Journal

[bobbyb112]

I went on a second date this afternoon with the girl from Tuesday.

We met at a gelato shop. Got gelato. Walked to the park and ate it. Ate it and talked. It started raining, so we walked to a bookstore. Looked at books and guessed the dates they were written (these were old books). Walked back to my apartment. Escalated. Got on the bed, with shirts off, and rubbing her vagina. But she said she didn't want to have sex day. We kept kissing a bit, and then stopped. She said she had to go and get something to eat (she hadn't eaten all day). She left.

This was interesting. She was definitely compliant enough. I didn't really have much time to plan logistics, but it worked out alright to meet at the gelato shop, walk to the park and sit, then go to the bookstore (which was on the way from the park to my apartment), then go back. The rain was annoying. It's hard to do outside walking type dates when it is raining. I didn't want to go to a place to eat food, because eating food with a girl stinks, plus I didn't want to plan it. I didn't really have a plan, kind of just made it up as I went. That worked out.

She was compliant enough, as we saw. However back at mine, when I went to kiss, and then escalate, she sort of went with it, then of course gave the LMR. The one spot when I felt like I wasn't quite "controlling the pace" was, we were kissing on the couch, and she said like we're sitting up really straight, should we move to the bed." I said sure, and we went. However, when we were there, she said she didn't want to take off her pants, and gave that LMR. Maybe I could have said like "let's stay on the couch for now". Then escalate there, and get her pants off, then say "let's move to the bed." That way, you're sort of using the move to the bed as an agreement that you're going to have sex. Regardless, you would control the pace more, which I believe is helpful.

With the girl from a few weeks ago, it was something similar. After kissing on the couch, she said let's move to the bed. We did, and then she gave LMR. I'm thinking to myself, why did we move to the bed, if you weren't ready for sex? That was another instance where I felt like I should have controlled the pace more. Go 10% slower than she wants to. That's good that she suggested the bed, but you don't have to give that to her right away. Stay on the couch, escalate more, maybe get the pants off, then move to the bed. In any case, control the pace, and go 10% slower than she wants to.

The conversation flowed easily enough. That is, I felt like I was having fun, and making jokes, and having fun with the conversation. That is good. Fun is good. Fun is all you can do. If you have the vibe, and just vibe and move things forward, that is basically all that game is. Keep the vibe up and move things forward.

This girl liked to joke and tease a lot. A lot. It was kind of like the teasing that I would do, as a guy. It was mildly amusing, but a bit tiring after a while. I wonder if this falls into the category of girl who isn't getting what she wants, so adopts the male dating approach, of teasing and so forth. It was somewhat fun. I was amused. At the same time, I would just prefer that a girl acts femininely. But I guess that is neither here nor there. It was just odd to see. She seemed like she went on a lot of dates. Odd.

 

[bobbyb112]

I went on another date today.

We met at the bar. It was empty (yay). We went to the back and sat. Talked. Got drinks. Deep dived. Teased some. Touched some. Sexual topics some. Tried to pull, she said she didn't go back on the first date. Talked more. Left.

This one was okay. She was good at talking, which was okay, although it was frankly hard to get a word in edgewise. She didn't really stop talking. I touched a bit, but it was hard to close the distance to touch, with her sitting somewhat far away. She was also kind of logical. Which isn't bad, but maybe I need to get used to talking to logical girls.

As far as my 3 things to work on: 0. Posture: posture was good. I kept straight lower back. Frankly it probably looked like I was perhaps trying too hard in that regard. But oh well. I would rather sit up too straight, than slouch. 1. tease/ have fun. I did this a bit, although it was hard to tease, because she would kind of talk over whatever I was saying. 2. seed the pull: I tried to seed the pull, but she basically talked over me, lol. So didn't really land there.

It was playful enough of an interaction. When I touched, she didn't mind, which is good. Sexualizing, I tried to a bit, but she kind of talked over me. As far as the objection, I suppose it is better to have gotten "I don't go home on the first date" rather than a straight up excuse like "I have to feed my cat" or whatever. Meaning, maybe the objection of not on the first date, leaves the door open to a second date, as opposed to just making some excuse, which doesn't. I will probably follow up to see if she wants to do a second date, just to see. My prediction is not. But we will see.

My "game" is kind of just to have good posture, joke and tease, deep dive some. Touch some, sexualize some. Having fun is a good "silver bullet" for what to do on a date. I think Chase has an article about "do what feels fun". How true. Just do whatever feels fun. Simple.

A lot of "game" can be boiled down to have good fundamentals, tease and have fun, lead and move things forward. That is like saying "the way to win a football game is to move the ball down the field." Duh. But still, at a certain point in your mind, those are the things that you are only thinking about. Having good fundamentals (in the moment, after you have gotten dressed and done your hair, posture is most important), and teasing and having fun, and leading, is kind of all you have to think about. It is chunked up, to the higher levels. Then, let the chips fall as they may.

I'm not sure why the "bubble" gets formed with some girls, but not others. What leads to the bubble, and how can you create it with all girls, and not just mostly Latina ones (my personal experience, lol). That is sort of the occam's razor of it.

It's interesting going on a lot of dates, to see these patterns, and let them play out. I went on 5 dates in the last 7 days, as well as hang out with a regular one night. So lots of things to test or try out. The having fun and teasing piece I feel like has been a good unlock, overall. It worked with basically all the girls I've used it on, with the purpose making the interaction fun, and her not wanting to leave, and me not wanting to leave, and the interaction not getting stale. That is probably the real unlock. Things not getting stale. Getting lots of experience points, and having things you are working on, all help in seeing patterns and trying to develop some consistency.

For seeding the pull, I need to set aside some time to come up with the right way to seed the pull.

Things to remember/work on: 0. Straight back posture (do it even more than you think you need to). 1. Teasing, flirting, touching, having fun. 2. Seed the pull. Those are my 3 things to work on.

 

[theReason]

Got on the bed, with shirts off, and rubbing her vagina. But she said she didn't want to have sex day.

With the girl from a few weeks ago, it was something similar. After kissing on the couch, she said let's move to the bed. We did, and then she gave LMR. I'm thinking to myself, why did we move to the bed, if you weren't ready for sex? That was another instance where

https://www.tiktok.com/@annabellegesson/video/7464713231693614379?lang=en

do this on the bed. stop rubbing the vagina with your hands as foreplay. as she explains in the video, that’s creepy during escalation.

 

[bobbyb112]

I grabbed lunch with a girl.

We met on the app. She was visiting the city from another country, and it was her last day. We got lunch near my place. I told her I was working all day, which I was, so I would only have so much time. We went and got food, and went to the park to eat it. Not a ton of food, but she was hungry, so some. I invited her back. She said sure. We came back. She sat right on the bed. We kissed. Escalated. She put her hand down to rub my dick. She asked if I had a condom. Said yes, and it went easily from there.

The setup for this was indeed conducive to sex. She was visiting, said it was her last day when we were messaging on the app. I said something like I'm working tomorrow so can't do anything. She said "after?", meaning she is putting in effort to come up with solutions. I like the idea of "pushing away so she will pull back in". That goes for a lot of things, including push-pull, and just generally setting up obstacles to getting together. It's sort of like reverse psychology. If you push her away, she wants to pull back in. This psychological stuff is something I want to try and play around with more.

We talked while eating our small bowls. After finishing the food (or maybe it was during), she asked if I had time during the afternoon. This is a screening question, that she is asking, to see if I have time to continue hanging out. Then she asked if I lived nearby. I said yeah five minutes away. This is a screening questions, screening logistics, and it's a buying question. These were good indications that she was down, and hoping it would happen.

I waited a few minutes before suggesting going back, because I didn't want to seem like I was jumping on top of it. Back at my place, she sat on the bed, while I was on the couch, so I went over and sat next to her. Pulled her in, and we kissed, and it went pretty smoothly from there. From the last post, I'm a little hesitant to assume that since we are kissing and stuff, that she is ready to have sex, or ready to have me run her vagina from the outside of her pants. But with this one, since she started rubbing my dick, and undoing my belt, then I figured that it would go smoothly after that.

Zooming out though, again, girls on vacation are probably some of the easiest lays you will get. Which is great. I love when it is relatively easier. Another thing was, upon seeing her in person for the first time, I was attracted to her. Which is good. Because these days, I am often skeptical of girls that I meet via the apps. Like, their pictures are one thing, but when I see her in person, will I be like "yeah, I'd like to be on top of her". I even thought about that, as I walked to where we were going to meet. I decided to not show any dislike upon seeing the first impression, even if I felt that way. While also thinking, I hope that I actually like the look of her. I'm not sure if the takeaway here is that I should consciously practice not being reactive to disappointment in a girl's appearance, or if I should just approach in real life, so that I know I will be excited by the girls I talk to, ask out on dates, and go on dates with. Both.

It was much more exciting and motivating to be on a date with a girl I liked the looks of. Many a date, I'm not attracted to the girl, and I'm like, I'll go through the motions, but I'm not excited about it. Or, again, try to fake the excitement. Which does work sometimes. I guess you excite yourself into true excitement, and at least get excited about the prospects of having sex with this girl. But anyway, for purposes of having sex, being excited about the girl you are interacting with is just a much more pleasant and easy experience.

This girl was also my "type", an engineer type, who worked at a tech startup, yet was normal. This was nice, because again, going on dates with girls who are your type, either attractiveness, personality, or both, is nice. So that made it a lot more pleasant.

What's funny is that before going out to meet her, I was considering just not going. But I got up out of my chair where I was doing work, and went, and enjoyed it. Sometimes, you just have to get up out of the chair and go going and do things. As soon as you start, you realize it is fun.

Having sex with girls on vacation is almost a different thing totally from picking up local girls. Why? It's just way easier. It's almost not even seduction. That's how it feels sometimes. I can see how if you are a guy living in a party location, like Koh Phangan or whatever it is called in Thailand, or a ski instructor in the French alps, or a tour guide in South America, sleeping with the tourist girls can be like shooting fish in a barrel. I suppose the downside of that, is that if/when you go to live somewhere normal, without your built in sexy no-strings-attached setup, then it can be way harder. It's almost better to practice seducing just in a normal city, so that you really develop your skills, instead of just relying on the environment. But dang, do those environments deliver! Or like a frat guy in college. Same thing. Environment does the work for you. On the flipside, you still have to be in a large city. Small cities or the countryside, there's virtually no chance to practice seduction. So a big or at least medium size city is probably needed.

On this date, we were sitting outside on benches at the park. We both had a few layers on, because it wasn't very warm. So touching was no super easy. I basically tried to hold her hand, because that was basically the only physical touch we could do. She warmed right up to that, which was a positive sign. Near the beginning of the date, she also said that it was her first time in this city while being single. That was a green light, both for turning it romantic, as well as sexual.

Long story short, the circumstances seemed to do most of the work for this one. Which is good and bad. It is low hanging fruit. But I also didn't learn a ton. We'll take them where we can get them.

Another thing I did, when we were eating on the bench, at first I sort of turned towards her, just because if we are sitting and eating, I would want to maybe look at the person. But it felt like I was giving too much attention, so I turned to look and face forward more instead. With a straight back. I think the point here is, you are there, inhabiting your own world, and she is just there to enjoy your presence. Versus if you are facing her, it can feel like you are trying to force a connection or vibe or whatever. It seems like whenever I face forward things go well, and when I turn towards her, things don't. Maybe I should make this a rule for myself always to do.

While facing forward, I turn my neck to look at her. And this helps give you corner of the eyes eye contact. Maybe facing forward, and turning only my neck/head to look at her, is the way to go. Then, if she gives you more of her body, by facing you, then you can turn more towards her, as the date progresses. But you start off "aloof", turned forward instead of at her. Then she "wins you over", and you give her more of your body by facing her.

The method of being more "aloof" at the beginning of the date, and getting more "warm" as it goes, seems like a generally good method. There are the guys who say their seduction method is "act like you don't like her" in the beginning, then she wonders why you don't like her. She invests mental effort in you. Then you are nicer, and she is relieved and wants to be in your presence. This is the jist of every romance book ever, too, I've been told. Maybe there is something to it.

I have felt this, going on dates, where if I am too nice in the beginning, then it turns platonic. Instead, tease her, make fun of her (without going over the line. So teasing). Do this until maybe you sit down. Or, at least until you start moving. This way it puts her on her toes, basically. Teasing is risky, and so it makes the other person pay attention. And it shows you aren't afraid of offending her. Teasing, especially in the beginning, is good.

On this date, I teased her upon meeting, and for a few minutes while walking to the sushi place. Then, did more general "deep diving" stuff. So maybe that is good. Tease her the first 5 minutes, then move into deep diving. I don't think it was even 5 minutes, more like 2-3. But still, you want to do it there, because it adds tension to the interaction, instead of platonic-ism.

I guess I did learn something today!