How competitive are you guys?

[DarkKnight]

I respect the mindset, I can see how one can live by that code, but I don't think it is a realistic way of seeing life.

We compete for job opportunities, we compete for quality mates, we compete for resources. Although society tries to hide this fact and even protects its members from this truth, these are the basics of nature. We are always judged on how we perform. This has nothing to do with having something to prove because of self esteem issues. You try to be a good salesmen without influencing the customers perception. And before you say you are not a salesmen, we all are even when we are applying for a job.

Also you mentioned direct competition like sports, but indirect competition is STILL competition. For instance with game, working on your fundamentals and thus mostly your passive attributes, is still competition. Or improving your work resume is still competition.

Unless you have a total monopoly on something, you are competing.

 

[suspicious5]

If you believe in indirect competition, then instead of "How competitive are you guys", your post should be named "Everyone is competitive. Even if only indirectly."

Since your thread's name depicts you believe not everyone is -- because a question opens up the possibility of both sides existing, but you contradicted your main idea above.

Sure, you can say humans are constantly competing for resources in one way or another, but this could be a passive and subconscious process, not the same as having a "competitive personality" which is closer to what's being discussed here.

 

[DarkKnight]

There is no incongruency in my title. I fully understand that some people have no competitive fire and others do. Even then social/sexual/political economics still affect us and thus creates competition.

Your first comment proclaimed that you are in a way ABOVE competition, since in your very special case there is none. This is what I am arguing against. You mention people "not being on your league". That seems like a pretty big boast and also status jockeying.

I can understand that you maybe do not have a competitive side, which I highly doubt since then you would not try to prove me wrong here by actually stretching my words in a way I did not intend to.

Also indirect competition is not a "belief". Entire empiric models have been build around this obvious fact. The world is not a perfect communistic place. Great job with trying to make me sound subjective.

Also if your competitiveness "could be" unconscious as you proclaim it is STILL competition. Indirectness and unconsciousness does not abolish competitiveness.

 

[DarkKnight]

I want to add: The thread name "how competitive are you" is not a binary question consisting with 0 or 1. There are degrees in between. But claiming that you are at zero because you are "above" it all is laughable. Even world leaders cannot make that claim, even they have people within their party or organization who would like to chip away power from them.

 

[suspicious5]

I can understand that you maybe do not have a competitive side, which I highly doubt since then you would not try to prove me wrong here by actually stretching my words in a way I did not intend to.

Most people do not intend to contradict themselves but yet they still do. So, it's easy to pick apart inconsistencies and mistakes in their use of language that weaken their argument. It tends to happen when they're desperately trying to prove a point and "compete", as you put it(Not saying this is what you're doing but rather what I've noticed.)

Here's an example:

I want to add: The thread name "how competitive are you" is not a binary question consisting with 0 or 1. There are degrees in between. But claiming that you are at zero because you are "above" it all is laughable.

You mentioned it is not binary but then claim I am a "zero".

I think this discussion is pretty good insight into competing vs not. Whereas you are still adamant on proving your point, I stated mine once and I moved on to the underlying dynamics which interest me more. So thank you for the data point.

 

[DarkKnight]

You should re-read.

I wrote that YOU claim that you are at zero. Not that I am claiming it. I quote:

"There are degrees in between. But claiming that ->you <- are at zero because you are "above" it all is laughable. "

This was an obvious reference to your first comment on the thread. Also I am amused at how you try to reframe that you are only subsequently replying because you "moved on to the underlying dynamics" and are not actually just arguing like we are actually doing haha. Cool story bro.

Anyway let's agree to disagree then, since it is obvious that we won't agree.

 

[suspicious5]

Anyway let's agree to disagree then, since it is obvious that we won't agree.

I knew you'd get it eventually.

 

[DarkKnight]

... I was at the gym today.. and there was a certain training I don't partake regularly in. At the moment I am quite out of shape... not the golden man I used to be. Corona delayed too much training.

Anyway we trained and it was all these girls and this guy. He already got respect before training because he was supposedly "a beast". From inside I thought I will give them a very swift lesson in who is a beast or not.

But my body failed me and to his credit he was very good. Although I am certain the normal me would destroy him. The bastard has maintained his health.. about this I am sure while I have focused on other things and improved on other areas.

What annoyed the fuck out of me was that he got a lot of attention and too much validation, whereas I, the usual winner was pretty much ignored.. even by those who would in normal curcimstances be extremely friendly towards me. Just goes to show how conditional certain things are in life.. there can only be one number one.

I will beat that guy into the ground. And I have a pretty good gameplan.

1. Nofap for coming time so my body gets the propelling boost that it needs. Nofap really increases explosivity and muscle growth.
2. Better sleep. I have to sleep 8 hours per day I really shirk on this.
3. Hardcore abb exercises. Because these exercises help me with pivoting and balancing, making me swifter.
4. Losing 3 kilograms of weight.. I am too overweight. When you lose 3 kilos it really makes a difference, without a doubt. I become much faster especially over an extended time.
5. Train the exercises I usually never do, but this guy probably has been doing all the time. While my small musclegroups are not awakened at certain exercises his probably are.

When I have beaten this guy -> and I will. I will reject any sucking up and validation providing I get. The hell with the conditionality. Let them have that number 2 guy, while number 1 (me) stays out of their reach. I will build my own followers and groupies.

On another note.. while that guy was fit and all he was not game aware or anything. He was a bit try hard even. It's an edge I have on him. But I will win this one convincingly not just depend on that technicality.

 

[trashKENNUT]

I have a competitive mindset which I am not aware of. And even when someone called me out on it, I am oblivious to it.

let's say all Girlschase members today meet up at one location, and Chase tells everyone that we all must wear blue or we get kicked out.

i will be wearing blue. But I will sure have something blue that standsout. Like a blue cap that has gold lines, or a blue Tag Heuer watch.

I didn't realize I was that competitive. Not on purpose actually. I also happen to like the item.

It's merging dating, business and life I guess.

 

[Train]

I don't like competing much. I do it when I need too (ex. career). It just stresses me out.

When it comes to guys that "beat" me, I've learned to accept that. I know there are guys smarter/stronger/more social/etc. BUT, I still strive to best myself. So as cliché as it sounds, I'm in competition with myself.

Life can be better when one reframes their goals. From "BEAT HIM" to "Beat my OWN record." The latter can at times be more feasible.

 

[FunGuy]

It depends on the context, I am competitive about things that are designed and meant to be competitive like sports, bets etc. The reason I mention that is because you have to be weary of people who are "competing" with you, its usually a sign of hate/envy, especially if its something that isn't meant to be a competition.

There is healthy competitiveness and unhealthy, if your competition involves comparing yourself to someone else or trying to throw dirt at someone, then you have a bigger issue you need to fix. Healthy competition is always a great thing.

 

[DarkKnight]

To get back at my post from 26 may... my body is swiftly developing itself towards pre- corona levels.

Today I really showed my dominance and this guy who was being all funny anf got accolades for being very "impressive". He was getting cocky because I had an off day..

Well I beat him unto the ground and totally dominated him and the entire group. This guy was their "number 2". Now he has become number 3. Their number 1 and I had no real occasion to compete again but probably soon will. Anyway this time I was the aloof one.. this is what you get for underestimating me. I don't accept compliments.. thank them with humility downplaying myself but stay aloof and just polite. Also their number 2 (now 3) had to suffer multiple glances from my part which were to insinuate "this was for you". I don't think he'll make the mistake of thinking he is on my level again. He knew how we were pre-corona.. what was he thinking?

Now I hunt for number one. I just need more time to rebuild myself. Never thought this would trigger my pride this much but it did. Getting underestimated for all the wrong reasons by people who are not even near me in level. Geez.

I will tear apart their hierarchy.. I do not need accoladed and compliments.. I know what I am and am harsh on myself.. but the last thing I need is to hear as if some random people are superior and far above me (by inferring these guys are untouchable in their group.. yeah sure we'll see.)

 

[Toby2030]

@DarkKnight Not to take this off-topic but a little input.
I had the same ego problem when I started competing. Work on your ego. That's one of the most important aspects in the ring. If you get emotionally affected by your surroundings, it will affect your performance negatively. You will always have people telling you that xxxx is better than you etc. Instead of taking it personal you should reframe it, and make yourself the underdog. By being the underdog, you are removing pressure from yourself, and putting more pressure on your opponent to perform. And that will affect his performance negatively.

Pick your fights smartly. Talk do not matter, results does. I don't know your ambitions in the ring, but a big part of becoming the best is networking. Getting access to the best sparring partners and coaches. If people don't like training with you because you act aloof, and go over the top at training, you will never get the best oppertunities.

Act humble, make friends, be able to take/give feedback to/from people under your level, and beat the shit out of people at tournaments instead of doing it at training.

You may not agree on every single feedback they are giving you, but once in a while they are right. Listen, accept it, think about it, and act on it if there might be something to it.
Just a little input.

 

[DarkKnight]

@DML Hey DML I appreciate the input... I actually have good training partners but most of those guys are off the grid right now because of Covid.

In real life I am much more tactical than I show here... never mind me venting once in a while. I agree with every word you just said. I think I got mainly triggered when guys who are inferior got WAY too much credit. It wasnt just hey man John is such a beast. It was WOW Johnny is SO good and much better than ALL of us..

Yeah after enduring that for one hour I knew something had to change. Because I am not going to suffer that each and every time. I think if my regular partners would be around, you know the true elites of the gym, these bragalots would be less prominent and fade real fast.

But meanwhile I'll make new friends after we all know who is who. Yes my ego makes me a bit anti social right now but it also helps me develop much faster and in that it is a great boon.

I honestly don't believe I would have re developed so fast if that pride was not stung.. because when I started everything was fine and I was "kinda easy going".

In that sense I am actually greatful for re-igniting my fire.

 

[Toby2030]

@DarkKnight
"Yeah after enduring that for one hour I knew something had to change. Because I am not going to suffer that each and every time"
Why do you care? you are seeking too much validation from other people's opinions in this case. You will always have people telling you that xx is better than you. You shouldn't take it personal, or even let their opinion matter. The only thing that matter is your opinion and the results.

Again, I don't know your ambitions. Short term, yes it might benefit you. Long term, not at all. There's better ways of goal setting than being validation seeking.
If you allow people to get into your head in martial arts, you have allowed them to influence your behaviour in the ring. If you meet a guy at a high level, and give him a chance to influence you to do what he want you to do, you are seriously fucked.

I'm sure you are a great fighter, and probably aren't getting the recognition you deserve. But don't let it get to you.

 

[DarkKnight]

@DML You are getting me wrong.. I always find reasons to piss myself off... to excel. Partly I create the frustration in order to avoid complacence.. I think it has to do with my core temperament. And I think you are underestimating the short term benefits into the long term ones.

I am a big proponent of the "winner effect" . Winning in the short term helps with winning in the long term. Honestly during this Corona period.. I haven't won a lot. I have lost even. I am not going to get into specifics.. So right now fighting and winning, even if it is a short term squabble is important to me. I want to keep the momentum of being a winner...

But I honestly appreciate you taking your time for me and because you are obviously trying to help.

 

[FunGuy]

Today I really showed my dominance and this guy who was being all funny anf got accolades for being very "impressive". He was getting cocky because I had an off day..

Well I beat him unto the ground and totally dominated him and the entire group. This guy was their "number 2". Now he has become number 3. Their number 1 and I had no real occasion to compete again but probably soon will. Anyway this time I was the aloof one.. this is what you get for underestimating me. I don't accept compliments.. thank them with humility downplaying myself but stay aloof and just polite. Also their number 2 (now 3) had to suffer multiple glances from my part which were to insinuate "this was for you". I don't think he'll make the mistake of thinking he is on my level again. He knew how we were pre-corona.. what was he thinking?

Now I hunt for number one. I just need more time to rebuild myself. Never thought this would trigger my pride this much but it did. Getting underestimated for all the wrong reasons by people who are not even near me in level. Geez.

I will tear apart their hierarchy.. I do not need accoladed and compliments.. I know what I am and am harsh on myself.. but the last thing I need is to hear as if some random people are superior and far above me (by inferring these guys are untouchable in their group.. yeah sure we'll see.)

I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but this type of posts is what I was alluding to when I mentioned unhealthy competition as being a form of undercover hate/envy. You are competing with people in an environment that isn't meant to be competitive, the pretext behind social gathering is to shoot the shit, relax and have a good time. Whether you are aware of it or not, YOU are creating a toxic atmosphere with your shenanigans.

Im not a psychologist, but im gonna have to agree with DML here. You unquestionably have severe self esteem issues and seek too much validation from people, which is not a problem as long as you are AWARE of it. My advice for you is to go monk mode, take a year or so to work on your confidence and to learn to live the solo lifestyle (not relying on the company of other people or on women's reactions to value your self worth).

Check out this book https://www.amazon.com/Six-Pillars-...swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1591889455&sr=8-1

 

[Wick]

@DarkKnight After looking through this thread and your other, I can see how you actually are using ego as a tool, and you are aware of it's effectiveness. The fire it creates in you to dominate your competition has proven to be compelling motivation for you, so to answer my own question to you myself, "is it serving you" the answer would be yes, in the context of yours goal in training.

This same tool may or may not hinder you in seduction or other social arenas, that depends on your goals there. Is there a better tool to use at different times, especially when the goal is different?

Anyway, I have some thoughts on competition considering your debate with @suspicious5. I can relate to him, and I wonder if he's in a similar situation that I am in as well. I think competition is more easily fostered within you and between you and your competition when there is similarity between you and them.

I am usually a lone wolf and an outsider. My interests are eclectic and eccentric, so I never really run into any one to compete with on these interests. And when I do find people who share my interests, we become friends. I've tried to foster a healthy rivalry with them, but we end up more like team mates than competition.

I actually side more with you on the debate, but I get where he's coming from. It feels like non-competition when you don't play the game in the same way. It's like a thief taking the prize, while the competitors fight over it. There's no domination there, the theif didn't even win, and the theif would likely lose if he did play the game. You could say the thief competes with other thieves, but it's not really the same unless they are after the same prize and are trying to directly out do one another.

I think I could use some comtemplation and this subject, and more experience with competition.

I actually want more direct competition. As the thief, there isn't that same satisfaction of victory, only the benefit of the prize. While still good, it lacks something.

 

[DarkKnight]

@FunGuy "Severe self esteem issues".. bro go label someone else. I am more confident than anyone you would meet. Monk mode for a year? Why the hell would I do that. If you don't know what you are talking about don't give advice. I actually enjoy competing buddy.. that's my temperament and who I am. Everyone has a different temparement.. some people want peace and rest all the time, others want to achieve and win. I belong to the second category. Also I am not "seeking" validation.. I am taking my rightful place.. I am the authority. You don't get me, but I don't expect you to.

@J Wick

Yep, you got me.. I indeed use my ego as fuel to create a bigger drive... And it has helped me in a lot of areas. However the other post... it was clear how ego is sabotaging me from time to time. Hence I started that post because I was fully aware how it became an obstacle and needed you guys to help me with coping/ reframing. That in itself is a work in progress. About the social area -> I have a huge social circle... I guess I have made them accept how I am.

I forgot the debate with suspicious and had to reread. Yeah well I didn't agree with him, still don't. But I guess that's fair.

What surprises me to this day is that a lot of guys feel that feelings of competitiveness are perse negative. I don't view it like that all. To be honest I relish the challenge and enjoy the competition. It makes me feel alive. I also love the winner effect that comes from it. Maybe for me that is the ultimate high.

 

[Velasco]

Being insecure is actually a good thing It's one of the three pillars that drives success.

Amy Chua: The “Triple Package” refers to three qualities that propel individuals and groups to high achievement and disproportionate success. The first element is what we call a superiority complex. That is a sense of your specialness or exceptionality. The second is the opposite of that. That is a sense of insecurity, a feeling that you or what you have done is not good enough. The third is impulse control, by which we mean self-discipline, self-control and the ability to resist temptation.

It is really the combination of the first two elements that I think is so unusual and interesting. How does somebody simultaneously feel superior and insecure? Yet that’s really the key. That is what generates drive: This feeling like I’m not respected enough. I need to show everybody. I need to work harder than anybody else, so I can get this recognition that I deserve.

Grant: I wondered about that when I read the book. How do you hold these two beliefs simultaneously? Where does the sense of superiority and inferiority come from, and how do they hang together?

Chua: If you interview or read the bios of very successful people, it is amazing how often it comes up over and over, from Henry Kissinger to Alexander Hamilton. They had this enormous sense that they could change the world, that they were brilliant…. That can be instilled by a parent…. [Supreme Court justice Sonia Sotomayor] said it was her grandmother who gave her this sense that she was destined for great things.

[you will resonate with this part. Being a minority in your own country, @DarkKnight]

If you just have the sense of superiority, then you could be complacent. You are much more likely to [say], “Hey, I’m great.” It is only when that sense of superiority is combined with a sense of, “Hey, I’m not being respected enough. I don’t quite fit in.” That sense of insecurity can, in the case of groups, come from being an immigrant. If you are an immigrant … you are the quintessential outsider. People are making fun of my accent. I’m insecure about whether I can make it in this country. I’m insecure about whether I can be accepted. [When you feel] very proud about … your group or about yourself, you have a strong sense of self. But when you combine that with a little edge, just a dash of insecurity, then that’s when you get this goading, the catalyst that motivates people.

Amy Chua on Success and ‘The Triple Package’ - Knowledge@Wharton

In Amy Chua’s new book, the bestselling author studies eight cultural groups in the United States and identifies the characteristics that account for their success.

knowledge.wharton.upenn.edu