Socializing Is it worth investing in maintaining a base level of social momentum?

[barneystin]

So I'm mostly introverted even though most people would label me as an extrovert. I don't get energy/joy from talking to people most of the time but when I am in a social mood, i'm pretty good at conversations, connecting people together and forming social circles - it's something people have complimented me on. However, I find myself in situations where i'm not in a social mood and I don't have the social momentum to lean on to empower me to talk to people. This is fine for the most part except when i want to talk to girls. I also just started a new 9-5 and I've been super consistent at the gym so I don't get much opportunity to socialize. Sometimes I go through the week with only one solid conversation under my belt.

When the weekend comes over and i'm out at bars talking to girls, I've always found it hard to pull myself from this low social momentum state to a high social momentum one. Therefore my conversations are usually sloppy and I lose girls who were green on the approach. This happened to me last night. I opened a girl and she seemed super excited to talk to me but I kept layering question upon question and forgot even the most basic conversation techniques (good conversation is not something that comes naturally to me when i'm in a low momentum state).

Have any introverts here faced similar issues? I'm thinking of forcing myself to keep a base level of social momentum every day by talking to more people, coworkers, friends, family throughout the week but that seems like so much work. I also remember Hector mentioned that good seducers should not rely on confidence (which seems similar to social momentum in this case) but their skill in talking to women. So I wonder if just practicing good conversation technique will be good enough.

 

[Skills]

So I'm mostly introverted even though most people would label me as an extrovert. I don't get energy/joy from talking to people most of the time but when I am in a social mood, i'm pretty good at conversations, connecting people together and forming social circles - it's something people have complimented me on. However, I find myself in situations where i'm not in a social mood and I don't have the social momentum to lean on to empower me to talk to people. This is fine for the most part except when i want to talk to girls. I also just started a new 9-5 and I've been super consistent at the gym so I don't get much opportunity to socialize. Sometimes I go through the week with only one solid conversation under my belt.

When the weekend comes over and i'm out at bars talking to girls, I've always found it hard to pull myself from this low social momentum state to a high social momentum one. Therefore my conversations are usually sloppy and I lose girls who were green on the approach. This happened to me last night. I opened a girl and she seemed super excited to talk to me but I kept layering question upon question and forgot even the most basic conversation techniques (good conversation is not something that comes naturally to me when i'm in a low momentum state).

Have any introverts here faced similar issues? I'm thinking of forcing myself to keep a base level of social momentum every day by talking to more people, coworkers, friends, family throughout the week but that seems like so much work. I also remember Hector mentioned that good seducers should not rely on confidence (which seems similar to social momentum in this case) but their skill in talking to women. So I wonder if just practicing good conversation technique will be good enough.

yes i am like that, we call guys like that sigma (actually most guys here are like that tbh)...... one way around this, is during lunch break or work breaks (i don't know if you job have 15 minutes breaks) or post work..... do either a social type activity or like me (my office next to a mall) i go to a mall and interact....

another way, is to have more nights out, so you start on thursday low social momentum, then friday moderate momentum, then saturday god mode....

^ many ways..

 

[Spike]

I also remember Hector mentioned that good seducers should not rely on confidence (which seems similar to social momentum in this case) but their skill in talking to women.

Good seducers are those who get the girls they want. By any means necessary

 

[isildur1]

You gotta put yourself out there - it’s hard but it’s a man’s job to lead and start all social situations , I’m travelling alone at the moment and I still push myself to open locals and have conversations even when I don’t feel like it because being social and living in the moment is healthy

and yeah there are times when I don’t want to do it - of course but the lost opportunities from my inaction is what I think about- I only met my girlfriend from constantly pushing myself to make conversations day in day out- no one is coming to open you remember that as a man it’s your job to create and start conversations

and for anyone introvert or extrovert the key to sales, pua , making friends , developing social circles is all the same- you gotta put yourself out there and be willing to go through some awkward shit in order to garner results

 

[Will_V]

So I'm mostly introverted even though most people would label me as an extrovert. I don't get energy/joy from talking to people most of the time but when I am in a social mood, i'm pretty good at conversations, connecting people together and forming social circles - it's something people have complimented me on. However, I find myself in situations where i'm not in a social mood and I don't have the social momentum to lean on to empower me to talk to people. This is fine for the most part except when i want to talk to girls. I also just started a new 9-5 and I've been super consistent at the gym so I don't get much opportunity to socialize. Sometimes I go through the week with only one solid conversation under my belt.

When the weekend comes over and i'm out at bars talking to girls, I've always found it hard to pull myself from this low social momentum state to a high social momentum one. Therefore my conversations are usually sloppy and I lose girls who were green on the approach. This happened to me last night. I opened a girl and she seemed super excited to talk to me but I kept layering question upon question and forgot even the most basic conversation techniques (good conversation is not something that comes naturally to me when i'm in a low momentum state).

Have any introverts here faced similar issues? I'm thinking of forcing myself to keep a base level of social momentum every day by talking to more people, coworkers, friends, family throughout the week but that seems like so much work. I also remember Hector mentioned that good seducers should not rely on confidence (which seems similar to social momentum in this case) but their skill in talking to women. So I wonder if just practicing good conversation technique will be good enough.

Conversation is a skill, but it's not a complicated skill. The basic formula I use, and which all sorts of dating and socializing coaches teach is:

1. You ask a question
2. She responds
3. You comment on her response
4. <She usually responds to your comment, usually to agree/disagree, or add something>
5. Repeat step 1

When you're in your head, the difficult part tends to be step 3, because you're not listening, absorbing, and translating her words into your own reality, which is needed to make a genuine comment on it.

Another thing that makes commenting difficult is that it usually takes a couple of seconds to absorb what she's saying, and that can send you into a feeling of anxiety like "what do I say now?", especially, again, when you're in your head. This is where silence is golden, but it's hard to let silence linger when you don't feel present, it feels like you're just letting the void grow even larger.

I do think keeping up social momentum is generally good, and certainly being curious and interested in people in general who you meet throughout your day and week is very good for building your ability to connect with women.

But if you find a way to become more present (basically, relaxed but outward focused, expressive, not lethargic) when you go out, and follow the basic formula of conversation, it shouldn't be too hard to get into the groove.

Part of the skill of seduction is knowing how to embrace and accept the first stage of when you go out - the rush of adrenaline, the anxiety/excitement, the awkwardness and fumbles, the emergence of your intent, to go through it with dignity and a kind of humor, so that as things start to pull together, you're in a great headspace for the rest of the day or night.

 

[barneystin]

Appreciate the replies so far - they're gold!

 

[gameboy]

another way, is to have more nights out, so you start on thursday low social momentum, then friday moderate momentum, then saturday god mode....

Great advice!

 

[bkw]

Just going off the title of this thread alone, yes, it is generally better to maintain a level of social momentum.

In my personal opinion, and based on what I've experienced over and over again as an introvert, since this is a social game, so much of this is about desensitization and momentum. You can easily lose both (desensitization & momentum) by not maintaining or building your sociability. On the other hand, you can build both desensitization and momentum as well by taking massive action repeatedly, which aids in your pickup. So yeah, it's definitely important in pickup, especially for introverts.

 

[TwoNameGame]

So I'm mostly introverted even though most people would label me as an extrovert.

I'm similar. Right before practicing what I learned here, my best friend said I had become stiff and slow-witted. For me, social momentum was crucial to keeping me awake, smooth, and quick-witted.

I also just started a new 9-5 and I've been super consistent at the gym so I don't get much opportunity to socialize.

I didn't need much. Momentumjust has to be kept. Just a quick compliment to the guys with cool hair or jackets I saw walking around, using people's names, and the occasional street game when it was easy even if I wasn't as attracted.

Try doing this in your way to the bar.

I'm thinking of forcing myself to keep a base level of social momentum every day by talking to more people, coworkers, friends, family throughout the week but that seems like so much work.

Variety is good for calibration, and you want to be used to maintaining relationships. Be a brother, be a friend, and be a son.

I also remember Hector mentioned that good seducers should not rely on confidence

This isn't about confidence.

You go to the gym, so think of stretching. I don't have to stretch every 5 minutes, nor should I stretch to walk on the treadmill after a 30 minute walk. Social momentum is stretching - do it often to lower your need. If you stop going to the gym for a month, is your normal stretching routine gonna cut it.