Recently I went on a date and I got some tests that took me by surprise. I'd like to know how I did, and how would you deal with these?
Looking back on other dates I have been on in the past, I don't think I have ever been tested like this before.
What causes this level of testing? Is it normal? What does it mean when you get no testing or resistance at all? (My previous dates were like that.)
Context: Massive bodybuilding and strength sport competition and expo, thousands of attendees in a convention centre. I spot my favourite competitor:
She: 31 years old, American pro bodybuilder, very popular with about 50k Instagram followers
Me: 44 years old, British amateur bodybuilder/powerlifter, successful software scientist, musician, etc. with about 200 Instagram followers
Approach: Walk alongside talking, and divert her for immediate coffee.
Shortly after meeting, isolated for coffee...
She: I'll give you one of my signed 8x10 photos, then at least you're getting something out of this..
Me: I think I'd prefer to get your phone number.
She: Can you imagine what my life would be like if I gave my number to everyone who wanted it?
Me: Oh, you think I'd get a good price for it on eBay?
She: I'm sure someone would give you a couple thousand for it
Me: Well I'll have to keep that option in mind
Coffee turned into lunch...
Me: ... Yeah, I play the piano too. I do many things.
She: So. You're .. "versatile"? (Facial expression says, 'do you actually expect me to take you seriously'?)
Me: ... Yeah
(Could have said: "I'm a fucking unicorn.")
We arrange to meet up later...
She: Oh now I'm gonna have to give you my number, aren't I?
Me: Well I'll make you a deal not to sell it on
(I text her later: Here's my number, don't sell it
)
We met up later to look around the fitness expo. I am choosing a cap to buy.
Me: (fake putting the cap on her head, trying to be playful)
She: (recoiling) What are you doing? That's for you, I don't want it!
Me: (ignore and continue buying hat)
Later we go for sushi, just the two of us. In the restaurant...
She: I have so many fans here. They all want to tell me how much I've inspired them. (Raising her value)
Me: Oh I know how you feel. When I go to computer science conferences, I'm the well-known guy that all the PhD's and interns want to talk to. It's great when someone follows your work and is inspired by it. I know it gets annoying but I like to take some time with those guys and answer their questions, because that's how we all learn.
She: Oh wow, that's pretty cool.
(Normally I have avoided displaying value explicitly like this. I think it's stupid. But this kind of response seems to have worked well when people will otherwise have no idea of your value in a separate sphere of life. What do you think?)
She: This is a privilege for you getting time with me, when there's so many other people I could be with right now. (Raising her value)
(She is trying to wow me and make me crumble I suppose.)
(This one really knocked me sideways, it sounded so rude.)
(Could have said: Well hey, if there's somewhere else you need to be...)
Me: Well I guess there are other people I could spending my time with right now too.
She: Yeah? Is that something you do a lot? (Don't remember exact wording)
Me: Sure, I meet and eat with other people, or when I prefer, on my own.
(Later on I raise the value of my own time
Me: Yeah, now I pay someone to cook my meals and clean my apartment
She: Isn't that kinda expensive?
Me: Money - you can always make more. But time - well I don't know how to make more of that.
Me: Pass me those limes.
She: (Passes me a plate of lime quarters)
Me: (Take two and drop one in each glass of water)
She: That's not how you do it.
Me: What do you mean?
She: You're supposed to squeeze them in. So the juice gets absorbed into the water. Wait, how old are you?
Me: How old do you think I am?
She: (Frowning, like 'wtf'.) How am I supposed to know?! 35?
Me: I'm 44.
She: Well I was pretty close. I was just thinking maybe I'm older than you if you don't know how to do that. But no. Stick around me and you'll learn a few things.
Me: (mind gone blank) (can't remember what I said next or if I just ignored)
What if I had said, "Oh you want me to _squeeze_ them? And make them squirt their _juices_? Hahaha what's on your mind?!" (Innuendo)
Or, "Oh you're gonna teach _me_ a few things? I can't wait to see what that looks like." (Suggestive)
I guess I did well enough through this barrage for the date to keep continuing. But when it came that she was ready to escalate physically I froze up. I don't know why exactly. Very shortly afterwards, the date is over.
Also, through the whole day she asked vritually nothing about me (except my age). I volunteered a few things here and there, but isn't that weird? I was asking all the questions. What does it mean?
What's the meaning of her trying to put her value above mine? She feels insecure and I'm too unattainable? Or she has lousy values like popularity rather than character.
This is my first time attempting a "seduction" and first time getting an "instadate" and first time dating a celebrity/model type. So not many data points to compare against.
Thanks!
Looking back on other dates I have been on in the past, I don't think I have ever been tested like this before.
What causes this level of testing? Is it normal? What does it mean when you get no testing or resistance at all? (My previous dates were like that.)
Context: Massive bodybuilding and strength sport competition and expo, thousands of attendees in a convention centre. I spot my favourite competitor:
She: 31 years old, American pro bodybuilder, very popular with about 50k Instagram followers
Me: 44 years old, British amateur bodybuilder/powerlifter, successful software scientist, musician, etc. with about 200 Instagram followers
Approach: Walk alongside talking, and divert her for immediate coffee.
Shortly after meeting, isolated for coffee...
She: I'll give you one of my signed 8x10 photos, then at least you're getting something out of this..
Me: I think I'd prefer to get your phone number.
She: Can you imagine what my life would be like if I gave my number to everyone who wanted it?
Me: Oh, you think I'd get a good price for it on eBay?
She: I'm sure someone would give you a couple thousand for it
Me: Well I'll have to keep that option in mind
Coffee turned into lunch...
Me: ... Yeah, I play the piano too. I do many things.
She: So. You're .. "versatile"? (Facial expression says, 'do you actually expect me to take you seriously'?)
Me: ... Yeah
(Could have said: "I'm a fucking unicorn.")
We arrange to meet up later...
She: Oh now I'm gonna have to give you my number, aren't I?
Me: Well I'll make you a deal not to sell it on
(I text her later: Here's my number, don't sell it
We met up later to look around the fitness expo. I am choosing a cap to buy.
Me: (fake putting the cap on her head, trying to be playful)
She: (recoiling) What are you doing? That's for you, I don't want it!
Me: (ignore and continue buying hat)
Later we go for sushi, just the two of us. In the restaurant...
She: I have so many fans here. They all want to tell me how much I've inspired them. (Raising her value)
Me: Oh I know how you feel. When I go to computer science conferences, I'm the well-known guy that all the PhD's and interns want to talk to. It's great when someone follows your work and is inspired by it. I know it gets annoying but I like to take some time with those guys and answer their questions, because that's how we all learn.
She: Oh wow, that's pretty cool.
(Normally I have avoided displaying value explicitly like this. I think it's stupid. But this kind of response seems to have worked well when people will otherwise have no idea of your value in a separate sphere of life. What do you think?)
She: This is a privilege for you getting time with me, when there's so many other people I could be with right now. (Raising her value)
(She is trying to wow me and make me crumble I suppose.)
(This one really knocked me sideways, it sounded so rude.)
(Could have said: Well hey, if there's somewhere else you need to be...)
Me: Well I guess there are other people I could spending my time with right now too.
She: Yeah? Is that something you do a lot? (Don't remember exact wording)
Me: Sure, I meet and eat with other people, or when I prefer, on my own.
(Later on I raise the value of my own time
Me: Yeah, now I pay someone to cook my meals and clean my apartment
She: Isn't that kinda expensive?
Me: Money - you can always make more. But time - well I don't know how to make more of that.
Me: Pass me those limes.
She: (Passes me a plate of lime quarters)
Me: (Take two and drop one in each glass of water)
She: That's not how you do it.
Me: What do you mean?
She: You're supposed to squeeze them in. So the juice gets absorbed into the water. Wait, how old are you?
Me: How old do you think I am?
She: (Frowning, like 'wtf'.) How am I supposed to know?! 35?
Me: I'm 44.
She: Well I was pretty close. I was just thinking maybe I'm older than you if you don't know how to do that. But no. Stick around me and you'll learn a few things.
Me: (mind gone blank) (can't remember what I said next or if I just ignored)
What if I had said, "Oh you want me to _squeeze_ them? And make them squirt their _juices_? Hahaha what's on your mind?!" (Innuendo)
Or, "Oh you're gonna teach _me_ a few things? I can't wait to see what that looks like." (Suggestive)
I guess I did well enough through this barrage for the date to keep continuing. But when it came that she was ready to escalate physically I froze up. I don't know why exactly. Very shortly afterwards, the date is over.
Also, through the whole day she asked vritually nothing about me (except my age). I volunteered a few things here and there, but isn't that weird? I was asking all the questions. What does it mean?
What's the meaning of her trying to put her value above mine? She feels insecure and I'm too unattainable? Or she has lousy values like popularity rather than character.
This is my first time attempting a "seduction" and first time getting an "instadate" and first time dating a celebrity/model type. So not many data points to compare against.
Thanks!