Break Ups Got suddenly dumped by an one year LTR girl with depression

[Skills]

Skills, yes, you were totally right from beginning. I think you were first to respond to my thread and immediately picked up that I screwed up.

I had a look at my previous messages with the girl (there are so many). Yeah, I fucked up, it is so obvious. Back in May, when she made the first attempt and we were on shaky grounds for several days, in her messages she explicitly said stuff like:

- "tried telling you that I don't know about our situation",
- "I told you about all the things that make me feel weird"

So yeah. It was building for quite some time before July. And this realisation makes me feel like shit. It makes me feel like shit because internally I wanted to do many of those things that she was alluding to, that I did not do. I was just afraid of taking a step into the unknown territory. I've never been in that stage with a woman before when I was seriously considering her for a long term prospect, maybe marriage even. The only / main thing I can say in my defense is that I did not have enough time to mitigate things in recent weeks, as she was not back here for long.

A part of me just wants to reach out to her and say "look, I know I fucked up before and I did not pay enough attention to what you were saying....Let's just start take a break and start gently on a clean page."

But what't the use, given that I already messaged a week ago to her saying I want to give it "another chance", and she is like "can't do it, I am sorry", then wrote her the postcard saying I know I made mistake, etc. And I understand that not contacting her, at least for a while is the best chance I have.

I would recommend you watch my break up video... I mentioned all of that is normal to blame yourself and become her defense attorney

 

[KJ Francis]

Good luck doing this when she reaches breaking point...

Yeah this is why I think it's from her super low self esteem though... other girls have enough self respect to move on. I have definitely seen auto-rejection with other girls, cycling back, etc. But not this case. I am honestly fascinated with the psychology of it.

She texted me EVERY single day since July 3 with NO REPLY until I finally went and fucked her last night (August 5). The post was just about one week of texting and only like half of it (I removed her basic sex talk messages). I've been fucking her for like three or four years maybe, can't remember.

 

[KJ Francis]

The one above was fixer upper game. I think she views me as way out of her league and like she can't do better. Though she has gotten wayy fitter for me over time.

Here's another case, Low Drive this time.

The lack of self respect is totally insane. Obviously most girls will not he so extreme cases, but this one his her insanity pretty well for a while. So I think it's very important to screen for this stuff (for long term, main, mono context). She eventually yelled at me in public and I hard nexted her for quite a long time after that. But both these girls do not know where I live.

Her:
I'm just not sure if I'm in a rush to hang. It'd be nice to see you again. But I'm not in a rush to do so.
I'm still trying to find what makes me happy or how to rediscover it.

Me: Ok good luck!

Her:
Why are you saying that
I said we can still hang at some point
Did you not read that part?
I didn't say goodbye, but that I am not in a rush
And that should be fine since you always have others anyway
Like what's the difference if we hang soon versus like a month or more later?
There's literally no difference

Me: Yep no worries! I wish you well

Her:
I'm not saying I want you out of my life...
I'm saying we can make plans at a later date
Do you not know how to read?

Me: Yep, feel free to reach out in the future. Until then I hope your happiness journey is successful

Her:
You can reach out and make plans
I don't ever communicate with people first
Why are you being like this anyways?
Why did what I say trigger you so much?

Me: I can understand your need to focus on yourself right now and hope it goes well

*three missed calls*

Her:
But I still want you to make effort
Do you not get that?
Why are you purposefully ignoring
Also why did you try to stay out of my life for months after moving
It seems like you never cared

Me: Correct. I am not going to invest in a connection that yields more negative than positive outcome

Her:
Well I won't be negative
Can you please start making an effort
?
Francis?
Why are you going quiet now
You said we can plan to see each other another day
Did you forget

Me: Sure feel free to reach out to me in the fall if/when you are feeling up to it

Her:
Why not summer?
I don't want us to not talk until fall
And I want you to initiate for a change
If you don't I will never see you
Why would we have to wait until fall
??
Why would not it be before then
Why are you ignoring
I'm so irritated by your lack of effort
Why do you keep ignoring
Francis?
When do you plan to make time
Well
Why no response

Me: I thought you said a month or more

Her:
Well I take it back
Would like to see you sooner
Francis?
Can I see you soon
Why are you ignoring
Francis?
Can I please see you soon

 

[KJ Francis]

To be honest, I really felt sorry for her hearing all these stories and her depression. This is actually what was getting me really emotionally invested and attached to her. I wanted to make her feel better and somehow grow together.

I felt very lonely too. I fucked many women but always struggled to get young, sexy, desirables ones. I have no real male friends and some events in my life (death of my mother, financial problems, some health issues) have hit me hard in recent years. So I was relieved and happy at last to meet a younger chick who was slim, attractive, submissive and actually wanted to be with me.

This is what I was referring to in post #2 of the thread regarding using her vulnerability.

Even though you may have genuinely wanted to help her and were not "taking advantage of her", what you are doing here is trading something (being her savior) for her affections. Of course it's good to support and encourage a woman, but this is different.

You personally are suffering through the incredibly painful loss of your mother and other issues. I am truly so sorry to hear about your mother. I really cannot imagine how intense that suffering could be.

But when you are in that sort of place and are "relieved" to find an attractive girl who actually wants to be with you, man that is the very definition of being in low abundance. It's like holy shit I finally found a job that will pay me more than minimum wage. Finally! I got ONE. Oneitis.

So you are glad to find a girl who's in just as much of a suffering place as you because you have her in a controlled state where she is not going to leave you. Not that you're trying to stockholm syndrome her, but she is just as starved as you, so you have "higher value". You know a mentally healthy girl may see you as not in a good enough place for her. If you were in a good mental place personally, you would absolutely not see it as a benefit that you get the opportunity of helping her heal. You are just glad that she has a need to heal so that she is in a position that makes her need you and not leave you.

Because you evolved to spread you genes with a woman who will bond to you enough to nurture that child together. And you see her position as something you can exploit to make that happen. Maybe not maliciously. The subconscious driver is a beautiful thing: to create a new pure life together. Not your shared life together. A baby.

But you are buying damaged goods because it is on sale. It's a used car from the junkyard with a big dent in the side you're glad to find because it's what you can afford right now.

There was not one mention of her good qualities in this thread I can recall besides your "chemistry" I.e. a girl who was finally submissive to you. Because a girl who is thriving in her life would see herself as above you and your suffering right now and would not be submissive to you.

And just look at those girls that I posted about right above here. I am doing the same thing - engaging with girls who are more needy than I am so I can cure my abundance problem.

However, I am not considering marriage or riding in on a white horse.

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