How should I have reacted?

[James D]

Hey there,

I had a situation yesterday which happened for the first time. I'm not entirely sure how to deal with it.

I was working next to my girlfriend on the campus library. We were having some difficulties with the paper. Some hard group project.

Out of nowhere, a guy walks in, sits beside my girlfriend and starts talking. Now, in all honesty, the guy seemed pretty cool and socially calibrated and handsome as well so he did not come across as creepy at all.

He completely ignores me and befriends my girlfriend, offering to help on the paper. She gladly accepts and soon they are in rapt conversation, with me left out. My girlfriend did not introduce me or anything, which she later told me felt weird to her as she did not know how to proceed. She's not particularly socially savvy so I guess that was legit.

Anyway, handsome Joe stole the show and left.

Meanwhile, I could not help but feel like a loser although I tried to hide it.

And it hurts seeing her giving all her attention to him in that moment.

When I asked her about it afterwards, she told me she was just being friendly to make new friends since she's a loner with a very tight circle, including me.

So, how to react in those situations?
When the guy is creepy, that's fine. But he was not. By all measures, he was an attractive guy doing things right (hate to say it though)
My girlfriend is pretty hot and I can expect something like that to happen again.

 

[Velasco]

He completely ignores me and befriends my girlfriend, offering to help on the paper. She gladly accepts and soon they are in rapt conversation, with me left out. My girlfriend did not introduce me or anything,

I'd have stood up and left. If she asks where I'm going, I'd smile, and go "I'm just gonna go make a phone call. Relax silly". To the guy, "hey bro I didn't get your name". Shaking his hand. "Can you watch her real quick. Thanks"

Now she doesnt know how your going to call, you dont look like a vagina just sitting there quietly while he games her in front of you, give her the gift if missing you, and your telling him to stay there. Stealing the frame, because now hes with her because you told him to

But yeah for the future, because you say shes not exactly socially savvy, I'd bring it up that its rude to not introduce the person your with. And leave them hanging dry. I would not point to this example tho, but the next time it happens.

 

[Train]

I can speak as the guy who has done this (sorry, lol). Except the girl came to me.

We were sitting down across from each other at a happy hour. Just chatting. Then this guy comes out of nowhere, sits near us, and introduces himself. We make small talk and he casually mentions that he's her boyfriend. Message received.

It didn't feel awkward. He asserted his territory without making a show of it. Though after the intro, I did get the feeling that he didn't like me. But could have been miscommunication.

This could be a way for you to make your relationship status known without making it awkward for everybody.

 

[trashKENNUT]

Just to add notes here. The other guys has answered your question.

Your scenario is quite interesting. It's very common.

Usually it's unintentional. The guy likes your girl. He just lacks social calibration or your girl lacks social etiquette.

Which clearly your girlfriend lacks of, and if this happens more times, there's a deeper issue.

But among high level people, this gets very nuance. I recommend all guys including myself to try to not be KING in someone elses house.

Never try to be KING in someone else's house.

You will hit a nerve accidentally on social groups because you are meeting people. If the guy is cool, and that there's no clear indication of who is the boss per se at the place, most of the time he will be pretty chill.

He will introduce himself to you and if you are nice, he will make the place as pleasant for you.

Because we all just trying to achieve our goals.

I know this because a group of 2 guys and 1 girl tried to do the same shit at my location where I was the supervisor. They were pretty cocky to my mates and they were new there. I have to step up, show who is the boss there.

Which is me of course. I don't want the place to be run over because this group just act like they own the place.

I played a very nuance game with the other groups high level guy. And yes.

Let's just say that the girl of the ship already wants to jump onto my ship.

Hoes ain't loyal.

 

[Skills]

Hey there,

I had a situation yesterday which happened for the first time. I'm not entirely sure how to deal with it.

I was working next to my girlfriend on the campus library. We were having some difficulties with the paper. Some hard group project.

Out of nowhere, a guy walks in, sits beside my girlfriend and starts talking. Now, in all honesty, the guy seemed pretty cool and socially calibrated and handsome as well so he did not come across as creepy at all.

He completely ignores me and befriends my girlfriend, offering to help on the paper. She gladly accepts and soon they are in rapt conversation, with me left out. My girlfriend did not introduce me or anything, which she later told me felt weird to her as she did not know how to proceed. She's not particularly socially savvy so I guess that was legit.

Anyway, handsome Joe stole the show and left.

Meanwhile, I could not help but feel like a loser although I tried to hide it.

And it hurts seeing her giving all her attention to him in that moment.

When I asked her about it afterwards, she told me she was just being friendly to make new friends since she's a loner with a very tight circle, including me.

So, how to react in those situations?
When the guy is creepy, that's fine. But he was not. By all measures, he was an attractive guy doing things right (hate to say it though)
My girlfriend is pretty hot and I can expect something like that to happen again.

in this situation, is up to the girl to deal with it, there is nothing you can really do.... You need to learn how to deal with your insecurities and jealousy.... Unless she disrespected you and crossed a boundary such as exchanging numbers or instagram etc... when is mono.

The reason is bothering you is cause you perceive the dude cooler than you in your head... Funny we were talking about things like this in another post however a cool guy will befriend you or acknowledge you vs ignore you...(if i am trying to take your gf from you, i would have asked "how you guys know each other", but the majority of guys don't he probably did not know you were a couple)

 

[James D]

I'd have stood up and left. If she asks where I'm going, I'd smile, and go "I'm just gonna go make a phone call. Relax silly". To the guy, "hey bro I didn't get your name". Shaking his hand. "Can you watch her real quick. Thanks"

Now she doesnt know how your going to call, you dont look like a vagina just sitting there quietly while he games her in front of you, give her the gift if missing you, and your telling him to stay there. Stealing the frame, because now hes with her because you told him to

But yeah for the future, because you say shes not exactly socially savvy, I'd bring it up that its rude to not introduce the person your with. And leave them hanging dry. I would not point to this example tho, but the next time it happens.

Hey Velasco,

Thanks for the reply!

What you're suggesting is very interesting. However, I don't think I'm socially calibrated enough to pull it off. I see a lot of ways it could go wrong, especially if the guy wants to climb the social ladder.

But it seems like the most coo, laid back response for sure.

 

[James D]

in this situation, is up to the girl to deal with it, there is nothing you can really do.... You need to learn how to deal with your insecurities and jealousy.... Unless she disrespected you and crossed a boundary such as exchanging numbers or instagram etc... when is mono.

The reason is bothering you is cause you perceive the dude cooler than you in your head... Funny we were talking about things like this in another post however a cool guy will befriend you or acknowledge you vs ignore you...(if i am trying to take your gf from you, i would have asked "how you guys know each other", but the majority of guys don't he probably did not know you were a couple)

Skills,

You're spot on. Your comment made me more aware of my insecurities and jealousy.
I guess that such situations won't stop bothering me until I handle those.

Thanks a lot, you really opened my eyes here.

Gotta work on this

 

[YS.]

Honestly, I would just be cool (not butthurt at all, in a loud/fun/playful voice); Hey bro, where are your manners? Introduce yourself! Who are you?

Just call him out in a playful way. Smiling and positive. But dominant. But loving/giving value, in a way you want to befriend him. Your vibe here is crucial but you can completely dominate/interrupt the conversation. Frame it like "I wanna meet you bro. You're cool." And just ask him chode questions and qualify him. That's it.

You can even tell him Hey man, I'm feeling left out here. Don't hurt my feelings. (Obviously in a joking/exaggarated way.)

- Cool. Cool. I'm YS man. Nice to meet you. So what's your story, how do you know each other?
+ ...
- Oh, you're an engineer. That's super super cool man. I love you guys. You guys are super smart and analytical, which I appreciate a lot. (He'll have to just deal with you / talk to you.)

Etc. etc. Just value pump the conversation. Interject, retain your value and then if they have an important conversation go like I'll leave you guys to it. Don't be the random invisible hover chode LOL. Either interject the convo or leave. But you can easily interject.

 

[Skills]

Honestly, I would just be cool (not butthurt at all, in a loud/fun/playful voice); Hey bro, where are your manners? Introduce yourself! Who are you?

Just call him out in a playful way. Smiling and positive. But dominant. But loving/giving value, in a way you want to befriend him. Your vibe here is crucial but you can completely dominate/interrupt the conversation. Frame it like "I wanna meet you bro. You're cool." And just ask him chode questions and qualify him. That's it.

You can even tell him Hey man, I'm feeling left out here. Don't hurt my feelings. (Obviously in a joking/exaggarated way.)

- Cool. Cool. I'm YS man. Nice to meet you. So what's your story, how do you know each other?
+ ...
- Oh, you're an engineer. That's super super cool man. I love you guys. You guys are super smart and analytical, which I appreciate a lot. (He'll have to just deal with you / talk to you.)

Etc. etc. Just value pump the conversation. Interject, retain your value and then if they have an important conversation go like I'll leave you guys to it. Don't be the random invisible hover chode LOL. Either interject the convo or leave. But you can easily interject.

well here is the thing, sometimes jeolousy in itself is a shit test.... So you just have to be very careful the less territorial and jelous you are the more attractive as long as you do not come across as a push over let me illustrate

me at a club with a girl, a dude comes and dances or hit on her that had no idea we are a couple..... right move= ignore legit, no fake no jealous game cause the self always comes through...

me at a club super obvious we are together and the girl is into me, dude comes and out of no wear break my hands from her as i am holding= the dude got his ask kicked at the club... which of course is the right move obvious total disrespect and uncalibration.

 

[YS.]

well here is the thing, sometimes jeolousy in itself is a shit test.... So you just have to be very careful the less territorial and jelous you are the more attractive as long as you do not come across as a push over let me illustrate

me at a club with a girl, a dude comes and dances or hit on her that had no idea we are a couple..... right move= ignore legit, no fake no jealous game cause the self always comes through...

me at a club super obvious we are together and the girl is into me, dude comes and out of no wear break my hands from her as i am holding= the dude got his ask kicked at the club... which of course is the right move obvious total disrespect and uncalibration.

100% Skills but it's all in the vibe. You can do NOTHING and come across as a total loser or a total champ. Or you can proactively take back the convo and make the 2 people feel socially uncalibrated or look like a needy jealous chode.

If I understand OP correctly it was a social vibe and he was with his GF, not a random chick. I'd just take over the convo personally. Ofc it has to come from a non jealous place so I qualified it as the vibe is everything.

 

[DarkKnight]

I like @Velasco method the most. It's just way more law of least effort. You do not want to compete on what is already yours.

But you do need to train the chick, if she each time blunders by giving random guys openings it's unneeded pressure on you and actually disrespectful. I mean if a superhot chick hits on you right where your girlfriend is next to you.. wouldn't you feel any social pressure at all? Velascos comment is right on tell her it's rude and let her brew on it.. However if she is really thickheaded you have to spell things out.... Either because she is really naieve or because she feigns ignorance. The last thing you need is having to keep maneuvring each time this happens. She needs to know how to deal with this herself.

 

[Skills]

I like @Velasco method the most. It's just way more law of least effort. You do not want to compete on what is already yours.

But you do need to train the chick, if she each time blunders by giving random guys openings it's unneeded pressure on you and actually disrespectful. I mean if a superhot chick hits on you right where your girlfriend is next to you.. wouldn't you feel any social pressure at all? Velascos comment is right on tell her it's rude and let her brew on it.. However if she is really thickheaded you have to spell things out.... Either because she is really naieve or because she feigns ignorance. The last thing you need is having to keep maneuvring each time this happens. She needs to know how to deal with this herself.

it comes across to me as butthurt revengeful, i did not like it... You guys seriously need to get to the point were jealousy is not an issue realistically, it is important for lover secret society frame vs if is disrespect...

 

[DarkKnight]

it comes across to me as butthurt revengeful, i did not like it... You guys seriously need to get to the point were jealousy is not an issue realistically, it is important for lover secret society frame vs if is disrespect...

Nope not revenge. But you look ineffective if you stand there like some loser while your chick is talking to some guy. If it is a 2 minute conversation it doesnt matter.. but if it gets extended yeah... you're kinda coming off as a tool.

But I am honestly curious about what you would do. You are with your girlfriend and some guy comes up to her and makes it a 10 minute convo. Leaving you out. What would you do?

 

[Skills]

Nope not revenge. But you look ineffective if you stand there like some loser while your chick is talking to some guy. If it is a 2 minute conversation it doesnt matter.. but if it gets extended yeah... you're kinda coming off as a tool.

But I am honestly curious about what you would do. You are with your girlfriend and some guy comes up to her and makes it a 10 minute convo. Leaving you out. What would you do?

but i don't understand, so you are saying it was total disrespect on purpose, maybe the op can clarify....

for op:

- was the dude trying to picking her up?
- was she playing stupid and the vibe was she like the dude?
- was it obvious disrespect?


^ if this is what it was is a talk with a girl gently correction, if it happens again is a soft next follow if same behavior with a hard next.

- i said i would not do anything if is not disrespect just a dude helping her, with that being said if it bother the op the vibe may have been a sexual vibe...= disrespect...(If mono and even in open since is disrespectfull)

now if it was nothing like that i would have ignored, this happens to me a lot in clubs as i gave in the example...

 

[Velasco]

- i said i would not do anything if is not disrespect just a dude helping her, with that being said if it bother the op the vibe may have been a sexual vibe...= disrespect...(IF MONO)

He was hitting on her under the impression that he was "just a dude helping her" His girlfriend is socially oblivious (she's like those chicks who thinks, netflix and chill, actually means lets watch netflix and chill lol 2:28

Nothing malicious on her part. So I suggest he teach her that, that behavior is actually disrespectful even if she is not aware of that.

 

[DarkKnight]

@Skills Thanks for the clarification. No I didnt say its purposeful disrespect.. it could be naivety or it could be purposeful disrespect. I have no idea what it was in the OP's situation.

However if she talks with some guy... who is presumely hitting on her I mean why the fuck else would he try to "help" specifically her with their paper for an extended time while you are being left out... then a correction is in order without being emotional about it.

Otherwise OP has to encounter this again and again until this at one point drives a wedge between them.

 

[Ree]

in this situation, is up to the girl to deal with it, there is nothing you can really do.... You need to learn how to deal with your insecurities and jealousy.... Unless she disrespected you and crossed a boundary such as exchanging numbers or instagram etc... when is mono

I think this is the way to go,I have had girlfriends go to dates and bring back wines and food which we then proceeded to consume,while laughing at the shmuck who bought them

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

Sorry I missed this earlier. Don't want to dredge up bad memories.

You're just afraid of confrontation.

And because of your fear, you don't have any practice in dealing with it. This shows that your baseline socialization, how to spark and defuse conflict are lacking. Western Culture is not very good at teaching this, and it's why predators run everything.

If you rolling with the proverbial bad bitch, dudes will either not see you, or try to punk you.

On top of that, if you start to "mate guard", that is get protective, your girl will fall for some bullshit narrative about you being a loser, she can fight her own battles, or some other negative emotional spiral - and you'll lose her.

There are plenty of ways to handle this, but in my experience, PUA and The Red Pill, don't address it.

I'm 5'11" and generally look soft. Even when I'm lean, at best I look like a professional badminton player. Nobody is gonna be threatened by my looks. That works to my advantage.

If i'm rolling with a smokeshow, especially at the type of urban events that I frequent, it's always some rich dude, basketball guy, or dumb ex football player trying to get at my gal. Send her a drink, join the conversation, try to take shots at the king. (If you take a shot at the king, you best not miss. (c) Omar from The Wire)

Here's what I do.

The community term is AMOG, and it's usually used to deal with a competitor for a girl at the early stage of a pull. It's usually not remembered for this situation when you're with your LTR. My overall tactic with any AMOG is to turn his most attractive quality and make it a weakness. If he's rich, he has not time. If he works out, he's compensating. If he's funny, he's hiding something. etc.

• Archie to the goon - "Oh you gon' holla at my girl in front of me?" [call him out]
• I don't give him a chance to respond to me. [cut off his rebuttal]
• Archie to my girl - "How's he doing babe? You like that line of bullshit, or does he need to say something else..." [put his moves under inspection]
• Wait for your girl to comment...but don't let her finish [not in an effort to undercut, but to set the guy up]
• Archie to my girl - "Look at his fist clench, I know he's not trying to scrap. Look at him looking for some shit to say.. C'mon pimping, I'm rooting for you. Take this broad off my hands." [focusing on his existent body language fucks his mind up - because we can't ever truly know how we appear in each and every second]
• Archie - "Baby look at him. he ain't never missed a leg day, can't you imagine that all that meat pushing up in you..." [continue to admire his accomplishments taking away his most valuable weapons]

The more I can characterize his actions, visualize them in the minds of the audience, the more POWER I have over the situation. Most competition doesn't know how to deal with this.

If you're wondering, the defense for most AMOG attempts, esp if you are trafficking in more urban environments, you have to go with it, and top it.
You don't necessarily need to this quick witted. Cause this type of thing happens all the time. But...

You have to be willing to confront.

Sometimes, a quick, "My dude, you're gonna keep talking?" is all you need for a cat to bounce.

Overall, you need to engage in more socializing and get used to holding positions of power and using said power.

A lot of guys shy away from it, but learning how to handle people is a core part of general socialization. In my view, a lot of society is the way it is because we as a society have gotten away from confrontation, and prefer to either compromise or prevent.

WIA

 

[Ree]

Sometimes, a quick, "My dude, you're gonna keep talking?" is all you need for a cat to bounce.

Hey,what is wrong with just ignoring them

 

[James D]

Sorry I missed this earlier. Don't want to dredge up bad memories.

You're just afraid of confrontation.

And because of your fear, you don't have any practice in dealing with it. This shows that your baseline socialization, how to spark and defuse conflict are lacking. Western Culture is not very good at teaching this, and it's why predators run everything.

If you rolling with the proverbial bad bitch, dudes will either not see you, or try to punk you.

On top of that, if you start to "mate guard", that is get protective, your girl will fall for some bullshit narrative about you being a loser, she can fight her own battles, or some other negative emotional spiral - and you'll lose her.

There are plenty of ways to handle this, but in my experience, PUA and The Red Pill, don't address it.

I'm 5'11" and generally look soft. Even when I'm lean, at best I look like a professional badminton player. Nobody is gonna be threatened by my looks. That works to my advantage.

If i'm rolling with a smokeshow, especially at the type of urban events that I frequent, it's always some rich dude, basketball guy, or dumb ex football player trying to get at my gal. Send her a drink, join the conversation, try to take shots at the king. (If you take a shot at the king, you best not miss. (c) Omar from The Wire)

Here's what I do.

The community term is AMOG, and it's usually used to deal with a competitor for a girl at the early stage of a pull. It's usually not remembered for this situation when you're with your LTR. My overall tactic with any AMOG is to turn his most attractive quality and make it a weakness. If he's rich, he has not time. If he works out, he's compensating. If he's funny, he's hiding something. etc.

• Archie to the goon - "Oh you gon' holla at my girl in front of me?" [call him out]
• I don't give him a chance to respond to me. [cut off his rebuttal]
• Archie to my girl - "How's he doing babe? You like that line of bullshit, or does he need to say something else..." [put his moves under inspection]
• Wait for your girl to comment...but don't let her finish [not in an effort to undercut, but to set the guy up]
• Archie to my girl - "Look at his fist clench, I know he's not trying to scrap. Look at him looking for some shit to say.. C'mon pimping, I'm rooting for you. Take this broad off my hands." [focusing on his existent body language fucks his mind up - because we can't ever truly know how we appear in each and every second]
• Archie - "Baby look at him. he ain't never missed a leg day, can't you imagine that all that meat pushing up in you..." [continue to admire his accomplishments taking away his most valuable weapons]

The more I can characterize his actions, visualize them in the minds of the audience, the more POWER I have over the situation. Most competition doesn't know how to deal with this.

If you're wondering, the defense for most AMOG attempts, esp if you are trafficking in more urban environments, you have to go with it, and top it.
You don't necessarily need to this quick witted. Cause this type of thing happens all the time. But...

You have to be willing to confront.

Sometimes, a quick, "My dude, you're gonna keep talking?" is all you need for a cat to bounce.

Overall, you need to engage in more socializing and get used to holding positions of power and using said power.

A lot of guys shy away from it, but learning how to handle people is a core part of general socialization. In my view, a lot of society is the way it is because we as a society have gotten away from confrontation, and prefer to either compromise or prevent.

WIA

You're right.

It goes back to high school where I sucked at comebacks so I never learnt to confront attackers.

Can you recommend any remedies to learn confrontation?

So that I can be "prepared" for such situations.

Any social situations I can put myself into to learn it?