Journal

[bobbyb112]

I went on a date today.

We met at the train station. Walked to get coffee. Sat for a little. Then walked to park and sat and talked. I invited her back, but she said no, and that she wasn't interested. We left.

I practiced some things that were good. For example, looking out of the corner of my eyes, for a bit, I did. This helps you come across sexier. I also teased her about something ambitious, which associates you with ambition. I tried to have a sexy voice, although it sounded too soft at times, which we will come back to. I had her meet me at the train station, so we could move together to the coffee shop, then to the park. I planned it to have multiple places to move along the way, to get compliance and movement. For posture, I kept a straight back for a part of it, although this is always a bit of a mystery to me, because it's like, if my back is straight, then it looks like too much and it's try hard. If I slouch, it's not enough, and it comes across as weak. So I'm not sure where the happy medium is.

For what I was missing that made it not work, I think it is was 1. not smiling upon first meeting her and 2. talking too quietly. They kind of go together. Because talking loudly is dominant, at least at first. Smiling, acting happy to see her, is just good socializing, and lowers her guard. Something like that. At least the talking louder part is important, I think. I was in a pretty introverted head space, having thought through some things all morning. You want to switch out of that, to be more extroverted, and ready to be "dominant" socially, or at least talk loudly.

Along with that is eye contact. I'm not sure how to get eye contact, when she is standing next to you. That is another question. But I guess the first step is to talk loudly, to have her turn towards you. Then you can use your strong eye contact.

Funnily enough, the loud bar environment last night helped me have a louder voice, because you can't be too quiet if the music is sort of loud. But today during the daytime, my voice was too soft. So, speak louder. Also, touch early and often, which sort of goes with speaking louder, and strong eye contact. It is all ways of being dominant physically, which turns her on and makes her want to submit to you.

Something I did good, I mentioned nakedness/nudity a handful of times in the conversation. This is good, this is something I've been working on, to associate myself with sexy things like nakedness. I think I said at least 4 or 5 different things. I don't know if they "landed" as sexy frames or topics, because of the lack of the other stuff. But still, this is a technique I've been working on implementing, so I'm glad I had it in there, a handful of times.

Items to work on are:
- Good straight back posture (always!)
- Sexy purring voice (sexy)
- Corner of eyes eye contact (sexy)
- Slipping nakedness into the conversation (sexy)
- Loud voice (dominant)
- Touch, early and often (dominant)
- Plan out movement if possible, multiple locations (compliance)
- Smiling upon seeing her (basic social grace)

 

[OldGuy]

Good posture, such as straight back, should become your new normal, used all the time, even when alone, not just to impress women.

 

[bobbyb112]

I went on a date tonight.

We met at bar. Went in. Sat and talked. Didn't even end up getting drinks. I eventually went and got a water. Sat and talked. Eventually it got boring. I said it was getting late, after about an hour. We left.

This one was funny. She was sort of attractive, but also overweight. 28 years old. She had a very personable personality, like the kind of girl who is great at asking small talk questions at roof parties. On the one hand, I admire her sociability. On the other hand, it is very surface level, and doesn't lead to connection in conversation.

The conversation sort of got off track when I asked what she did for fun. She was like uhh, nothing, hang out with friends. Eventually I found out that meant get home after work and watch reality TV shows with her roommate. Or on the weekend, go out to rooftop parties with her friends. You could say this girl is a very fit-in-with-the-crowd type girl. Very sociable, and clued into popular culture, I guess.

I don't even thing this is a bad thing, necessarily. I just am not sure how to vibe with these girls. Like, "i go out with friends". Cool. So does everyone else. "I watch reality TV with my roommate". Cool. You are a couch potato.

That being said, she was very sociable and engaging, you could say, with her voice, and facial expressions. Her voice even had a little bit of a sexy purr. Which I like, because as I have said in previous posts, I like when girls have sexy and attractive voices and mannerisms. This girl had a little bit of that, which is good. Her voice also had a little bit of that rhaspiness, which you get from going out, drinking, partying, and trying to yell over loud music. I, personally, don't like this, because I don't like girls who party that much. It just seems coarse. It seems masculine, because it is aggressive to yell that loud, and guys do it.

But again, to empathize with these girls, they are highly social, generally emotionally aware and socially savvy, and generally enjoyable to be around. So maybe I just need to spend some time empathizing with them, and the things they do, like I am right now, to learn to enjoy them as people more.

With these overweight girls, like this one, I didn't really feel like even attempting to bring her home. Why? Because, eh. It's just not worth it. I should, could, would have, for experience. But still, c'mon. I didn't even want to try to bring her back. But alas, maybe I should have asked, for the practice.

She also sat really far away on the bench. I'm like, come closer so I can see your earrings. She "what, so you can kiss me?" I said "you wish, so presumptuous", or something like that. I don't even know if I would have wanted her to come closer. But hey, like I said, I did generally enjoy her personality. It's just that she was overweight.

I don't understand who taught girls how to converse with a man. For example, if she asks boring, logical questions, like where did you go to college, where did you move from, etc. This is classic boring guy conversation. And girls do it too. Yea, verily, girls are not social savants who are good at building deep connections, or leading a conversation. So you must do it, as the man.

I will say though, that one time I did go on a date with a girl when I was visiting another country. Although she was 29, she said she was a former model and beauty pageant contestant, or some such beauty-industry stuff. She basically deep-dived me about my hobbies, asking if I was a pro. Looking interested. Acting interested. I was like, this is what good seduction feels like. With social seduction skills like those, she should have been married to a rich guy. I wonder what her story was. AND she was a beautiful former model. Was I being set up for something? All that happened was we got a drink, and she declined my invite back to where I was staying. I don't know what her full story was. But THAT is how you deep dive. And it shows that women can converse well, too, and make guys feel very connected in a deep-dive way, which is different from a sexiness attraction.

My point is, this girl should teach all girls all over the world how to converse with a man, make him feel a connection, and want to date them. Even if, as a girl, you were getting attention from the kind of guys you wanted, this would take what you could "catch" up a notch. Just like it does for guys with girls. All women could take their options up a lot if they learned how to converse well, as opposed to saying "where did you go to school" and "how long did you live in X city?". Same with guys.

I guess that is instructive for me, to see what not to do. I believe my conversational ability is better than that. But it's always a work in progress. How can I listen more to other people, be more interested in them, show more interest, and build a stronger connection that way?

This girl seemed a bit interested, but she also seemed like a social butterfly type a bit, so it didn't feel like there was much more than usual, let's say. Still, I could have tried to pull, and see what happened. My guess is that she would say "I don't know you well enough". At which point I would be like "okay great, have a good night". But I wasn't feeling quite that feisty this night.

Sometimes, I get to a point in a date, sometimes earlier, sometimes later, where I say to myself, okay, I've had enough of me trying to seduce you. Now I'm going to sit here, and let you see if you can make anything happen. They can't, won't, or don't. And that's fair enough. We are the men. We must lead.

It was funny with this girl, because she seemed like she had a pretty normal social life, with people to hang out with, weekend bars to go out to, and roommates to watch reality TV shows with. You know, normal social stuff. And she ended up saying that she didn't use the apps, this was the first time she had been on a date from the app, or something like that. The point is, if you find a normal girl on an app, then it is because it is the first time she has been on an app date, and likely won't go on another. So that's interesting.

I used a voice on this date that I thought was good. Good in that it was strong, masculine, deep, purring, low-key. How do I achieve such a voice? I sort of smirk to the right side, and make my mouth a little bit slack. I guess that is just relaxing my mouth and face. But it works, and makes me feel powerful, cool, relaxed, somewhat suave, nonchalant, etc. A lot of good things. So I want to keep using this tone of voice.

It's actually interesting seeing a girl, or person of any gender, who can emote and use their emotions, but isn't capable of asking non-boring questions. So it's like, that is better than someone can can't do either, neither talk emotionally nor ask good questions. This is like you run of the mill boring guy. So being able to talk emotionally but not ask interesting questions is a step above, but not the best. Best is being able to talk emotionally, and ask good questions. Then there is not much emotion, but good questions. That is also a good combo. Because, as we know, people love being asked questions about themselves. So, I want to continue to develop my ability to ask good questions. And sexualize.