How to know if the girl is locked in or converted

[empath]

You should stop yourself and ask what is wrong with your behaviour , and see if you can find the answer.

This, from start to finish is textbook needy behaviour and a clear example of how not to retain a girl.

What do you think you’re doing wrong? let’s start there.

Idk man what to do with this one

Till I played cool, she started to go cold, denied me sex and all.

When I showed emotions again she went more colder.

Obviously I can't maintain the persona I used to pick-up a girl forever

How long can I keep doing some curiosity or mystery thing with her to keep her hooked or get her on calls.

 

[empath]

He already got insights from others since the beginning but ignored everything said

Let him crash and burn. Sometimes people need to learn the hard way

Its not that, I have problem retaining other girls, this one gave me a hard time.

I was able retain her till she was living near my proximity of 5 mins.

I could be very casual and I knew one day or another she will feel horny and come to me.

After gap of 1 and half month where she did not try to initate contact, when she went to her hometown, it got on my nerves.

Till I was playing cool, she was the one trying to say it was not casual.

(In my mind I knew, that she is saying that to, preserve in her mind her image of not being a slut, I can't think of any reason)

Because normally girls take interest in guys life, which she did not.

She never deleted her dating apps.

Sex with her never felt like doing out of love.

It was pure act of making her submit.

But she never developed that feeling of love for me.

Only her hormones spoke and nothing else.

 

[empath]

You should stop yourself and ask what is wrong with your behaviour , and see if you can find the answer.

This, from start to finish is textbook needy behaviour and a clear example of how not to retain a girl.

What do you think you’re doing wrong? let’s start there.

I have even tried to ask myself.

Its hard for me to let go of people I like.

I like certainity of things I am far more at peace knowing I won't see her again than of what if.

I wish there was a way to be more patient and play the long game.

But my obsession won.

 

[empath]

TLr is I have more of anxious attachment style in general.

However for romance, it is mix of high-anxiety and high-avoidance. Fearful avoidant.

Idk what to do with it?

Maybe work with anxiety first.

If I am with other insecure girl, I am dismissive but though I understand my anxiety I can run the relationship well.

Cause, I know exactly how they think.

In case of an avoidant I my anxiety is itself sky high so I lose self-control.

Anyway I am optimistic, you can always redo, re-write and re-learn


Details

I thought I will dig a deeper into attachment style as well.

Domain​	Anxiety Score​	Avoidance Score​
General	3.67​	1.5​
Your mother or mother-like figure	1​	3.83​
Your father or father-like figure	2.67​	2.83​
Your romantic partner	4.67​	3​
Your best friend	2.33​	2.17​

Interpretation

Your general attachment score is above the mean for anxiety, but below the mean for avoidance.

Maternal Attachment​

Your maternal attachment score is below the mean for anxiety, but above the mean for avoidance.

Paternal Attachment

Your paternal attachment score is above the mean for anxiety, but below the mean for avoidance.

Romantic

Your romantic attachment score is above the mean for both anxiety and avoidance. (Fearful avoidant)

Friend

Friend attachment score is above the mean for anxiety, but below the mean for avoidance.

 

[TomInHo]

Yeah I can tell you have more of an anxious attachment

It's very hard to fix outside of relationships because you need to learn how manage your emotions when you get triggered

So best way to go about it is to learn more about secure responses and practice them on partners, ideally one that is also secure because they tend to have a bit more patience if they really like you

But if you are too erratic they too can dump you because of your neediness

If you pair with someone that's avoidant it can be very painful and make it more difficult to change your attachment style

 

[empath]

Yeah I can tell you have more of an anxious attachment

It's very hard to fix outside of relationships because you need to learn how manage your emotions when you get triggered

So best way to go about it is to learn more about secure responses and practice them on partners, ideally one that is also secure because they tend to have a bit more patience if they really like you

But if you are too erratic they too can dump you because of your neediness

If you pair with someone that's avoidant it can be very painful and make it more difficult to change your attachment style

Thanks I will look into building more secure attachment style before diving into next relationship.

I have been kind of unlucky to date only either, anxious/insecure girls or avoidant girls.

I don't actually know how to identify a girl who is of secure attachment style.

Also, something to work on is obsessing over a particular girl.

Yeah but I'm myself not only anxious, it at the same time avoidant too.

If a girl is anxious = I run good relationship for short time, then get bored and she ends up being hurt.

If a girl is avoidant = this is the longest time I have been able to spend but ended up being spiralled at last.

I think I will do better next time.

 

[empath]

Even though ... I get it logically.

Emotionally, I cannot understand ... how can a girl be so ungrateful and forget good memories so easily.

 

[gameboy]

Even though ... I get it logically.

Emotionally, I cannot understand ... how can a girl be so ungrateful and forget good memories so easily.

Because you're being a dick over text.

Being an asshole might get you laid if she is into you, but once you're actually fucking her, you want to be a lot nicer if you want something serious with the girl.

 

[TomInHo]

Even though ... I get it logically.

Emotionally, I cannot understand ... how can a girl be so ungrateful and forget good memories so easily.

Because emotionally you are not secure

You only had sex 3 times. That's not a lot of memories and tbh I don't think this woman was avoidant at all

You acted like a jackass in the beginning of the relationship and then when she pulled away you started chasing like a needy puppy

That behavior is easily forgettable and she has no reason to be grateful

Most healthy women will dump a man that behaves that way. You need to learn how to actually act "normal"

So don't expect to get it "emotionally" until you learn how to face your emotional triggers in your next relationship(s)

 

[empath]

Because emotionally you are not secure

You only had sex 3 times. That's not a lot of memories and tbh I don't think this woman was avoidant at all

You acted like a jackass in the beginning of the relationship and then when she pulled away you started chasing like a needy puppy

That behavior is easily forgettable and she has no reason to be grateful

Most healthy women will dump a man that behaves that way. You need to learn how to actually act "normal"

So don't expect to get it "emotionally" until you learn how to face your emotional triggers in your next relationship(s)

Not 3 times bro.

I guess in total of 10 time at least or more. Over span of 2 -2.5 months. Also, out of those 8 times she slept with me overnight. There was at least 2 hours of post-coital talk, 2-3 hours of pre-coital talk. Focus being on her, deep-diving her childhood, dreams, family relationship, relationships etc.

I used to give her 3 orgasms minimum, atleast 30 mins of foreplay, made sex novel experience for her everytime.

Any other girl would be crazy for me by then.

She is the most strange case I have encountered till now.

Then there was a break of 1 month when she went to her home town.

Then things went bad, as she did not talked much, despite me putting efforts, In a good way.

Any normal guy would snap if this goes for him. Especially girl saying, checking for affirmation, we not being casual.

I checked with normal dudes, my reaction though a bit over the top (over the top only coz, we did not said to each other we are in relationship) seemed justified to them.

Avoidant Coz

She decided to lose her virginity to a guy, she will never again her reason being her heart getting broken, if its a loved one.

Her parents are separated.

Then her first serious relationship was with a abusive guy for 2 years still it was 2-3 years long.
still when that guy was in hospital she could not go and see him. Yet she kept keeping track of him.

When her second relationship, she broke up something minor too.

Optional
As per her she can confront over text only, not on call or in person