I am ashamed of my ugly girlfriend

[metalbird]

The subject says it all. I'm almost thirty years old and I know I'm MUCH better looking than her. She's much younger than me but overweight and doesn't put any effort into her appearance. But I also have no game, despite trying many strategies, it's just not my thing...

I see beautiful women checking me out all the time and I just feel this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I hate going out in public because I see other guys with women so much prettier than mine. I've even started to feel like I wish I could have kids, but I do not want to reproduce with my current partner.

Damn what do I do. I just feel like I missed the entire boat with my twenties. Spent all my time "working on myself" but realize now I've always just had low confidence and compensated by going to the gym/learning/making money etc. At the end of it all my confidence is still shit. I look in the mirror and I feel like I've peaked, it's all downhill from here. Also, Covid and 2020 killed what was left of my testosterone levels. I'm too tired to go out chasing beautiful women now.

Is there any way up from here or is it just RIP for me?

 

[Vision]

The only way anything is going to change for you is if you change your belief systems. You have to be an active participant in your own rescue here.

If your belief is "game is not my thing" and "I missed the entire boat" and "I'm too tired to go out chasing beautiful women," you'll probably have a bunch of problems with anything that we have to say, you'll probably dismiss most of what we talk about, and you'll be incredibly reluctant to go out and meet girls.

So if you want something to change, you need to believe something different. And then you need to decide that this is so important to you that you'll do anything it takes to get really good at it and then start systematically (or sporadically, whatever your thing is) working on it until you've got it.

 

[Will_V]

The subject says it all. I'm almost thirty years old and I know I'm MUCH better looking than her. She's much younger than me but overweight and doesn't put any effort into her appearance. But I also have no game, despite trying many strategies, it's just not my thing...

I see beautiful women checking me out all the time and I just feel this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I hate going out in public because I see other guys with women so much prettier than mine. I've even started to feel like I wish I could have kids, but I do not want to reproduce with my current partner.

Damn what do I do. I just feel like I missed the entire boat with my twenties. Spent all my time "working on myself" but realize now I've always just had low confidence and compensated by going to the gym/learning/making money etc. At the end of it all my confidence is still shit. I look in the mirror and I feel like I've peaked, it's all downhill from here. Also, Covid and 2020 killed what was left of my testosterone levels. I'm too tired to go out chasing beautiful women now.

Is there any way up from here or is it just RIP for me?

You lack of game is produced by your lack of confidence in yourself.

Contrary to what many guys believe, good game requires confidence, and a lot of it. Confidence comes from being happy with who you are, being at ease with the world, and from feeling like you are on the path (and I don't mean women-wise) that you want to be on in life. There are some bums whose life is falling apart who can pull themselves together for a short time when they want to and pull girls, but this is the exception and not particularly good for their long term success.

Your problems are not to do with women. When you say "I've peaked ... it's all downhill from here ... is it just RIP for me from here?" what I hear is someone who has no idea who they want to be, what they want to do, how they want to express themselves. It isn't an age thing, someone who is in the right mental place could be 103 years old and still feel like they are growing and have shit to get done.

You need to assess your life, be honest with your drives and desires, as JP says "put your room in order" and take control of the boat instead of sulking on the floor. Find out what fuels your motivation, what things fill you with energy, and do them heartily, whatever they may be. Reflect on your bad habits and what you can do to change them. And start taking action every time you realize something, even if it is something small.

 

[Tony D]

Is it possible you have a terrible, negative, depressive attitude?

I don't mean that in a cruel way. Not to insult you. I'm sure you know this is true.

I didn't start learning about self development, women, game, until I was nearly thirty. My thirties were amazing. I slept with over 100 women in those years. I'm not you... but I did it. Also, I have friends in their forties and even fifties who are still traveling, sleeping with younger, beautiful women.

So I don't get these guys like you who are sad you're thirty. Your thirties are when you're THE MOST attractive and verile. When I was 32 I had an LTR with a 19 year old who was incredibly attractive.

I get that you're lazy, disheartened, and depressed. Apathy is a bitch.

If you can first change your attitude from negativity, to positive energy, there's a chance you could dump this war pig, get back in shape, learn some game and create a great life for yourself.

 

[PalmaSailor]

You need to own it.

if you’re just trolling for sympathy, you’ll find it in the dictionary between shit & syphilis bu5 not here.

what’s your plan and what outcome do you want?

 

[Skills]

The subject says it all. I'm almost thirty years old and I know I'm MUCH better looking than her. She's much younger than me but overweight and doesn't put any effort into her appearance. But I also have no game, despite trying many strategies, it's just not my thing...

I see beautiful women checking me out all the time and I just feel this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I hate going out in public because I see other guys with women so much prettier than mine. I've even started to feel like I wish I could have kids, but I do not want to reproduce with my current partner.

Damn what do I do. I just feel like I missed the entire boat with my twenties. Spent all my time "working on myself" but realize now I've always just had low confidence and compensated by going to the gym/learning/making money etc. At the end of it all my confidence is still shit. I look in the mirror and I feel like I've peaked, it's all downhill from here. Also, Covid and 2020 killed what was left of my testosterone levels. I'm too tired to go out chasing beautiful women now.

Is there any way up from here or is it just RIP for me?

read this article by chase couple of times: https://www.girlschase.com/article/mindsets/unhelpful-vs-helpful-mindsets-seduction

you posted a block of kj btw, and don't date women you are not attracted to, it will make you unhappy, like you are right now, dump her... or do fixer upper game

 

[DarkKnight]

Jeez.. I kinda feel for the girl here. But I think Tony is right... you are probably one of those passive fellas who just accepted what life throwed to you and went along with what is easy. Always comfortable, never really content.

 

[Troy]

The other gentlemen have addressed your confidence issues. What I will address is what you are doing with your current girlfriend. Because I have been in a similar situation before.

In 2015 I dated a girl for about 3 months before we ended things. A lot of women who meet me say I am cute. Heck 3 weeks ago I was at my dermatologist doing a skin examination and 2 female dermatologist (who did my examination) complimented me on having a cute face so I need not worry about not having perfect skin.

I grew up having girls compliment me on my good looks all the time. The problem I faced however is a good amount of the girls who persued me aggressively, they were on the "uglier" side when it came to physical attraction. And I hated it. I wanted the most beautiful women to persue me just as aggresively. But most times the prettier girls were either aloof (even though they liked me) or they would go after guys with more swag or money.

Just as @DarkKnight said, I also feel for the girl. If she is that ugly, why are you dating her to begin with?

As men age and we improve on ourselves (money, game, looks, status), we get more options with women.

However women, their value is based on their: looks, feminity, fitness and fertility.

Dude, honestly if you don't plan on marrying the woman and having kids with her and she wants those things let her go. Allow her the freedom to find a different man who wants those things with her.

Geriatric pregnancy happens to all women at age 35 and above. Which means it becomes a risk for them to have kids after that age. Women have a biological clock. While men have a financial clock.

Do this woman a favor, because to be honest, I am not sure why you are dating her. You weren't clear in exactly how long you have been, but it sounds like you knew she was ugly for quite some time now.

Follow the advice of the other guys, get some confidence and go meet new girls. When you do, if your plan is to settle down, ensure she meets these criteria:

1. Looks - Her looks need to make you get excited and wanting to have sex with her off that alone. If you are like "meh" then don't lead these women on. Just have sex and keep it moving. For a long term relationship, you need to be comfortable with a woman's looks. Of course women age and looks fade, but make sure when you meet her, she meets your criteria for "beautiful"

2. Fitness - This goes with looks. This is just my personal preference. I do not date women who are out of shape. And I never will. If her stomach is folding over her vagina and I would need to lift her stomach to get it in, no way in hell I am going on a date with her.

3. Cooperation - Is she easy to get along with? Is she submissive with me? She has to meet this criteria

4. Home Skills - Can she cook? Can she clean? Does she have traditional house wife skills? A woman has to meet this criteria before I consider her wifeable.

And that's it. You need to be honest with yourself and be honest with your woman.

 

[Starboy]

I grew up having girls compliment me on my good looks all the time. The problem I faced however is a good amount of the girls who persued me aggressively, they were on the "uglier" side when it came to physical attraction. And I hated it. I wanted the most beautiful women to persue me just as aggresively. But most times the prettier girls were either aloof (even though they liked me) or they would go after guys with more swag or money.

I've noticed this too. It's rare for women I find very attractive or are my type to compliment me,provide validation,make moves on me etc. Usually it's fat women or older unattractive women complimenting me on my appearance or giving me looks it's aggravating.

 

[Tony D]

I've noticed this too. It's rare for women I find very attractive or are my type to compliment me,provide validation,make moves on me etc. Usually it's fat women or older unattractive women complimenting me on my appearance or giving me looks it's aggravating.

It used to be like that for me too. But once you have game that changes.

 

[DarkKnight]

I've noticed this too. It's rare for women I find very attractive or are my type to compliment me,provide validation,make moves on me etc. Usually it's fat women or older unattractive women complimenting me on my appearance or giving me looks it's aggravating.

For me the opposite have happened a lot of times. It is maybe a bit more rare, but I have had real bombshells make things very easy on me.. but you better not miss those escalation windows.

The opposite has also happened to me, girls less blessed in looks already disqualifying me. So.

 

[Will_V]

For me the opposite have happened a lot of times. It is maybe a bit more rare, but I have had real bombshells make things very easy on me.. but you better not miss those escalation windows.

The opposite has also happened to me, girls less blessed in looks already disqualifying me. So.

I've had this as well, on the same day a girl who's average blowing me out and I'm trying not to get into a bad mood, and then I'll open a hot girl and she'll stand there beaming and smiling and being all receptive.

I have a theory that a certain kind of excessive pride and confidence can make average/ugly girls annoyed, whereas hot girls will often relax and enjoy the show.

 

[Rain]

The subject says it all. I'm almost thirty years old and I know I'm MUCH better looking than her. She's much younger than me but overweight and doesn't put any effort into her appearance.

Can you still get it up if you're both intimate together or you're not intimate with her these days?

 

[DarkKnight]

@Will_V Y

I've had this as well, on the same day a girl who's average blowing me out and I'm trying not to get into a bad mood, and then I'll open a hot girl and she'll stand there beaming and smiling and being all receptive.

I have a theory that a certain kind of excessive pride and confidence can make average/ugly girls annoyed, whereas hot girls will often relax and enjoy the show.

Yep.. this goes with how I am encountering things. "Intimidating" girls and me are usually quite compatible.

 

[metalbird]

So in response to Skills, I've definitely been trying to fix her up. We've been together for maybe five months now. I banged her a couple weeks after breaking it off with my last summer fling. It started out as just something to get me through the holidays. I forced her to stop eating fast food, started making her wake up and go running with me anytime she stays the night. I still think she has potential, especially given her age, but at this point my patience is wearing out.

In response to Rain, I could get it up if to bang her if I wanted to, but I don't want to, mainly because it feels like defeat given the circumstances.

Okay, I understand the unhelpfulness of being pessimistic and down. I'm all about taking action and solving problems. I'll keep going through the material here and trying to find someone new. If I can't get a new girl by the end of the month, I'll come back here and ask you guys to triage what I'm doing wrong.

Thanks

 

[DoWhatWorks]

So in response to Skills, I've definitely been trying to fix her up. We've been together for maybe five months now. I banged her a couple weeks after breaking it off with my last summer fling. It started out as just something to get me through the holidays. I forced her to stop eating fast food, started making her wake up and go running with me anytime she stays the night. I still think she has potential, especially given her age, but at this point my patience is wearing out.

In response to Rain, I could get it up if to bang her if I wanted to, but I don't want to, mainly because it feels like defeat given the circumstances.

Okay, I understand the unhelpfulness of being pessimistic and down. I'm all about taking action and solving problems. I'll keep going through the material here and trying to find someone new. If I can't get a new girl by the end of the month, I'll come back here and ask you guys to triage what I'm doing wrong.

Thanks

Burn the ships man. End things with your girl and force yourself to improve.

Have to remember it's also unfair for her to have you being unattracted to her within a relationship.

 

[Vision]

So in response to Skills, I've definitely been trying to fix her up. We've been together for maybe five months now. I banged her a couple weeks after breaking it off with my last summer fling. It started out as just something to get me through the holidays. I forced her to stop eating fast food, started making her wake up and go running with me anytime she stays the night. I still think she has potential, especially given her age, but at this point my patience is wearing out.

In response to Rain, I could get it up if to bang her if I wanted to, but I don't want to, mainly because it feels like defeat given the circumstances.

Okay, I understand the unhelpfulness of being pessimistic and down. I'm all about taking action and solving problems. I'll keep going through the material here and trying to find someone new. If I can't get a new girl by the end of the month, I'll come back here and ask you guys to triage what I'm doing wrong.

Thanks

You need to get rid of her, she's going to be a comfort that you keep going back to that will prevent you from growing. And she's never going to feel like she's enough to be with you... she's going to twist herself into a pretzel trying to show you how perfect she is for you and it'll never be enough... and you won't respect her because she's doing it all just to be with you and you won't grow because you're trying to go to explore the ocean while your boat is still tied to the dock.

Cut her loose for both of you.

 

[Skjöldr]

I once had a girlfriend like this. I never felt that real spark. I had some anxious feel around her. We were talking about how we should be together forever, we were gonna have kids, move in together blah blah but i never felt i had reached my full potential. I hadn't seen what was out there yet. I hadn't explored the world yet, and i was already settling down. This in term meant i became bitter and needy being stuck in the comfort zone. I didn't treat her the way she deserved and she ofc broke it off eventually. She was very sweet to me and i still don't feel like i have paid her back to this day.

I was 19 when she broke it off. It spurred me on to fix some inner issues like projecting my own insecurities and lack of self-development outwards to my Mother and my ex-girlfriend. I deserved that kick in the butt. It also led me to eventually discover this forum and the seduction community. My profile on here was created little over 1 month after she broke up with me. And look where i am now. I am competent with women. I am now confident in my ability that if i put enough work in, i can score hotties. It gives a certain peace within yourself. To have that creative ability to generate women in your life.