How and with what goals to do targeted socialising?

[ChrisXKiss]

I've been having some thoughts the last days regarding my social life and after reading this latest article https://www.girlschase.com/article/why-tourists-freshman-fobs-and-new-town-girls-are-so-easy-pick I wanted to ask this question.

Basically realising that simple cold approach may not be enough to get the most in demand girls of my city. For a little background I've mostly been doing daygame, night street game, and generally approaching women one on one without much social interaction with others around them. I have approached groups as well in nightgame or daygame, but barely any results from that, and honestly even then I am pretty direct with the girl I like and I am not running any kind of Mystery Method group theory.

Now, all these things I do because I like them more. I truly don't particularly enjoy going through meeting a bunch of random people, working the venue and taking care of whole groups just so that I can maybe sleep with a girl. I also don't do social circle game, I've been a part of some circles throughout the years, but I was never the top guy or one of the most attractive guys in them, and even with the girls that have shown me signals I always felt going after them would make things too messy.

So what I would like to understand first of all is how much an active social life really plays a role in seduction. And what kind of social life really, is it about going out with few friends once/twice a week, or organising parties/gatherings inviting a bunch of people you meet, or even about being very into a particular scene and knowing the people there?

Right now I don't really have any friends I go out regularly. I've been part of some friend groups that during the last years disolved, due to people relocating, getting into serious relationships, getting jobs etc, and I am only meeting some of these people once in a blue moon. I am part of a theatre group which I like a lot and we meet weekly and even outside of the rehearsals sometimes, but mostly has older and in relationship people, and I am taking a number of different dance classes, going to open dancing events as well, but haven't gotten very close to most people there.

I would say that throughout my social group experiences, I've always tried to be focused on the activity of the group and it is appreciated because I truly like what I am doing, I've generally been quite fun when partying with people even having them remember stories about how crazy I went, and I would say that people like me being around, I bring some authentic positive energy most of the times, but I wouldn't say I have felt vital for any of the friend groups I've been in throughout the years. If one disolved, I would probably lose contact with most of the people sooner or later. There are not many deep connections formed.

And I guess that's normal, not keeping in touch with everyone you were together for a certain goal, whether a class, or partying or whatever, after the common goal is no more. What makes it interesting for me is that I never really seem to keep relationships with people long term, outside of common goals or activities we are pursuing. One reason I have been doing this lately in fact is because I prefer spending time going out to approach women than just hanging out with old friends to talk or even party together. I feel that improving in seduction is much more important for me than keeping in touch with people just to keep in touch with people.

But I am wondering now, which is where this post is coming in, whether this whole approach is affecting me negatively even seduction wise. And if it does, and I should really have more of a social life to pull high value women in, the question is what should I pursue exactly? Is it about getting into more activities and social groups to get exposed to more and more different people? I feel by itself that wouldn't be enough. Is it about connecting more deeply with people I already know or new people I meet? That's something I could try, I would probably make some good new friends and even just psychologically this could make my life and seductions better, even if it takes some time away from approaching.

Or is it more about working to become extremely high value for the people in my circles? Which is something that could be possible, I could be better at an activity, be more social, be inviting people out and organising things, but I never felt that going this route of being more proactive and an organiser was something very appealing to me, and It also always felt like too much work for too little returns.

Maybe it is also about just doing group theory. Going around at venues and pushing myself to deal with groups, figure out how to handle them, even though I do not care much about it, and for this I'd have to figure out how to add value to a group going out solo as well.

Maybe it's just all of them together, I'm simply wondering what makes more sense to focus on first. I do understand that improving my sexiness, my frame and my game is the most crucial thing anyway, but what I am feeling is that even if I am extremely sure of myself, and generally sexy, this kind of loner lifestyle without many strong connections or typically high value things going on would probably be an issue sooner or later no matter how I frame it.

 

[KJ Francis]

So what I would like to understand first of all is how much an active social life really plays a role in seduction.

Here's what Karea wrote on it:

Mating is a primal affair that evolved over millions of years. A female meets a male who has no friends, no tribe, who is completely alone in the world... and her deepest instincts, millions of years of evolution, thousands of ancestors scream at her: "this guy will not survive!" She's not going to align with that.

There's an idea in the dating community that it's possible to be a loner geek, to live in a cave... and once in a while put on the bat cape and swoop down on the city like a super hero and pick up a model to drag her back to the lair. It doesn't really work that way... this is a social pursuit. That's why fame is so attractive.

You can play sniper game, go out alone, pick up a girl who's out alone too, I've done it a lot. But you will still have to talk to her for 3-4 hours, so whether or not you have a life will come across. She's going to find. out. I had friends, social circles I at least visited semi regularly, travel, adventure, a high value identity (musician).

I think maybe even more important, I had a passion for life and my goals, which translates into charisma. When I was 22, one of the hottest girls I ever dated told me she liked me because "you know exactly what you want in life, and you go after it". She also said that distinguished me from most guys.

All of these are traits that can be cultivated, not something you're born with (as opposed to looks). Hey, even Hugh Grant totally struck out in "About a Boy" when the girl at the party finds out he's a blank.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

Here's what Karea wrote on it:

Thanks for this, I kinda remember reading it a while ago, a refresher is always good.

I agree with the general idea that you cannot be in a cave, just go out and get a woman back there. I feel what I am trying to understand is exactly what is the extent that you expand your social life in order to be effective for game.

For example, what is mentioned here: friends, semi regular circles, travel, adventure, high value identity, is not something extreme. You could have some good friends, some hobbies, making enough money to travel few times a year, preferably doing something that portrays you as high value, and adventures of different kinds, depends how you even define adventures.

I am not saying I am having all of them right now, but let’s say I don’t consider them the difficult part to handle medium term.

I feel there is something more above this though, because even if I get closer to the people in my life now, get deeper friendships, go dancing every week, get a good job and book trips, I don’t see how it is obviously gonna help me to sleep with models.

Unless it is possible to just be living your own fulfilled life, outside of the circles of the girls you desire, cold approaching and getting with them. That’s probably what I have been going for and I am wondering how doable it is.

I will second the passion for life and goals though. That’s something I’ve been lacking a lot especially lately, and for a while I weirdly thought it would make me more attractive to be totally free of any concern for future plans and just enjoy the little things in life.

But now I see that it doesn’t make much sense, especially when I like ambitious women myself. So this is something to work on.

By the way, Karea has also mentioned in another post about being the leader of your tribe as something that will have a woman feel attracted to you. And this is another thing I am trying to understand, how much do you really need to be the leader in your circles, instead of just being a valued part, and doing your own things without needing to create any tribe around them. For example you may like travelling solo and experiencing a range of adventures, that seems to cover two big parts of his description of having a life here.

 

[KJ Francis]

what I am trying to understand is exactly what is the extent that you expand your social life in order to be effective for game

it was from advice to an incel, but also based on his own game plan - seems he was saying minimum twice a week social outings (one group, one 1-on-1), but ideally more.

I don’t see how it is obviously gonna help me to sleep with models

I think if you completely ignore all provider value and her standards for an LTR that could mesh with her social group, there is still an aspect of displaying fitness indicators that matter to her subconscious.

By the way, Karea has also mentioned in another post about being the leader of your tribe as something that will have a woman feel attracted to you. And this is another thing I am trying to understand, how much do you really need to be the leader in your circles

I believe this is coming from Mystery's "attraction switches". He's said over the years there are many, but he considers the top five to be preselection (80%), leader of men, protector of loved ones, willingness to emote, and successful risk taking (which may be where the "adventure" comes from... and I think this would include taking life risks to achieve your ambitious goals, not necessarily just going skydiving.

 

[KJ Francis]

be the leader in your circles, instead of just being a valued part

This is a good question... @Chase would you mind sharing an opinion on how deep this subconscious attraction trigger is... like the concept of authority? Maybe it's more just being an active pursuer of your goals and not living a life being completely led around. But does not assuming the leadership role of a group actually diminish your attraction?

I remember either Tony Depp or Vin said something like a girl is helplessly wired to naturally gravitate towards a group leader, and I wonder if you assume otherwise equal fundamentals and controlled for variables like immune system scent and facial similarity (a study of male identical twins and female mate preference of social hierarchy during ovulation? lol) is this a significant enough factor to ensure you're never observed being bossed around?

I know it sounds like a red pill anxiety, like not wanting your wife to meet your boss at the Christmas party, lest she be completely unable to control fantasizing about him that night while in bed with you.

Spoiler: Derailing

And I remember the article on how alpha animals don't actually get all the mates... the second and third ranked males are also quite successful. But I do wonder if the top tier males just don't have the capacity for the second tier females.

... to be honest this kind of stuff is what killed my teenage views of "love"... meaning that mating is ultimately a competitive sexual marketplace, and "feelings" of devotion and attachment are simply a function of the supply/demand dynamic, relative abundance of options of the couple, the level of sunk cost investment at a given age and risk leaving, etc. Basically a girl would always leave you for Leo, but she can't. So in reality the risk is low and you are OK just meeting thresholds.

But this is all given the present-moment subconscious calculation of her feelings, so if the oxytocin / pair bond dips at the same time she switches from being a teacher to working for the NHL, there's no getting around her brain is going to recalculate a S.W.O.T. analysis. "ask your home girl right now, look, you had a shot at Ye... she'd drop everything" - Kanye West... hence "keep her barefooted and pregnant".

 

[ChrisXKiss]

I think if you completely ignore all provider value and her standards for an LTR that could mesh with her social group, there is still an aspect of displaying fitness indicators that matter to her subconscious.

Hmm , you mean here that even if you are not part of her social life, just the fact that you have a social life of your own is still a fitness indicator that would appeal to her?

It makes sense, I suppose it helps long term if you both have at least some similar approach to life. For example, it’s enough if you work hard on your online business and she works hard on her modelling career, both of you ambitious and wanting to succeed, and you don’t need to be specifically going to fashion shows in order to get her.

This is a good question... @Chase would you mind sharing an opinion on how deep this subconscious attraction trigger is... like the concept of authority? Maybe it's more just being an active pursuer of your goals and not living a life being completely led around. But does not assuming the leadership role of a group actually diminish your attraction?

There was this article by Chase:
https://www.girlschase.com/article/social-life/do-you-have-be-your-groups-alpha-look-good

I think it addresses this kind of issue. One thing I would feel though is that even if you are not the alpha in any particular group, it’s probably important to be the alpha at least somewhere in your life.

Even if not by position, just by attitude. I mean that I feel a girl should know you are at least not a follower in general, and that you go after what you want in life, you just don’t care much about looking alpha or being the boss just to be the boss. You would still take charge though if needed.

The question then is how do you build that if you are not the alpha in any circles in the first place? Should you try to at least do it sometimes in order to get the experience of being able to lead? Like what Chase did with party throwing, being a coach etc

I feel this could be something valid to pursue to train your leadership skills, and then you can use them only when you feel like.

I know it sounds like a red pill anxiety, like not wanting your wife to meet your boss at the Christmas party, lest she be completely unable to control fantasizing about him that night while in bed with you.

Regarding this, or generally any scenario where the you have someone obviously above you in a group, I have a feeling it has a lot to do with your relationship with that person, how you treat each other and how you frame it.

If the boss is some kind of cult leader personality, that believes he is the top guy and everyone else follows him, and you also buy into that, I am pretty sure your girl will buy into it too.

However, if the boss respects you as someone valuable and you respect him back, while not really caring about being in his position or not, aka you don’t feel beneath him, just that he has his own role and you have yours, then the girl should be able to feel how secure you are and be fine with it.

Not gonna lie though, I ‘ve also had these thoughts regarding relationships and love that you mention. The one thing that I feel can solve it is becoming high value enough that a girl being with you day to day, would have to think: “Even if I leave him for Leo, will I get this similar experience I get now?”

And I’m pretty sure no matter what any super high value person has and offers to a woman, it is possible to emotionally provide the same, and if your lifestyles are not too far to also keep her long term. And even if she leaves, know that someone else similar to her will come sooner or later.

Basically building yourself into a valuable guy, and then trusting that there are enough amazing women out there, that would be really into the value you are offering.

This article is also touching on this point of comparing yourself to super high value men: https://www.girlschase.com/article/lonely-low-value-men-sexual-marketplace

 

[KJ Francis]

Good article... Seems to be saying you won't be faulted, though mainly because certain girls will gravitate toward different personality traits?

So maybe leadership is a trait you should have generally but it can be external to the current environment you're in.

I still can't imagine it looks good to a girl seeing you taking orders from a superior left and right though (like say a visiting consultant in your workplace you wanted to seduce on her last day before she flies home).

 

[Chase]

@KJ Francis,

Being an authority figure over a woman is like riding a motorcycle: it's basically a magic pill pussy hack.

Case in point: @DonGately's intern-banging strategy:

A lesser known method to meet hot young women

Start a business: A good friend and I started a clothes/fashion business some years ago as a side hustle, focusing on men's casual wear. T-shirts, jerseys, hoodies, pants. Of course T-shirts & hoodies can be worn by women also. All top-shelf cotton/denim & proudly made in the USA on the west...

www.skilledseducer.com

Another example is @Bismarck's multi-year career as a tour guide banging tourist girls after leading them around the city all week.

See my article on authority for more:

Male Authority and Female Lust

The cocky owner of a small business bends one of his female employees over his desk after hours on a Friday afternoon, when the other employees have gone home, including a pair of male office workers who’ve been competing for that same female coworker of theirs for months. Across town, an...

www.girlschase.com

But basically, yeah, if you just want to make it easy for yourself, become an authority figure.

Only downside is, unlike cold approach, you are limited to whatever women gravitate into your 'sphere'. So choose wisely...!

Chase

 

[ChrisXKiss]

Hello @Chase, this article and idea about authority is something I have been intrigued by for a long time, but never actually pursued because of not understanding exactly how to close in these situations.

Would you mind elaborating a bit on this part: “Of course, there are plenty of men who wind up in these positions and have women throwing themselves after them but who don’t know what to do with that attention, so this is only part of the picture. What authority gives you is opportunity; it’s still up to you to make use of it.”? Meaning how to use this opportunity authority gives you to actually sleep with girls.

From what @DonGately said in the post, I understand you generally don’t try to hit on these girls you have authority over, you just treat them normally like you would treat someone you have authority over and that gets them attracted.

But what is the end game really? Do you just wait for them to show signs of interest at some point and then invite them out/isolate, escalate and close? From what was described in the intern post it felt as simple as that.

And how do you really protect your reputation as a business owner, teacher, professional, so that a word doesn’t come out that you are using your position to sleep with women?

Not sure if I am very affected by celebrities being accused of taking advantage of students, younger actors etc and having sex with them due to their authority over them, but I feel it can be a pretty risky place to be when you sleep with girls using this kind of authority approach.

 

[Chase]

@ChrisXKiss,

Hello @Chase, this article and idea about authority is something I have been intrigued by for a long time, but never actually pursued because of not understanding exactly how to close in these situations.

Would you mind elaborating a bit on this part: “Of course, there are plenty of men who wind up in these positions and have women throwing themselves after them but who don’t know what to do with that attention, so this is only part of the picture. What authority gives you is opportunity; it’s still up to you to make use of it.”? Meaning how to use this opportunity authority gives you to actually sleep with girls.

From what @DonGately said in the post, I understand you generally don’t try to hit on these girls you have authority over, you just treat them normally like you would treat someone you have authority over and that gets them attracted.

But what is the end game really? Do you just wait for them to show signs of interest at some point and then invite them out/isolate, escalate and close? From what was described in the intern post it felt as simple as that.

You want to approach it with delicacy because there's two sides to the power dynamic:

1. Some girls will be extra into you due to the power imbalance
   
   
2. OTOH, girls who aren't interested/are attached will feel like you are pressuring them or using power against them if it's too overt

Basically you just want to use some very little light flirtations / pings and see how she responds to that. If she flirts back, escalate a bit. Ask her for a bit of compliance. Always keeping a close eye on whether you hit resistance and how mutual the flirtation is. Ideally she is flirting back, dressing nicer, trying to get your attention, probing you, etc. If she isn't or seems resistant, drop it.

If she is into it, and escalates, then at some point you just throw out a "we should" proposal and see how she responds to that. "We should grab a bite or a drink one of these days." If she's enthusiastic, schedule it. If she's neutral, drop it.

And how do you really protect your reputation as a business owner, teacher, professional, so that a word doesn’t come out that you are using your position to sleep with women?

Not sure if I am very affected by celebrities being accused of taking advantage of students, younger actors etc and having sex with them due to their authority over them, but I feel it can be a pretty risky place to be when you sleep with girls using this kind of authority approach.

Who's it going to come out to? You're not a celebrity, I assume. Is there a big audience of people an accuser can easily reach who will all be shocked that you were banging your intern or what have you?

The place to be careful with it is if you're in an office job and there's an HR department. In that case you need to know what the bylaws are for your company. Some companies forbid dating between managers and employees. Some of them it's direct chain of command only; some it's all hierarchy differences. Some forbid dating entirely, even at the same level! Personally, I would not date chicks in an office where I was under someone's employ.

Professor is another dicey one too. I don't think I'd bang students as a professor. Which is a shame because if you're going to teach as a coed university that is one of the major perks IMO. But the university environment is just hostile to banging.

Business owner I can't see how it matters. How will she "get the word out"? Unless it's a fairly major story no one's going to hear about how you flirted with a chick who worked for you or something. I think Dov Charney is the poster boy for "blatant and nasty sexual harassment at a company he founded" and basically it took the investors a decade to force him out, and mostly only because of how terrible a job he was doing running it, not the sex stuff. Just don't introduce women to your important clients so they don't go attacking you to them in a "woman scorned" scenario and you're fine.

Chase

 

[enerdroyddubz]

Thanks for this, I kinda remember reading it a while ago, a refresher is always good.

I agree with the general idea that you cannot be in a cave, just go out and get a woman back there. I feel what I am trying to understand is exactly what is the extent that you expand your social life in order to be effective for game.

For example, what is mentioned here: friends, semi regular circles, travel, adventure, high value identity, is not something extreme. You could have some good friends, some hobbies, making enough money to travel few times a year, preferably doing something that portrays you as high value, and adventures of different kinds, depends how you even define adventures.

I am not saying I am having all of them right now, but let’s say I don’t consider them the difficult part to handle medium term.

I feel there is something more above this though, because even if I get closer to the people in my life now, get deeper friendships, go dancing every week, get a good job and book trips, I don’t see how it is obviously gonna help me to sleep with models.

Unless it is possible to just be living your own fulfilled life, outside of the circles of the girls you desire, cold approaching and getting with them. That’s probably what I have been going for and I am wondering how doable it is.

I will second the passion for life and goals though. That’s something I’ve been lacking a lot especially lately, and for a while I weirdly thought it would make me more attractive to be totally free of any concern for future plans and just enjoy the little things in life.

But now I see that it doesn’t make much sense, especially when I like ambitious women myself. So this is something to work on.

By the way, Karea has also mentioned in another post about being the leader of your tribe as something that will have a woman feel attracted to you. And this is another thing I am trying to understand, how much do you really need to be the leader in your circles, instead of just being a valued part, and doing your own things without needing to create any tribe around them. For example you may like travelling solo and experiencing a range of adventures, that seems to cover two big parts of his description of having a life here.

Myself having a simlar goal as you, I've found that having a fancy lifestyle or high paying job does not matter to "high status" girls. It'll help you meet them but that's just about it. You still need game to sleep with them. I lost a model at a house party I hosted to my roomate who is broke and doesn't have anywhere near as fancy of a lifestyle as I did.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

Myself having a simlar goal as you, I've found that having a fancy lifestyle or high paying job does not matter to "high status" girls. It'll help you meet them but that's just about it. You still need game to sleep with them. I lost a model at a house party I hosted to my roomate who is broke and doesn't have anywhere near as fancy of a lifestyle as I did.

Yeah that’s something I can recognise. My general question would be what it makes sense to focus on more.

Building up your social circle and getting in a scene even without being so good with women yet, or improving with women first?

Until now I have been doing the second, but I feel I am not improving fast enough when I am just cold approaching without any social context. I don’t know what even is the maximum potential for improvement through that.

That said, from my experience getting into social circles, having fun things to do etc increases my general life satisfaction and fills my time with things, but I have not felt it improving me seduction wise much. Neither as a skillset, nor when it comes to results.

It just feels like I am doing cool and fun things with friends, but have to go cold approach anyway if I want girls, and many times I would even prefer to go out by myself to cold approach instead of going out with friends.

 

[Chase]

@ChrisXKiss,

Yeah that’s something I can recognise. My general question would be what it makes sense to focus on more.

Building up your social circle and getting in a scene even without being so good with women yet, or improving with women first?

Until now I have been doing the second, but I feel I am not improving fast enough when I am just cold approaching without any social context. I don’t know what even is the maximum potential for improvement through that.

That said, from my experience getting into social circles, having fun things to do etc increases my general life satisfaction and fills my time with things, but I have not felt it improving me seduction wise much. Neither as a skillset, nor when it comes to results.

It just feels like I am doing cool and fun things with friends, but have to go cold approach anyway if I want girls, and many times I would even prefer to go out by myself to cold approach instead of going out with friends.

Do your friend groups include a lot of single young women?

If not, they are not the right groups for developing social skills + seduction skills in tandem.

Try this exercise:

Over the next month, aim to meet two really cool dudes and two really hot girls who seem to have an active social life and become their friends. Hit it off with them, invite them to stuff, and see if they start reciprocating with you.

Chase

 

[YS.]

Cool thread. Having a well adjusted social life where you are at least somewhat respected will always help seduction either directly (inviting her, she seeing you being cool, directly having irrefutable value, etc) or indirectly (how you carry yourself and what you can talk about/relate to/your conversational skills and flow).

To play devil’s advocate… which I feel personally relates to me, it’s so easy to get laid in social circles to the point that it can limit your options or make cold approaching a lot harder than it needs to be. Enemy of great is good type of thing. If you don’t have an epic setup but are well respected/cool, rather easy to consistently get laid with average girls in the social circles where you don’t have to compete with alphas all the time, which can cause stagnation and lack of drive.

 

[ChrisXKiss]

Do your friend groups include a lot of single young women?

Right now no and I see the point of it, i guess I also miss this type of energy in my life in general outside from cold approach.

The only thing is that when I had this kind of circle in the past, I still didn't feel that it helped me improve with women much.

I generally didn't and still don't make moves on girls from my circles. I always felt it complicates things a lot and can result in unnecessary drama.

Like if some friend even made moves on me first, I'd probably take a step back and make sure we are not going for something serious and it won't affect the friendship. Never understood how people manage to just sleep with each other in circles and seemingly they are all fine with it.

And I am not saying it from a sexual openness perspective. I would be pretty fine sleeping around with all of them ( the cute ones at least lol ), and even them sleeping around with anyone else they want. What I want to know is that we are all good with that casual sex while still being friends, and there is no misunderstanding of something more serious developing.

I will say though that at least being around these girls, naturally having a flirty vibe and even getting a peek at their lives/sex lives and what they like is helping in itself to make you more comfortable and also understand girls and girls of their type in specific.

So maybe it did help me improve in a more passive way.

I still remember though being in parties with them and thinking what is even the point after a while, I'd prefer to just go out myself and meet girls to seduce.

Which is what pushed me into cold approach in fact eventually, while starting to get more and more disinterested in hanging out with circles if there wasn't an activity context I enjoyed.

Over the next month, aim to meet two really cool dudes and two really hot girls who seem to have an active social life and become their friends. Hit it off with them, invite them to stuff, and see if they start reciprocating with you.

This is a good idea indeed. I've been reading the articles on how to talk to guys, how to make male/female friends etc lately, so it's something I've been having in mind myself.

Can't say I am extremely comfortable with my friend value right now, due to not being particularly well financially, not having many people or connections I could introduce others to, some particular status, or any crazy lifestyle, but I guess people can simply like you for being you.

And then you just invite them to things they are also interested in somewhat and take it from there.

 

[Chase]

@ChrisXKiss,

The reason for this:

The only thing is that when I had this kind of circle in the past, I still didn't feel that it helped me improve with women much.

... is this:

I generally didn't and still don't make moves on girls from my circles. I always felt it complicates things a lot and can result in unnecessary drama.

If you're not going to be banging girls from social circle, there's a limit to how much social circle can help you learn game-wise.

Like if some friend even made moves on me first, I'd probably take a step back and make sure we are not going for something serious and it won't affect the friendship. Never understood how people manage to just sleep with each other in circles and seemingly they are all fine with it.

Until you take the leap, you still want.

It's not one of those things you can learn from the outside, without experience.

Not sure if you've ever been around a social circle playboy who shagged a lot of girls from the circles you were in.

If you had, a good question to ask yourself might be, "Did I get the impression this guy was carefully vetting girls before he made moves on them?"

Or is it more simply the case that the frames he set were so undeniably "sexy bad boy" that girls just knew going in it wasn't going to be serious?

I still remember though being in parties with them and thinking what is even the point after a while, I'd prefer to just go out myself and meet girls to seduce.

Sure. I mean, that is what people use social circle for normally... finding people to shag, finding people to enter into relationships with. It's why once they're in some kind of steady relationship most of them drop off and stop coming to parties and other stuff often or at all. The whole point of mixed-sex socializing revolves around creating mating opportunities.

If you aren't taking mates from it it's kind of like regularly going to all-you-can-eat buffets but when they hand you your plate you say, "No thanks, I'm fasting currently."

Can't say I am extremely comfortable with my friend value right now, due to not being particularly well financially, not having many people or connections I could introduce others to, some particular status, or any crazy lifestyle, but I guess people can simply like you for being you.

All these provide massive friend value:

• Being a good, empathetic listener who relates back
• Having a good sense of humor
• Being down to hang out / go on adventures (people constantly fall off the map or have "excuses")

That's enough to get you started.

You can build a big network of cool friends just with those, and end up with a crazy lifestyle simply by joining various friends on the various adventures they concoct. Then you've got all the friend value you mentioned save wealth (and even that, the right network can make it a whole lot easier to acquire).

Chase

 

[ChrisXKiss]

Until you take the leap, you still want.

It's not one of those things you can learn from the outside, without experience.

Not sure if you've ever been around a social circle playboy who shagged a lot of girls from the circles you were in.

If you had, a good question to ask yourself might be, "Did I get the impression this guy was carefully vetting girls before he made moves on them?"

Or is it more simply the case that the frames he set were so undeniably "sexy bad boy" that girls just knew going in it wasn't going to be serious?

I have met guys that felt like that, I remember one for example in an open relationship with a girl, making out with her in the party and then approaching others and bringing them in, or generally casually flirting with other girls in the events we were at and effectively asking them out.

Or another guy that was even closer to me that has told me about girls that are friends of his he has slept with, I’ve seen him make out with common friends, and wouldn’t be surprised if he had slept with more of them than I know.

And yeah you can say that they didn’t feel like they were looking for the relationship through all that.

The interesting thing is that I tended to be fairly flirty and sexual back then myself. Wouldn’t mind telling sexual jokes, talking about sex etc I was just not making moves and I honestly feel some of the girls were probably a bit disappointed.

I feel my biggest issue was this thought that if you are sexy, fun, likeable and you go with a girl in the circle she would probably want to keep you for herself eventually. While if you are not these things enough for another girl she will just not sleep with you.

I’ve always had this internal feeling that you have shared in some articles as well, that all women are eventually looking for a relationship deep down, and I didn’t want to be giving false hopes by sleeping with them in a scenario where they can see me again and again and I am part of their life.

I can surely say though that I much preferred this dynamic compared to other circles I’ve been lately, that have a more serious we are not sleeping around vibe. I feel it has affected how openly sexual and flirty I am day to day.

That said, it did feel a bit bad when I was more sexual but not making moves. I felt like I was teasing the girls and then was going full platonic when they would expect some escalation.

So you start thinking maybe I shouldn’t even be that sexual in my circles and just keep it for girls I approach that I know I will escalate things with.

All these provide massive friend value:

• Being a good, empathetic listener who relates back
• Having a good sense of humor
• Being down to hang out / go on adventures (people constantly fall off the map or have "excuses")

This is a very good point. I’m pretty sure that’s how I became part of most of my previous circles anyway.

The time may be a bit of an issue, due to some activities / commitments I have but probably you can hang out / go on adventures without needing to leave for many days, or stay up the whole night all the time.