Break Ups Got suddenly dumped by an one year LTR girl with depression

[Skills]

Honest answer?

If she is not ignoring you and still in touch; she is fair game. Just meet and find out. Dont overthink it. Friendzone doesnt truly exist. It's just a mental construct that easily can be broken.

Correct

 

[mirror]

If she pings me first it could also be winter time, given then it's my birthday...

You know her too well do you really want to wait that long?

 

[mirror]

I wish if there was a way to summaries this thread

cliffnotes maybe eh?

OP likes a girl, think she is LTR material.
Has been playing around a bit but didnt hit the right note yet.
Knows how to do it, but not sure about the timing and setting
The girl has not broken off contact, hence, still is fair game.

No clue why OP wants to wait so long

A lot of kj'ing on emotional investment and exes vs ongoing warm leads.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Honest answer?

If she is not ignoring you and still in touch; she is fair game. Just meet and find out. Dont overthink it. Friendzone doesnt truly exist. It's just a mental construct that easily can be broken.

But this is the case only if she pings me first, right? If she doesn't ping first no point in trying to meet in near future?

No clue why OP wants to wait so long

A lot of kj'ing on emotional investment and exes vs ongoing warm leads.

I tried getting her out in the days following break up (see earlier in thread) but she said she "needs do think / can't do it"

Surely another attempt in near future to get her out would be futile?

You know her too well do you really want to wait that long?

See my reply above right above... Sure I'd rather not wait for several months in hope of her pinging, but from what happened recently and going by multiple posters' advice (Skills and some others) cutting contact is the best option?

 

[Skills]

OP likes a girl, think she is LTR material.
Has been playing around a bit but didnt hit the right note yet.
Knows how to do it, but not sure about the timing and setting
The girl has not broken off contact, hence, still is fair game.

No clue why OP wants to wait so long

A lot of kj'ing on emotional investment and exes vs ongoing warm leads.

Wrong analysis... I explained what happened 50 times already

 

[Skills]

We????? not me i have a post specifically saying how getting back with exes is retarded....

Exes - Is my view of getting back with exes wrong???

I was helping a dude that just went though a break up, and he is a mess which of course is normal, he is depress which is normal, he is sad (normal), he does not want to game (normal).... After being with his girl and breaking up now he is regretting and wants to get back with the girl again...

www.skilledseducer.com

nah she reached breaking point i just made a post explaining the whole thing based on op...




Of course accumulation of things they want that were not met is why women break up...

getting laid is not equal to relationship skills....



lol brah! then why are you and the rest of the forum trying to that ^ lol.... even chase made an article ... and you encourage to contact cause of "autism" and you "were in that situation" and i am losing my mind, this dude break up and the block of forum advice has made my dealing with velasco none sense for 5 years look like a relaxation retreat...

correct

correct....lol!

So here is what happened:

- dude did not give her progression and other issues... Even if those other issues we find silly, is what she finds important, progression, meeting friends, meeting family, same religion, etc....

- she indirectly brought it up through the relationship

- it was not address...

- she started checking out (here is were he should have fix relationship issues)

- she checked out and broke up

- op tried, she rejected ( and i did not know this), he attempted couple of more times she rejected

- he came to the forum and wrote the post:

^ me and spike explain "brah she reached breaking point" and it was cause you treated her like an fb (even if he did not think so, she thought so and the things important to her were not addressed)

- I told him to cut contact and told her she will ping (but my goal was for him to cut contact and move on all along anyways) her pinging after no contact is a byproduct of a dude moving on...But before that i told him to do a ball on your court letter (just to make the dude feel better cause he wanted to leave door open)

- he send a ball in your court "letter" saying he wants to be together and work it out, but he understand, and that he will let her go if that what she wants and hope her happiness....

whole forum came in and was giving "get back advice including you"

- the genius ping the fucking girl which is the dumbest shit he could have done... and here we are... now he has to re- live the pain from the break up AGAIN and start from 0 AGAIN...

^all that shit i explain in the post, forum, video on break up.... and op made me do another post

Break Ups - Dynamics on pre Getting dump and more importantly how to avoid it... Pre break up dynamics

The title is misleading cause no relationships last forever, they will all end, including your great grandpas (one of them will die first factual) Before we start I have done posts on how to enter a relationship right and a really good one by the rev. on my blog on what to look for a...

www.skilledseducer.com

lol this from ^




well i guess he field tested at least...

Here for the 50th time

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Here for the 50th time

Skills, in your opinion, based on everything I wrote, what do you think are the chances of her actually pinging sometime in the coming several months?


P.S. I am also generally wondering, what is it that makes women so reluctant to get back and make up after the "breaking point"? For example in this case I offered to meet her, tried to briefly acknowledge (in the letter) that I realised I made some errors, and so on...But she is not playing ball

 

[Skills]

Skills, in your opinion, based on everything I wrote, what do you think are the chances of her actually pinging sometime in the coming several months?


P.S. I am also generally wondering, what is it that makes women so reluctant to get back and make up after the "breaking point"? For example in this case I offered to meet her, tried to briefly acknowledge (in the letter) that I realised I made some errors, and so on...But she is not playing ball

Generally women ping me anywhere from 1 to 3 months of no contact... But unlike you, i take the pain and I take action... Hitting gym, dieting, self improvement, money making, style changes etc....

I also control myself and accept is over, and take the pain.... I am not obsessing if they come back or not...

You need to cut contact. She has 0 attraction, or desire for you right now...

At least no contact will neutralize that ...

This is what what i told will guys start repeating themselves..over and over..

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Generally women ping me anywhere from 1 to 3 months of no contact...

Cool. One girl pinged me 3-4 years after no contact in the past...

Hitting gym, dieting, self improvement, money making, style changes etc....

Oh, I am doing this anyway.

You need to cut contact. She has 0 attraction, or desire for you right now...

Yes. I am not speaking to her

 

[mirror]

I tried getting her out in the days following break up (see earlier in thread) but she said she "needs do think / can't do it"

Surely another attempt in near future to get her out would be futile?

Times & people change all the time. Might not be bad to get her current opinion or thought on it

See my reply above right above... Sure I'd rather not wait for several months in hope of her pinging, but from what happened recently and going by multiple posters' advice (Skills and some others) cutting contact is the best option?

I dont know the exact situation ofcourse.. nor do they i assume. Cutting off contact at the right moment can be very effective... but at the wrong moment a disaster.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

Times & people change all the time. Might not be bad to get her current opinion or thought on it


I dont know the exact situation ofcourse.. nor do they i assume. Cutting off contact at the right moment can be very effective... but at the wrong moment a disaster.

Not sure if you read the update I posted a couple of days ago. I reached out to her, she basically said that she is not interested in continuing the relationship and does not want to continue discussing that. So I simply left it at that, telling her that the ball is in her court should she wish to reset things in future.

 

[Skills]

Times & people change all the time. Might not be bad to get her current opinion or thought on it


I dont know the exact situation ofcourse.. nor do they i assume. Cutting off contact at the right moment can be very effective... but at the wrong moment a disaster.

Brother read the post

 

[Skills]

Not sure if you read the update I posted a couple of days ago. I reached out to her, she basically said that she is not interested in continuing the relationship and does not want to continue discussing that. So I simply left it at that, telling her that the ball is in her court should she wish to reset things in future.

No shit i told you not to do that.. brother... did you read the post i made;

Break Ups - Dynamics on pre Getting dump and more importantly how to avoid it... Pre break up dynamics

The title is misleading cause no relationships last forever, they will all end, including your great grandpas (one of them will die first factual) Before we start I have done posts on how to enter a relationship right and a really good one by the rev. on my blog on what to look for a...

www.skilledseducer.com

I mean who has been right about the whole thing all along...

 

[Will_V]

@HeartOfChaos the issue here is that you already tried to correct things multiple times but didn't do it effectively. So at this point continuing to try to patch things up is going to come off needy and chasing and push her further away.

You need some period of pulling back from her in order to reset the frame.

When you are in a conversation with her, I'd suggest going in with a mentality of not trying to fix it, but instead letting her tell you what she thinks has happened and how she feels now, and making sure you understand it fully. At this point she feels very disconnected from you and is ready to walk. You don't have emotional leverage. So you have to give her space to want you again, and let her talk her way into a new deal, if that's what she's willing to do. Rather than trying to push the latest fix attempt down her throat.

It's hard and it takes plenty of patience, but trying to confront the problem directly again is just going to make it worse.

 

[Rakehell]

Multiple posters have pointed out that she was indeed checking out quite sometime ago based on my description... That she tried to break up 2 months earlier citing various reasons (social media / friends / not doing some couple activity things as is typical in her culture)

That does not explain the new breakup.

She got back and stayed for 2 months for a reason, whatever happened or didn’t happen in those 2 months is why she started checking out. The first breakup was the signal that things needed to be turned around, but it’s irrelevant when discussing the new one. Fed up ≠ checking out > checked out.

Do NOT reach out to her again. Give her a week of mental energy (sadness, thinking about her, regret, etc), then the following week make it a point to make that week about yourself (doing whatever makes you happy, focusing on goals) while actively avoiding the topic of her or letting it absorb your happiness. Rinse repeat gradually lessening how much you allow it to dominate your mood.

Treat it as if there is no prospect of her coming back at this point, plan for a future that she isn’t in, and if she comes back at some point, you’ll be much better equipped to take her on.

 

[mirror]

@HeartOfChaos the issue here is that you already tried to correct things multiple times but didn't do it effectively. So at this point continuing to try to patch things up is going to come off needy and chasing and push her further away.

I feel like you guys forget it's a LSE girl. They don't quickly think anything is needy really. It's important to stay healthy however, take care of yourself and focus on your own goals as well as check in on her. That can be charming as hell to a LSE girl. Also get on table what's holding her back.

Cutting off contact can make her cut off from her feelings and make her chase more 'safe' options. That's just my thought on it.

You started this thread because you wanted this to work out. If you don't want it to work out, you know how it works. The harder thing is to make it work out.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

No shit i told you not to do that.. brother... did you read the post i made;

Break Ups - Dynamics on pre Getting dump and more importantly how to avoid it... Pre break up dynamics

The title is misleading cause no relationships last forever, they will all end, including your great grandpas (one of them will die first factual) Before we start I have done posts on how to enter a relationship right and a really good one by the rev. on my blog on what to look for a...

www.skilledseducer.com

I mean who has been right about the whole thing all along...

Yeah, I mean I followed the suggestion by RakeHell then, which did not work.

 

[mirror]

But this is the case only if she pings me first, right? If she doesn't ping first no point in trying to meet in near future?

It's not about who pings first, it's about who the people involved are. Mature people leave the pinging first rule. Immature people don't. Do you really want to play the 'who pings first' game?

Real escalation can happen on the spot in real life. As long as you are engaging, there is some kind of game.

 

[HeartOfChaos]

It's not about who pings first, it's about who the people involved are. Mature people leave the pinging first rule. Immature people don't. Do you really want to play the 'who pings first' game?

Real escalation can happen on the spot in real life. As long as you are engaging, there is some kind of game.

Yes, don't like playing any games regarding who pings first and all that.

I understand your point about checking up on her given her LSE. That's why I always tried to keep up contact with her while we were dating. But now the dynamic is different, so not sure if checking up etc would achieve anything.

Due to LSE , she basically always assumed that I treated other girls better than her and took them more seriously (completely untrue, and I tried telling this to her, but that's what she believed).

 

[Skills]

That does not explain the new breakup.

She got back and stayed for 2 months for a reason, whatever happened or didn’t happen in those 2 months is why she started checking out. The first breakup was the signal that things needed to be turned around, but it’s irrelevant when discussing the new one. Fed up ≠ checking out > checked out.

Do NOT reach out to her again. Give her a week of mental energy (sadness, thinking about her, regret, etc), then the following week make it a point to make that week about yourself (doing whatever makes you happy, focusing on goals) while actively avoiding the topic of her or letting it absorb your happiness. Rinse repeat gradually lessening how much you allow it to dominate your mood.

Treat it as if there is no prospect of her coming back at this point, plan for a future that she isn’t in, and if she comes back at some point, you’ll be much better equipped to take her on.

you don't get it, that is not going to work brother, facepalm....