

Just remember:

For girls at breakpoint, actions speak way, way louder than words.

Main thing she is looking for at breakpoint is "Is this guy all talk or are we really gonna do something here?"

If you are definitely at a point where you "just don't know for sure" and "would like to sort your situation out first", then it is simply time to move on -- to let her find a guy who is looking for what she's looking for (something committed NOW) and you find something that is what you are looking for (something serious-ish but with time and flexibility to sort your situation out).

Right now you are trying to fit a square peg (girl who needs clear commitment / forward progress) into a round hole (guy who is not ready for clear commitment / wants to focus on other things for now).

Better to get back out there and start looking for round pegs -- or, if you're certain this girl is it, then you will need to take the saw to your life and cut that hole from circle into square.

Chase

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Right now you are trying to fit a square peg (girl who needs clear commitment / forward progress) into a round hole (guy who is not ready for clear commitment / wants to focus on other things for now).

Better to get back out there and start looking for round pegs -- or, if you're certain this girl is it, then you will need to take the saw to your life and cut that hole from circle into square.

Yeah. Clear commitment requires a leap of faith from me, really. This leap of faith was on my mind for some time, but hard to actually decide to take it!

Interestingly, back last winter I mentioned this girl to an older guy and his wife (who were friends of my mother). They are in their 50s, seemingly happily married with 2 grown children. The guy said to me "don't think and wait too long...the girl is nice and comes from a good family...Just go for it, get married, see what the new path brings you...and maybe your current difficulties will resolve themselves after you radically change your life...don't let the life pass you by. If it doesn't work out, you can easily divorce"

His words stuck with me, and I have been thinking about it since.

Sounds good to me!

One thing here. If whenever I contact her (in a few days, in a month, whenever) and she is hesitant about meeting "I need to think about it / I am not sure", do I just completely back off and resume radio silence?

 

[Chase]

Yeah. Clear commitment requires a leap of faith from me, really. This leap of faith was on my mind for some time, but hard to actually decide to take it!

Interestingly, back last winter I mentioned this girl to an older guy and his wife (who were friends of my mother). They are in their 50s, seemingly happily married with 2 grown children. The guy said to me "don't think and wait too long...the girl is nice and comes from a good family...Just go for it, get married, see what the new path brings you...and maybe your current difficulties will resolve themselves after you radically change your life...don't let the life pass you by. If it doesn't work out, you can easily divorce"

His words stuck with me, and I have been thinking about it since.

If you're at the point where you're sick of the game (which is what it sounds like), and you've got a girl you like, depression or no, then it is not terrible advice.

It's been my approach from square one, personally.

I know a lot of guys in red pill and whatever are terrified of marriage, but it's like... divorce is easy. True divorce rape is rare (I have a guide on avoiding it here). The one catch is if you have kids and she's not the right chick -- then it can be messy trying to split that up. But "right chick" is even a bit of an oxymoron. I know a bunch of ex-players with families, as well as regular guys with families, and there is not a single one who has "the perfect relationship where the wife is always perfect."

This guide might be useful for decision making:

How to Screen for a Wife and Mother

Beyond dates and girlfriends, what should you look for in a wife? 6 things: genes, background, personality, beliefs, age, and life goals. Bit of a departure from our usual fare, but commenting on “Why Madonna/Whore is Intimately Linked with the West”, Jimbo asks: “What kind of girl and where to...

www.girlschase.com

One thing here. If whenever I contact her (in a few days, in a month, whenever) and she is hesitant about meeting "I need to think about it / I am not sure", do I just completely back off and resume radio silence?

How bad do you want it?

You need to figure that out.

Because if you don't want it, just don't bother... just let her fade out.

If you DO want it, then you need to get her out and not take no for an answer.

The same thing that works for getting flaky girls out on dates works for girls in rocky relationships trying to flake off from meeting you:

1. You text to meet up.
   
   
2. She texts "I don't know / not sure / need time / blah blah blah"
   
   
3. You IMMEDIATELY call as soon as her text comes in: "Hey. What's going on. What are you thinking? Where are you right now. Come on, let's meet. Come over. Okay tonight then."
   
   
4. Then when she comes over you lay it all down.

It's pretty cut-and-dry with this chick. She needs a clear future with a man. If you decide you want that with her, you just need to get her out then run her through it. Paint the picture for her: "Look, I want X with you, and Y, and Z. I think we can do X right now. I also have a few things I want from you. I want you to A. I want you to B. I want you to C. Can you do those?"

Then when she agrees you can do the "I love you baby. Even if you don't love me " bit and bang her senseless so she starts talking about how "I think I was wrong, I do love you, oh God I love you so much" etc. bit.

But basically: this girl wants the life, she wants it with you, she doesn't think she can get it, she doesn't feel you leading her.

If you decide you want it with her, just lead her, and don't accept no for an answer. She is going to go with you if you lead and persist. If you back off and give up she won't.

However, IF you are going to back off and give up, just don't bother... you'll just be wasting both of your time.

In that case (if you are going to back off or otherwise not deliver the goods), just let her go and go meet some new girls. Plenty of fish in the sea (including ones whom you won't have to fight through depression or instability issues with, who won't require you to lead as firmly, and so on).

Chase

P. S. There is still the possibility @Teevster raised here where there's another man in the picture and her emotions are switching over to him. Usually when that happens the guy getting swapped out doesn't realize it's occurring, he just knows his girl is suddenly pulling away, raising all these issues, etc. The 'tell' for that in this case is if you get her out, tell her you want what she wants that you are ready to deliver on, list out your conditions for her, and she is still going "I don't know... well, I don't know... I just don't know."

If that happens you need to dig into what her reservations are. If she starts raising reservations you have already addressed, that's the alarm bell that there is likely another rooster in the hen house. If it's not an "other guy problem", you should be able to get her to the point where she completely folds to your frame at some point with enough persistence, breaks down emotionally, confesses she wants to be with you so bad, etc. If there's another guy, no matter how much you persist she will not fold, because she is that other guy's now, not yours.

Good luck!

 

[Teevster]

I still don’t understand why some here assume that the words of a woman who was a virgin until 28, has low self-esteem, and suffers from depression are automatically truthful in every detail. Some—like @Skills, who suggest “commit harder” and “give in to her demands”—seem to believe her words reflect reality - or even her emotional states. In relationships, they rarely do, and especially not during a breakup phase. I can’t grasp how some here can seriously consider taking her statements at face value.

I remember discussing the concept of pretexts with @Chase and trying to build a theory around identifying them—knowing when someone is using a pretext and how to break it down. Even though I gave up in my hunt to find a systematic way to decode pretexts, as I mostly relied on gut-feeling, yet in this case, there’s no doubt in my mind:

The “you didn’t meet my friends” or “you didn’t meet my parents” are simply pretexts.

They had nothing to do with the breakup. And even if the OP had done those things, it wouldn’t have helped.

Why? Because:

1. It would break his frame. Giving in directly to her demands as a response means she controls the frame.
2. It would signal increased commitment—but remember, a low-desire, low-self-esteem woman might claim she wants commitment, yet panic the moment the man commits too much. These women need to be kept in a kind of perpetual limbo.
3. He had already shown plenty of commitment. But how much commitment has she shown? From following this thread, I’ve seen no sign she was truly invested in the first place (at any point in time). Quite the opposite—based on the info we have, her commitment level was always relatively low (virgins, especially those who are virgins till a late age, tend to not be too invested in their first man, but rather curious about what the "world" has to offer). So the solution is certainly not “commit harder” as a man.

Sometimes, one just needs to call a spade a spade.

-Teevster

 

[Teevster]

P. S. There is still the possibility @Teevster raised here where there's another man in the picture and her emotions are switching over to him.

28 y old virgin who has now "seen the light"... I would say the odds are very high that she is getting boned by somebody else. She was also away from OP for a while this summer, and she did not seeem to excited to see OP.

-Teevster

 

[Chase]

28 y old virgin who has now "seen the light"... I would say the odds are very high that she is getting boned by somebody else. She was also away from OP for a while this summer, and she did not seeem to excited to see OP.

-Teevster

Another point in favor of this theory is her "I thought you were just a player who was going to break up with me so I hung around because I liked the attention" point.

She may be breaking up not because she can't get the commitment she wants but because it is getting more serious with another guy and she was confused / thinking he was just the fun guy and can't figure out why he hasn't done the breaking up himself yet.

(In this case, the other guy is probably not a sexy player... but is the long-term commitment guy... and the girl is conflicted because she is realizing maybe the sexy player actually wanted an LTR, but never communicated it; and now at this point it is too little, too late.)

 

[Teevster]

Another point in favor of this theory is her "I thought you were just a player who was going to break up with me so I hung around because I liked the attention" point.

I actually think it is the other way around.

OP does not strike me as the player guy.

Had he shown more commitement, she would have dumped him. Those girls cannot take commitement. It is like cryptonite to them. Likely, OP has already shown too much commitement, leading to the girl losing attraction/respect for OP (with mathematical precision to quote Franco) and is now looking for a new thrill. This also matches with her profiling "LSE + low body count/virgin.

Yes, some girls are crazy about relationships (including the "conservative" type)... but those who are are not virgin till they are 28.

She may be breaking up not because she can't get the commitment she wants but because it is getting more serious with another guy and she was confused / thinking he was just the fun guy and can't figure out why he hasn't done the breaking up himself yet.

I think at this point, she is more likely to ride the cock-carousel - to "catch up" for lost time. I do not think she is getting involved in anything serious (I also do not think she has the ABILITY to get anything serious going - ref depression and LSE).

-Teevster

 

[Chase]

OP does not strike me as the player guy.

Had he shown more commitement, she would have dumped him. Those girls cannot take commitement. It is like cryptonite to them. Likely, OP has already shown too much commitement, lost attraction/respect for OP and is now looking for a new thrill. This also matches with her profiling "LSE + low body count/virgin.

I actually think it is the other way around.

Yes, some girls are crazy about relationships... but those who are are not virgin till they are 28.

-Teevster

I could be somewhat inclined to agree... the problem is what seems like a lack of probing for long-term until very recently, plus the sudden "I never thought there'd be commitment here" breakup.

Usually with girls who want commitment they start throwing stronger and stronger signals, protesting, etc., until they hit breaking point.

That said, it could just be OP has missed all these signals and she is doing some LSE ego protection thing of "I never thought you were serious about commitment anyway!" when in fact that was what she was angling for all along but he did not see the signals or respond to them.

I knew another guy who was a STEM day gamer who was in the "maybe autistic, but high functioning if so, repeatedly tested and found not to be" who was long-term single and could never quite get girls he wanted despite 50+ day game lays... He was a guy who on paper you would peg as probably a perfect boyfriend/husband candidate, but due to him ignoring women's long-term signals he basically always got slotted into a weird kind of "I think this guy is just for fun, not really a bad boy, but I don't see a future here either" category. Girls would hang around 3-8 months with him, ultimately fish around to see if they could turn it into an LTR at some point, but he'd miss all the signals and they'd get frustrated and leave, usually also talking about him being a player or what have you on the way out.

-C

 

[Teevster]

Usually with girls who want commitment they start throwing stronger and stronger signals, protesting, etc., until they hit breaking point.

I would go as far as speculate that this girl was not even looking for commitement. My opinion based on my gut-feeling, but also from reading this thread, and having seen similar "nutjob" cases (profiling). I will bet that her next fling will last a year max. And it will be another similar relationship.

-Teevster

 

[HeartOfChaos]

28 y old virgin who has now "seen the light"... I would say the odds are very high that she is getting boned by somebody else. She was also away from OP for a while this summer, and she did not seeem to excited to see OP.

-Teevster

She was away but with her parents all the time. Saw me as soon as she came here pretty much.