Journal

[ChrisXKiss]

It seems like everyone has a slightly different, ideosyncratic way to do diet.

I haven’t been doing it a lot lately and maybe I should plan it a bit better, but I had a period when I was eating salmon and shrimps once per week, plus some nuts and dark chocolate every day and I felt it helped with libido adding to the foods you discussed.

 

[bobbyb112]

Do you watch porn or any erotic material?

No

 

[bobbyb112]

Good news on the boner front.

I saw one of my regulars, and had good sex, and was able to stay hard and enjoy it and whatnot. There are a few factors that I believe helped in getting and staying hard. Besides what I think were the big factors, there were about 20 other little things that I changed over the last 2-3 days to see if they would help. With so many factors changing, it can be hard to pinpoint if it was any one in particular. But there were some big factors that I think made the biggest difference.

I guess I will write about them here, as a way of reminding myself, for if it ever happens again.

-- Sleep: I find that I need to sleep no more than 8.5 hours at night. If I sleep more than 8.5 hours, then I actually feel MORE tired, and also less excited by sex. This has been a long-running experiment for me, where it seems that 8-8.5 hours of sleep is best, but if I go over that, I feel worse, and it can even affect my sex performance.
-- Temperature: It is the summer, and has been quite warm lately, including in my bedroom. It seems like this high temperature might negatively affect my boners. However, today it was colder, around 70 F in the bedroom when we were having sex. So that seems like it might help, to be colder. Solution is to blast the AC, to make sure that it is cooler.
-- Mental/Meditation: I meditated for a total of maybe 30 minutes this morning. It seemed like it help clear my head, so I could be more in the moment, and feel during sex, so that I wasn't in my head, was instead just feeling. Which helps prevent thinking about it, and you are just feeling in the moment instead.
-- Looking at pictures of girls on apps: I don't think it is helpful to look at the photos girls put on apps. It is just another version of training your brain to think about images of girls, instead of real life girls. I want to avoid this as much as possible in the future, even when swiping.
-- Eating: Eat a lot of food. Sometimes I tend to under-eat, and it probably doesn't help with metabolism or libido. But I made sure to eat a lot of food, so that might have helped.
-- Moist tongue: This might sound weird, but I made sure to have spit on the tip of my tongue during sex the whole time. It just feels more sexual, when your tongue is moist with spit. Then, you feel the wetness on your dick in her vagina, and you are turned on. I have no idea if this helped, but it seemed to help when we were having sex, to continue to be in it, in the moment, and more or less concentrating on the wet feeling on my johnson, which is pretty hot and arousing.
-- Starting without a condom: I went in raw for a few thrusts when we were starting, when my dick was getting ready. This felt really good, which made me harder. Then I put on a condom, which still seemed to be alright. So this might not have been necessary.

There you go, gentle reader. The random things my brain came up with as to why I could get it hard today, vs before. Those were just the big ones, but I had maybe 20 more things, which I won't go into here.

 

[bobbyb112]

I went on a date with a girl.

Met at the bar. Moved to back deck. Got drink. Sat and talked. Went inside when it started raining. Sat for a bit and talked. Was getting late so she left.

The long story short of this one was that was significantly heavier than her pictures looked on the app. Which is too bad, because she otherwise had a solid job and was, you know, nice and normal. But she was just way thicker than her pictures looked. I basically immediately said in my head that no, I would not invite her back. But I tried not to show it, and decided to get a drink and talk and have a good time anyway, because I could use some socializing.

There were things to takeaway during this date.

The thing with a girl, when she tells you something not conducive to being a perfect girl or perfect match for you, you don't need to look disappointed. This is the idea of being non-reactive. You don't react negatively. Or like if she tells you something slutty she has done. Not that I judge girls for having casual sex, because I don't believe in the madonna-whore complex, or whatever that is. But the point is, when she tells you something that disappoints you, in your pursuit to find the perfect girle ever, you don't look disappointed. So, that is a skill that I tried to exercise on this date.

As for the venue, it really irks me, because it is just not a great "seduction" bar. It has too many open seats, and not enough closed away intimate spaces. On the plus side, it is not too expensive. And she got her own drink, so I didn't have to pay for that. That is helpful. Unfortunately the place I like bringing girls on dates the most, costs a bit more money. There is sort of a more dive bar place, which is cheaper. Maybe I will make that the go-to place. Just to keep it simple, easy, and cheap.

I also don't like when the girl is coming to the bar straight from work, on her way home. I guess it isn't the worst thing, as long as you start early enough, to give her plenty of time to come have sex, then go home. But in this one, I had to push the date later, which gave us an hour less time. So then she had to, naturally, say that she had to get home, since she lived at least a 45 minute train ride away, and had to get up in the morning. I couldn't start earlier, because I had a class at that time. That is why I typically start earlier.

With this girl, I kept it rather platonic, by not moving too close, or touching too much. In case you are wondering how to keep it platonic with a girl, y'all, it's to stay far away, and don't touch. Well, it worked plenty well here. The real goal is to find girls you want to turn it romantic with, and then get close, and touch.

=====

On another note, there is one girl who has seemed like she would meet up, on the weekend. Younger, 23, and more attractive than most girls you get on the apps. She lives far away from the city, like an hour or maybe even two. But she came to the city last weekend, with some friends, and texted a bit. We made plans to meet up, sort of, but then said she was with the friends. Then she reached out again this week, for a third time, about possibly hanging out on the weekend.

My comment on all this is, when you have your "girl pipeline" filled up enough, you basically don't worry about if girls get back to you or not. Chase had a X post about this recently. How, a lot of the "neediness" or "overthinking" a guy might have, is solved by having a consistent pipeline of girls. If one doesn't work out, or stops texting back, oh well. There's another. Pipeline cures many woes, as they say.

Moreover, with the two girls I've been seeing, it doesn't really leave a ton of time for new dates. I think I've been on only 2 new dates in the last month or so. Just because I've been busy seeing these current girls, as well as various other activities and whatnot. As Chase says, it's good to be busy. I literally message girls on apps, and get their numbers, and then forget to set up a date. Or set it up, and forget it was going to happen. Why? Because I'm busy with everything else going on.

This is good overall. As in, being busy is good. And having girls you're seeing is good. The only downside is, I could be spending more time and energy on meeting new girls, and improving my seduction skills, and meeting higher quality girls. So, maybe the "waste of time" is the two girls I'm seeing.

It is funny with the apps, because many of the girls you get with, are girls who are sleeping with lots of guys. As per one of Chase's recent X posts, too, that many of the high-count guys are sleeping with the high-count girls. This only makes sense, because those are just the people who are more sexually active and open to meeting new people. Moreover, the more new girls you have sex with, the easier it is to have sex with more girls. The experience improves your ability to seduce, all else being equal. Anyway, point is, when you start to see the high-count girls for what they are, there is something pure about it. Like, hey, this girl is here for sex, that's all it is. No, you won't want to see her again, or consider her for something long-term. But, you can have sex this one time, or maybe two, and then she's gone. But it is beautiful for what it is.

Conversely, the girls who stay around longer, tend to be ones that are better suited for whatever you are. That is, if you match more in, what, style and archtype, then you are what she likes, because you have tailored yourself for the kind of girls you like. I can't say I am that "specialized" yet. But, I can see how it happens. It's self-selecting, in a way.

All that is to say, is that I should do cold street approach instead of the apps more. Full stop. Because that is where the more attractive girls are.

 

[bobbyb112]

I went on a date tonight.

We met at the first place. Walked to second. Sat and had drinks. Talked. She was a talker, so plenty of talking on her part. I tried to pull. She said she was comfy there. We walked around a bit. Left.

It's kind of funny sometimes with when you are feeling good but low energy. That is, I converse, but it also is a bit low energy. My question is, how do you get the girl to invest, while still being law of least effort?

You could say that I didn't really want it. But in one way of thinking, being "outcome independent" should help. But on the other hand, if you are just going with the flow, then it won't turn out well. You have to want it, and to try. And then, you do things, which work, but you are doing it from a place of non-neediness.

I admit, I didn't really "want it". Is this conducive to seduction? One reason is, with the two girls I've been seeing regularly, including last night, it probably dulls my desire and sex drive to bring new girls into my life. I just am not as horny, after having sex last night. Maybe I should meditate beforehand, and decide that, yes, I am horny, and want to do what it takes to bring this girl into my bed. I didn't take a nap beforehand, which I often do. So maybe my energy was off that way.

On another note, I usually do not like doing first dates on Friday night. Why? Because people are in too social of a mood. Or, tired from the week. They want to socialize, and find something fun and outgoing to do. Not have sexy time with a stranger. So, generally, I am not a fan of Friday night first dates. I have had some success with first dates on Friday nights. But other times no, and the vibe is just not right. Or maybe it is me who is all those things, and I should make a conscious choice to be horny and try to seduce.

Another aspect of this, I need to find more attractive girls to go on dates with. By approaching daygame.

Sometimes I feel like, I should just as a girl upon first meeting from the app, "do you want to go have sex?". If she says yes, great. if she says no, end the date. Why? Because it wasn't going to happen anyway. Screen for ultra-down girls. I'm not saying I'll do this, but I might try it. I don't want to go on a boring date where she isn't into it, is boring, and won't get close, you know? Conversely, I need to channel that boldness into being more, well, bold. And that, through my actions, will turn her on. That is the way. Besides just screening for super-down girls. Which also is useful, for having more sex in general.

 

[bobbyb112]

Operation talk to girls on the street is commenced.

I am breaking this process down into little bite-sized goals and milestones, to build wins and build momentum. So I went out this morning with the purpose of talking to a girl waiting for the bus/train before work. Per Chase's article on morning rush hour approaching. The plan was to use his mass-transit opener, "going anywhere exciting?". My goal was to use this one time, as my goal for the outing.

I found a girl on the subway platform. Stood to the side of her, a little bit away. Turned and said "going anywhere exciting?". We chatted for a minute. I was standing kind of far away, so it didn't have as much oomph as it maybe could have. But it got me in the game.

I made the mistake of asking boring things, like if she had the next day off. With that opener, at that time of day, it is a bit tongue in cheek, because of course people are just going to work. As Chase says in the article. I have to get to teasing faster. As in, the second sentence. Make it fun. Teasing is what makes it fun and flirty. As a simple way to think about it, for that initial interaction, you can do one line of teasing/flirting, then one of "comfort" or "connection" stuff, like what she does for work.

For example, from his article, "what do you do for work?" (comfort) "I work a stylish booth at the mall" "Do you make other girls beautiful or do they just come to look at you?" (tease). You are switching between them both. If you tease too much, it feels like you are a player. If you do only comfort it feels like you are a platonic nice guy. So you want both.

I need to work on teasing. I can do this in my street approaches.

I didn't feel too nervous doing it. I guess due to past experiences, I didn't feel nervous actually doing it, although I did feel some apprehension/AA beforehand. But if that is all, then that is pretty handleable. I want to experiment deliberately with different places to approach, with some stock opens in each.

I'll put some here for my future reference. Maybe this will be a running list for myself:

Moving

• Walking on the street:
  • Hey excuse me. I saw you walking there and I had to come tell you that you have the nicest style I've seen all day (nose crinkle). I'm Bob.
  • I just had a second (/I have to get back to my friends)
  • I wanted to meet you real quick. I'm Bob.
• Waiting to cross the street:
  • Let me guess... going to work? (/shopping?).
  • Which way are you going on the other side of the road? (get number before you go separate ways)

Semi-stationary

• Waiting for bus/train
  • Going anywhere exciting?
• Shopping for groceries:
  • You: Hey do you know any good recipes combining this [hold up a random ingredient] with tomato sauce?
  • Girl: Um... no, I don't know if I do...
  • You: I'm kidding, I'm actually not that hopeless. I just thought you were pretty and I wanted to say hello. I'm Hector.

Sitting

• Sitting down on park bench
• Sitting in cafe/coffee shop

Probably the most important to get down is the street stop. That is the hardest/most extreme. It needn't be hard, though. Just practice it. It gives you the most options.

I also plan on tracking my "stats". Approaches, hooks, numbers, dates, etc. What gets measured gets managed.

 

[bobbyb112]

I went on a date tonight.

Met right at the bar. Sat, talked. Had her move close to me. Touched some. Tried to touch more, but she wasn't comfortable with it and moved my hand away. I basically shut down after that. Had some awkward conversation after that. Conversation died down. Invited her back for wine. She said "not at your place". Sat silently. I said it's getting late should probably get back. End of date.

I did what I came to do, which on this date, was to touch a lot, joke a good amount, and try to move things forward. A turning point, of sorts, came when I had her move next to me. I went to put my arm around her to pull her in close. She said something like "no, and by the way I don't want a hookup if that's what you're after." I responded saying "I don't want a hook up either. That's why I don't touch people" (said with playful tone. The implication being, I am a sexual man, and therefore I touch).

Before all this, we were talking easily enough. She was going along with certain frames that were useful, like spontaneous, and "going along with things" as far as what she was looking for. In other words, at this point of the interaction, I hadn't triggered her ASD. But putting my arm around her seemed to trigger it. I wonder if I was too aggressive or bold in how I did it, and if there was a lighter way I could have done it. She was one of those girls who sits next to you, but sort of at an angle, up against the wall, so sort of with her body far away. So, maybe this was all too much for her as far as getting physically close.

But my goal with it was to do my process, and move it forward, doing a good amount of touch, then more and more. Touch is a bit of a compliance check, before for example, if she gets weird if you put your hand on her leg, or around her shoulders, then it shows that some combination of you haven't done enough to get her ready, she's not ready yet, or she actually has no interest in you and is finally starting to show it.

After she declined my touch, I sort of backed off, and gave her more of the cold shoulder. Why wouldn't I? She had taken things backwards, and that's not what I was there for. From there, she asked kind of chick-y get you know you questions, like "how would your friends describe you?". In my mind I'm like, that's a stupid question, you dork. I did not say that. But I turned it back on her, asking "how would your friends describe YOU?". This worked like once, then she started getting annoyed that I was just turning her questions back to her. She started getting weird, asking if I was good at socializing. I'm like, yeah, when I want to socialize. But this is now a romantic situation, not dorky get to know you questions. So, we sort of sat quietly for a bit.

Anyway, when dates go like this, meaning you have asked for compliance or investment, and they decline it, and I'm like cool, you win back my attention. I'm not putting any more work in. The problem is, the girl is not socially savvy enough to do much that is conducive to seduction. So it's like, okay, guess we'll just sit awkwardly for a little bit. Which is fine with me. I like sitting and enjoying the music.

So, my plan going in was to touch a lot and move things forward. I did that. We ended after about 40 minutes. I'm okay with that, because if it isn't going to happen after 40 minutes, it isn't going to happen, in my experience.

This girl was a med student, and wasn't very expressive or engaging with her voice. I dislike this, because it is no arousing to me. Voice in a girl is surprisingly important to me. In any case, this girl's voice didn't seem like she was having fun, which doesn't make me want to do too much. But, I do it anyway.

So, I'm annoyed that I couldn't translate that initial interest into sexual interest. That is what i need to work on. Another thing is fundamentals, in terms of sitting with my legs wide, and a straight back. Taking up space. I find that taking up space makes you feel more masculine, and that is almost always good for seduction. I didn't do that on this date, and I think it could have helped.

I'm glad that I tried to touch a lot, because other times, I have dates where it is more platonic, and then you slow-game it (let her ask stupid questions, and not go home with you), and it leads absolutely nowhere (in my experience). In my mind, I hate answering girls questions at any time. Especially the ones that are like "do you have siblings?" "what do your parents do for work?". Kill me. But, my job as a seducer, is to field these unhelpful things, and turn them into constructive and helpful conversation topics.

Another element is teasing. This gets her "off her balance", which I could do more of. Tease HER. This helps sexualize things, too, later, because you have flirted with her at the start, and throughout. I have written about this before, but teasing HER, as opposed to joking in general, is important. Teasing and flirting is about her, rather than just jokes in general, which are more entertainer-y. I did the joke thing once or twice on this date, and I don't think it helped.

I hate writing this, but I have to. She got a mocktail, which gave me permission (in my mind) to just get a soda instead of an alcoholic drink. I LOVE dates when I don't have to drink alcohol. Seriously. I would enjoy dates tenfold if I didn't have to drink alcohol. I would go on dates every night of the week if I didn't have to drink alcohol. Usually, I just invite a girl out for a drink because that is an easy/common thing to invite a girl to do. Then, she feels the need to get alcohol, and then so do I, because I don't want her to feel weird about being the only one drinking. I like daytime dates for this reason, because I don't have to get alcohol. I would go on WAY more dates, if I didn't have to drink alcohol. I didn't realize how much better this would feel, but it really does. Okay, end of rant.

I probably should smile bigger/wider. More smiling. I used more of a smirk. Which is alright, but bigger smile probably would have helped.

I maybe should have used a less talkative, and more sensual vibe. I was rather talkative. I don't think this is "bad". Just, sensual could be more useful. At least that way, I wouldn't have to talk as much, or think as fast. Just feel, instead. Feeling seems like it is usually more conducive for a date.

It was funny, when I pulled back and didn't talk as much, and answered her questions with questions, and she got annoyed, she was like, this isn't how dates usually go. I'm like, yeah, and how many dates have you liked the guy and had fast sex? I'm 100% okay with not "being social", because that was not my goal for the date. Escalating and moving things forward was. But she wasn't used to that, and so she mentioned it.

The goal is to make everything so seamless, that she doesn't even notice that you're leading the date and she is getting more and more invested and aroused.

Another observation about socializing. I have never not regretted answering a question. Usually, because the questions are dumb. But, point is, my subjective feeling of happiness is never increased by sharing information about myself. Now, this is sort of weird, saying that you want to be social, but not share anything about yourself. All I'm saying is, I have never felt happier when I do share things. For example, if a girl asks a question, don't answer. What I'm describing is a mindset, not tactical advice. But never answer a girl's questions. Or other people, for that matter. Ask THEM questions. They are the ones trying to take up your precious time. Answer for me, something. Make it worth MY time for you to be in my presence.

This seems like the "I am the prize" mindset. The mindset is right, how you implement it can be better or worse. For exmaple, sometimes on dates, when I've tried to move things forward by touching or moving, but she declines the compliance, I'm like, okay, you entertain me. I'm here. You seduce me now. They invariably ask some not helpful question like "what music do you like?" or "do you have siblings?". Not helpful. I feel for them, as people who desire things. They know not how to get what they desire. As Chase said in one of his articles, girls are not social savants. But that's life. Girls make themselves attractive, so guys will do the work to seduce them. Guys do intersting things, to make girls attracted to them. And many guys practice "game", to actually turn that attraction into sex.

As another side rant... people giving advice about things they are decent at, but not great. My request is, have some self-awareness. If you are not great a thing, don't pontificate or give advice like it is the last word on the thing. A true teacher usually doesn't speak in absolutes.

I need to add more subtext to my speaking. Like a knowing, or innuendo type way of speaking. How do you do this? Through your tonality. Innuendo tonality. I should try this. Maybe I can practice it on my own.