How to keep social frame intact when girl will find out about a lie

[dingdong]

I'm not saying that it's a matter of framing or being funny or whatever else you're saying here... I'm saying that it's a matter of power. The more power you have in the situation, the more you can do whatever you want and she'll accept it. The less power you have, the more anything that happens outside of what she thinks is acceptable will trigger a rejection response.

If she's hyper attracted to you and you tell her you're a 40 year old, what I've seen girls do in the past is either start going, "wow, I'm attracted to older men" or even pretend like you said something you didn't ("You said you're 30, right?"). Girls may have rejected me in the past for my age but it's hard for me to know whether that was age or her level of attraction when I told her my age... I'm guessing it's the latter but I could be wrong if there is a "no go" age for her... but it'd be hard for me to believe she wouldn't make exceptions if she was attracted enough.

That's why you can usually just tell her your age after sex and she doesn't care anymore (IME), you now have most of the power (assuming she does really like you and you aren't fucking everything up post sex).

Okay i understand, usually this comes up early in my intereactions if she is 2-3 years younger or older than me, so i have to deflect it quickly before she is hooked or i have "power". If it is important for her and you tell her the "wrong" age (in her taste) then there won't be any "power" because the situation is gone. She hit the brakes.

 

[Vision]

Okay i understand, usually this comes up early in my intereactions if she is 2-3 years younger or older than me, so i have to deflect it quickly before she is hooked or i have "power". If it is important for her and you tell her the "wrong" age (in her taste) then there won't be any "power" because the situation is gone. She hit the brakes.

Right, she still holds the power at the beginning.

Your options are...

1. Be honest and tell her the truth

If you tell the truth and you're weird about it, she'll usually be weird about it too.

If you tell the truth and aren't weird about it, it usually is determined by power dynamics and whether she has prejudices/expectations around this.

2. Lie

Then you have to deal with the fact that you lied to her which may or may not come up later... for instance, if you pull out your ID and she sees it or if you're planning on having a relationship with her, or something of that nature.

3. Push the conversation off until later when you know she's hooked

There are a few ways to push it off, here are a couple...

You can use David D's line, "I'm old enough... to know better... than to answer a question like that."

You can make a joke about it (usually works better if it's the opposite of what she probably thinks)...

"I'm actually 14 but I have a really good fake ID so the bouncer let me in."

"I'm 103 years old but I have an AMAZING plastic surgeon."

You can also just cut the thread and change conversations.

You could also reframe age as being something that doesn't matter to you. I've had girls do this to me before when other people brought up the age thing and they were already attracted and didn't even want to know (sometimes girls don't want to bring up the topic because they don't want to tell you their age or they don't want to know your age so they don't feel a reason to reject you when they like you).

Most of the time, I've found if you put age off, they'll keep asking about it later... but once they're deep in and hooked, it's not as big of a deal if you don't make it a big deal or get weird about it.

 

[Vision]

Oh, another thing you can do is flip the frame around and make it about whether she's old enough/too old to be hanging out with you. But I've noticed the other things seem to work fine.

 

[Skills]

Yes, it's an issue with online filters for sure. But I think once there's a 1-1 rapport IRL, it's good to resolve the lie (or shall we just call it a fib?) asap.

Again after investment maybe. 3 ficks I am talking over 10 years age gap maybe a problem

 

[dingdong]

Right, she still holds the power at the beginning.

Your options are...

1. Be honest and tell her the truth

If you tell the truth and you're weird about it, she'll usually be weird about it too.

If you tell the truth and aren't weird about it, it usually is determined by power dynamics and whether she has prejudices/expectations around this.

Man maybe it is because you are being honest from older to younger but me always being the younger one to an older girl, if i'm just honest with her about my age, no matter how i say it or with what energy, it is a death sentence. She may not say it immediately, i might even get the number, but later on she will use it to backwards rationalize why she isn't feeling it. It is a huge minus. I urge people on the forum to try out the different methods and see what works. In my view the best to worst way of handling it is:

1. Lying
2. Being honest
3. Giving a "non-answer", pushing it off, reframing it, cocky funny, etc.

I think number 3 is by far the worst one, because she is gonna feel like you are hiding something from her (like you said, being weird about it). "Why won't he just tell me!!". My experience is that as soon as you try and dance around the question, she will completely zero in on the issue and give it 100% of the focus and now you have no way out except telling her an age number whether that be the truth or something else. I like to ask girls however "how old do you think? " before i lie to them lmao. Or tell the truth. Sometimes i approach a teenager and she think i'm 25 or something and is relieved when i tell her i am 21. So it can work in many ways.

Anyways, here's a lay report of me dodging the age question the entire date until i'm seconds away from putting my dick inside her and she said "How old are you?". If i had told her i'm 2 years younger than her, she would have bailed i am sure of it. So i just told her i was 24. So i don't believe in dodging the age question as a good strategy, because she WILL insist on it and you will only make it worse by dancing around it.

 

[Just a Man]

Hi Phoenix, in my observation it's much easier being older than a girl than being younger. Going back to Skills' point about how this plays out with online dating, it's pretty striking that the vast majority of filter preferences set by women (at least that I've ever seen) start from same age or higher. It's usually just a question of how much higher they think they're happy to go. In my experience, this usual preference for same age or higher plays out IRL too.

So on the issue of how much older, I get that, to many 18-year-old girls, five years might look like a pretty hefty age gap. But my experience is that there's a huge change in very many girls' perspectives as they go from 18 to their 20s and especially by mid-20s.

As long as you're very relaxed with the age gap, look reasonably good for your age, and indicate maturity while remaining accessible -

• girls 20+ often have no issue with a 10-year gap;
• girls 23+ often have no issue with a 15-year gap;
• girls 23+ sometimes have no issue with a gap up to 18 or even 20 years;
• girls 28+ often have no issue with a gap up to 20 years.

Longer gaps are more niche but still fine with some girls.

In the meantime, what does this mean for very young guys? Well basically, it means that gradually you're probably going to want to lie less often and be honest more often. And that's simply because you'll have a growing range of girls in their 20s with whom it's perfectly okay to be honest because you're same age or older than more and more of them.

 

[Darius]

Man maybe it is because you are being honest from older to younger but me always being the younger one to an older girl, if i'm just honest with her about my age, no matter how i say it or with what energy, it is a death sentence. She may not say it immediately, i might even get the number, but later on she will use it to backwards rationalize why she isn't feeling it. It is a huge minus. I urge people on the forum to try out the different methods and see what works. In my view the best to worst way of handling it is:

1. Lying
2. Being honest
3. Giving a "non-answer", pushing it off, reframing it, cocky funny, etc.

I think number 3 is by far the worst one, because she is gonna feel like you are hiding something from her (like you said, being weird about it). "Why won't he just tell me!!". My experience is that as soon as you try and dance around the question, she will completely zero in on the issue and give it 100% of the focus and now you have no way out except telling her an age number whether that be the truth or something else. I like to ask girls however "how old do you think? " before i lie to them lmao. Or tell the truth. Sometimes i approach a teenager and she think i'm 25 or something and is relieved when i tell her i am 21. So it can work in many ways.

Anyways, here's a lay report of me dodging the age question the entire date until i'm seconds away from putting my dick inside her and she said "How old are you?". If i had told her i'm 2 years younger than her, she would have bailed i am sure of it. So i just told her i was 24. So i don't believe in dodging the age question as a good strategy, because she WILL insist on it and you will only make it worse by dancing around it.

used to do this too when i was younger (26 now so no more issues), just tell her your real age in the after-sex pillow talk (and watch her reality crumble lol). If she objects just say you were flirting and don't pay much mind to it.

Things seemed a lot harder for me too if I told girls I was younger than them. It's hard to maintain a dominant frame after that without the girl challenging it and acting like she's the more 'mature' one. I have no idea why but women just seem obsessed with age. Unless she's significantly older (when I was 19 I banged a 35, we kinda both knew what was up).

I have a theory you could pull this off if you go for less of a 'dominant guy' frame and have a more feminine approach, where you're still sexual and escalate but in a more playful way (think Russell Brand kind) without taking control, because she will object to that.

 

[Skills]

Man maybe it is because you are being honest from older to younger but me always being the younger one to an older girl, if i'm just honest with her about my age, no matter how i say it or with what energy, it is a death sentence. She may not say it immediately, i might even get the number, but later on she will use it to backwards rationalize why she isn't feeling it. It is a huge minus. I urge people on the forum to try out the different methods and see what works. In my view the best to worst way of handling it is:

1. Lying
2. Being honest
3. Giving a "non-answer", pushing it off, reframing it, cocky funny, etc.

I think number 3 is by far the worst one, because she is gonna feel like you are hiding something from her (like you said, being weird about it). "Why won't he just tell me!!". My experience is that as soon as you try and dance around the question, she will completely zero in on the issue and give it 100% of the focus and now you have no way out except telling her an age number whether that be the truth or something else. I like to ask girls however "how old do you think? " before i lie to them lmao. Or tell the truth. Sometimes i approach a teenager and she think i'm 25 or something and is relieved when i tell her i am 21. So it can work in many ways.

Anyways, here's a lay report of me dodging the age question the entire date until i'm seconds away from putting my dick inside her and she said "How old are you?". If i had told her i'm 2 years younger than her, she would have bailed i am sure of it. So i just told her i was 24. So i don't believe in dodging the age question as a good strategy, because she WILL insist on it and you will only make it worse by dancing around it.

Correct people should field test vs blinly reading dudes opinionson forumsand see what works for them and what does not, there are a segmentof youngwomen that may want older, about #3 you could combine with lying and will have same effect:

Hb: how old are you
Me:69, just kidding guess ( just made it sexual)
Her: 33
Me: omg you must be a psychic, how did you know wow
Her: I can tell
Me: nah 35

 

[Vision]

Man maybe it is because you are being honest from older to younger but me always being the younger one to an older girl, if i'm just honest with her about my age, no matter how i say it or with what energy, it is a death sentence. She may not say it immediately, i might even get the number, but later on she will use it to backwards rationalize why she isn't feeling it. It is a huge minus. I urge people on the forum to try out the different methods and see what works. In my view the best to worst way of handling it is:

1. Lying
2. Being honest
3. Giving a "non-answer", pushing it off, reframing it, cocky funny, etc.

I think number 3 is by far the worst one, because she is gonna feel like you are hiding something from her (like you said, being weird about it). "Why won't he just tell me!!". My experience is that as soon as you try and dance around the question, she will completely zero in on the issue and give it 100% of the focus and now you have no way out except telling her an age number whether that be the truth or something else. I like to ask girls however "how old do you think? " before i lie to them lmao. Or tell the truth. Sometimes i approach a teenager and she think i'm 25 or something and is relieved when i tell her i am 21. So it can work in many ways.

Anyways, here's a lay report of me dodging the age question the entire date until i'm seconds away from putting my dick inside her and she said "How old are you?". If i had told her i'm 2 years younger than her, she would have bailed i am sure of it. So i just told her i was 24. So i don't believe in dodging the age question as a good strategy, because she WILL insist on it and you will only make it worse by dancing around it.

Yeah, the asking her to guess and then telling her something close to whatever she guessed is a pretty good strategy if you're going to lie, I've found. They'll usually tell you what they think is age appropriate for them.

I haven't dated a girl older than me in probably 14 years, so I don't really know that much about the younger guy thing and how women react to it. I tried going on a date with this girl who was close to my age when I was in Ukraine... just didn't feel any attraction to her. Sometimes when women find out my age, they get excited because I apparently look a lot younger than I am, then I friend zone them because they're in their 30's and I only date women in their low to mid-20's and the look on their faces is always sad. Sometimes girls think I'm messing with them when I friendzone them... but nope, I'm really friendzoning you girl, lol.

I think most women ideally want to date men who are just a couple years older than them, regardless of their age. I've dated a few women who were in their early 20's who just said that they prefer dating men my age because they feel like guys their age are basically retarded, guys in their early 30's want to settle down, and guys my age are usually past all of that, just want to bang, and have our lives figured out (more money, more stable, etc).

As far as the pushing off thing goes, I really think it depends on your interaction with the girl... if you can frame it like you're just fucking with her and you think it's funny, that's best, ime. But you're right, they do really want to know and they'll start getting weird and making it the focus of the conversation after awhile. It's like a really strong open loop that they just absolutely need to know the answer to. And if I fuck with them too much, I've found that some of them will lose their trust in me completely... and after a certain point, having that constant fucking with them thing going on, is more counterproductive than valuable.

If lying to them works best for you and you don't care, just keep doing it man. But you may want to look at what's behind the nervous, afraid to tell them stuff and work on just owning it, overall... What's behind all of that? How can you grow through it? Are they all going to bail on you really because they think you're two years younger than what they want you to be?

I don't know the answer to those questions but it could be worth some introspection here.

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

If you consider it a shit test (which it isn't), then you could ignore it the first time she asks, just change the topic... then make a joke the second time. But by the third time you really have to give her a straight answer, one way or the other. But being evasive looks worse than saying a high number.

Mostly though, at age 33, I really wouldn't worry about it... That's a total sweet spot for a man's age! Unless you're picking up outside a high school, it's like the perfect age for a guy. In fact you're still too young to be peak male attractiveness IMO. Maybe this post will help.

I once had a wing who was 44, and when girls asked him his age he said 35. He ended up dating one of those girls and she told him she likes older guys. He asked her... so what's your ideal age? She said... can you guess? 44!! Haaa.

I agree with Vision that it's only going to be an issue if you don't have attraction with her yet. If you do then she won't care because emotions override logic... in all humans, but 10x more so in females.

So focus on attraction, not age. In fact, mentally even thinking about the age thing will reduce attraction because it will make you worried, insecure, incongruent, and all kinds of shit that will subtly come across (women are amazing at reading subtle nonverbal cues)... so worrying will only hurt your game.

Own it. She brings up a grey hair? "Yeah I like it, I think it gives me distinction." A friend said that to me once when we were talking about age in a different context, and I was like wow. It made him appear more confident, which in a woman's eyes would translate to "more attractive".

-Karea.