How to be relatable when you seemingly aren't?

[ElderPrice]

I have a question on relatability. I'm sure a lot of guys that come to this site wonder this to some degree. If you're a guy with relatively few life experiences, but you commit to getting better with women which means you're committing to approaching thousands of them, yet the vast majority of these girls have relatively lots of life experience, how are you supposed to relate to them in conversation?

I know the first volley of answers: Get more life experiences to get up to their 'level.' Or, employ Chase's 7 secrets to relatability. But I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about you've just left your parents basement and you've just started your approaches. How are you supposed to relate to others in conversation before you've accumulated life experiences to be able to, in essence, speak the same language? Examples:
- Sex and/or dates: You've had basically none, she's had a lot by comparison
- Activities: You've played video games, she's read books
- Maybe you go to the gym, she hikes
- You're an indoors type, she's always doing stuff outdoors
- Music: You like older stuff, she likes newer stuff
- Religion: Maybe you're not religious, but she goes to church on Sundays
- Travel: You haven't traveled much, she has
etc etc and any could be vice versa. And this doesn't even have to be man and woman. This could also apply to relating to other guys. Thoughts?

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

The TL DR is that you can basically draw commonality from pretty much everything you've listed. Where she goes to Church regularly, you can state that you practice mindfulness or meditation. You like classic rock, she likes mumble rap - you can relate to her about singing along to your favorite song. In terms of practical technique, it's really a question of your imagination and intelligence. And if you want to be successful at this, you will have to use your imagination and intelligence, because most connections are not textbook, they just follow a similar timeline.

You just need to practice, and you can practice this sort of "I relate to you on dissimilar things" with any girl you meet on social media/online dating sites.

There really isn't much to it.

The rest of my post is about - why the hell are you doing this in the first place? Trying to find common ground is what squares/AFCs/chumps/Chodes/simps/betas (whatever they're called this week) do.

_____________________________________________________________________

Before a student starts on any technique or new philosophy, they should ask themselves why?

Always start with why.

• Why am I learning this?
• Why am I learning to qualify? Why am I using qualification?
• Why am I looking for commonalities?
• Why am I trying to be relatable?
• What is being "relatable" going to get me in terms of my goal?

For example - You play video games, she reads books - both of you are following someone else's narrative to get to some emotional pleasure of a journey. She might spend 4-6 hours reading a book. You'll spend hundreds of hours in a game. You can draw the parallels and understand her experience. You can talk about your trials and tribulations with your medium, as can she. All of the things you listed are practically the same at a high enough level. She's a vegan and you're zero carb (i.e only animal products) - you can relate to her on the visceral aspects of eating your favorite meal. You need to put yourself in enough situations where you learn to improvise on the spot.

But WHY are you doing this?

If you go the gym and get hot and sweaty, and she goes hiking and gets hot and sweaty - you can relate to the hot and sweatiness of it.

But why? Why is that important to establish with the girl?

"Hey Chica, I can stink up a car in 30 minutes just like you!!!"

What's this gaining you?

Are you telling the girl that "we are actually quite similar" so that she trusts you more? And her trust moves you closer to sex?
Or is it that you want to show similar feelings, thus you can be compatible in a long term setting?

What's your goal? What's your immediate goal with this technique? How does this intermediary goal get you to your ultimate goal?

If you're trying to bang, or trying to find a GF - do you really need to be similar?

Where did you get that idea? It can't be from real life, as there are couples all around you that are dissimilar. And there are similar people around you, that are not couples.

Does she need to find commonalities in order to have a sex with you? In order to have a long term relationship? Is that what her past is telling you?

At a more meta level, by trying to find/force commonality - is that good for whatever relationship you want - are you changing yourself in order to appease her?

Is that a good thing? (it might be, it might not be, there aren't any absolutes here, just means to an end)

Breaking Rapport/Not seeking Commonality/Disqualification

One of the things that the community figured out early on is that NOT RELATING to her was a good thing. Breaking Rapport was a good thing. Pushing her away, instead of pulling her was a good thing. Distinguishing yourself, not trying to placate/appease/please her was a good thing.

• "We would never be a good couple"
• I don't even want to start in on "negs", cause in my opinion, very few people have definitions expansive enough to cover everything that is called a neg. An insult is a "neg". But if you're talking to your girl and your phone buzzes and you check it - according to her and her perception that's also a neg. ....Moving on.

Moreover, trying to please her, trying to relate, was a BAD THING. That said, a lot of guys would take not seeking rapport too far and not calibrate.

Most guys that don't know anything about the "crimson arts" are always trying to relate to a girl.

She likes teacup poodles, well now you're a dog expert even though you have allergies and hate the mangy critters. Your sudden interest is interpreted as false by the girl, and just an attempt to get in her pants. That's why it usually fails. On the other side - If I find out a girl likes Wu Tang, my interest leve in her skyrockets - suddenly I'm gonna turn in my player jersey and settle down and have kids - my sudden interest in the girl is not false to her - but false to me. (As i've dated plenty of girls that are "wu tang for life"). We don't talk enough about our own predilections.

Some more advanced guys take note of the girls likes and dislikes, and lets her discover that they are similar - even though these interests of his are plants. (I keep 5 or 6 magazines on my coffee table, 4 of which would be of interest to any given girl that comes to my place - you can do the same with your bookshelf or your art - or your clothing when you go out).

But similarity, commonality, often breeds familiarity.
Familiarity breeds contempt.

In terms of more tech - One of the plays that every man has is the exotic - to not be familiar - to have more layers to his personality. Him and his girl could be from the same milquetoast suburban background - but he could easily be involved in some clandestine yet middle class activity. I digress.

Indeed, getting back to resisting the notion that you need to have commonalities - one of the more subtle pleasures of the game, is the girl wondering WHY she likes you. Having that question in her mind creates a tension.

"There's just something about him"

When newbies talk about being "mysterious" - they often really mean not answering the girls questions (which almost always comes off as evasive and untrustworthy in a bad way. (you can be untrustworthy in a good way...))

Instead, the mystery of a player, is that she can't figure you out, you are unpredictable.

She tries to be negative, and it has no effect. She tries to be positive and it has no effect. She's looking to get some sort of response from you, but your response is intermittent...but there might be a pattern. And it drives her crazy. Like 2048, like any video game.

So ask yourself again, why do I want to be relatable?

If you are a rock star and you happen to see a librarian with a Phat Ass, who is self conscious about you not relating to her - Do you truly want to meet that girl by professing your love for the Harry Potter series? Why are you coming down to her level?

If you are a wikipedia editor attracted to some vapid club queen, why are you trying to convince her that you're secretly a bedroom DJ?

Is her attraction to you based on commonality? Based on difference?

Or is it based on the fact that you can make her feel all sorts of things? Be it prestige and status, or sexual arousal, or intellectual stimulation - whatever your bag is?

I am just asking you to think about why, before you employ the techniques.

WIA

 

[Glow]

I have a question on relatability. I'm sure a lot of guys that come to this site wonder this to some degree. If you're a guy with relatively few life experiences, but you commit to getting better with women which means you're committing to approaching thousands of them, yet the vast majority of these girls have relatively lots of life experience, how are you supposed to relate to them in conversation?

I know the first volley of answers: Get more life experiences to get up to their 'level.' Or, employ Chase's 7 secrets to relatability. But I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about you've just left your parents basement and you've just started your approaches. How are you supposed to relate to others in conversation before you've accumulated life experiences to be able to, in essence, speak the same language? Examples:
- Sex and/or dates: You've had basically none, she's had a lot by comparison
- Activities: You've played video games, she's read books
- Maybe you go to the gym, she hikes
- You're an indoors type, she's always doing stuff outdoors
- Music: You like older stuff, she likes newer stuff
- Religion: Maybe you're not religious, but she goes to church on Sundays
- Travel: You haven't traveled much, she has
etc etc and any could be vice versa. And this doesn't even have to be man and woman. This could also apply to relating to other guys. Thoughts?

simple relating
Simplest way is to elicit her world by asking into the whys of her choices.
As she outlines her whys it provides feelings which you can then relate too.
Aka its not about doing the same but about the drive behind why you guys do things.
the feelings of it.

Bond on that

Further as you do it you can sorta elicit how she wants her life to look etc, her lifescape as such
relate to that by being the guy that matches that on a few fronts and youre pretty good on the relating.
Not by reading the same book but about understanding the mindset of something or alike. and enacting it in front of her or with her or similar.

start stimulating her on it too and youre pretty fucking dandy,

Advanced relating
next thing is to be able to mirror her meaning you dont speak directly to what she says but you say it, take it in and then you create an action or point that harmonically resonates w what shes expressing. this is seeing her well, being attentive, even receptive and then leading things into very harmonic interactions with amazing feelings for her.

or you can sense her and just engage her in ways you know will be very harmonic - girls note this a lot.

A last thing I like to do is to articulate her feelings a lot or just give voice to it which is gold level hooks if its strong in her. But demands some tuned in empathy.

how to - actively listening
A good way is to tune into her and really actively listen, ask into things and behind it in the beginning. just by doing so you are leading things and appearing very curious about her which elicits a lot and makes her feel amazing. And you get shitload of intel and things you can stimulate on if you wanna amp things up. pick topics that goes into the right directions for seduction and youre good.

What you want to go for is a guy who is cool, asks into things that are fun and interesting for her, maybe even imaginative and full of emotion, maybe romantic things. As she tell you you ask her why that matters to her, curious. when she answers why, once and awhile you relate, other times you just ask more in. Sometimes you voice opinion or support her display of things. sometimes you go more flirty. sometimes you tease. sometime you challenge. etc etc.

 

[Skills]

Being relatable is not needed at all, i have nothing and i mean nothing in common with 99% of women out there. specially the ones that love me to death, i mean nothing i throw it in their face all the time "why you love me i have nothing in common with you", and they start coming up with none sense, or say flat out i have not idea what i am doing with you.

My point is that this is not a real issue when it comes to seducing women....actually most newer guys fail by being relatable cause it makes them come across as "nice guy" vs "polarizing"...

 

[Velasco]

I know what you mean @Skills Elderprice is talking about is one way of relating to someone (our interests and hobbies). Like, I like basketball and am very passionate about watching and playing the sport, while she may not give a shit about the sport. And she may like business or art, and I don't give a shit about any of those things. Maybe the only thing we have in common is that we both find each other sexually attractive, and like each other's sense of humor, and that alone can be good enough.

However, another way of being relatable to someone is having similar views about certain things. Our upbringing for example (if we both grew up poor we can relate on things about that), or our parents being born in neighboring countries (So we'd easily be able to relate with each other on how it's like living here in America Vs our continent), or even just experiences everyone's had. Sad or funny ones 5:42 - 6:52

It's just her feeling like "omg yes! this guy knows what I'm talking about!" "Yes this guy understands what I want without me having to tell him."

But for our purposes, as SNL players, we want to get her to experience these feelings towards views and experiences that are conductive to fast lays

 

[Bacchus]

There is a pretty fascinating concept I've read about in the past. . . its called the other.

Basically this idea states that you most likely generalize other human beings. As being either the same as you and relatable. . . or they are an other. You've probably heard this saying before. “Either you are with me. . . or you are against me.” That's an example of othering and what it often leads to.

Now a large percentage of men who join the pickup community, aren't just seeking a chance to increase their sexual freedom. They also want to find an identity or personality they can adopt. This is probably why so much of game is marketed as. . . be this or that. Be a player. Be alpha. Be sexy. Be relatable. Be smooth. Be a natural. Be an asshole. Be outgoing. Be polarizing. Be outcome independent. Be like me because I have mastered game. . .

When you consider the fact that a personality is an enduring pattern of thinking, feeling and behaving. It does make practical sense to change your emotional patterns, adopt new mindsets and behaviors. So you can assume a new personality to increase your sexual freedom.

There are also certain benefits to choosing attractive behaviors, identities or game methods. . . that aren't too far away from the person you are. These changes feel more intuitive and typically lead to faster learning curves. Though it is a common trap to get stuck in a path of least resistance.

But when you think about othering and how it affects human nature. You can easily unravel lots of quirks and peculiarities. . . in our community. It is why some pickup companies behave like cults built around one. . . or a handful of personalities. It is why there have been many seducer clones over the years. It is also why debates over how to bang random chicks turn into flame wars. . . and get particularly nasty. This idea of the other is almost omnipresent.

Its not all powerful though. . . there is a simple way to side step othering. Empathetic understanding.

This is a pragmatic tool that increases your ability to relate to women, men and build emotional connections. . . with both. Perhaps you meet a girl who seems too stuck up. Too beautiful. Too sexual. Too feminist. Too exotic. . . too this or that. Really she is just a person and another human being like you. But instead of basing her identity on becoming a copy of you. She wants to base it on being with you. This is how relating to men and women often differ.

And like most human beings on planet earth. Once you get tossed into the other category. You will need luck to get them to do anything for or with you.

If you confidently grab a girl by her throat. Rip off all her clothes, lace underwear and fuck her. . . with the full intensity of your primal desire. It could either be her best sexual experience or a 3rd degree felony. What's the difference? You might say a humongous gap in comfort. And you would be right.

But where does comfort come from? Acceptability, connection and empathetic understanding.

These things are amazing for ramping up compliance with girls. . . as long as you know how to use them. How do you do use each pragmatically? Get inside her mind and remove barriers that prevent fast sex. A man who is slotted into the other category during a seduction. . . faces a tough barrier. She believes she can't relate to him. . . or doesn't even want to try. That is a source of what are also known as social frame problems in our community.

A few posts above @Glow mentions some great strategies. . . to get inside the minds of women you meet. Sometimes there is also a fair amount of overlap because certain techs. . . aren't limited to just penetrating female minds or dissolving sexual hangups. . . some can even do both. But anyway, to answer your question more directly @ElderPrice, reality pace openers, curiosity gambits, deep diving and interest bait are another handful that can help you complete these objectives during a conversation. Pacing and leading, reframing ASD, chick crack, SOTs and sexual prizing are a few more. . .

For anyone else reading these small black letters. Remember that regardless of whether you decide to learn technical game. If you are not a virgin then every chick you've banged so far. . . wouldn't have opened her legs for you. . . without the removal of certain barriers. Every girl in your lay count is also there because you somehow managed to benefit from a physiological imprint on her consciousness. Perhaps it was because she liked your personality. Your looks could have triggered it too. Or maybe it was just. . . being in the right place at the right time. . . during her menstrual cycle.

The real question is whether you want more control. . . over your future lays. By learning how to consistently affect the women you meet. Or continue basing sexual freedom on inconsistent effects beyond your control. Are you ready to take the leap. . . from attractive to influential? The choice is yours.

 

[ElderPrice]

@West_Indian_Archie Honestly I put the question forward for two main reasons. First is basically this article -> https://www.girlschase.com/content/attracts

Second is just my personal experience trying to figure the journey out. Girls just don't act toward me how they seem to act for others. A lot of it has been mentioned in my journal. Now, I'm not sold it's actually an issue. Maybe this is all standard what every guy goes through. I have no idea. But I constantly keep seeing things that have me suspecting something's off about me. And I can't pinpoint what. So reflecting recently had me considering if one possibility has to do with relatability. Out of 1,500 or so approaches, there's maybe been 3-5 girls that I've felt a click with and that were excited to meet me. Seems like a ridiculously low percentage to me. Anyway, I've tried exploring other causes for what I'm seeing, and now I'm curious if perhaps I'm just not coming across as relatable. Like, am I just dropping words in conversation that accidentally reveal I'm a life noob? Am I wasting time talking to girls that for instance go hiking all weekend where I've pretty much never hiked before? I know you're right that it's totally fine to be dissimilar, but maybe I'm just not addressing dissimilarities right in conversation? I dunno. Just curious about the possibility.

 

[ElderPrice]

@Bacchus Great stuff my man. So is it accurate to say that if one is having issues with relatability, it's ultimately caused by a lack of empathy?

 

[Velasco]

Be like me because I have mastered game.

Hmm quite the embedded command there

There are also certain benefits to choosing attractive behaviors, identities or game methods. . . that aren't too far away from the person you are

"Person you are"....are you suggesting there exists a baseline personality in each of us (shaped and set in stone by age 5 via genetics and early childhood experiences). And perhaps some styles of game will resonate more with us than others? As Skills wrote in his article with regards to the right way to do cocky/funny, "there are dudes that are not congruent with the cocky/funny, self-amusement persona. You can not fake shit, is either your type of personality or is not". Nothing to be upset about really, as cocky/funny isnt the only attractive behavior women find attractive (some might even find it super try hard for someone to behave that way, because that's not them).

Really she is just a person and another human being like you

With either a similar upbringing as yours (you guys watched the same TV shows/movies (or similar
TV shows/movies with the same premise) growing up, found the same type of character's sense of humor funny or personality attractive), you guys read the same blogs/follow a lot of the same social media accounts)...all this leads to being able to easily resonate with one another. It's only a matter of...is she hot enough that you'll actually want to.

Perhaps it was because she liked your personality. Your looks could have triggered it too. Or maybe it was just. . . being in the right place at the right time. . . during her menstrual cycle.

End result is you end up with a girl that likes you for you (looks/vibe/personality) (if it was just that time of month it may end in a ONS tho). Rather than a character you played to get her (and then having to continue to play that character for the duration of the relationship).

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

Second is just my personal experience trying to figure the journey out. Girls just don't act toward me how they seem to act for others. A lot of it has been mentioned in my journal. Now, I'm not sold it's actually an issue. Maybe this is all standard what every guy goes through. I have no idea. But I constantly keep seeing things that have me suspecting something's off about me. And I can't pinpoint what.

So reflecting recently had me considering if one possibility has to do with relatability. Out of 1,500 or so approaches, there's maybe been 3-5 girls that I've felt a click with and that were excited to meet me. Seems like a ridiculously low percentage to me.

Immediate click? that is the right percentage. As a veteran, me and I'd probably say most, don't have much trouble finding a sex partner. Now If you're 1/500 for a hookup, as opposed to "love at first sight", there are probably some issues with your game.

But A girl where our personalities mesh naturally on the first meet? That's rare for me. I usually don't find deeper value in a chick until weeks into it.

That said, your desire for a "natural connection" suggests some connection with how the rest of society thinks.

• Soulmates
• Your partner will just get you
• There's a lid for every toilet

You gotta let that go. That type of thinking fucks with your ego.

What many of us have found, is that "natural connection" can be simulated on our end. And when not simulated, when it exists "naturally" (assuming she's not putting on her best face to appease what she thinks we want) - the connection itself can be weak overall, or temporary.

Jaded? Cynical? When women have money, when divorce is easy, when they have choices - love comes and goes, chemistry comes and goes.

So this thing that you're after, that you seem to be beating yourself up over - it happens rarely to the best of us, and when it does happen, the state of affairs is fleeting.

Anyway, I've tried exploring other causes for what I'm seeing, and now I'm curious if perhaps I'm just not coming across as relatable. Like, am I just dropping words in conversation that accidentally reveal I'm a life noob? Am I wasting time talking to girls that for instance go hiking all weekend where I've pretty much never hiked before? I know you're right that it's totally fine to be dissimilar, but maybe I'm just not addressing dissimilarities right in conversation? I dunno. Just curious about the possibility.

Going hiking if you've never been hiking isn't a waste. She's sharing a part of herself with you.
You might enjoy hiking. (I sure as fuck don't, but you might)

If she's never gone go-karting or to a Murder Mystery Dinner - she would be keen to go.

Your desire to not try things, to not put yourself in new situations, might suggest that you are a "life noob". Obsessing over similiarity is something you usually see with guys that self define themselves as hard cases. A real hard case is quadriplegic or a guy with Down Syndrome.

Further, I don't know if you've reached the "frame is game" part of your player growth cycle - but people from different cultures meet all the time and fall in love in the real world. She doesn't need to like everything you do, nor do you need to like everything she does in order to have a short term or a long term relationship.

WIA

 

[Velasco]

A girl where our personalities mesh naturally on the first meet? That's rare for me.

We can substitute sense of humor for personality here. Because it appears that one's sense of humor (something I've always screened for right away) is a good predictor of personality traits.

In addition to these shared associations, the aggressive humor style has been found to be positively correlated with engagement in risky behaviors (Cann & Cann, 2013),

Humor styles have also been found to be linked with darker aspects of personality. For example, the aggressive and self-defeating humor styles have been linked with psychopathy and Machiavellianism (Martin, Lastuk, Jeffery, Vernon, & Veselka, 2012; Veselka, Schermer, Martin, & Vernon, 2010) as well as borderline personality features (Schermer et al., 2015). However, it is important to note that not all dark personality features are associated with aggressive and self-defeating humor styles because narcissism has been shown to be positively correlated with the use of affiliative humor but it is not associated with aggressive or self-defeating humor (Martin et al., 2012; Veselka et al., 2010).

This alternative model of personality pathology led to the development of the Personality Inventory for the DSM-5 (PID-5; Krueger, Derringer, Markon, Watson, & Skodol, 2012) which is used to capture the following pathological personality traits: negative affectivity (i.e., the tendency to experience an array of negative emotions), detachment (i.e., characterized by introversion, social isolation, and anhedonia), antagonism (i.e., aggressive tendencies accompanied by assertions of dominance and grandiosity), disinhibition (i.e., impulsivity and sensation seeking), and psychoticism (i.e., a disconnection from reality and a tendency to experience illogical thought patterns).

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4991045

 

[Skills]

i guess i never used the being relatable for seduction... Women used this more than we do....

when you meet a girl everything you do is sooooo perfect, you are the perfect dude, they can relate and love everything you do, sports, martial arts, your ridiculous jokes etc....

once they are in, they hate everything you thought they loved.... That is why i have never used being relatable, i actually don't care about being relatable at all... Funny thing julien rsd was doing something similar lol.... the girl would say i am from France, he would go get away from me i hate french people....etc....

The opposite method (charisma series part 3) - The Skills Method

The opposite method is doing the opposite of what you and most people are inclined to do or say.

www.theskillsmethod.com

 

[Velasco]

Funny thing julien rsd was doing something similar lol.... the girl would say i am from France, he would go get away from me i hate french people....etc....

The opposite method (charisma series part 3) - The Skills Method

The opposite method is doing the opposite of what you and most people are inclined to do or say.

www.theskillsmethod.com

Yeah it demonstrates preselection.

YaReally:

100% Self-amusement leads to 100% outcome independence, which leads to rock solid subcommunications, which is what the girls are reacting to their brain is saying, “this guy isn’t trying to impress me, in fact he seems to be trying to get RID of me…wtf?? Why doesn’t he care about impressing me?? He’s just making fun of the whole thing…does he have OTHER girls hotter than me?? Most guys would never say this kind of stuff to me! If he doesn’t care about me, then he must get girls like me all the time, so I’d better be attracted to him” which is basically demonstrating preselection in a roundabout way.

 

[Bacchus]

@Bacchus Great stuff my man. So is it accurate to say that if one is having issues with relatability, it's ultimately caused by a lack of empathy?

In a general sense yes.

It could be such a person is used to dialing their empathy down with a particular group. Due to past experiences. . . like say they already othered that group before. It could also be that person took a mental shortcut because. . . their brain is on autopilot at this very moment.

Because when its dialed up and you're in an empathetic state, you think very deeply and creatively about new info. You process what the other person is saying as you analyze. . . what is going on through their head. You also make accurate predictions while avoiding poor judgment calls.

This is the opposite of what you often see, in many forms of online communication. It is challenging to empathize with some small black letters on a screen, and find ways to relate by processing this stimuli from multiple angles. . . that may differ from how you are used to thinking.

So because of this challenge a lot of people just don't bother. It requires too much brain power so they leave their autopilot on.

You see this on social media, like Twitter and Instagram. You see this when texting or posting on forums. You see people taking. . . mental shortcuts to repeatedly argue their points. . . in a bull-headed manner. Tuning out the subtleties, details and contexts that form a complete picture. Trying to twist what the other person says into small, inaccurate. . . and preexisting mental models. Like what @Velasco tried to do to my words a few posts above. . .

 

[ulrich]

Relatability is important.
It makes a woman feel you are trustworthy and can take care of her feelings (because you understand them).

How much relatability you need depends on the girl in question and her mood in that specific point of time.
Was she already excited and hot when you met her? Probably she doesn’t need much of it right now.

Also lot of women can fill the holes as long as there is attraction and mistyque.

Relatability is useful for starting interactions with certain girls at certain venues (maybe you can make without it if you focus on already open girls) and essential to keep a long term relationship (think she is going to stay with you when you don’t even get her? Don’t bet on that).

Yes, chumps usually overdo relatability and end up friend zoned.
Yes, with some girls you will not need it if you’re looking for something quick.
But don’t think it’s unimportant.

 

[Skills]

if someone could post a relatability lay report i would love to see it... i have never in my life used it... so just out of curiosity if someone can link a lay report...

 

[ulrich]

if someone could post a relatability lay report i would love to see it... i have never in my life used it... so just out of curiosity if someone can link a lay report...

I see what you mean.

But, have you never lost a girl because she cant relate to you? (or because she doesn’t trust you)
I know I have.

 

[Skills]

I see what you mean.

But, have you never lost a girl because she cant relate to you? (or because she doesn’t trust you)
I know I have.

never, well edit.- my ex of 10 year was a christian, i was raised catholic but avoided religious topics, she broke up with me out of the blue on the basis of we are not spiritually yolk or some christian bs like that, i really can care less about religion she broke up with me, i called another girl, next morning she showed up at my doorsteps( i was not answering her texts) ... she knocked on the door i had the other girl at home towel full of blood cause she had the period, one of the most awkward moments in my life, i told her she was a client or so...(she took me back we dated 10 years or so)

 

[ElderPrice]

That said, your desire for a "natural connection" suggests some connection with how the rest of society thinks.

• Soulmates
• Your partner will just get you
• There's a lid for every toilet

You gotta let that go. That type of thinking fucks with your ego.

No, that's not what I mean or where I'm coming from at all. I know all that is nonsense.

It was just basically, Chase wrote an article about and entitled, Like Attracts Like. It makes sense to me. In addition, I seemingly struggle to relate with girls. Maybe it's true maybe it isn't. I don't know. Either way, I was curious if there were any tips to better relate with girls, especially if it indeed may be true that someone with 'low experience' could struggle conversing with 'experienced' people.

But I didn't intend for this to be an about-me thread. I was hoping it would lead to a broader general discussion. BTW - AWESOME use of the Simpsons quote!

From Like Attracts Like:

Why is this? Why do smart guys do well with smart girls, but struggle with the ones lacking in that department? I used to resent it a bit, and think to myself that only smart girls were able to recognize my amazing qualities, and that lesser women were simply to dull to recognize me for what I was.

I now see that as a mental cop-out. “They just don’t know what they’re missing,” is no excusable reason to fail with women – if they don’t know what they’re missing, you didn’t do enough job of conveying it to them. What I realize it is now is two things:

• Failure to relate
• Failure to excite

And not necessarily in that order.

 

[ElderPrice]

if someone could post a relatability lay report i would love to see it... i have never in my life used it... so just out of curiosity if someone can link a lay report...

This is a very interesting point. There probably won't ever exist a lay report where the lay happened specifically due to relatability.

The opposite will be easier to spot: There's definitely circumstances where you lose a lay or interaction for being unrelatable. The question is - is that because relatability is an issue... or you just made a correctable error: you don't know how to either cut the thread, or to stop broadcasting your unrelatability.

Which leads to the question I'm getting at in the OP: If a hypothetical individual has few life experiences so in conversations they find themselves constantly cutting threads and trying to find new ones that they and the person they're talking to can have a standard connection on... Is there any tricks around this or are they just kinda screwed until they add life experiences? Asking rhetorically.